Shade's Destiny Ch. 05

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"Where are we going Shade?"

"Tessa's." No further explanation ... okay! Another one whose eyes devoured me last night. I made sure to stay clear of her!! She was one of the few (male or female) who really did make me feel naked and vulnerable. I kept that to myself. Even in rush hour traffic the trip didn't take that long. Hand-in-hand we walked to the front door. Tessa beamed when she saw us. If she was surprised by my clothes she did a bang up job of hiding it! Her greeting was warm as ever for Shade. She tried to hug me. No fucking way! I leaned as far away as I could and turned my face away from her kiss. I knew there would be questions on the way home.

Blondie led me to the chair. Apparently she knew why I was here. She had some sort of instrument in her hand as she went to the four letters in my left ear. They were removed one by one and were replaced by two others. But these didn't have the locking device just simple studs underneath. The whole thing didn't take but a couple of minutes. Blondie's eyes danced as she looked at me. Oh go fuck yourself!! I smiled as she held the mirror. An S and a D? I was confused. I turned to look at Shade. She smiled through tears. Blondie reached for my hand to help me from the chair and led me to Shade. She kissed me. I felt the collar being undone. Totally confused, I kept my eyes on Shade. She smiled. I felt a new collar slip around my throat; it was fastened. Shade held a mirror so I could see. 'Shade's Destiny.' The entire staff was clapping and screaming. I was ... paralyzed. Beyond stunned. I could feel my heart pound. I saw her eyes. They were love. Shade's Destiny! There were so many ways to parse the words. My super computer zipped through them. Were we really? How unlikely, how impossible, how perfect, and how beautiful.

Blondie led me back to the chair. She had tears in her eyes. She and Red apparently were tasked to do my nails. I closed my eyes. Shade's Destiny. I was so angry about Stacy; so happy about yesterday and last night. Some of it spoke to more than our names. There was more beneath it all. Destiny? Were we fated to be together? Too much too soon. Not even my supercomputer could process it all, especially when adding in the wild card of ... love!! No computer known could factor in all the complexities of that emotion. It spread through me like the heat from a spend ... that deep from the core, oh my god thank you lord glow. The heat that found its way to the furthest extremities. The heat that stayed with me long after the pleasure of the orgasm faded.

The fabulous Foreigner song 'I Want To Know What Love Is' floated by. A thought flitted past. Was this love like it was with him? Oh my god. I tried to put that train smash out of my head. I needed to keep my wits about me. If I had any left. Even now, so long after, I remember how completely scattered I felt. It was rather scary!

We were in the car on the way home. I looked at my nails. Clear coat? I just shook my head. I had a pretty funny thought. I wanted to get to the condo and get naked!! Talk about your new normal!! What had been humiliating had, as Kim said, become so familiar. I really did have that thought! It's easy for me to smile at it as I type. In the moment I craved what was known. Does anyone understand? Anyone???

I was so into my own head I had no idea where we were or recognition that Shade had pulled into a parking space in a little strip mall. "I'll be right back." Gone and back quickly. Food! Yum. We hadn't eaten much of our lunch and I was reminded how hungry how I was. I held the bag; carried it on the elevator and into the condo. I set it on the kitchen counter and headed to the bedroom. I took off the fabulous blouse and skirt and kicked off the shoes. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my reflection. New collar, new nails (hands and feet) and more. I debated. Who am I?

I took off my bra. The girls let me know that, while it felt odd bring cooped up, they liked it. I held one in each hand. Pretty good for my age. I giggled; just thinking about them brought my nipples to life. I rubbed my thumb over each one. A little reward. I took off my panties. Here I am, Destiny in thigh highs. Those I most definitely liked!! So that's how I was dressed when I went out for dinner. Shade turned in her chair and laughed.

I bent to give her a kiss. "This is your fault ya know. I got so accustomed to being naked here that it feels rather odd having clothes on. So this is sort of a nice half measure." She ran her hand up the inside of my thigh ... all the way up. "Uh uh, no dessert before dinner!" I sat down and began to eat. Store bought isn't the same as Kim's but I was so hungry I didn't care.

I could feel Shade's foot on my leg. I smiled and snuck a glance at her. Nothing; I kept eating. The food was good; I was hungry. She snaked her way up my leg. I knew what the game was. Or thought I did.

"I don't want you to see Stacy again." It was like getting slapped in the face. I got up from the table and stormed to the bedroom, locking the door behind me. I was so angry I was shaking. I had stewed all afternoon about what Stacy had told me. I wanted to at least finish dinner before getting into this. I put on Shade's robe and paced back and forth in a fury. I wanted to shake some sense into her. Saying that was treating me as property. I wasn't willing to be with her on that basis. Not going forward anyway. That's why the question kept coming back. Lovers or not; I will, would, walk away from the whole thing if she insisted on doing stupid stuff like what she'd just said.

Inspiration! I found the black bag in the closet, saw what I was looking for and slipped it in the pocket of the robe. "Open the door please." Oh you bet! Shade stood, arms folded. I dragged her into the room and to the bed.

"Take off your clothes!" She stared. "Take off your clothes! I mean it. Tonight you're going to be the one naked and I'm going to be in this robe. Take off your clothes! Now!" My voice rose with each of those last words to a full scream. Anger radiated from her eyes. Fine. I walked to her and ripped the blouse off, buttons flying everywhere. She lifted her hand to slap me. I grabbed it. "You can't win. I'm bigger and stronger. I really don't want this to get ugly Shade. Please take off the rest of your things! Or I will."

"Why are you insisting I take off my clothes Destiny?" God I don't want to do this. I know we have to go through the fire together or this will end. I have no idea where I'm going but I think this is the way we have to do it.

"We need to talk Shade. You need to get naked. The clothes are symbolic. You need to make yourself vulnerable and talk with me." I hope I'm saying this right. "Do you love me?" It was a shaky smile but she nodded and smiled. "Then go on faith, trust that I love you too, and let's try this ... together." She sat for the longest time; I waited. She unhooked her bra and let it fall to the floor. The skirt came next, then the panties. Only her thigh highs remained.

"Where do you want to start Destiny?"

I shook my head. "All of it." I knew why; I had mine on. This was about her. I waited. She sighed, shook her head, and rolled the thigh highs from each leg. I came to her, kissed her, took her hand, and we walked to the dining room table.

"We need to clear the table before starting. No food fights." She smiled. We cleared the table and set everything on the kitchen counter. I held a chair; she sat. I sat across from her.

"First, before anything else, I love you. Stacy told me what's been going on Shade. It's not right. You can't win my heart by beating her down. You should know me better than that. But I know that this is about you. You told me some of it that night." She nodded. "I'm putting cards on the table here. I will walk away. You will lose me. I don't want to, it will hurt me very badly but I will. We have ... no, if this is a relationship it has to be an equal one. Shade and Destiny. Partners, equals, friends, lovers. Why do you demean her the way you do? Tell me."

"I don't know."

"Oh bullshit. You do. Now get in there, deep inside, and drag this out. We'll drag it out kicking and screaming if we have to." She smiled. I admit; the words popped into my mind. You're welcome honey. Angel? Oh my gosh! "Come on Shade. We've got some hard work to do tonight. But I'm worth it."

She started to cry. The words began as a slow trickle; so did the tears. Here's the deal. A lot of what was said that night was of a very intense, very, very personal nature and I'm just not going to embarrass Shade by repeating it. What I will share is what I already asked about: Stacy. As I suspected it came down to this: Shade was afraid of losing me. She knew Stacy and I had been seeing each other, suspected it might blossom into love if it continued, and basically tried to drive a wedge between us by treating Stacy like she had. I was angry but it was, in a way, already water under the bridge. That's all the detail I'm prepared to give. That was not, however, all there was!!

Shade continued. Some of it was me questioning, some of it was prodding. I sensed we had gotten deep when she shut down, completely refused to go any further, wouldn't talk about what else was going on. Was I making a mistake? I'm not a shrink, don't want to be. I'm her lover. I had one hole card; she'd told me she'd been in therapy and hadn't allowed the psychologist to get too deep. I wasn't surprised. She sat still. Wouldn't talk, shook her head, wouldn't respond to questions. Absolutely shut down! What I did next was risky. I needed to force the issue ... or thought I did. I got up, came to her side of the table, kissed her, and went behind her. As quickly as I could I grabbed a wrist, clicked on the cuff, pulled it behind her, grabbed the other wrist, and clicked it shut.

She went absolutely crazy! Screamed at me, called me every name in the book and some others I'd never heard ... in her language and ours. Crying, yelling, threatening ... I kept my eyes on hers and sat quietly with my hands folded on the table. At one point the intercom buzzed. I told Wally, on the front door, that we were fine. We were having a very intense conversation. I apologized for the noise but assured him everything was fine. We'll see if that worked. I did lock and latch the door with the chain.

I went back to my chair. The screaming continued. I got up, filled a glass with water and ice and brought it to her. She spat in my face. I wiped my face on the sleeve of her robe. It was disgusting but I should have known. "Please take a few sips. You're starting to get hoarse from the screaming." Her eyes were filled with hate. I took the glass to my chair and waited. The crying started again. I waited. It broke my heart to hear such pain from someone I love so dearly. I prayed she was getting close to breaking through ... to that place she'd never allowed herself to go before. I sat. My palms bled from my nails digging into them. I could not cry with her. I was dying inside, in agony for the woman I love.

Yes, I thought of the irony that night. Shade had seen something in me – or so she said. Whatever. I embrace the fact that I'm a lesbian. I'm happy to be in love with a woman, this woman. Completely at peace with who I am. Did I like all of it along the way? God no. Shade or no Shade I am a lesbian. I'm very grateful to Shade. She has my heart for very different reasons. She's a good person, a fabulous sister, a generous boss, a hard worker. There's more ... but those are some of the qualities that I'm attracted to. Back to Shade.

To say 'I won' or 'Shade lost' would be obscene! That was hardly the goal. What she did that night was finally begin to let the real her come to the surface. I have to choose my words carefully. Shade had built a wall around her heart. She did what she did so those around her wouldn't see who she was. She said it one night; I'd suspected. She opened up. She healed the wounds by tearing herself apart. She scraped herself raw in order to give birth to an authentic Shade. It was an emotional, horrible, wonderful night. I cried with her. She asked me for some water. I smiled; she drank and thanked me. I kissed her and undid the handcuffs. She slapped me, then cried, threw her arms around me and thanked me. We cried some more.

Shade asked me to make love with her that night. We did; I did what she asked. We're really very good together. I'd never seen her ... It was a beautiful night. Tender, sweet, raw, hard, fabulous, and beautiful.

We showered after waking up Friday morning. Shade brought me an outfit to wear. I'm not even going to bother to describe it. Each piece of it was my clothing from, um, before. I looked at it and thought 'boring.' We would have to talk about this. Maybe tonight. During breakfast Shade told me she had a vacation planned for the three of us ... we'd be leaving on Tuesday the 20th and returning on Monday the 26th. I asked where we were going. She kissed me and said it was a surprise. Fabulous! She also let me know there was a party planned for Monday the 12th after work. I could only laugh when she told me it was going to be at Daisy's. Again, no other details. I insisted Shade drive me to work; I had my own surprise.

I closed and locked her office door. I looked my heart in her eyes and softly told her to give me all the discs that had Stacy's name on them. She began to argue; I raised a hand. My eyes were hard; they made it clear this was a deal breaker, last night aside. I never raised my voice, my eyes never left hers. Years passed in the seconds that followed. Shade turned, unlocked the cabinet, searched and found four discs. She brought them to me.

"Thank you Shade. That can't be very easy for you but neither was last night." I kissed her and put my hand on her cheek. "No one will ever hear what was said. No one." She teared up and nodded. "Now go make some money to pay for this trip to god knows where."

Kelly looked at me with questioning eyes when I came out of Shade's office. I winked.

"You and I are the only two here today right?

She shook her head. "No, Stacy's here too." I was a little surprised. Stacy had told me the other day she was taking today off. I would ask when we talked. I headed to my office and the day ahead. I had a bunch of stuff to do. October needed to be closed out, bills needed to be paid. Commissions would be calculated and checks cut for Shade's signature. Boring, mundane and essential! Those who didn't have direct deposit would be in to get paid. An interesting 'test.' I called Shade when I finished commissions and checks. She thanked me and gave me an approximate ETA. Good – if anyone called I could relay the information!

I was excited about giving Stacy the DVDs. She needed to know she was free. I didn't mean to imply that she and Matt should stay, though I would have preferred it. Maybe it was just time. I don't know. It's their marriage, their family, his work. I hadn't even asked if they knew where they might be going. Too much other stuff was shared that day to get involved in detail. I want my friend, my gorgeous woman and her beautiful eyes, to be happy. And free.

Kelly knew the drill. She asked what I wanted for lunch as she handed me the menu from the sandwich shop. I gave her my order and asked about the party. "Gosh Destiny, the whole day was something else. Seeing you literally transformed into Wonder Woman was so amazing; so hot. The party was fabulous. Thank you for spending time with my Kelly and me." I smiled. If your jaw dropped imagine mine the first time I found out that they both had the same name. There are so many variations of the spelling that I just giggled. Kelly? You already know about my girl crush. Her Kelly? Well, he's pretty okay for a dude. Just remember my eyes are up here!!

I asked Kelly why she didn't phone in the order and have it delivered. "It's a really nice day today and I kind of want to take a walk. It's November already and it won't be this nice too much longer." True that girl! She said that while putting her light coat on.

I grabbed my purse, took the surprise from it, hustled to Stacy's office and said, "Close your eyes lover." She did. I took her hand and put the plastic in it. "Open them." She did; her eyes got so wide I can't even describe. Stacy looked at me; I was smiling ear to ear. "That's all of them honey."

I think it took a minute or so to comprehend what was in her hands and to believe it. Then the tears started. I put my arms around my friend and held her while she sobbed on my shoulder. I was happy; I cried too. I would miss her. "Stacy." She looked at me. "I don't know when but I would like very much to have one more time together." She kissed me. Oh my god I was going to miss this woman. Could a pendulum swing any farther than the emotions I felt toward her? Kelly would be back with lunch for the three of us; that's about the only thing that kept us from what we expressed with that kiss. I held her close to me even after the kiss ended.

"How on earth did you get her to give you these, Destiny?"

I smiled. "Don't be concerned about that Stacy. I want you to know you don't have anything hanging over your head. You and Matt make whatever decisions you're making free of worry about anything but your future. By the way, didn't you tell me you were taking the day off?"

She nodded and said, "Matt got that partnership offer I talked about. He's still in New Jersey working out final details. I told you I grew up in Morristown didn't I?"

"New Jersey huh."

She kissed me, "Matt starts Monday the twelfth. I'll stay with the kids until the house is sold. My parents will look for a house or condo to rent until we get settled." I nodded. She was so excited; I could hear it in her voice. "It'll be nice to be near my folks again. And Matt won't have to kill himself driving every day."

"What about you? Will you look for a job right away?"

"We haven't decided yet. Probably not; at least right away. I can look for houses with my Mom." She stopped, looked at me and said, "I don't know how you did it but I can never thank you enough Destiny."

"I have to tell you this Stacy. Shade really didn't put up much of a fight about it. You need to know that. That's all I can say ... but in fairness, I wanted to be sure and say it. Now hurry and hide those things before Kelly gets back." She smiled, kissed me, and floated to her desk.

A few minutes later Kelly bopped in, cords dangling from her ears, humming a song. She put the bag on my desk. I motioned to her to close the door. Puzzled, she did. I got up, came around and kissed her. She was a little shocked; her stiffness told me so. But she snaked her arms around my neck once she warmed up. Remember my girl crush admission? Uh huh! And remember how I mentioned I saw nothing yet saw everything? Uh huh!! She could barely sit still the whole four hours. And the party that night? Her husband wasn't the only one in that couple who ate me up with his eyes. That was why I wanted to kiss her! Well, there was one more reason.

"My god Destiny, that was some kiss! What's up with that?"

"A bunch of things kiddo. I saw you Wednesday when I was getting painted and again at the party. I've missed you. And by the way, how come you haven't asked me to, um, spend time with you." I smiled and jabbed her in the ribs.

Kelly looked at me with surprise in her eyes and on her face. What? "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Shade put the word out to everybody that you were off limits. Did you tell her about Lisa?" Oh my god! Shade?

"No, absolutely not, but Shade did know. I actually wondered if one of you two didn't say something."

"Oh my god Destiny, no way, not me, not ever." If you'd seen the look on her face you'd know she wasn't lying.