tagLetters & TranscriptsSex on the Roof

Sex on the Roof


December 29, 2009


The Roof Bar

2654 Richmond

Dallas, Texas 75205

Re: Your Advertisement in the Dallas Digest Magazine

To Whom It May Concern:

I am currently writing from the county jail to lodge my formal complaint regarding your advertisement in the most recent edition of Dallas Digest Magazine. The ad I am referring to is the one titled "The Rock is Back at The Roof Bar in Midtown." This is the ad where you indicate that Thursdays feature "Sex on the Roof."

In retrospect, I now realize that you did follow the above caption with the words: "Live Original Music, NO COVER." Meaning that a band named Sex on the Roof was playing at your establishment rather than the ad being an offer of a fairly rambunctious evening at your bar.

Well blame it on the lighting in your bar or perhaps on the six martini sours I drank before really reading your ad, but there was a terrible misunderstanding, a misunderstanding I believe you had a large part in.

First of all, your bar is built on the rooftop of one of the tallest buildings in the city, with windows overlooking the entire Dallas skyline. Access to the bar is from the roof of the building where various twists and turns in the walkway from the elevator alcove provide some readily accessible and fascinating spots for all sorts of social activity.

Secondly, the highly reflective exterior surface of your windows, especially with the lighted billboards nearby, do not allow someone on the rooftop to actually see into the bar, giving the illusion that those inside the bar cannot see out. I now understand that those inside the bar can easily see through the glass.

I think if you consider the facts above, the events of last Thursday night, Christmas Eve, are completely understandable and explainable. If you don't recall the events, I would remind you of the couple that was escorted off by police and charged with indecent exposure and public lewd acts allegedly perpetrated on the rooftop outside your bar. In full view of your bar and all your patrons, if you will.

To further explain, I was there at your bar on Christmas Eve with my girlfriend, who will remain nameless for the time being. We stopped in about nine pm and by ten thirty pm we both were feeling pretty good. Things were going nicely, we enjoyed the drinks and the atmosphere, but when I felt my girlfriends stockinged foot slide up my inseam, I knew she was hot and bothered (ready for sex).

Anyway, she is a rambunctious type, ready for sex almost anywhere. She loves sex in my car and I considered taking the long elevator ride down to the car, but then noticed the ad in the Dallas Digest I had leafed through during the evening. We saw the caption "Sex on the Roof" and thought, well we thought that sex on the roof was one of the features you offered at the bar.

So I paid the tab, giving the waitress a very generous tip by the way, and then we slipped out though your door onto the roof top. After a short walk under your awning, we stepped off the main walkway and walked around to the side of your bar. We immediately saw all the windows there, but, as I mentioned before, the reflected light from the nearby billboards kept us from seeing through the glass. Quite naturally was assumed we couldn't be seen from the inside.

Like a gentleman, I placed my jacket down on the roof top and then quite romantically began undressing my girlfriend while kissing her. Well our kissing grew more passionate and, well by the time we finished we were basically tearing our clothes off. I then helped my girlfriend as she reclined on top of my coat and I kneeled down between her legs.

Now I freely admit I love cunnilingus and yes, I moved my head between her legs and pushed my tongue into her wet pussy. I continued probing her with my tongue, tasting her for a few moments, then I moved up to her clit. I caressed her clit with my tongue and, well you and everyone at the bar apparently saw the results, she came.

Proud of myself, I immediately slid forward and with her help, worked my cock into her. I thrust deep inside her, well as deeply as I could, and yes I am well aware that my lack of endowment did amaze many of your patrons. On my behalf, I must explain that my girlfriend came once again, while I worked my little cock in and out of her pussy.

Of course you saw my spectacular orgasm as the police grabbed me and pulled me off my girlfriend just as I came. Please understand, it was only because of the way the police were holding me that I happened to come on your windows. As I mentioned that night before the police carted me off, I would be happy to pay for cleaning my cum off the glass.

Of course the sad fact of the matter is that I am now incarcerated due to the slight misunderstanding regarding your advertisement. As I'm sure you will agree you have some culpability in my current situation, I think it would be only fitting that you post the necessary bail to get me out of jail and then provide for all my legal expenses in defending myself from all charges.

Please forward the bail and your correspondence confirming your agreement to:

Heath R. Kelterman

Dallas County Jail

2465 Doberman Trace

Dallas, Texas 75205.

I would appreciate your earliest response.


Heath R. Kelterman

Inmate number; 4425689

Dallas County Jail


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