Separation and Anxiety

I tried to keep this a close to real as I could and I thank you for taking the time read at least this far.

There is no sex in this and it is not a BTB story but it isn't one of those twisted cuck stories either.

For the record, I have no problem with people that have open marriages. I prefer monogamy but if I did have an open marriage it would be equitable (I'm all about equity) - if my wife gets to fuck around, so do I and I'll always demand and give a measure of respect.

Any relationship that is based on the humiliation and degradation of one or other of the spouses is, in my opinion, sick and doomed.

If you are a cuckold or cuckold story lover, please move along now. Don't read this and then complain to me later - based on your lifestyle choices I won't take your criticism seriously anyway.

For the rest of you, I hope you enjoy the story and constructive criticism is always welcome.

****

This was a nice restaurant. I had always liked it; enjoyed the atmosphere, the food and the acoustics. So many restaurants these days go for that unfinished ceiling look which kills the acoustics and magnifies and bounces the noise levels to the point where you can't really enjoy a relaxing dinner conversation.

This was an old house that had been converted into an upscale steak house. The individual rooms had been left intact such that there are 7 separate dining areas on two levels each hosting about 6 tables nicely spaced to provide a nice degree of intimacy.

It was a great place for a romantic dinner. Unfortunately tonight I was not enjoying a romantic dinner.

I was having dinner with my wife, Sarah.

She and I were seated at a table in one of the lower level dining rooms and she was fidgeting; rarely looking at me, nervous and frightened but I could also see determination.

I had barely spoken a word since arriving here and only what had been necessary to be seated and order drinks. As I perused the menu trying to decide between the Blackberry Filet or the Beef Tenderloin Tornadoes in a Bordelaise sauce I took a pull on my single malt on the rocks and regarded my wife.

She was still a physically beautiful woman, smart, successful and until recently a woman who I would have died for.

But I had no passion left for her anymore.

She wasn't aware of the change in my attitude but I would ruin her plans for this evening with that tidbit of news among others.

"John?"

That's me, John Archer Boyle. Forty nine years old and a reasonably successful software account executive married 28 years to the stranger now seated opposite me.

"Yes, Sarah?" I sighed quietly.

"I...I wanted to talk with you about something..."

"Well, that will make a pleasant change, Sarah."

She eyed me with a little perturbation twisting her mouth in annoyance. I hoped my attitude would resolve her nerves and get her to finally spit out what I knew she wanted.

"Yes, well thank you for your sarcasm, John it has always endeared me to you."

"Thank you, Sarah but I wasn't being sarcastic in that instance."

I didn't elaborate. I held her stare taking another pull on my scotch until she looked off to the left and watched our waiter approaching.

I didn't wait for the "lady" to order first as I normally would have. Instead as he gained the table I handed him my menu and ordered the blackberry filet with a Spanish rice.

Sarah, discomfited by my obvious disregard for gentility, scanned her menu quickly before deciding on a salad.

Who orders a salad at an award winning steak house?

With the waiter gone, Sarah again fixed me with her gaze.

"John, I have been thinking a lot lately. About you, about me, well, about us and... I...well I wanted to discuss my thoughts with you."

"There is, by God's grace, an immeasurable difference between late and too late." I replied

"Excuse me?" Sarah enquired

"A day late and a dollar short?" I sighed "You were always willing to holler down the rain, Sarah. Holler away!"

"You are being less than helpful, John. I am serious!"

"What did you want to talk about, Sarah?"

"Ah, well...I...there's really no easy way to say this."

I slowly rotated my glass, whisking the condensation up and away with my thumb and finger on either side of the glass as I turned it.

"Just say what's on your mind."

"Well, I...I want to try a period of separation" she gushed out "nothing permanent, John. Just an opportunity for me to explore my thoughts further. I'll get an apart..."

"No."

She suddenly looked directly at me, shocked. A wisp of her blonde hair falling in her face as she jerked her head up too quickly for it to remain contained.

"Excuse me? What do you mean 'no'? A separation would be good for us. It would help me fall back in love with you and..."

"Sarah, I don't want you to fall back in love with me."

I smiled. Not a smile of love or triumph or of condescension but an endearing smile. A smile you might use to humor a child arguing passionately for another ten minutes of games before bed.

"I have no patience for your trying to justify your bad behavior, Sarah. You want a separation so you can explore things with my replacement. So, which came first? The falling out of love with me, or the permission you gave yourself to cast about for my replacement?"

"What the hell are you talking about, John. I have not replaced you and I am not looking to replace you. You'd have to agree that our marriage has been stale and I think some time apart would help us to determine how we fix that and get back to where we were."

"Yes, Sarah, our marriage is stale. Actually it is past stale and I and I alone have tried for the past two years to try to change that. Unfortunately for us there was only one person working on this marriage until recently and now there are three. Of course those three have been working at cross purposes."

I raised my hand to forestall the objection I saw coming. "You have replaced me Sarah. You have cheated on me and now you want me to accept an arrangement where you can explore THAT relationship further. You want to separate to explore your relationship with Dan, not your relationship with me. I will not allow that to happen, Sarah."

She was angry now. Twisting her napkin in her hands and glaring at me she quietly hissed

"You're wrong! I have not cheated on you with Dan and he is NOT your replacement."

"What you mean to say, Sarah, is that you have not yet fucked Dan but you most definitely have cheated on me with him. And you have replaced me with him."

She looked uncomfortable. "Keep your voice down, John. There is no need to broadcast our issues!"

"Why Sarah but you already have! Tell me, who have you spoken to about this idea of separation besides me?"

She was looking very uncomfortable now.

"Well, I may have had a discussion or two with Dan about it and..."

Just then our meals arrived.

"and so you're discussing our marital issues with Dan BEFORE you discuss them with me is not cheating me? Arriving at a course of action for our marriage with Dan and then telling, not asking, telling me about your decision is not cheating me? Dan has had more input into MY marriage than I have."

She was silent, seething as our dishes were placed in front of us. I winked at the young female server who looked a little uncomfortable herself.

Again Sarah hissed at me "You make it sound so sordid, John. Dan is a friend, a willing listener and sounding board who has been nothing but kind, considerate and helpful. He is someone I can count on. He understands me, appreciates me and doesn't judge me."

Our waiter arrived to check on our well-being.

"It is sordid, Sarah. You ARE an adulteress, you are insulting my intelligence, our marriage and our past and you have ruined our future. Dan is slicker than a boiled onion and he needs peeling. I would have thought you would have cheated up, not down."

"Yes, thank you our meal looks wonderful" I chirped to our waiter as he patiently waited for me to cut my filet and agree that it had been cooked as I had requested.

"I don't appreciate what you're doing, John!"

Sarah obviously felt ill at ease discussing this so openly.

"I am not a cheater! I have not cheated and you are wrong about Dan! As a matter of fact I think you'd really like him. He's a lot like you in so many ways, John."

"Well I am glad that in your mind Dan and I are interchangeable, Sarah. You'll never know the amount of comfort I get from that! Hmmmff...I think you've lost your mind and for the record in all of the ways that matter Dan and I are NOTHING alike. I don't insinuate myself in other peoples marriages in order to sabotage them. I don't screw other men's wives and I certainly won't play his games. You have cheated on me, Sarah. You go to Dan with your problems and triumphs. You discuss our personal lives with him, seek his advice, company and companionship. All things you have stopped sharing with me. You are a slut who hasn't spread her legs yet and you make me sick."

I glared at her shocked expression and took a bite of my filet and chewed it appreciatively. Put my fork down and took a sip of water. I looked up at Sarah who was regarding me thoughtfully.

"Clearly this news has hurt you, John. I didn't intend to hurt you. "

"Really? God Dammit, Sarah you are one bubble off plumb. You knew full well that cheating on me would hurt me, which is why you kept it a secret. You didn't intend to hurt me? Well, you didn't intentionally try to keep me from harm either."

I pushed my plate aside, pulled out my wallet and dropped two hundred dollars on the table, As I rose from the table I downed the rest of my scotch, looked down at Sarah and said "I will not allow a separation, Sarah. I have filed for divorce!"

****

Epilogue.

We did divorce. Sarah fought it hard, requesting counselling and ridiculous terms. She refused to sign the divorce papers or bargain in good faith demanding that I meet with her to discuss our marriage. I refused. I told her I would speak with her after the divorce was final and not a second before. I did want to avoid a contentious split so we could be civil around our kids and grandkids but I wanted a divorce and eventually I got it.

We split everything right down the middle and I walked away.

Sarah sent me a nasty note demanding to know why I had just given up on our marriage and hadn't fought for her. How do you respond to that level of crazy? In response I sent her a picture of her sucking Dan's cock. She had kindly sent me the picture three days after I walked out of the restaurant. She hadn't yet fucked Dan when we had our dinner date. It took two whole days after our date. What restraint they had! I never heard back from her on that subject.

I don't date much. I'm no Casanova and as long as I get my ashes hauled every now and again I prefer my own company or the company of my kids, grandkids and close friends.

My kids sided with Sarah initially – they didn't understand what it was that Sarah did that was so wrong.

I felt like I had failed as a Father.

I explained my position to them, asking them that if their spouse had clearly stopped loving them and started a relationship with someone else would they be accepting. Would they accept a separation so their errant spouse could explore the adulterous relationship without the guilt or inconvenience a spouse was likely to provide?

Well I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

Sarah had refused any serious attempt at trying to resolve our marital issues and rather than discuss them with me she found someone else to confide in. Someone else to plot the future of my marriage with and that was simply unacceptable.

In the end my kids understood and our relationship improved while their relationship with their Mother soured slightly.

Sarah and I are both less happy and happier simultaneously.

We're less happy because we're alone, but we're more happy because we managed to navigate a way forward independently.

But move forward we did.

Sarah remarried and divorced again within two years of our divorce. No she and Dan didn't marry and in fact never slept together other than that one time. I don't know or care why.

I never remarried.

I took an early retirement and moved to the country where I remain to this day. I am happy not to have to burn energy on a woman that doesn't deserve or want it but I do miss the woman I married and what I thought we might share together. I mourned the loss of that as I celebrated escaping a love starved marriage to a woman who I no longer knew, respected or loved.

We had many good years but they fizzled and Sarah ultimately checked out.

I was the one who pulled the plug on our marriage but she was the one who shot it.

Marriage is hard.

Divorce is hard.

Life is hard.