Sela Ch. 04

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Sela struggles with her desire two powerful men.
2.1k words
4.33
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Part 2 of the 3 part series

Updated 06/08/2023
Created 07/06/2016
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I promised sex this chapter, but it didn't quite happen. I will publish Ch. 5 right away with a nice reward.

Maeve

Three years ago, after she had lived in Oakland for only 3 months, Sela saw an advertisement for "Sexual Healing - therapy to for acceptance of sexuality and desires, promoting healthy intimacy." She thought that she would have the ability to inhibit her sexual desires, especially after the trauma of her last lover's death at the hands of her family, or least their hired hands. Sela felt that swearing off sex and intimacy would be easy, given all she had endured. All of her experiences had only led to devastation. One would think it would quell all desire, but Sela struggle with her strong sexuality and her needs one sought in shadows and darkness.

Brynn Waters was like a beacon of self-possessed peace. She seemed so at ease with herself, so content in life. Surely she must have the wisdom, Sela sought to become 'normal".

"I just want to be normal," Sela said after explaining her past relationships with older, powerful men who were controlling, wanting her to submit. "I don't know anyone whose only sexual thoughts involve falling on her knees in front of a man."

"Kinsey wrote that the only abnormal sex is that which you cannot perform," Brynn said. Sela looked at her dumbfounded. Wasn't this woman suppose to help her with this affliction?

"Sela, what you describe is not that outside of what one might consider the norm. It's not exactly vanilla sex, maybe more of a vanilla sundae. It seems to me, you were able to set limits, to not be taken advantage of."

"Only with Sven did it get out of hand a few times. I learned from that. I just feel like a freak. Even if I wanted to date, I don't know how I'd find someone who wouldn't be scared off when I asked, 'Oh by the way, are you experience in pushing a woman's limits along a thin line of pain and pleasure, because that's what gets me off."

"Is that the only sex you've had?"

"No. In the beginning with my last lover. He was really my lover. I loved him. Trusted him more than anyone I knew. Sometimes it was just vanilla sex, but for the most part we both liked intense, experimentation. We'd even visits clubs where we could watch scenes, decide what we wanted to try and didn't."

"Seems perfectly natural to me," Brynn said. "Why did it end?"

The question froze Sela. There were things she would tell this woman, but others she had to gloss over. She'd promise to keep secret what her family had done.

"So let's start from the beginning. I want to understand you. Tell me about growing, your family, your experiences." Brynn suggested.

"We're not going to do any of that past lives, inner child stuff are we? I'm not into that."

Brynn laughed. "No Sela, I just want a little background so I can know you."

"Well, it started out pretty normal. Well normal for someone who was born into an uber-wealthy Chicago family. I have two brothers who are much older, by 10 and 12 years. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years after my brother Drew was born. They caught it early, but they figured the treatment she had would make her infertile, made her eggs inviable. But of course, I came along unexpectedly. I think both my parents were happy to have a girl. My father could spoil me and my mom had another female in the house. My mother's cancer came back when I was 10. Roaring back. She didn't even know the rapid rate at which it took over her body until it was too late. She died a few months later. It devastated all of us."

"A few months later when my father was sorting through my mother's journals, he found out that my mother had a lover...I think for a quite a long time. He just lost it, became enraged, bitter. He made my brother's and I get blood tests to be sure we were his. Then he destroyed any remembrance of my mother - pictures, mementos, everything. Both Drew and I stashed a couple of pictures, so we wouldn't forget what she looked like. Neither of us cared what she had done, we just missed her."

"After that I don't think my father could look at me without seeing my mother. He became distant, more so the older I became. So he sent me away to boarding school. Most wealthy girls went to boarding schools. I didn't exactly feel like he was trying to get rid of me. "

"I grew up fast. My friends were from some of the wealthiest families in the U.S. We felt powerful, untouchable. We were sophisticated beyond our years. When we reached high school, it was common for us to spend weekends in NY city or a mansion in Connecticut or the Hamptons. Anywhere the parents were gone. We'd hook up with boys from Philips. By the time we were 15, none of us were virgins. It's like we tried to skip our teens and go straight to our 20's."

"I was 16 when I met Kirk. I told him I was 20. He was 40..."

The following day, Sela squirmed in her chair, staring at her computer in another moment of fleeting thoughts - Eric, Emery, the anticipation in her gut, the heady restless feeling, the desire in her sex. She knew she was playing with fire, but couldn't help herself.

Sela felt 10:00AM warranted a break as she slipped Neruda's love poems out of her bag and reread the note she wrote to Emery Landers. "Neruda's words should be held in your hands. An ereader doesn't do them justice. - Sela."

Sela slipped past Rebecca without a word and into the elevator pushing the button to the top floor. She knew already that the top floor was occupied by a single law firm - Landers McPherson. She also knew that Emery Landers was the head of the firm, single, wealthy and 40. Yes, her achilles heel, but Sela swore she would not let it go farther than elevator acquaintances.

Exiting the elevator, Sela's left hand pushed her wavy hair behind her ear, then pushed up her thick glasses. Her too long, too big skirt fell to the middle of her shins. Her firm lithe body, looked twice it's size with the oversized shirt that covered her stomach and hips and did little to accentuate a single asset. With tentative steps she approached the reception desk, staffed by a young woman as beautiful and sophisticated as Rebecca, and to Sela, she was just as forgettable. She looked like any young, blonde receptionist.

"May I help you?" she asked with a tilt of her head that suggested Sela must be lost.

"Um, yes. Could you give this to Emery Landers?" she asked handing the book and note to her. Sela winced realizing she should have wrapped it in something. Now she just looked like a gawky girl giving a book of love poems to a gorgeous wealthy man she barely knew.

The receptionist glanced at the book, but didn't bother to read the title, instead she scanned the note and looked back at Sela, tilting her head in that condescending way.

"For Mr. Landers?" she asked again.

"Yes, he'll understand." Sela turned and rolled her eyes. Sometimes she wanted to be her old self. The young, entitled girl that haughtily displayed her beauty, her fine clothes, her place in the world as one of the wealthiest. She wanted to shove it in the stupid condescending bitch's face.

The day dragged on, her stomach burned with a mixture of silly regret for giving the book to Emery and blazing desire for another night like last weekend. Eric made it clear she should only contact him when she burned with this need she tried with such effort to rid herself of. It bordered on a relationship and in the back of her mind she wondered if seeing Eric too much would put him in danger.

Sela had information that could destroy her family and had negotiated it for her freedom, but she knew they checked up on her from time to time. She could feel the eyes, see the man who lurked around for a few days, then disappeared. Her family would never truly set her free.

"Ms. Fitzsimmons,

Thank you for the thoughtful gesture. I'm sure I'll find Neruda far more pleasurable with his words in my hands.

Best,

Emery Landers"

Sela gasped when she saw the email from Emery Landers, her face flushed, the butterflies in her stomach, the heat in her groin. She was a moth to the flame. Sela picked up her phone to text Eric.

Can I see you tonight?

She had no idea how one texts simply for a booty call. Was she being presumptuous? Should she have started by asking how he was? If he had plans?

I'm well, thx for asking. And U?

Sorry. I suck at this.

I'm flying back from NYC. Getting on plane now. Tomorrow?

Sure

My place. 8:00PM. 756 Mountain Road, Berkeley.

Ur place?

Yes. I insist, Sela

Why his place? Why not the club? What did he want?

Why?

Sela did not hear back from Eric that day or the next. She internally debated the issue for a few moments, then decided her need was greater than her fear of getting too close to Eric.

With her straightened hair and made up face, Sela slipped into a mini skirt and lacy top that pushed her breasts together. She rummaged through her purse for her phone to check the time and to see if Eric had sent a message or called. Panic hit her as she searched around for her phone. Not in her purse, not on the charger. As she searched through her house, a vision of her phone on her office desk slammed into her mind.

"Shit!" She had so few friends, she rarely checked her phone. After a crossfit session, Sela had spent the day reading and writing. Without her phone, she could not recall Eric's address nor call him.

Glancing at the clock, Sela saw she had an hour before she was expected at Eric's. She hoped to have time for a drink or two, but now she needed to get into the city and retrieve her phone.

Sela threw on her boots and long coat and jumped in her car, hoping for little traffic into the city.

Sela's phone was exactly where she had pictured it in her panic. The traffic had been somewhat heavy and parking a nightmare, thus giving her 10 minutes to get to Berkeley. While waiting for the elevator, she quickly texted Eric to let him know she was running late. She pushed send as she entered the elevator. Sensing a presence, Sela looked up to see him, Emery Landers. Her achilles heel, dressed to the nines in a casual black slacks and black v-neck short sleeved shirt that revealed his honed pectorals and well defined biceps. Sela looked away, hoping he hadn't recognized her and madly pushed the elevator button for the first floor.

"I almost didn't recognize you," he said softly.

Sela wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to pretend he had said nothing, ignore him. She hadn't expected anyone to be working on a Saturday night.

"Do you want to know what gave you away?" He asked.

Sela slowly turned, glancing at him.

"Your eyes."

Sela's green eyes gazed directly at him, seeing his own deep green eyes, a gleam, a hint of delight at whatever game he might be playing.

"And your tits." He added, his voice low, vibrating. He was simply magnetic in his unrelenting gaze. Still Sela said nothing. She could not think of an adequate reply. He intimidated her into silence.

"Why on earth would you hide that beautiful face...that craven body?" he asked.

His words heated Sela. She felt beads of perspiration forming beneath her long coat. She was speechless, practically breathless.

When the elevators opened, Sela thought he might stop her. When he didn't she exited hastily.

"Enjoy your evening, Sela Fitzsimmons."

Holy fuck! Power, intimidation, pure unadulterated sexiness. Why must it be what Sela found most desirable and fearful at the same time. She never wanted him to see her this way. He already looked at her way too much. She was stupid for talking to him in the first place and for bringing the book to him. She was playing with fire and now the fire may be beginning to get out of control.

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READ MORE OF THIS SERIES

Sela Ch. 05 Next Part
Sela Ch. 03 Previous Part
Sela Series Info

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