Sensitive, Act 02

Act II: Unexpected Revelations

Since that evening, he was confused about what he should do next. Maybe he would never mention it to her. That was, of course, the safest course of action. Yes. He would never mention the way she jumped when his tongue touched her ear. He would never speak of the low, raspy growl that came from her throat, and he would most certainly never try anything like that with her again. What if she hadn't been aware of what was happening, and instead she'd actually been too deeply asleep to realize what her reaction had been? What if he mentioned it to her and she didn't remember it -- or even worse, she took it as some kind of personal violation that he would touch her so?

Once again, he fell victim to his doubts and fears. It didn't matter -- or help -- that every time he saw or thought of her, the memory of the sound she'd made and the movement of her body in response to his touch awoke in his brain and begged him to talk with her about it. No, his fear was too strong, so he resisted the urge to speak of it and remained silent, no matter how frustrating it was or how strong the urge to bring it up those memories created.

For a while, anyway.

There are some emotions that are stronger than fear, after all. Curiosity is one. Desire is another. Given enough time, the combination of curiosity and desire will overcome almost any amount of fear if the temptation is strong enough. So this is how one afternoon, his curiosity got the best of his fear and his desire overpowered his doubts.

Or maybe it was the medium they happened to use that afternoon to talk.

Yeah, that must have been it. He had always been a little more daring online -- you know, chatting, instant messaging or IRC -- that sort of thing. He knew it was pretty common for many people to be able to speak more freely in the text-based world of Internet communication. What was uncommon was to see her logged in to her instant message client, and even more so for her to actually initiate a conversation with him while she was. But she had done exactly that, surprising him while he was at work with a friendly greeting that popped up on his laptop screen. So this is how he found himself chatting with her in a medium that he was very comfortable with one afternoon.

The opening discussion was irrelevant, really, the basic "how are you", "what have you been doing" and catching up that make up the bulk of casual, online conversation between two friends. But then, the conversation took a turn he hadn't expected, and he found himself talking more freely to her than he ever thought he would.

[14:13] Her: Right. But, you are so good to me already and I just wouldn't feel right about it.

[14:14] Him: Just continue to be good to me, as I know you will, and enjoy it.

[14:14] Him: It has been...forever...since there has been anyone in my life that was worth being "good to".

[14:15] Her: Awh

[14:15] Her: Aren't you sweet!

[14:15] Him: Besides

[14:15] Him: Your ears are sensitive.

[14:15] Him: And I like playing with them.

[14:15] Him: So there. :)

[14:15] Her: Ha Ha!

[14:15] Him: (and I don't think you minded, either)

[14:16] Her: And I like you to play with them!

[14:16] Her: Uh, did I just say that?

[14:17] Him: I think you did.

...and so, there it was -- the subject had been broached. There could now be no more mind-games with himself, no more guessing about what she remembered. What shocked him even more than this most taboo subject being discussed was the undeniable fact and not only did she remember what had happened, she had liked it!

But there was more he needed to learn...

[14:53] Her: I really like the ol' sneak up from behind thing you did when playin with my ears!

[14:54] Her: I have this thing about my backside!

[14:54] Her: Sh.... that's a SECRET!

...and to this day, he couldn't explain how he managed to reply to her words -- not just because they surprised him, but because they spoke to him and all the secret longings he'd had for her. Her words shocked him, aroused him and they definitely excited him in a way that took him by surprise with its intensity. He knew he had to say something in reply to her little revelation, and it might be his only chance to be honest with her about his desires. So it couldn't be flippant or juvenile, it had to be open and real, just as honest as she'd been with him.

[14:54] Him: Well...I have this thing about your backside, too.

[14:54] Him: You're so much fun to play with. :)

He felt pretty good about himself just then, for being able to come up with something that didn't sound too cheesy or forced (and he had been almost certain that that no matter what he said it was going to sound that way). He was also confident that was all he was going to reveal to him this afternoon.

He was, of course, wrong.

[14:56] Her: No, really, I LOVE it from behind.

[14:57] Him: Hmm.

[14:57] Him: My dear, we are going to get along just fine.

[14:58] Her: I have this fantasy I guess you could say, that this person will sneak up on me while sleeping and softly caress my neck, back and buttocks! THEN, give it to me the Right Way from behind!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[14:58] Her: How's that for puttin it out there?

[14:58] Her: Scare you??

He had always known that she was good at what he liked to call "the game", the conversational intercourse of flirting, the game of cat-and-mouse that she loved to play. And now she had him, right then and there, she'd laid something out there that made his response critical -- if he said the wrong thing, it would be checkmate and the game would be over, probably never to be played again.

[14:58] Him: "scare" me?

[14:59] Him: No, darling, that invigorates me.

[14:59] Him: Excites me.

[14:59] Her: Damn. now I'm all turned on!

Which was exactly what he wanted, for her to be as turned on as he was. He wanted her to desire him as much as he desired her. He wanted to know that she, too, had long-bridled desires for him kept tightly coiled up inside her innermost mind. He wanted so much to think that now things would naturally progress. But as badly as he wanted these things, he also knew her, and he knew that she was a complex woman with shifting needs, wants and desires. That was one of the most frustrating things about her, and he'd seem more than one potential boyfriend become frustrated with her easy, flirty manner when she didn't immediately hop into the sack with them as they thought she wanted.

He suddenly remembered the evening when he told her, "I have discovered the word that describes you perfectly."

"Oh, what word is that?"

"Mercurial."

"Mercurial? What does that mean?" she'd asked, obviously not happy with having a word applied to her that she didn't already know the meaning of.

"It means being prone to change states suddenly, volatile, to have a quick and changeable temperament."

She then looked up and him and barely bit her top lip, which she sometimes did when she was a little nervous. "I don't think I like that word."

He looked her straight in the eyes andreplied, "That's too bad. It fits you perfectly, and you know it."

"Maybe it does, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

Over time, his one-word description of her had stuck, almost becoming his unofficial nickname for her. The reason it had stuck, of course, was because it was painfully true.

His memory of just how mercurial she could be arose in his mind and reminded him that she had to have things on her terms and in her own time -- or it simply would not be. And that was just fine with him. He hadn't become her friend to have sex with her. In fact, he'd become friends with her to be exactly that -- her friend, and if nothing happened he would chalk up this little chat to being one more of her mercurial moments of teasing.

He was also vulnerable. He really did need a friend right now, and she had been there for him during in a very dark and desperate time in his life. They had talked about something like this weeks ago. And they had both agreed that there would be -- at least at this time in their lives -- "no strings between them". So, with that firmly in mind, he had assumed that there were places they wouldn't go because there were needs she had that or terms of hers that he couldn't meet.

What he had no way of knowing was that her terms had been met, and that a time was coming -- sooner than he thought -- when they would explore things needs and desires together that he had never dared dream he would explore with her.