Setting The Wall Ch. 1/2

And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go...
Something there is that doesn't love a wall...
--Robert Frost, from Mending Wall.

I didn't want to go, but of course that didn't matter to my friends. They insisted it would be fun and finally I just shut up and let them drag me to the bar. Once we got there I tried to blend into the background, but they wouldn't allow me even that small comfort. Instead, Pete dragged me up to the front to lead our little parade.

"Hey," he explained as we stood waiting for a table, "I know how you always like to be the center of attention."

I rolled my eyes, but figured it would just make him worse if I argued. I'd been friends with him for far too long to not know that if I kept bitching, he'd do something that would really embarrass me.

Tess took my hand and squeezed it. "Isn't this wild?"

I nodded and moved her fingers so her engagement ring stopped cutting into my flesh. "Yeah, wild."

I was telling the truth, though it wasn't the building itself that was interesting. It was an old train depot, but apparently no one had thought to cash in on that, except in naming it. Instead, the place was decorated (if you could call it that) like all the watering holes in town. A mahogany bar down one side, a dance floor in the middle and tables jammed into every other available space. Other than the curtains I've already mentioned, the only thing different was the clientele. Of course that was enough - at least in this part of the country.

The Station, better known to my friends and family as that fag bar, was no doubt the wildest nightspot in my conservative midwestern city. Located in Parkton, the area around here that passes for "arty", it had been open for a couple years now. Most of the fair citizens of this burg couldn't understand how it stayed in business. Of course, if they'd ever bothered to come in and look, they'd have figured it out real fast. The place was packed and not just with men. There isn't a lot to do around here and what there was, wasn't exactly wild. So ever since it opened, this bar had been the place to go if you wanted to experience a taste of the 'wild side'. Think of it as a theme park for twenty-somethings. So while about 70% of the clientele were gay men, the rest (except for a few lesbians who liked to dance and couldn't find that in their own bars) were gawkers - like my group.

Pete made a rude noise and nodded towards a little guy dressed in a skintight, bright red tank top and even tighter jeans that were ripped in some very revealing places. "Hey Amber, how about I get an outfit like that and wear it to your folks' house next Thanksgiving?"

Amber, who was Pete's date and Tess' sister, snorted. "You do and you die. You know how Daddy is."

She was absolutely right though there was no way I was stupid enough to agree out loud. Personally I thought Daddy, or Ron, as he grudgingly allowed me to call him, was an asshole, but I tried to get along with him anyway. He was, after all, my future father-in-law. But shit, a less tolerant man would be hard to find. To hear him talk, the world had been a great place before Blacks got the vote, Latino's came to this country and the Jews took over everything. And the time someone had been foolish enough to mention homosexuals in front of him, he'd gone on a rant that would have made Jerry Falwell jealous.

Tess giggled. "Hey Max, there's a guy over there staring at you. Maybe he wants to dance?"

"Dammit, could you keep it down? I'd like to get out of here in one piece." I tried not to look in the direction she was pointing, but still managed to catch the guy's eye. Shit!

"Oh lighten up," Pete punched me in the arm. "Jesus, when did you get to be such a tightass? We're not doing anything wrong. Just looking at some of the local color."

"And some of that local color," I reminded him. "Could take you down in a heartbeat." At 5'7", Pete was the runt of his family's litter. But I may as well not have bothered speaking for all the notice he and the girls took of me. God, I knew coming here was a bad idea.

"I want a drink," Amber demanded.

I sighed and resigned myself to another half hour of this bullshit. A few minutes later I found myself at the bar, giving the bartender our order. As I stood there, I felt someone come up behind me. I expected whomever it was to move away, but when they didn't my heart started to pound. Slowly I turned to see the guy Tess had pointed out earlier.

"Hi," he smiled softly at me.

"Hello," believe me, my smile was a lot more nervous than his was.

"I saw you walk in," the guy seemed to be amused by the sweat that'd magically appeared on my forehead.

"Um yeah," I gulped. "My friends and I..." I swallowed dryly. "We were thirsty." It was lame, but no way did I want to tell him that we were just here sightseeing - though he must have already figured that out.

He nodded seriously and then looked at my little group up on the steps behind the dance floor. They grinned and waved and after a minute he waved back.

"Seem friendly," he finally said.

"Uh huh," I agreed and then I don't know why I felt the need to share, but apparently I did because I opened my mouth and my life fell out. "That's Pete, my old high school buddy. He just got in today from Chicago. The girl standing next to him is Amber, they aren't really a couple, but she came along as a favor. Beside her is her sister, Tess," I tried to smile, but it didn't come out quite right. "Tess - my fiancée." As soon as I said all that, I could have kicked myself.

He looked at me for a moment and then raised his eyebrows and stepped back a little. He looked like he was studying Tess. I found out my guess was right when he opened his mouth.

"She's beautiful."

"Thanks," I sighed in relief. He was being pretty decent, I thought.

"They look like a nice bunch of people. Can I meet them?" He continued.

"What?" I stared at him in shock.

"I asked," he was still smiling, but I was no longer fooled, "if you would introduce me."

"Oh well, gee, I'd like to, but we were just getting ready to leave." At that moment the bartender plunked four drinks in front of me. Talk about piss-ass timing. I was busted and there was only one way left to handle it. "But sure," I turned and met his gaze. "I guess we have a few minutes before we have to go."

He grabbed two of the glasses and watched as I picked up the others. Then he followed me back up to where the group was standing. He wasn't close enough to touch me, but still, I could feel his heat and it made me awkward. I ended up spilling some of my drink on my hand.

"Damn!" I cursed as I handed Tess her white wine.

"Aw poor baby," she cooed and then she took my hand and raised it to her mouth and licked. "Ugh, scotch!"

I jerked my hand away. "Well, you know I like it."

"Yes," she sighed. "But I liked it better when you were on that bourbon kick. Scotch tastes icky."

"I didn't say you had to drink it," I muttered.

"But I still have to kiss you," Tess retorted. "Or is that something else I don't have to do?"

I opened my mouth to tell her what I thought about that, but Pete interrupted. "So, dude," he said in my direction, "who's your friend?"

If looks could kill, I would have turned Pete into a pile of ash. He just snickered and winked at me like this was the best time of his life.

"Yeah, sweetie," Tess added, forgetting in a heartbeat that we'd been fighting a moment before. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

Might as well, I figured. After all, the sooner I did, the sooner he'd go away. At least I hoped so; I couldn't be sure what his plan was. Hell, I couldn't figure out why he'd come over here in the first place.

"This is..." I stopped and felt my cheeks heat as I looked at the guy. "I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

He raised an eyebrow. "That's right, you don't." He turned and stuck his hand out to Pete. "I'm Dev, Devlin Neeley. You're Pete, right?" He turned to the girls. "You must be Amber, and you, of course, are Tess, Max's fiancé."

All three of my friend's eyes turned to me. "I told, um, Dev, who you were when we met at the bar."

"He did," Dev agreed affably. "And you all looked so nice, I'm afraid I wheedled my way into your group."

The DJ started spinning discs and conversation became limited after that. Dev stayed around for a few minutes being - I have to admit - charming, then excused himself and went back to the bar. We finished up our drinks and since, thank god, there still weren't any open tables decided it was time to go. I was happy as hell to get out of there. That whole thing with Dev had made me nervous as shit though I wasn't looking forward to the ribbing I was bound to get once we got outside.

The girls decided they needed the restroom. I figured if they'd ever bothered to catch an episode of QAF they'd have known better, but I wasn't about to educate them. They were the reason we were here in the first place (Amber had instigated our little walk on the wild side), so if they had to dodge puddles of cum to do their business, it was their own damn fault.

Pete and I waited for them over by the door. As we stood, I found myself looking back at the bar. Dev wasn't there anymore. Or rather, he was, but I didn't see him until two guys who'd been ordering stepped away. He was talking to another man now, a big blond with shoulders that belonged on a football field. As I watched, Dev looked up and saw me, then he glanced back at his companion and pulled him in for a long, deep kiss. I felt nauseous and looked quickly away.

There was a tap on my shoulder. "You ready, dude?" Pete pointed to the two women standing in front of us.

"God, yes," I murmured, "let's get the hell out of here."

I was right about the ride home - the three of them teased me unmercifully. I took it for a while, but dammit, it pissed me off and finally I let it show. I guess I went a little crazy because Tess, who had been going to my place, ended up flouncing indignantly out of the car to follow Amber into her apartment. I thought about going after her to apologize, but by that time I was no happier with her than she was with me.

I took Pete back to his parents in near silence. He wasn't angry, but I could see he was puzzled about why I'd reacted so violently. When we pulled into his folks' driveway he turned to me.

"Are you okay, dude?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little on edge with everything that's going on right now."

He grinned. That he could understand. "I hear ya, bud. But don't worry, Tess understands. Just call her tomorrow and sweet-talk her some. She knows you're nervous. It's not everyday a guy gets married. And you, my friend," he punched me lightly to make the point, "take the long walk in just three short days."

I groaned. "Don't remind me."

"Ah," he punched me again. "It's going to be fine, Max. Tess is a great girl, and it doesn't hurt that she's gorgeous too."

I looked at him, surprised. "I always thought you didn't like her?"

"When did I ever say that?"

"Gee let me think, like um, everyday for the last eight years."

Pete laughed. "Hell. Okay, maybe in high school I said that. But that was just jealousy."

"You were jealous?" This was news to me.

"You didn't figure that out? Shit, of course I was jealous. My best bud gets the prettiest, nicest girl in the whole fucking school. If I didn't like you so much I'd have hated your guts."

I had no idea how to respond to this, so I just stared at him. He laughed again and punched me on the shoulder.

"Don't get all pissy about it, dude. I got over it," he sighed like a soap opera actress, "But I swear to you, if it'd been me that had gone to that pool party at Robin Cline's, I might be getting married this weekend and not you." I couldn't tell if he was serious or not until he grinned and clipped me again. "Gotcha."

I grinned back. "Well there's always, Amber," I offered.

"Jesus, and have you for family?" Pete shuddered. "Think I'll pass."

"Asshole."

Pete grinned, then a yawn hit him in mid-smile. "Shit, I'm beat. I'll see ya tomorrow. We still on for the morning?"

We'd made plans earlier to go pick up our tuxes and then lunch. "You bet."

I watched as he walked to the side door and let himself in holding it and gently easing it closed so it wouldn't slam and wake up his parents. For a minute I was back in high school - this was such a familiar scene. But things were different now; we were all grown up. God, sometimes I really wished that weren't true.

I got back to my place about 20 minutes later. I didn't bother with a light as I walked into the dark room. Big mistake. I tripped over a packing box some fool - namely me - left in the middle of the living room.

"Shit!" I picked myself off the floor and stumbled back over to the light switch.

I looked around. The place was a mess. I didn't know how I was going to get everything done before the movers came on Friday. Tess and I had agreed that neither of our two places was big enough for the other to move into, which was probably why we weren't already living together. We'd found a condo in a new development kind of close to where we both worked, and Daddy Ron had generously put the down on it as a wedding present. (He was an asshole, just not a cheap one.) It was a nice place, but I was going to miss my old apartment even though it was your basic three-room box. There were a lot of memories here though - maybe too many. It was probably best to be moving on.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer, then made my way back into the living room and plunked myself down on the couch. The phone was on the end table. Pete was right; I was going to have to call Tess tomorrow and beg her forgiveness. I probably should do it tonight, but in the mood I was in I'd probably say something wrong and make things worse.

I scrubbed my face with my hands. They smelled like cheap scotch and expensive men's cologne. Hugo. I wondered where that had come from. Then I remembered: Dev. He'd grabbed my arm when I'd stumbled and spilled my drink. I moved my arm closer to my face and breathed in the sweet aroma.

"You're back," a voice spoke softly from the bedroom door and I jumped and lowered my hands like I'd been doing something wrong.

"Jesus Christ!" I almost yelled. "How did you get in here?"

Devlin Neeley walked into the room and casually sat down beside me. "You should really get better locks."

"That's breaking and entering."

He shrugged. "I didn't break a thing, only entered."

"Fuck, why would you come here? What if I'd brought Tess back with me?"

"Relax, I watched you pull into the parking lot. If you'd brought your fiancée home I'd been gone long before you ever got here." Dev reached to take one of my hands in his.

I snatched it away before he could. "I want you to leave."

He laughed softly. "No, you don't." He didn't wait for an answer, just slipped off the couch onto his knees. With a jerk he tugged at my belt and unsnapped my pants.

I wanted to push him away, to tell him to go home and forget he ever knew my face. I just sat there and watched as he unzipped my fly and slid his hand in. When he touched me, I arched my hips and moaned like a low rent whore.

"You don't want me to leave, do you, Max?" He asked as he stroked my rapidly filling rod. "You pretend you do, but we both know how much of liar you really are."

He grabbed my arm with his free hand and jerked me forward and for the first time I got a look at his eyes - his very angry eyes. "I don't know your name," he viciously mimicked my earlier words. His hand slid down and off my cock until he cupped my balls and squeezed them lightly. I moaned again.

"What was I supposed to say?" I gasped. " 'Hey, folks, this is Devlin. He's been fucking me for about eight months now.'"

"It would have been a start. Hell, at least it would have been honest. You even remember what it feels like to be honest?" Dev squeezed me a little harder and I yelped. He relaxed his hand a little, but not enough as far as I was concerned.

"Let go, goddamn it. That fuckin' hurts!" I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him hard.

Dev lay sprawled at my feet, his eyes still glittery with anger. "What the hell were you thinking anyway? Bringing the little woman and your friends down to the club like that?"

"I swear to you, it was not my idea!" I muttered, fighting the urge to apologize even though I was telling him the truth.

Abruptly he stood. "Why do I even bother?" He started to pace and as he walked he ran his fingers through his hair, a trick of his I'd often noticed whenever he was upset. "You're not worth it, you know that?" He wheeled suddenly and looked at me.

I had to lower my eyes. The minute I'd seen him at the club, I'd known the evening was going to be a disaster. I was committed to Tess, but that didn't mean I'd ever wanted to hurt Devlin. God, that was the last thing I wanted.

"There are plenty of guys who are interested in me," Dev was talking to himself not me. I wasn't sure he even remembered I was in the room. "I don't need this shit. I'm young, good looking, I can have my pick."

"I know." I nodded miserably.

And I did; he was gorgeous. Black Irish with curly hair and big blue eyes framed by a strong jaw. The rest of him lived up to his face: six feet tall with broad shoulders and a chest that tapered nicely into a trim waist and an ass to die for. I'd noticed that as soon as I saw him, that first night, the night I'd finally broken down and gone into The Station.

Just like tonight, I hadn't wanted to go. I'd promised myself I wasn't going to go. And I managed to stay away for almost a year after I got out of college. I wasn't a virgin, not by a long shot, but I'd always told myself that my interest in men was just curiosity, something I could try and then give up - move on.

I'd been with Tess off and on since tenth grade and I really believed I could be happy with just her. I was too, mostly. But then she'd had this course she needed for her job and she was gone for six weeks. SIX WEEKS! I thought I'd go nuts I was so lonely and, well let's face it - horny.

Hell, I tried to be good. And when that didn't work, I convinced myself that maybe I should just pick up another girl for the night. After all, considering what I was really thinking about, that was hardly even cheating. But it didn't work. I went to the local fern bar and I scoped out the female talent, and it was tempting, but it wasn't what I wanted - what I needed. I don't even remember making a conscious decision. I just got into my car and drove until I found myself in front of The Station.

I couldn't believe it when Devlin smiled at me and a few minutes later sent over a drink. He asked me to dance then and we did for about half the night. When we were both covered with sweat, he'd taken me home and he'd shown me that all the denial in the world didn't make the facts any different. I loved sex with a man and from that night on, the man I'd wanted that sex from had been Dev.

Even more amazing was that he wanted me back. But that was also the problem. Before, I'd always kept things with my male partners distant - an imaginary wall between us, with no gate to tempt either of us. After all, I knew what was right and it wasn't planning a life together with some guy. Women were for relationships; men were for getting your rocks off. With Dev it was different. Oh, not at first maybe. At first it had been just like all the others. We'd meet, fuck, and move on. But after a while we started to spend more time together, before and after the sex.