Setting Moon Ch. 02

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Bloodwoman
Bloodwoman
192 Followers

Sam and Eric undressed and shifted into their wolves. Sam was a huge, beautiful golden colored wolf and Eric was a slightly smaller but still quite large brown wolf. They circled each other growling; Eric ran towards him and jumped trying to strike, but Sam was too quick he dodged out of the way and moved behind Eric, waiting for the perfect moment. Eric turned to look at Sam and started to move towards him. Sam lunged at Eric biting him in the side and blood fell from the wound. Eric managed to get free and jumped away but still watched Sam as he started to circle him. Sam moved around Eric as if he was a piece of meat just waiting for the right time to strike. But instead Eric jumped at Sam tackling him onto his back and tried to bite at his face and neck. Sam dodged Eric's bites and threw him off by kicking his back legs. Sam quickly got to his feet and ran into Eric hitting him in the side and knocking him into a large stone that was in the center of the field.

Sam jumped on top of the rock and howled, and then he looked back down at Eric. Eric now back on his feet leaped upward and rolled Sam onto the ground below. Eric then bit Sam's left front leg slashing at his flesh. Sam bit the side of Eric's face making it easy to pull his leg out of Eric's mouth. Sam was done playing he pushed Eric off of him and got back to his feet. He now moved fast toward Eric who had started to move away, Sam then charged and tackled Eric to the ground biting his neck. Eric howled signaling his defeat. Sam let go and they both shifted back into human form. Once they shifted their wounds were mostly mended at least on the surface so there was no need for bandages.

"I yield you are the strongest and most powerful Alpha." Eric said breathing hard. "Good, get dressed we have business to attend to." They both got dressed as Fin came up and congratulated Sam. As they walked back towards the house, better referred to as the den. Sam spoke firmly to Eric and Fin.

"My mate is in danger, I need a security team and Eric you will be coming with me while Fin stay's as acting alpha in my stead. Eric you will fill me in on everything that has been going on while I've been gone. I know tradition dictates more celebration but it will just have to wait until we get back. Now get things ready we need to leave, she's at the hospital in Charlotte. But she's exposed." Sam strode through the den proudly as people congratulated him along the way.

When he arrived out front there were already three black SUV's being loaded up with weapons and security equipment. A beta led him to one of the SUV's, Sam then turned to Fin as Eric got in the SUV. "I should only be couple of days, maybe less. I assume you've kept up with the goings on." "Yes sir, I've kept a close eye on everything." Fin was happy Sam had come home but wouldn't show it. He didn't want to undermine to seriousness of the situation. "Good, we will be back soon." With that Sam got in the car and they pulled away from the den.

Once in the car and on the road, Sam looked at Eric who had gotten in next to him. "Now what's been going on? I've only been gone eight months." He looked back towards the road and waited. "Well, not a lot really, the twins had their babies. I still have not found my mate. Now that I think of it there was an incident about two weeks ago two of our male children were taken" Sam now looked at him with red eyes, "but we found and killed the perpetrators and got them back within four hours of them being taken. Unfortunately we weren't able to question the kidnapers, but they weren't part of the pack. They put up quite a fight and in the end died before we could get any answers. There have been no problems since, but I've still had security on double duty ever since. Sam calmed down and looked back towards the road, "Good, we don't need problems like that now; I think we'll have enough problems from the men hunting my mate."

"Where did you find her?" Eric asked.

"In the hospital, she had been kidnapped and escaped but was pretty badly hurt. I found her when she was being attacked by the men that had taken her. I heard her scream and came to help, not knowing she was my mate. Once I entered the room I smelled her and killed the two wolves with ease. But she was fading fast from what the men had just done to her. I didn't know if she would come back to me." He now held his head in his hands. "I had to get her more protection, but I had to leave her there alone with only a gun." He sat up looking back at the road. "That's why we need to get back there quickly; I won't let her be hurt again." His voice was stern with determination. "Oh and she doesn't know about my wolf side yet. So keep on the normal side of things until I tell her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four hours later they pulled in to hospital parking.

It was four in the morning; Ericka sat in a chair against the windows. She was old enough that sunlight didn't bother her anymore. So when the sun comes up she won't have to hide. She had found a male night nurse to quench her hunger, but he was fine, she rarely killed anymore and the young man wouldn't remember a thing. Most of her meals were entranced by her look anyway so usually they enjoyed it, unless she didn't want them to and that was a side of her you never wanted to see.

Ericka stood at 5'9' with long model legs; she was thin and had black hair that fell just below her shoulders. Her eyes were a stunning deep blue that matched the oceans depths. Her skin always looked pale in the sun but inside she had a glorious tan. Now she wore blue jeans with black high heel boots over them, coming up to her knees and giving her another three inches in height. She wore a black tank top and carried a black leather jacket to go over it but since she never got cold it was only a formality. She sported some vintage dangle earring, some bangles as bracelets and an Ogham necklace that said protection.

She sat there watching Lillian sleep, she was sweating now. Ericka thought it was just the healing taking over but the smell of danger filled the room. She started to pace as she got this strange feeling, like something big was coming.

Just then she heard a crowd of voices coming from down the hall. She smelled them and steeled herself against the wolves.

Bloodwoman
Bloodwoman
192 Followers
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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
Good but...

A woman who was just raped and almost died would certainly never have sex with a stranger when she had not even recovered. That was too unrealistic for me. It seemed to undermine all the suffering and pain you had previously described

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Worth the rush

I wish Blood woman had taken a little more time with this. Parts of it are just too choppy and rushed but the story is still worth following. I'm sure by now she's a much more seasoned writer and hopefully published. I've walked away from similar posts but the storyline has me coming back for more.

ScarletPussScarletPussover 10 years ago

Wow. What a rush... too much is happening at once. kind of getting whiplash... but overall it's a great story plot.

But one question. Are you aware that when you wrote "my kind" you were obviously stating that Lillian was indeed aware of the fact that she was not human? but then you changed it up again and made Lillian completely unsure of what species she truly belong to-- I believe her friend the vampire, Erika informed her that she was a witch...

Anyway the whole thing is contradictory.... and now my head hurts

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
more

more!

canndcanndover 11 years ago

I'm gonna come at you here from my editor/beta reader POV....

I think that you have an interesting cast of characters and an ambitious beginning of a storyline. I think the problem is, that you are presenting it all very quickly and it is coming across as throwing a ton of stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks. It is just too confusing to the reader. I think that you need to slow down the pace of the story and go into more detail when you are presenting some part. I think another problem for me is that some of the events don't make sense. One such part that stands out most to me is the fact that this man who finds his mate, who has been attacked mercilessly, goes and leaves her at the same hospital he found her being attacked in by wolves who intended to kill her. Now, my logical mind asks, why would he leave her? He has a phone. He could call his former pack and explain the situation and ask for back-up. He clearly is friends with Eric who took over in his stead and Fin, his second. I doubt they would have turned down a request for some help. I just don't think an alpha male would leave his mate unprotected, gun or not, because most werewolves wouldn't be stopped by a gunshot. I'm sure once she was well, he then could return and take back his place as alpha with her at his side.

Now, I understand you may have had him leave so Ericka could show up. But, she could have shown up while he was meeting the pack outside or something. I do have to wonder why Ericka wouldn't have gone with her to fight these men. You weren't clear, but I assume the guy she was lying in wait for was the guy who took her baby? I think it would have helped to be less cryptic in saying things like 'he took what mattered most' or whatever you said. I think that with such a wide variety of things going on in the story, it is better to be straight forward about some things like that and it is best to say that she is waiting for the guy who took her kid or the guy who she knew was driving the van or whoever he was. Also, explain how she found the guy. In other words, put yourself in the place of the reader and say 'what would a logical mind ask?' How did she chase down who took her baby?

Try to watch other things like the scene where she tries to escape...she goes up 8 flights ..but I don't know when she came down them. I mean where did she think she'd get to other than a roof? Was she gonna jump off it to get away from these guys?

I would overall, just tell you to slow down. Try to reveal a tiny bit more about each situation so that it doesn't seem so abstract and hard to follow. Overall, I like the cast of characters. I think there is promise for all the conflicts involved and mysteries to be solved. I think you just have to work on melding it together in the smoothest way possible. I'd recommend your getting an editor. They can help with these types of issues and can help you clarify things, etc. You can get one through the site or ask a fan who seems to be into it.

Good luck. I will definitely try to check up on the story and see where it goes.

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