Seriously Inconvenienced Ch. 03

"Hello, Taro." Laura said, shaking the Japanese man's hand. He was in his upper 30s or lower 40s, and he was adding weight to his belly but otherwise looked strong. As a doctor, Laura observed that his skin color wasn't quite right, and wondered if he was not fully well. "So 'Takaki' is your family name?"

"Yes ma'am." said Taichi. "We Japanese say our surnames first, then our given names, the opposite of you Americans."

"Of course." Laura said, not mentioning that she fully recognized that surname, and knew just who this man's father in Japan really was. "Taro, and Barry too, I have a request of you. My husband recently gave you some schematics of a remote control device he obtained from a former CIA agent." Laura didn't mention that the former agent was the disavowed and now-imprisoned Alicia Foster. "Here's what I need..." She explained what she needed. "Can you do it?"

Taro said "I've been dabbling with those plans, but I cannot adapt them to what you want. However, I do have another solution for you." He explained the solution.

"That will do perfectly." Laura said.

"See Aunt Laura?" Todd said boastfully. "I told you these guys were good!"

"Yes, they are." Laura said. She made her goodbyes and Todd escorted her back to his office.

"I appreciate you and Jeanine keeping the kids so much." Laura said. "I really owe you."

"We love having them, and so do our kids." said Todd. He then came up to Laura and eased his strong arms around her waist.

"As to owing me, why don't you and Uncle Don think about having some fun with us?" Todd asked. He bent down, not needed to bend far, and began nuzzling Laura's neck as he whispered "Jeanine and I are getting into swinging, and she'd love to fuck Don while I get nuts deep into you."

"Mmmm, sounds good." Laura said, letting her arms encircle her nephew-in-law's neck. "Maybe after all this... excitement... dies down, yes?"

Todd kissed Laura's mouth, sliding his tongue past her lipsticked lips and over her tongue, practically into her throat. They deeply kissed for several moments before Laura finally broke it.

"Whew, you're getting me hot and bothered doing that to me." Laura whispered. "I've got to go, but we will continue this, and soon."

"You better believe it." Todd said. After one more kiss goodbye, Todd escorted Laura out of the building.

His ten inch cock thickening at the pleasant thought and aftertaste of Laura's kiss, Todd fished his cellphone out of his pants and made a phone call. He needed sexual relief, and he knew just who would provide it for him...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The sun had just set upon the Town & County, ending the daylight of Monday, Nov. 17th. Katherine Woodburn sat alone in her brand-new offices, which were partially furnished. She had opted for different offices than those used by the late Senator Nathan Allen. Except for the position and title of 'State Senator', she wanted nothing in common with her odious predecessor.

It had been an exciting but busy time since she'd been 'elected' State Senator. Her lawyers had easily crushed John Cummings's legal attempts to contest the election and expose the fraud that had put her into power. She had already given instructions to her staff to have the State Internal Revenue Division audit Cummings, and also have allegations made that would require the Federal BAFTE to inquire about Cummings's Federal Firearms License to sell guns at his store. She remembered the words of the late Donovan Donolan, that enemies should be absolutely crushed once they were on their knees. It was too bad Mr. Donolan had not lived to see his philosophy employed by her.

She heard the outer door to her offices closing. "Who's there?" she called out. "Oh, it's you! What can I do for you?" she said, seeing the visitor appear in her office door.

"I came by to congratulate you on your fine win, Senator Woodburn." said her guest. "And to welcome you to the team." The guest was waving a metallic device around the room; Woodburn knew that it was to detect listening devices. The Iron Crowbar was not the only one possessing such devices without proper authority. But the fact her guest had this device spoke to the sheer power that this guest commanded.

"Team?" Woodburn asked, glancing up at her guest.

"Oh yes." said the guest. "Senator Allen knew his place, but got a bit too big for his britches, as the saying goes. Thought he was more of a badass than he really was. I can't say I blame him for some of it; his son's freedom from prison was at stake, and at that he failed, as well. But I'm sure that you'll be a much more trustworthy and reliable ally than he was. And I'm sure that you understand well that helping those that have recently helped you is most essential to your new Senate career."

"Of course. You know that you can count on me." said Woodburn. "Especially when it comes to the Iron Crowbar. I am committed to his destruction."

"I'm glad to hear that." said the guest. "But let me warn you: don't become consumed by the Iron Crowbar. He is a powerful enemy, and he knows how to use your emotions to your own destruction. Both Senator Allen and some of my other people have found that out the hard way. Rein in your hatred of the Iron Crowbar, and I can assure you a hand in the final consequences that will befall him... and his seed."

The guest turned to leave. "I'll be going now. Your mission is to settle into the Senate seat and be ready to fight with us in the SBI battle next year. I cannot understate how important that battle is."

"I'm ready." said Woodburn. Her guest did not reply and she heard the office door shut as the guest left. She contemplated the conversation, believing that, despite the guest's words, she was meant to bring about the extermination of the Iron Crowbar with all the power available for her to muster...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"We just got a call from the City." said the leader of the group as they ate supper in their farmhouse hideout. "Our new plan is active. The FBI is getting too close to some of our operations, so we're going to wipe out their local team. Here's the plan..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My mother Phyllis had told us that she was leaving in the morning to go to Apple Grove. One of her friends and a member of her former church, old Mrs. Starnes, had passed on, and my mother was going to go help the family with funeral arrangements. My mom expected to be back over the coming weekend.

"So that's the plan." Laura told me as we got ready for bed. I now understood why she'd swept the Mountain Nest for bugs.

"Pretty elaborate." I said. "Two questions: Think it will work? And second, why tell me?"

"Yes, I think it will work." Laura said. "At least to the point that we can get Wargrave to do something, and then we might have a shot to take him down. And I'm telling you in case you hear of any strange events over the next few days."

"All right." I said, then added teasingly "Sounds crazier than some of the things my mom and Cindy come up with, though."

"You come up with some pretty wild-ass things yourself, stud." Laura said. She came forward and wrapped her long arms around my neck. "You've been the badass in this County for a couple of years now; it's time to show you how much of a badass I can be." She kissed me hard on the mouth.

"Kiss me like that again, and I'll let you show me your badass side any time you like." I said. Laura pulled me to the bed and began showing me what a badass she was... in bed, anyway. And she was one hell of a badass in the areas of intensely pleasurable sex...

Part 11 - Deer Blinds and Funeral Parlors

The morning of Tuesday, November 18th, began strangely. No, not Bettina's newscast, which had no mention of the SBI raid nor anything of significance, but the call that came to me at 9:00am. But it would be a good opportunity, as well. I went to Cindy's office.

"The Duty Desk got a call from Cummings Outdoors." I said. "Break-in there. Sergeant Rudistan called me, said it was one of those strange things that appeal to me personally. So let's get Joanne Cummings to ride with us and head over."

I had Joanne ride 'shotgun' in my Police SUV, with Cindy sitting in the backseat, so that I could talk to Joanne about the upcoming Detective swap. "Detective Cummings, I understand that my Lieutenants have talked to you about moving over to MCD. Now no b.s.ing me, speak frankly: are you good with that?"

"Yes sir!" Joanne said enthusiastically. "Nothing against Vice, but I think MCD is a great opportunity!"

"It should be." I said. "And we'll send you to Detective School next February if all goes well, which I think it will. Ross, we'll formally swap Rose and Cummings on December 1st. The Chief is good with it."

"Yes sir." Cindy said as I pulled into the lot upon which stood Cummings Outdoors. I drove around to the back of the large building, seeing two police cars at a small building behind the larger one. It was the building where harvested and dressed deer were processed and packaged for meat, or else stored until the taxidermist was ready for them. In addition to Rudistan, Morton and Hicks, I saw John Cummings and one of his employees.

"Okay, Rudistan," I said, "why is this worth my while?"

"It's a weird one, sir, and I know you like these things." said Rudistan, in his usual unperturbed, jovial mood. "I'll let Mr. Cummings tell the story."

John Cummings shook my hand as I glanced at him. His electoral defeat and treatment by the Republicans had worn deeply on him; he looked exhausted and listless.

"Mike here processes the deer for meat packaging. Our other man in this department had a death in the family and has been off the last couple of days." said Cummings. "Mike came out this morning and saw that the lock was fastened, but it had been tampered with, as you can see." Indeed, I could see the padlock had been struck with a heavy object, and the door had been jimmied open with what looked like a large crowbar. "Two deer are missing from the inside."

"Open it up, if you will." I said. They did so, and I stepped inside. To the left was a big cooler with deer for processing into various cuts of venison. To the right was the cooler for trophy deer that the taxidermist would be working on. The lock to the cooler on the left also bore signs of being forced, though the one on the right was just fine.

"The deer in the trophy cooler are all accounted for." said Mike. "But two deer from the left side are missing. We'll have to call the owners."

"Why don't you do that now, see if you can get them to come down and give statements to my officers." I suggested. "But before you go, let me ask this: anything unusual about the deer that were stolen? Unusually large?"

"No sir, mid-sized deer." said Mike. "One was a four-point, the other a six-point, but neither was really worth mounting, so the owners were just going to have them processed for the meat."

"Commander, want me to call a Crime Lab team down?" Cindy asked. "Rudistan says you are the only person he's called so far."

"Yeah, have Rudistan call two people down and have them see if any fingerprints show up. I'm not hopeful, though." I said. "Mr. Cummings, do you have any cameras trained on these doors?"

"Yes, and your officers looked at the tape. It's all black, can't see anything. Looks like the cameras were covered or something." said Cummings.

"And where are those cameras?" I asked, mostly to myself as I peered around. Cummings pointed out the cameras, one of each corner of the roof, unobtrusive and virtually undetectable unless you looked hard, which covered the back driveway; and two on the top of the cooler building, that covered the back entrances to the main store.

"So, Detective Cummings," I asked, "what do you make of this?"

"Homeless vagrants hungry for food, breaking in to get some venison?" suggested Joanne Cummings.

"Ross?" I asked. Cindy was peering at the cameras.

"I'm not liking that idea." said Lt. Ross. "Someone disabled the cameras; vagrants would likely not even know the cameras were there, and to climb to the roof and disable them suggests they wanted their identities to be hidden. Vagrants likely wouldn't care about that."

"Yes, good thinking." I said. "I would add something else: this seems like a very strange, unusual crime, but those are the ones that offer the best clues for observation. Not only did these thieves think enough to take out the cameras, they took the time to lock the doors back up. That is indeed interesting to me. I'd say someone came in with a real plan and purpose, and they executed that plan and left as little clue to their identities as possible. Now our question is why they'd want to steal two deer."

"For the blood?" Cindy asked. "Maybe they want to fake a crime scene?"

"No ma'am," Joanne said, drawing upon her hunting knowledge. "These deer have been dressed and drained of blood and the vital organs." Cindy nodded.

"Yes, good thought, Detective Cummings." I said. I was being formal only because Joanne's cousin John was there, listening to us. "No, they want the deer for something, but damned if I know what it is. Rudistan! When you guys interview the deer owners, find out where the deer were harvested, and give them immunity if they harvested them illegally; I just need to know where they shot the deer, and any unusual characteristics of the deer, if any at all."

"Wilco, sir." said Rudistan.

Just then, my police cell phone rang. It was the Duty Desk. "Sir, Frank Freeman Funeral Home is calling. They said something strange happened there overnight. They also said that Pastor Westboro is there, and specifically asked for you."

"Thanks. I'll head there now." I replied, then told the Detectives: "Okay, Pastor Westboro is a Town & County Councilman in addition to being the pastor of a 2000-member church, First Baptist. Let's head on over, Ross. Cummings, you can stay here and work with Rudistan and the Crime Lab, or come with us." I offered.

"I'll come with you." Joanne said. Smart woman, she was.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On the trip to the funeral home, Cindy and Joanne fluttered like parakeets, throwing out ideas about the deer cooler break-in while I silently drove. Finally Cindy asked "Commander, what do you think it might have been?"

"No data yet." I said. "Capital mistake to theorize without proper data to back it up. Cummings, if there is only one thing you learn by hanging out with me, let that be the one thing."

Going inside the funeral home, we were met by the assistant director, who brought us back to a room that had an oven for cremations. In the room leading to the cremation room was the director, Pastor Westboro, and three persons who I could see were a family, two men and one woman.

"Hello, Commander, thank you for coming." said Pastor Westboro, shaking my hand. His friendliness was a surprise to me; he very often joined Malinda Adams in politically harassing me. The only other friendly time we'd had was when I'd brought him in with Steven Ikea to meet the Reverend Jonas Oldeeds, just moments before Oldeeds was 'harvested'.

"Pastor." I said. "This is Detective Cummings, and I believe you know Lieutenant Ross."

Westboro shook Joanne's hand politely, then became much more effusive with Cindy. "Why yes, Lieutenant Ross. I was so happy to be able to cast a vote to award you the Medal of Valor. Such bravery! You are fully recovered, I hope?"

"Yes sir, thank you." said Cindy modestly. "How can we help you today?"

"A very strange happening here, very strange." said Pastor Westboro. "This is the Lawson family. Her grandmother passed away Sunday, and I met them here to retrieve her ashes and plan the service. Mrs. Lawson?"

"Yes sir." said the woman, who was thin and looked like she lived on a farm. "Grandmother wanted to be cremated and her ashes spread on the land of our farm. We came here this morning, and my brother Jed here thought something was peculiar. We called Pastor Westboro, and he suggested we call you."

"I am sorry for your family loss, Mrs. Lawson. I will endeavor to get to the bottom of this issue. So what is the peculiarity?" I asked. I noted the funeral director also really wanted to say something.

"Sir, I work at Cummings Outdoors." said Jed, a husky man that reeked of a backwoods upbringing. "We cremate the remains of the deer after we process them. I've seen enough of ashes that I think the ashes in this urn are deer ashes, not human."

"Sir," said the assistant funeral director, his restraint breaking,"I do most of the cremations here, and I agree with Mr. Jed here... those ashes don't look like human ashes we normally see."

"Tell you guys what." I said. "Detective Cummings, will you take Pastor Westboro and the family to an office or perhaps the chapel and get their statements? I am going to talk to the funeral directors, and I don't wish to disrespect the family by having them hear what I need to ask."

Once the family was out of the way, I called Headquarters and asked that Technician Christina Cho specifically be sent to the funeral home. I then turned to the funeral directors and said "I can see that you want to tell me something else."

"Yes sir." said the assistant director. "If you put your hand up to the oven, you can feel that the oven is still warm. It was used last night, but neither of us were here using it. Also, we had four bodies to be cremated. This morning we came in, and two of the bodies were gone, and these urns of ashes in their places. One was the Lawson grandmother, the other an old man whose family has not yet come to fetch the ashes. I don't know what's going on, Officers, but it's strange."

Christina Cho and J.R. Barnes appeared. I explained the situation to them, and asked if there was any way they could confirm if the ashes were the grandmother's, or even human.

"At what temperature do you cremate the bodies?" J.R. asked.

"About 1200 degrees." said the assistant director.

"Commander, that temperature will degrade any DNA." said Christina Cho. "Our only hope is to sift the ashes for a less-burned piece of bone or something, and get something out of that. But I wouldn't hold out much hope."

"The oven was cleaned out after being used, also." said the funeral director.

"Let me ask this." I said, looking into the urn at the ashes, not able to see anything but ashes. "Could something get into the oven or the fuel that might color the ashes differently than normal?"

"Don't know what that could be, nor how." said the assistant director. "But it cannot be excluded as a possibility."

"Good." I said. "That might be my fallback position. Well, this is going to suck... now I have to go ask the family to allow us to take the ashes and essentially desecrate them. Wanna get breveted to Commander, Miss Ross?"

"No sir!" said Cindy, with alacrity. "That's why you get paid the big bucks... pun not intended." My look at Cindy could not be held; I broke down laughing, as did she and the funeral parlor employees.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

At 7:00am on the morning of Wednesday, November 19th, I was barely breathing as I waited for Bettina's morning report, scared shitless of what she might say of the two strange crimes of the day before.

"This is Bettina Wurtzburg, KXTC Channel Two News!" declared the lovely redheaded reporterette. "Channel Two News has learned that Police have no leads in two very strange crimes committed yesterday. The first was a break-in of the deer cooler behind Cummings Outdoors General Store. It's deer season and there is a brisk business in storing and processing deer, but yesterday someone broke in and stole two deer from the cooler.

"State Senator-elect Katherine Woodburn issued a statement that if Cummings can't keep a deer cooler safe, then the assault guns he sells in his stores are also at risk of being stolen, and the guns could find their way into criminal hands. Woodburn has notified the Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco Firearms, and Explosives, B-A-F-T-E, and requested they suspend Cummings's Federal Firearms License pending a full investigation of Cummings and his business operations."