Sehnsucht Ch. 10: Dreams

As the days went on, the game playing with the stranger continued and progressed, and each time my release intensified. My last encounter with him involved more than just straps of leather. I became the recipient of luxurious hot candle drippings, and had the pleasure of experiencing it without the blindfold. The Stranger even allowed me to drip wax on him and had me use my feet to provoke his member. I never realized that the mere sight of my feet could cause such a stir which is why I began spending extra time and attention caring for them by scrubbing them daily with pumice and lathering them with some of Clothildes homemade oils and potions.

Thankfully the new staff never questioned or interfered with my coming and going to the upstairs rooms. The Mistress continued to call on me repeatedly and I appreciated her attentions and the education she was awarding me.

The goings on downstairs were getting increasingly intense in preparation for the party. I was told to keep out of the parlor, all of the front rooms, and grand ballroom for the coming days. Lady Thisbe hired additional staff to help with the setup, and Clothilde was very busy in the kitchen experimenting with recipes and hors d'oeuvres that would be tasted at the party. Horace was not anywhere to be seen, and Pet was continually back and forth between the outside world and ours.

My friendship with Clothilde continued to blossom. She confided in me about her unique intimate relationship with the Lady. I was charmed by Clothildes storytelling and experience at being owned and cared for by another. When I inquired about Clothilde's past with the Mistress she would quickly divert the conversation and reassure me that she would tell me after the party. I had many more things to ask Clothilde, but with the party preparations, we had less and less time to converse.

Tonight after a long day, I find a note written in beautiful penmanship at my bedside table. It reads as follows;

I'll wait for you

In the dark

You'll hear my heartbeat

And silent footsteps

My heart rippled just thinking of the Stranger sneaking into my room. If he means to come to me tonight, then I must be ready to receive him. But what if this note is not written in the literal sense? Is it just a poem? Without haste, I got ready for bed and paid extra attention to cleaning my private region, applying lotion to my skin and more-so to my feet, and perfuming myself in all the necessary places. This night, I decided to retire to my bed in the nude and earlier than normal. Fretfully I tossed and turned into the late hours until I finally fell asleep.

Upon awakening I felt a pang of sorrow. The Stranger did not enter my room last night. I was foolish. Perhaps he wasn't able to get past the kitchen without being seen. I decide to write a poem and leave it on my bedside table.

Weeping heart

In the dark

Desire me not

Or make your mark

Heading down to the kitchens earlier than I'm normally expected I hear a conversation ensuing between the Lady and Horace.

"It would be my life's work and the sweetest revenge," says Horace.

"I think it's a wicked idea, simply wicked, but it is exactly what she deserves. It disturbs me greatly to see our Clothilde so upset. I should have left her at home," said the Lady.

"I promise you won't be disappointed in what I have planned," says Horace convincingly.

"My dear Horace, your ideas always please me, it's your silly nonsense that needs taming. We are so much alike," said the Lady.

I can hear a rustling and what sounds like kissing. I should be startled but nothing phases me anymore. I wait a few moments and quietly make my way back up the stairs. I turn my head and see Clothilde standing behind me. She puts her fingers to her lips and grabs my arm and pulls me into the corridor.

"Don't let the Lady ever catch you eavesdropping! If there's anything you want to know, just ask me," whispers Clothilde.

"Well then, where do I begin?" I ask, startling her.

Clothilde puts her hands on my shoulders, "tonight after I retire to my room, we shall chat about everything."

As we all sit for breakfast this morning there's an unspoken tension in the air. Just as the Lady is quietly taking a sip of her exotic tea, Pet abruptly enters the room and motions for the lady. She then looks at Horace and says, "Horace, they are here."

Both the Lady and Horace get up and leave the kitchen and head towards the front rooms, and Pet lights his pipe and goes outside. We don't see the Lady, Pet and Horace until dinner-time.

My head is in a fog all day due to the unanswered questions and the curious nature of this household. I wish I could write to my sister right now and tell her my concerns but I am not permitted out of doors. Would Talhia even believe any of this? I decide to take my tea in my room and write a list of questions for myself. I notice that the poem I left on my bedside table is gone, which in hindsight I regret leaving.

I head to Clothildes chambers after our dinner hoping she will reveal all. With my note close to my chest, I enter without knocking. She is seated at her vanity brushing her wild red tresses. In the candlelit room, her sheer white nightgown exposes her womanly curves. I almost gasp at the sight of her. This is such a departure from her daytime school-girl attire. She stands up when she sees me and when she gestures for me to sit I notice the jiggle of her bosom. I choose a comfortable spot on her bed as I don't intend to leave until my questions are answered.

"Clothilde, who are the officers?" I ask abruptly.

"I know I have seen them before at Rue de....I mean, I've seen them before at our domicile. They must be friends with the Mistress since they are her guests. I know that the handsome one used to have some dealings with my Lady, but I do not know of what sort," said Clothilde.

"Where is your domicile?" I ask innocently, knowing full well where it is.

"We live in Paris, not too far from here," she answered. Clearly attempting to change the subject, Clothilde asks, "Felice, are you in-love with the officer?"

Being caught off guard, I begin to giggle. "I may have a small crush. He is handsome and has been very kind to me."

"Consider yourself lucky under the circumstances," says Clothilde.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Some German officers are not so kind. Has he never questioned you on your origins?" asks Clothilde.

"He never questions, just commands," I say beginning to feel wary of where this conversation could lead.

Clotilde wraps her unruly hair into a knot on the top of her head and I find myself admiring her glistening strands of fire under her arms. I distract myself from this vision by pulling a loose string on the lace of my uniform and nervously begin to unravel it.

My turn to change the subject. "Clothilde, what will happen to me after you and the guests leave?" I ask.

"It's not my place to know these things. You are an employee of the Mistress, and I believe she finds you agreeable. You should feel thankful for that," says Clothilde looking somber.

"But I don't believe I can be content here without you. Nothing will ever be the same for me." I pause, unsure how to ask the next question. "Would your Lady employ me?" I ask.

Clothilde laughs. "It doesn't work that way. Neither Horace or myself are employees of the Lady. Neither is Pet for that matter. We all willingly serve her," she says.

"Did you ever willingly serve my Mistress?" I dare to ask. I notice an agitation in Clothilde and regret my question.

"Now is not the time to tell you the history, and I promised my Lady that I would focus on other things. She can't have me unhinged during preparations and while she is hosting this party. Can you wait until the time is right?" she asks me while putting her hand over mine.

"Okay Clothilde, I will wait. I just hope someday you will feel comfortable telling me. I'm quite troubled by some of the things I've seen," I say trying not to laugh.

I gaze up at Clothilde and she puts her hand over her mouth and gasps.

"I heard that you fainted when you saw the masters pecker!" said Clothilde with a big grin.

I lay myself face down on Clothildes bed until I finally manage to speak. "It's completely ghastly. His deformity, it's like a child. I tried so hard to forget what I saw, but when we took his measurements it all came back to me. I wish I never saw the thing," I say.

"And all this time I thought it was legend!!! I've never actually seen it. I can't wait to tell Horace! He will find it fascinating. Speaking of Horace, has he kept his hands out of your room?" asks Clothilde.

"Yes, he's been a good boy. Last I checked, all of my undergarments were unmolested," I say.

Clotilde's hair breaks free of its knot and cascades down her shoulder and brushes me softly in the face. The intoxicating smell of her fills me with warmth and an unexpected tingle. I am compelled to bury my head in her locks and run my fingers through its coppery coils. I want to get lost in her essence and consume her like a hungry kitten. Just as I was reaching my hand out to grab her she gets up.

"Care for a stiff drink?" asks Clothilde while producing a bottle.

"Where did you get that?" I ask.

"Oh, it's just one of my concoctions. Tell me what you think," she insists.

Without time to object, she hands me the bottle. I take a sip and the warm liquor runs down my throat and coats my belly. "That was pleasant, can I have more?"

"You may," says Clothilde proudly.

After a few more gulps of Clothildes cordial I begin to feel more courageous. I remove the note out of my bosom and unfold it. Abruptly, Clothilde grabs it from me and spends a few moments reading it to herself.

"It appears I've answered most of your questions now," she says assuredly. Callously Clothilde throws the paper into the fire and takes one last swig of her potent brandy.

Without hiding my disappointment I leave her chambers both alarmed and terribly wounded. My final two questions going up in flames. All I know now is that I must get on the Lady's good graces if I hope to gain. My curiosity has become a curse and I'm finding it more and more difficult to live with. Nothing is as it seems.

I find myself back in my room late and still feeling disillusioned by my conversation with Clothilde, my unexpected attraction to her, and all of the other mysteries of this house. Exhausted and drained I barely have the energy to remove my uniform and make my way under the blanket.

Sleep comes to me quickly as I manage to drift instantly into a dream world that feels uncannily real. In this dream I begin to hear quiet footsteps in the halls, but when I open the door nobody is there. I look down and see a piece of parchment on the ground about to get blown away by the wind. I grab it and begin to read it but it's written in a foreign hand. I take the letter and put it on my nightstand and climb back into bed.

Then my dream takes an unexpected turn. I begin to feel several hands on me, touching me all over and rousing me. The hands caress me gently from my head to my feet and it's so delicious that my thighs begin to shudder in delight. I begin to feel a warm wet feeling on my slit that feels like a soft tongue. As the licks increase in their speed, the hands that were caressing me begin to restrain me on the bed. In my state, I cannot move and my mouth starts looking for lips in which to kiss. And as my dream would have it, those lips appear. They are beautifully soft lips like exquisite rose petals and the more I kiss them, the more hungry I become. Involuntarily my hips start rotating. As I'm about to come, the kisser pulls away and whispers to me sweetly, "come now Felice." When I realize who's lips I have kissed, I let go into a celestial wave of ecstasy like no other.

When my alarm clock rings in the morning, I feel put off. I could sleep another two hours or more. On my nightstand is a piece of parchment, like in my dream, that sends shivers down my spine. It reads:

Secrets you carry

like flying darts

Hidden in anguish

in the dark palace

of my heart

Another riddle that I'm beginning to find exasperating. I reluctantly get ready for work, knowing full well that my face will turn a bright shade of crimson when I see my friend.