Send The Fools Further

The clerks took the letter and opened it, both of them reading it. Their eyes flicked back and forth from the letter to us, then back to the letter. One of them made a face. "Well...we've got some bad news for you."

I jammed my phone back into my pocket. "What?"

The other clerk made a face. "You guys got sent to the wrong place."

Mei frowned, putting her hands on her hips and making her shirt lift again. My eyes lingered on her lower back, where I could see the faintest line of pink where her sweats didn't cover her panty line. "What do you mean?" she asked. "We just came from another place that told us we were in the wrong place. This is supposed to be the right place."

"Well...it's not." The first clerk grabbed another envelope out from beneath the desk and stuck the letter in it, then wrote another address on it with a Sharpie. "This is where you really need to go."

The second clerk tapped her coworker. "Don't we have the thing for them?"

"Oh, you're right!" She held up a finger to us. "Come with me for a second!"

Mei and I shared a glance, then followed the clerk through the curtain and into The Fun Zone. The entire back room was lit up in deep reds and purples, casting the lingerie on the racks into sharp relief. The clerk went to the back and rummaged about for a moment. I studiously kept my eyes fixed in the far wall, refusing to fall to the temptation of the sight of satin and lace. I would be strong, dammit.

Then out of the corner of my eye I saw Mei examining one of the ensembles. She was biting her lip, and even in the red light of the room I could see the blush on her face. The top in her left hand was a lacy number, made out of a bunch of connected straps rather than a single piece of fabric. The bottoms in her other hand were a laughable pair of panties, almost nothing. I couldn't tell whether the bit I could see was the front or the back. It didn't look like it would cover much either way. Then of course I started thinking about what Mei would look like while wearing them, that thin piece of garment flossing her ass, and the room felt about twenty degrees warmer than it had than when we'd walked in.

"Here it is!" Both Mei and I jumped, and she hurriedly put the lingerie back on the rack.

The clerk pressed a plastic package into Mei's hands. "Please oh please can you deliver this to where you're going? We totally forgot to send it out earlier."

I reigned in my thoughts. "I don't know if that's going to be possible," I said. "We're on a tight schedule."

"But it's the same place!" the clerk protested. "You'd be doing me a huge favor!" She clapped her hands together. "Please?"

"Come on, Lars," Mei said. "She's right. It's not terribly out of our way. Plus we have to go there anyways for Sam and Sheila." She put the package under her arm and gave me a plaintive look.

Her puppy dog eyes bested my attempts at resistance. "Fine," I grumbled, fishing for the car keys. "But this had better be the real deal this time."

We left the clothing store, hopping into the car quickly. The GPS indicated we could make it to our destination, then be back just a few minutes after the concert started. A bit unprofessional, but also not unwarranted based on the day we'd had.

I called Sam as we got back on the crosstown expressway. He picked up on the third ring. "Hell-o?" he sang, sounding like he was in the middle of his warmup.

"Sam, it's Lars."

"Oh hey," he said, his voice dripping saccharine. "How's my favorite roadie doing?"

"Not great. You gave us the wrong address the first time, then that guy gave us the wrong address again, so now we're on our way to where we really need to go. You'll have your thing just after the show starts, I can stealth onstage and gst it to you, whatever it is."

"Wonderful! Hurry back!" The line clicked without even a goodbye.

"That was almost cordial," Mei teased.

"He's a primma donna, sure, but he's far from the worst person I've ever worked for," I said. I set my phone back on the dashboard. "Even if this whole afternoon has been like a friggin' fetch quest."

"How much EXP do you think we'll get?"

I cracked a smile. "Hopefully a lot. And several beers."

"Eh, you strike me as more of a Viking," Mei said, miming stroking a beard. "Seems like you'd be more of a mead type."

I wondered what she saw, looking at me. Was it the same thing I did in the mirror, a guy past his prime chasing whatever money he could just to keep himself afloat? Did she see the few hairs that were already starting to go grey? What about the thickness around my waist? Why was I even concerned about that?

"Mead's alright," I replied lamely.

Mei reached out and touched my arm. "Everything okay?" she asked, her eyes kind.

I shrugged one shoulder, trying not to let on that the touch of her fingers alone seemed to have magical "give late thirties roadie a raging boner" powers. "Just focused. I don't want to be late getting back to the show."

Her fingers didn't leave my arm. "You seem awfully devoted to getting back in time despite the fact that you don't like Sam."

"It's..." I tried to find the words. "It's like a base level of professionalism thing. I still work for the guy, I still need to be there in case something goes wrong."

"But aren't there other guys who can pick up the slack a bit? You're not the only roadie."

"Yeah, but still." I squared my shoulders. "Consummate professional, that's me. If I slack off here, it might reflect badly on me."

Mei frowned, and slowly took her fingers off my arm. I had to stop myself from asking her to put them back on.

A series of red lights slowed our progress, as if the universe said "let's fuck with Lars for right now." When we got to our destination I was more than a little antsy. I took the turn into the parking lot far quicker than I should have, and I felt the back wheel clip the curb. That was okay, though. We were where we needed to be.

Then I looked up and realized we were in the parking lot of a strip club named Rigby's.

"You've gotta be kidding me," I said.

"Somehow, I can totally believe that there's this many places in this town named Rigby's," Mei said, unclipping her seatbelt and opening her door. "Let's see what's up."

I got out of the car and followed her, my mind going a mile a minute. If this really was the place, what the hell were we picking up? Drugs? Doubtful, unless Sam had suddenly started feeling froggy. Strippers? Also highly unlikely, him and Sheila were married and loved to boast about how they were monogamous in the face of "music's typical excesses." Then again, that could also totally be projection from one or both parties. So maybe we were picking up someone skeezy.

There was no line out front, befitting a Thursday night. The bouncer was noodling around in his phone as we approached, though he looked up as Mei and I got close. "Y'all can go right on in," he said, waving us by.

"Actually, we were asked to deliver something here," Mei said. "Well, now two somethings."

We explained everything to the bouncer quickly, and when we were done, he nodded. "Lemme go fetch Marty. He'll know how to help you guys." The bouncer left, cinching a velvet guard rope in front of the entrance as he did.

"Like that's going to stop anyone," I muttered. Mei grinned as I fished out my phone and checked the time. Twenty minutes to showtime. "Come on, come on, come on..."

Ten minutes later the bouncer appeared out of the club, leading another guy. Marty wore a tweed suit with a green tie, his brown hair gelled and coiffed. Not too shabby for a skin club owner.

"Hey there!" he said, flashing pearly white teeth and shaking both our hands vigorously like a circus carnie. "What can ole Marty do for you?"

"Well, the girls at Rigby's boutique asked us to bring you this," Mei said, handing over the plastic package. "Because we were already on our way to bring you this letter from Sam and Shiela." She produced the letter and put it on top of the package.

Marty took hold of the envelope and ripped it open, his eyes skimming the letter. "Hmm." His eyes widened. "Well, you know what, funny you should mention it-"

I stared at him. "Do not. Fucking tell me. We have the wrong place."

"Well, erm..." Marty's fingers clutched at the paper.

Quick as a flash I yanked the piece of paper out of his hands, tearing a corner as I did. I turned away and walked out into the parking lot under a light so I could read the single sentence printed on the page better.

Send the fools further. Below was a list of addresses, all of them of establishments named Rigby's throughout the city.

"Lars, that was rude!" Mei scolded as she sidled up next to me.

I thrust the note in front of her. "What the hell does this mean?"

Her eyes flicked across the page and her brow furrowed. "I... don't know."

I looked up and scanned the parking lot, my brain slowly putting the pieces together. It all clicked when I looked at the strip club's neon sign and read the advertisement on the letter board.

TONIGHT - APRIL FOOL'S AMATEUR NIGHT. I had completely and utterly forgotten what day it was. Things like that were meaningless on the road - it was always "in a week," "in three days," "in an hour."

"Son of a bitch..." I muttered.

Mei followed my gaze, and reached the same conclusion I had. "Son of a bitch," she echoed.

I whirled around and stomped over to Marty, who looked around frantically for his bouncer buddy. As he started to speed walk away I grabbed him by his collar and spun him around.

"I've got a few questions for you, pal," I growled.

"Please don't hurt me!" Marty yelped.

"Sam and Sheila put you up to this, didn't they?"

"Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah they did!"

Mei appeared at my side, putting her hand on my arm. "Easy there, tiger." She looked to Marty. "Where were you supposed to send us next?"

"W-whatever the next address on the page is," Marty said. "They wanted us to just keep sending you guys along, me and the owners of all the other Rigby's around town."

"And you thought we'd be dumb enough to fall for that?" I snapped.

Marty actually offered me a wry smile. "Well, I mean, you didn't catch it after the guy at the record store told you you had the wrong address."

Mei and I looked at each other. She grimaced. "He has a point."

"But why?" I asked Marty. "Why go to all this bother?"

"I dunno! All he did was say he'd give me a thousand bucks to keep this thing going. Apparently this is some old Irish prank or something. Just to keep sending you guys along until you got the drift."

"No no no, Sam wouldn't go to all this trouble just to fuck with us," I said, letting Marty go and turning in place. "He wanted something..."

"Look, if you're done manhandling me pal, I need to get back inside," Marty said, rubbing his suit jacket off as if I'd left some residue on it. "I need to finish getting the stage ready for the contest tonight."

The stage. "That motherfucker!" I yelled. I ran to the car, yanking my phone out of my pocket and hitting Lucas's number on the speed dial.

"Lars, wait!" Mei said, chasing after me.

Lucas picked up on the fifth ring. "Lars? Where you at, man?"

"Getting sent on a wild goose chase by fucking Sam," I huffed, fumbling with the keys. "Did he tell you to jack up the main stage riser?"

"Uh, yeah, why?"

My hand tightened on the phone so hard I felt like it was about to crack in two. "I keep telling him not to take it that high! It gets unstable and he could fall!"

"Shit. Everything's already locked in place!"

"Well then delay the show start and fucking unlock it," I said, stepping up into the SUV. "And keep Sam in the back so I can tear him a new asshole when I get back." I took the phone away from my ear. "Come on, Mei, we gotta get back!"

Mei looked at me, then folded her arms and stood still. "I'm not going."

I stared at her for a second. "Lucas, get that thing unlocked and lowered, I'll call you right back." I killed the call and slid back out of the car, walking back to her. "What do you mean?"

She was hugging herself again, her hands gripping her elbows. "I'm not going back. I don't want to go back."

"Why?"

"Don't you get it? I'm not here by accident. They sent me with you so I wouldn't make it back to the show on time." Mei hung her head. "Sheila's been making it clear she doesn't think I'm good enough for her. Why should I bother, then?"

"Don't be like that," I said, putting my hands on her shoulders. "We have to go back. We can't just let them walk over us like this."

She looked up at me, smiling gently. "You can fight this battle if you want, Lars. But I think I got the message quite clearly." She looked back over her shoulder at the strip club. "As for me, I think I'm gonna have some fun since I'm here. I'll catch a taxi or an Uber back to the arena later."

"Mei..."

"Go on, you big lug," she said, giving me a gentle push away. She was putting on a brave face, but I could see in her beautiful blue eyes she was hurting bad. "Yell at them enough for both of us." Mei turned and walked across the parking lot, her head and shoulders slumped.

My desire to go after her and comfort her was overruled by my desire to punch Sam in the face. I hopped back in the SUV and gunned it out of the strip club parking lot, neatly cutting off a Mercedes turning into the lot as I sped off towards the traffic light to make the U-turn. I hammered my hands on the steering wheel, seething with anger. The cocky little prick thought he could one-up the big, stupid roadie, huh? I'd give him a piece of my mind when I got back. The clock read 8PM. Showtime.

At 8:01 as I was speeding down the road back to the arena my phone rang again. "Lucas, talk to me," I answered.

"Okay, so..." Lucas's voice was hesitant. "Sam threatened to fire me if I tried to adjust the stage platform, and when I tried holding him up he got these two big security dudes and scared the crap out of me. There was nothing I could do, man."

"That asshole's not going to have a road crew by the time I'm done with him," I growled, blowing through a light as it turned yellow.

"Yeah, also about that... he's told security not to let you back into the building until after the show is over."

"What?"

"Dude, he is really set on the stage being as high as it is. Is this really worth it?"

"Of course it is..." I started to say. I trailed off as I came to a red light. Sam clearly wasn't going to listen to me about the stage, to the point where he'd orchestrated this elaborate prank to get me out of his hair so he could get the other roadies to follow his whims. Seemed that Sheila had also taken the opportunity to rid herself of someone she didn't care for either. It was scummy, rude, and downright petty.

But it had also net me a nice few hours with Mei. She was fun to talk to, and cute to look at. And it didn't sit right with me just leaving her be at the strip club.

"You know what," I said to Lucas. "Sam wants me gone for the night, I'll stay gone. I needed a night off, anyways. But just as a precaution, you may went to get ahold of some EMTs and a stretcher for when he falls off that stage."

"You got it, boss." Lucas hung up, and I turned the car around and drove back to the strip club.

The bouncer wasn't there when I walked up, so I was able to walk inside unobstructed. The club was dimly lit, with a stage off to the right and a smattering of tables occupied by a decent amount of guys and a handful of women. I couldn't see Mei anywhere. But I did see someone else.

Marty jumped as my meaty hand clapped down on his shoulder. "You again?" he squeaked.

"Relax, buddy," I said. "I'm just looking for my friend."

"The cute Asian gal? She entered the contest tonight." Marty inclined his head towards the back. "I can't let you backstage, though, pal. Safety concerns."

"No problem," I said, patting him heavily on the shoulder. "I'll just hang out. What kind of beers you got?"

Marty gave me a couple free beers and parked myself at a table in the back just as the contest started. Marty went through a very carny-esque opening spiel, though I saw he kept glancing my way as if he was afraid I'd storm the stage. I simply stared him in the eye and knocked back half my beer in one go as he introduced the girls. Most of them did manageable, shaking it to electronic jams or disco classics. One of them, a slender black girl, did a routine to ELO's "Strange Magic" that piqued my interest simply because of the song choice.

I was checking my phone for any updates from Lucas or the roadies when I heard the classic opening of "Rock of Ages." I looked up just in time to see Mei slowly strut out onto the stage, and my jaw hit the floor. She was wearing it. The ensemble I'd eyeballed in the boutique earlier. The corset top hugged her torso and pushed up her breasts, and from the way they shone in the stage lights I wondered if she'd applied some lotion to them before coming on.

The crowd immediately started paying attention as Mei began. She looked like a completely different person. She turned, hiking her hips and running a hand up the back of her leg over her ass. My perverted thinking in the boutique hadn't been far off - the bottoms were almost nonexistent, disappearing into the cleft of her ass. Mei looked over her shoulder, and her eyes met mine. I saw them widen for a moment and a blush creep across her face. I held her gaze and gave her a little nod, projecting the thought "go on" at her as hard as I could.

Mei only missed a few beats of the song while we shared the moment. Then she composed herself and kept going, grinding herself against the pole onstage. I relaxed into the chair, allowing myself to be open in my admiration of her. Mei's eyes kept meeting mine as she went, hanging off the pole with her legs grapevined around it, her breasts looking like they were about to fall out of her corset top at any moment. Every guy in the place was leaning forward, but I kept myself still, my hands gripping the table and not pawing at the erection straining against the confines of my jeans. Something passed between us as she kept going through the guitar solo, running her hands all over herself with her eyes still locked with mine. She wasn't wearing her glasses, likely because they would've slipped off during her routine, but I kind of missed them.

Then the song finished, and the old Mei came back. She stood demurely and bowed as the club applauded. I stuck two fingers in my mouth and wolf-whistled, which made her shoot me a bemused look as she left the stage.

There was only one other woman who performed after Mei, and after she was finished the club voted by show of hands for who would get the cash prize. The black girl who had done the routine to "Strange Magic" wound up winning by one vote over Mei.

Afterwards, Mei disappeared into the back, and I got up and went outside, hoping the open air would do something about the raging boner confined in my pants. I checked my phone again. There was a message from Lucas. Show's half done. No problems yet. Big stage thing is coming up soon, though. Did what you suggested and got a few EMT's on standby.

Good job, I texted him back. Will be back in a little bit.

"Texting someone important?" Mei sauntered out of the club towards me. She was back in her street clothes.

"Just Lucas," I answered. "You totally should've won that, by the way. Leppard beats ELO any day."

She smiled. "That's what the gal who won said. But what can you do? Besides, I had fun."

"Where did you get the outfit you used?"

"It was what was in the package from the clothing store," Mei said. "I managed to convince Marty to let me use it because I was oh so troubled." She mimed a dramatic posture.