Self-Discipline

Missy starts to laugh, it's fake but it's good. She rolls over on her side and takes the opportunity to inch closer to Greg. He turns his head and looks at her. His mouth is close, much closer than what it was a few seconds ago. But it's still too far away. She rolls back over and spreads her legs. She is measuring to see how close his legs are to hers. Damn, this bed is so big. It's not like hers at home. There's still a lot of room between them. She laughs again, this performance isn't as convincing. But still it gets her closer. He doesn't turn his head this time. Damn.

"What's so funny?" he asks.

"Oh, nothing."

"No really, I would love to know."

Missy's eyes scan the page she on. She searches for something. She picks a random line out of desperation: "But my father, who was a painter and an architect, was so hurt by the Depression, when he was unable to make a living, that he thought I should have nothing to do with the arts."

"You think that's funny?"

"Um yea."

Greg put down his old book. "Do you think it's funny because that's what your major is? Are you going into the arts?"

"Uh, well I'm not really sure of my major yet."

He rolls over to Missy. He is close. If she wanted to she could spread her legs and touch him. He starts babbling about making sure to pick a major that might coincide with any degree thus thereafter. He is the only person Missy has ever heard say thus or thereafter. She wants a kiss. One kiss. It can't hurt.

Her body leans forward and she wraps her arms around Greg's shoulders. They are tight and solid. They are wider than anyone she's ever hugged, except her uncle Charlie who is just fat. The back of his neck is even solid. She reaches her face up to his and slides her body next to his. She is little next to him. Their lips touch and she begins to kiss. He kisses her back and Missy can feel herself getting wet. It is shocking. She's been damp this whole time, but now she feels the slipperiness spreading. His tongue explores her mouth. His hand rests on her cheek and shows her what to do. She moans. She's never moaned before during a kiss.

Her perfect breasts rest against the top of his chest. She knows he can feel them. Where is his other hand? It's probably heading there now. It's going to cup on and then squeeze. Those manly muscles are going to pinch it and make her jump. She'll let him. She'll let him get that far and then jack him off. She wants to see what he looks like down there anyway. His hand grabs her waist. I bet you he likes my waist. All the women he dates are probably heavier than me. There's no fat on mine for him to grab. He'll like that. His other hand leaves her cheek. It grabs the other side of her waist. She can't wait for him to pull her hips into him. It'll feel good.

He pushes her off him.

"Missy, we can't."

"But,"

"The answer is no. It's not right."

Her head is spinning. He kissed her back. He wants this. Damn it. Just give into your urge. Maybe he has disease and he is a nice guy. Maybe he had an accident down there and there's nothing there. Maybe he's married.

"Are you married?"

"No."

"Do you have AIDS, herpes, shit like that?"

"No."

"Were you in an accident? It's ok if you…"

"No."

Missy rolls back to the far side of the bed. She is fuming. What the hell? She tosses his book on the nightstand and rolls away from him and faces the wall. Who does this guy think he is? He's not all that. That's for sure. I mean, I'm hot.

But a doubt is creeping into her mind like a fire that spreads from a field into a forest. It engulfs. It loves the wind to fan its flames. It may even reach a house. Destroy it. Destroy the beauty inside and outside. Is she as hot now that she's in the adult world?

What if he likes those porn women? Jenna Jameson was always Danny's favorite. They watched a few together, but that's only because he was trying to get her to suck his dick. He asked if they could do whatever they do in the movie. She said yes, but when it came to that she said no. He fucked her and watched the TV screen the whole time. She didn't care. The guy on there was a hunk, and had a dick that almost looked scary. That was the first time she had an orgasm through intercourse. It was good, but not like the one Mr. Skinner gave her. He went down on her and ate her out. She had never come so hard, and hasn't since. And Jason, I mean he's a football player, but never made her come once. She told him he did when he asked, but she was lying. Once she even cried saying how good it was. That was a performance. But, here's Greg telling her no. She says his name in her head three times in a mocking tone: "Greg. Greg. Greg!" Fine then. Screw it. Screw him. I'm not even going to jack him off when he gets me up in the middle of the night wanting some. I may even tell him if he touches me I'll scream rape. How will that look, a little defenseless college girl being attacked by some middle aged perv who's built like a brick house?

Missy sighs. Greg says nothing. He shuts off the light. The cover of darkness soaks into Missy. It soaks into her mind and slips its way toward her tits. They are hardening and she is doing nothing. She's just thinking of nothing. Her pussy feels like one of those pink pool lights glowing in the night. The darkness is slithering toward it. It's a beacon and it's calling it. Missy places her hand between her closed legs. She is not just wet anymore - she is flooded. The inside of her thighs are slippery. She takes her finger and snakes it inside her. The pleasure soaks outward. It soaks her wet ground. Her finger feels hot, like hot tub water. She turns it on and the jets begin to pulse.

Her breathing is getting loud. She's afraid Greg will find out. Fuck, he'll probably try to stop her. She crams a couple knuckles into her mouth and continues her wet massage. Her clit is swollen. Engorged. Sensitive. She uses just her middle finger and starts to flick faster. The breathing through her nose becomes louder. Screw him. She doesn't care if he knows. She starts moving her arm back and forth. The bed begins to shake a little. She stops. Maybe he will stop her. She slips two fingers into her liquid folds. She begins to slide them in and out, slowly as to not rock the bed. She hears herself moan a little.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

His voice sounds like a bullhorn in the quietness of her darkness. It seems loud. She becomes motionless. Should she answer? The two fingers are just sitting in her, waiting to make their way to her young diamond nub. Her clit feels like a lost treasure, one that needs to be found and plundered. Go for it.

"Greg," she says.

"Yes."

"I know in the beginning I offered you, well you know. But, I want you to see something."

She has never been an aggressor before. Hell, she's never had to. The guys try and try and try. Sometimes she says yes, most of time no. Even when the guy from Indiana came down to visit her, had saved up the entire summer for a plane ticket, she turned him down. They had slept together in Indiana the summer before, he was her first, but by the time he got there next summer she wasn't interested. He didn't have enough muscles for her taste. But Greg, he did.

She rolls over quietly, but the rustle of sheets sounds like she's moving on bubble wrap. She slips her two fingers out and reaches in what she thinks is the vicinity of Greg's mouth. His kisses were great. He is going to taste this and give in. He is going to want her more than anything. She smells young and fresh. That guy from Indiana said she smelled like cotton candy. Yes, he'll want her more than anything. The dark will let him do it. My fingers will make him do it. I guess I'll let him fuck me. I want to feel him inside me. It will be awesome. He'll pull on me and my hips will squirm, but he'll be so strong that he'll grind into me. He'll make me come hard when he does.

Her fingers find their way to Greg's face. They are on the tip of his nose. They are slick and warm and wet. She lets them slink down his nose and she hears him breathe in. He smells her cotton candy. Her sticky cotton candy is luring him in. Missy closes her eyes. She bets that they are glistening like a fishing lure in a dark lake, attracting this hungry fish. She plunges them into his mouth. His lips close and his tongue swirls. They begin to taste and suck. She lets them fall deeper in his mouth. He sucks harder and glides his tongue between the slick folds near the base of her fingers. His hand grabs her wrist. He is going to yank her closer. He is going to roll on top of her. He is going to penetrate her and they'll come together. It'll be the strongest in her life.

He pulls her fingers out of his mouth. "Missy," he says out of breath, "we can't."

"No," she complains. "No, I know you think I'm just doing this because I feel bad for you, or because you are paying for all my crap, but I'm not. I swear to you, I've never wanted anyone so bad in my life. I need you. You can do whatever you want." She's never said that. But, it's true. He could do anything and she would let him.

"It's not right," he says and rolls over.

What the hell is his problem? The thought poured out of her mind in a mumbling of anger. She rolls over as well and then rolls back onto her back. He's an ass to get her all worked up like that. Then that nagging doubt creeps up, maybe in the adult world she's not the shit. The thought is stronger now that it has the darkness to hide in. It whispers in her ears like a mosquito. There is no use swatting, it's dark, she can't see it, she'll miss and she knows it. She breathes in deep and can feel her jaw clench. Then it dawns on her. He's gay. Of course. He's from California. They're all liberal out there. They're probably all gay and shit too. He's gay. He probably is even married to his gay partner. Good for them. But, the nagging continues. She is afraid to know the answer. She doesn't want to know. But she asks anyway.

"Greg?"

"Yes," he says. His voice is shaky.

"Are you gay? I mean it's cool and all, and I don't…"

"No. Good night Missy."

Missy lay there for several minutes thinking about her situation. She's going to get to college and no guy is going to like her. She'll never be able to catch a rich husband. Hell, she can't even catch a straight single male alone at a hotel in the middle of the Arizona desert. How is she going to compete with the women of LA? They're all beautiful. I bet you that's what Greg is used to. Some really hot women who look better than me, but are in their late twenties, so they know what to do. I could learn. I am good at that. Jason said I knew exactly how to swivel my hips and he only showed me once. Darren, who doesn't count because I only jacked him off, showed my hand how to pump. I picked it up no problem. I bet you Greg would be a good teacher.

Missy feels her moistened fingers slide back into her pool. They are slicker now from Greg's mouth. She spread her legs. She could picture her leg inching near Greg's. She spreads them a little wider and let the fingers go deeper. She takes her other hand and reaches under her shirt. She grabs her breast and pinches her nipple. It's rare she plays with them, but now it feels good. She pulls her fingers out and closes her eyes.

Screw Greg. I know he wants me, he's just trying to be a good guy or some shit like that. I should have picked a bad boy. Maybe let those four guys upstairs have their way with me. I bet Greg would be screaming to have me back then. To protect me from them. No. Screw him. I am going to make myself come and the only way he is going to stop me is if he takes his big body and gets on top of me and fucks me. Then I'll stop. But, unless he does that then I'm going to come. I'm tired of feeling like this.

Missy's hand is slippery and she begins to rub it across her clit. She likes it soft at first and then she picks up speed and pushes harder. The bed begins to rock back and forth ever so slightly. She does not care. Screw him. She picks up her speed and presses down a little harder. Little splashing noises start to leak out into the dark room. She can picture it; her swollen pussy, tight and perfect, splashing like a pool in the night with its pink little light on. She starts to moan. Screw him! She rubs faster and her clit begins to swell and push its way from underneath her fleshy umbrella. She pushes harder now and the bed is rocking. She moans louder and starts sliding back and forth even faster. Her stomach is tightening and her breathing stops. She starts to come. Her legs rise involuntarily and she starts to buck against her hand. "Fuck," she says in a low guttural groan. The flood happens quickly. She comes and the water recedes leaving only wet ground. It was strong. Not as strong as if Greg had been inside of her, but strong. She sits motionless, legs in the air and panting. Greg rolls over near her. His arm, that big thick strong arm loops over her pinning her against the wet sheets.

"Are you ok now?" he asks.

She can feel his breath. He is close. She doesn't want to open her eyes. Who does this guy think he is? She just came right in front of him and he's asking her if she's ok? The answer surprises her.

"Of course not," she says lowering her legs. "I need you. I need you to make love to me."

Maybe that's what he needs. For her to say make love and do all that romantic bullshit they do in whatever kind of books he likes to read. "Please Greg," she reaches for his other hand, "feel me," she whispers. She guides his hand between her come soaked thighs. They glide. They are soft at first; then his hand clutches her thigh. It's strong and sends her hips upward. He lets go and glides again. Softer this time. She spreads her legs further. He grips again this time right near her pussy. She knows he can feel the heat. She knows he wants to find out how tight it is. His fingers start to circle her clit. She lets go of his hand and reaches down to search for his dick. It takes only a second to find it. He is hard. He feels huge. She remembers grabbing Danny's dick under his shorts. It poked out a little and she could rub it, but it wasn't like this. His head is near the top of his shorts. One inch more and it would be poking out. She's not even sure how he could walk around like that. His finger slides in. It is thick, just like his cock will feel. Thicker than my two fingers. She leans over and kisses him. He is breathing heavy and he is responding to her stroking. Thank god! He is going to make me come stronger than ever before. We are going to come together.

There is a knock at the door. Greg pushes her away and sighs. He is panting and the bulge in his shorts is harder than ever. She isn't going to let go, but he takes her hand and says wait there. He gets up out of bed and walks over to the door. The bed feels lonely and empty without him. The darkness is beside her. She is afraid it will reach his ears. She is afraid it will tell him to stop. She strips. He won't be able to resist her if he's naked. Wet. Spread waiting for him.

"Who is it?" Greg asks through the door.

"Management. Do you own a red Subaru hatchback? The lights are on."

"No, it's not us."

He used the term "us." Missy's legs shake. She can hear him walking back toward her. His strong legs. They would be holding her open, wider soon. She would be able to grab them and pull him into her. The light clicks on.

Missy's eyes stay shut. She knows her nakedness is before him. Her perfect body, naked, lying in anticipation. He is probably undressing, getting even harder. He knows it will be tight. Tighter than anything he gets out in California, that's for sure. Why isn't he on top of me yet?

"Missy," he says.

She opens her eyes. He is standing there. His eyes are admiring her, but telling her no. She can't believe it. She can see his chest heaving in and out. She can see his eyes staring at her floodgates. She can see the bulge in his pants that looks like a tree that's grown off the side of a cliff. He wants her just as bad, she knows it. She doesn't want him to say anything. She talks.

"Take off your pants. Please." She reaches out. He surprises her. He closes his eyes and she begins to unbutton them. She is clumsy. I bet all the women in California can do it quick and with one hand. She gets them undone and unzips his zipper. They don't fall. His giant erection is holding them in place. She works them down. He is standing there in his t-shirt and boxers. The bulge is sticking straight out. She grabs it. Her hand wraps around its base. It feels thick. Strong. She's almost there.

"Missy, we can't," he says. He is not grabbing her. He is not stopping her. She struggles to get the boxers to slide over his hard on. She does and lets them slide to his knees. She grabs it again and stares. The head looks huge. She remembers Danny, and Jason, and the boy from Indiana, and even Mr. Skinner, but they weren't like this. They were boys. He is a man. She rolls over and slides on her belly to get closer. She wraps both hands around it. Both hands and it is still visible! She begins to stroke and soon a single drop of come oozes out, like a small break in a damn. It is sitting on his head. She has never seen anything like this. He looks like the porno star from the movies. His hands grab her wrists. She wants him to throw them over her head. She wants him to pin them there and spread her legs and fuck her until she is dizzy. She knows he isn't going to.

"Stop," he says.

She tries to keep pumping. He is way too strong.

"We can't," he says. "It's not right."

The tears begin to well in Missy's eyes. These are not fake. These are not the performance tears she did when she broke up with Jason. These are real, and her body hurts because of them. Greg steps back from her. If he tries to comfort her now, he knows it will only lead to more fondling, some kissing and eventually the wrong act. He slips his boxers and shorts back on.

"Look, Missy, it's not you. You're beautiful and I'm flattered. But, if you do this, you may regret it later. And I can't live with that on my conscience. You may not understand now, but you will later."

His words, although meant to be soothing, stung like chlorine dumping right into Missy's sunny pink pool. It's hot and wet, and now it burns. She rolls over not saying a word. He waits several seconds and lays on top of the covers. She doesn't even want to cover up. She wants him to see her like this, balled up, crying, her beautiful gorgeous body open, her pretty pink pussy waiting. He shuts off the light.

Hours go by and Missy finally hears Greg's soft breathing turn into a deepness that only sleep can bring. She has been wet the whole time. She had been toying with herself, teasing and taunting that wet diamond of hers until now. He will not say no. The only reason he said no last time was because someone knocked at our door. He won't say no if I do this. If I just hook him like they sometimes do in fishing.

She sits up slowly and creeps toward his shorts. She wants to do this now. He will not say no with his dick in her mouth. She brushes her fingers on his shorts as lightly as she possibly could. She is searching for that button. Searching for it without setting off his alarm. Her finger touches something. It feels like the hard nub of brass. This is it. She sneaks her fingers around it and feels the clasp pop. She sits still. Waiting for signs of movement. Nothing. She feels like a thief after a treasure. A big treasure.

She inches the zipper down, one tooth at a time. She pauses again. Still no movement. She listens for his exhale. It sinks into the darkness. Good. She feels his boxers and searches for the elastic band. If she can just get them down without him knowing. She lifts them and with one hand holds them near his thigh. She knows his dick is free now. She knows it is there in the blackness. She bends down and sniffs. She is hunting and once she gets a hold of it, she will not let go. His smell is one of man. He is all man. She feels his cock against her cheek. She readjusts her mouth and slides it in. It is big and growing rapidly. She begins to suck, bobbing her head back and forth like she's seen in so many movies. The guys love this. He will not say no now. He can't. She hooked him.