Sex Education Ch. 05

When I'm through Crystal clears our plates.

Sam looks at me.

"Mac, what's going on?"

I start to get defensive.

"I'm an adult, Sam. I can see women. I can date."

"Mac, that was not dating. That was a fucking orgy."

"So?"

"So, that's not you."

"Oh, and who am I?"

Sam looks at me and I see a tear in the corner of her eye.

"You, Mac, are one of the best men I know. You respect everyone. You care for people. You're nice. You're respectable. You do not go getting involved in a sex romp with a bunch of trampy married women."

"Uh, Shelly's not married," I offer.

Sam glares at me. "BFD!"

"Yeah, well maybe I changed."

Sam stares at me as if she's looking at a stranger.

"A person can't change that much, that fast. I find it hard to believe."

Crystal has returned and sits on the arm of Sam's chair. She puts her hand on Sam's shoulder, comforting her lover.

"Mac, what are you trying to erase?" asks Crystal.

I snap, "I'm not trying to erase anything. I just wanted to have some fun. Some sex. Yeah, I wanted to get fucked. Is that all right with the two of you? As if you don't do freaky stuff. Christ, two lesbians trying to tell me what is right about sex."

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. I want to pull them back, but they are gone. I see the hurt in Sam's face.

"Sam, I didn't mean..."

"Fuck you Mac." She stood but Crystal pulls her back.

"We are not leaving on that note," she says firmly. "You, two, love each other. I am not going to let some words spoken in haste and in the heat of the moment come between you."

"Mac, did you mean what you said?" Crystal asks.

I felt my own tears brimming.

"God, no. I love you, Sam. I am happy you have Crystal. I really like you, too, Crystal. The two of you are perfect together. I always wanted only what you want for yourself, Sam. I don't care if you're gay. I love you. Please forgive me."

Sam rushes to my arms. I hold her and we both cry.

After we settle down, Sam turns her face to me.

"You're still an asshole."

"Probably always will be," I answer.

Crystal goes to get us more coffee.

I snuggle Sam in my arms. She and my aunt are my family. Sam is by far my best friend. I can't believe I almost destroyed all that.

Crystal returns and sits next to me. I wrap my arm around her and the three of us sit snuggling on the couch.

"I was trying to erase all thoughts of Mim. I figured by giving into the carnal pleasures I knew Jennifer would bring, I could wipe my mind free from Mim."

"You love her that much," asks Sam.

I nod.

"What are you doing about it?"

I remain silent.

Crystal takes my hand. Her skin is rough from all her work at the coffee shop, but her touch is gentle.

"Mac, I don't know all that much about relationships. I do know, though, that bottling up a feeling only builds pressure, it doesn't relieve it."

"Yeah, I think I get that now," I say.

I ask the time and Sam says it's just past midnight.

"I need to sleep," I say.

Crystal kisses me softly and Sam helps me upstairs to the spare bedroom which has clean sheets.

They each lean in to kiss me goodnight.

Crystal says softly, "Mac, Sam and I talked. If you ever get like this again, call us. We can take care of you."

I crawl under the covers with my clothes still on and fall into darkness. Erotic images of a naked Sam and Crystal won't leave my mind.

The next day I wake early. It's a Saturday, and I decide not to go into the garage. Charlie can handle the light load we have. I call him and tell him to let me know if he needs a hand. He assures me he can manage.

I take a long shower and then wash the bed linens from yesterday. My shame grows as I stuff the stinking sheets into the washer.

"God," I think. "A fucking golden shower! What a jerk I am."

I also clean my bedroom from top to bottom, trying to exorcize the demons from last night.

Later I look out and see that Shelly's car is gone. Thankfully, they did not knock when they were here.

It is not until early afternoon that I check my cell phone. I see the multiple missed calls from Sam from yesterday. There is a new one.

I play a message from Dede. She has finished the painting and invites me out to see it and have dinner before she ships it to her client.

I call her back and we set a time for this evening.

I arrive at Dede's just as the sun is setting. Spring has arrived and the days are longer and full of the fragrance of the annual renewal.

Dede greets me with a warm hug and kiss. I think of the night we shared her bed. I inwardly shudder as I contrast the beauty of our lovemaking with what I experienced with Jennifer, Caroline and Shelly.

She leads me through the house and to her studio.

The painting is stretched, mounted and framed. The size is overwhelming by itself.

I stand and admire the artistry. Dede has captured the violence of the sea, the wantonness of the Sirens and the torn desire of Odysseus. I think she may have enhanced certain parts to make him look more sexy and I mention it to Dede.

"Not really, Mac. You looked like that."

She slips her hand into mine.

"And, I did get to determine that it worked as good as it looked."

I turn to kiss her. We embrace, kissing softly.

"Thank you for that, Dede. You are amazing. I will never forget our night."

"Me, neither," she says softly in my ear. "Probably not going to happen again?"

I kiss her again.

"Yeah, probably not. But, god, it was spectacular."

"Sure was, Mac."

"I heard from Mim," Dede says as she holds my hand.

"Oh?"

"James died last week. She said it was peaceful. Mim believes he is in a better place, probably one that is without confusion."

I can find no words.

"She said she is exhausted. She told me she won't be coming back, not for a while anyway. Asking that I not try to get in touch with her, she said she is going off on her own to try to sort things out."

"Did she...?"

"Did she ask about you?"

I nod.

"She asked me to tell you that the thoughts of the good times she had with you help her to get through the dark times."

My stomach clinches. I realize I am squeezing Dede's hand.

I relax my grip.

"Sorry. Hope I didn't hurt you."

Dede looks up and kisses me gently.

"Max, you never hurt me. You are a good guy. Given different time and circumstances, I think I would be wanting to give us a chance."

I kiss her back. Our bodies meld together. I feel her small breasts pushing against my chest. My hands softly cup her ass.

"I think that would be a hell of a risk, but I also think that maybe we could have made a run for it. But, right now..."

Dede hugs me. We step apart.

"I know, Mac, I know. Not a good time for either of us."

"What should I do?"

Dede looks at me. "Mac, I can't say. If you want to go to Mim, that has to be your choice. She did not indicate she wanted you, or anyone to go to her. I honestly don't know where she is. I tried calling after we spoke, but her cell doesn't work. She's dropped out of sight."

I nod and a dim memory starts worming its way forward.

Dede kisses me again and says she's going to start packing and crating the painting.

"Can you get the roll of bubble wrap? It's in the garage, on the shelf in the back."

I go out to look for the roll of bubble wrap.

As soon as I open the door, I see the British Racing Green Jaguar. I look at the lines of the machine. I recall the first time I saw Mim climbing out of the car. I thought that each were the embodiment of sexuality and sensuality. My mind time travels to Mim and me at the inn in Marblehead. I recall the lines of her body standing naked in front of the fire in our room.

I'm holding the packing material that will enable Dede to ship her painting to its new owner. An idea springs to my mind. My heart races and my spirits rise.

I now know what I am going to do.

(The final chapter of this part of our story is soon to come.)