Shades of Gray

The roars of the terrible beasts carried above the high pitch of the wind, which shook the shutters over the window. Rain hit and dripped down the slats to pool on the dark wood of the sill. In the dim light of the lantern, Selene thought the liquid looked very much like thinned blood. Her reasoning being, of course, that the death of her personal bodyguard, Brennan, was too fresh on her mind.

Brennan had been a strong, loyal man- a natural swordsman and trusted companion. Selene might have thought of him as an older brother, or at least a dear uncle, if his appointment as her guard had not been a constant cause for conflict between them.

Selene pulled Brennan's cloak more tightly around her shoulders, shivering involuntarily as another whine rattled the shutters.

When would the beasts leave?

Outside the inn, at the wall surrounding this secluded town, the inhabitants fought to repel the beasts, which had followed Selene's expedition from the wilds. By sheer luck, they had lost only Brennan to the beasts, though others had perished earlier from other perils along the two-month trek.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs made her turn from the window. There was a light knock on her door before it opened and Veridias entered. She knew he carried news by the serious look in his gray eyes. She'd noted, after first meeting him, that his angular elvish features rarely changed expression. His body language was usually subtle, leaving his voice and eyes alone to convey his feelings.

"Where is Madris?" she asked, speaking of the group's leader. She expected he would be along shortly with a report of his own.

"He still meets with the magistrate, my lady. Our arrival has caused quite a stir, as you can well imagine."

Selene nodded, sneaking another peek out the window. The shouts of the men at the wall were nearly as loud as the beasts now.

"My lady," Veridias said, drawing her attention back to him, "to appease the magistrate's anger, Madris has had to meet some conditions." Selene noted a flicker of strong emotion in his eyes that he quickly suppressed.

"What manner of conditions?" she asked evenly. She had faith in Madris to make everything right with these people. The town was small enough to benefit from some of the group's supplies, if not their coin.

"The rest of the men have been sent to the wall to help defend."

"Good. Their skills will be useful," she said quickly.

"However," he added, "the magistrate does not believe the beasts will be turned away by force alone." He hesitated, but did not look away as he said, "According to the townsfolk, these beasts are drawn to the blood of innocents. It drives them mad with hunger."

She could tell that he was trying to make a point by not looking at her too firmly, yet not looking away either.

"Innocents? Like children?"

"Virgins, my lady," Veridias corrected her. "They say that the older the innocent is, the harder it is for the beasts to resist."

"That's foolishness," Selene hastily responded. There was a noticeable squeak to her voice, hinting at her instant discomfort. "Those things took down Brennan; and I happen to know that he had two young children."

"But, my lady," Veridias quickly interjected, before she could go on, "Brennan was not their target. None of us men were." He made a passing gesture at the cloak she wore over her shoulders. "Brennan merely got in their way."

Selene felt a hardening in her chest as his meaning became clear. "You assume..." she began, sounding angry.

"No, I do not assume," he said gently. "Madris asked the others; and all spoke truthfully of their past relations."

She went silent, turning back to the window and the cries beyond. Surely, she was not the sole cause of this siege.

Almost as if he could read her thoughts, Veridias said, "There are, of course, some children here, but the beasts rarely come for them. The wall is quite formidable and the people determined. In fact, they are so determined to maintain the safety of the town, that they have appointed guardians to..."

When he did not continue after a long pause, Selene prompted him. "To what, Veridias? What do these guardians do?"

"Relieve young adults of their virtue," he responded, looking away from her for the first time since he had entered.

The hardness in her chest felt like it had gained considerable mass and weight. A similar clump was building in her stomach as well. Nausea threatened as she sought out the support of a nearby chair. "Barbaric," she uttered, gazing at the floor in front of her.

"It is a solution that has worked quite well to insure their safety, Lady Selene. They are alone out here, you realize." His words were softly spoken and certainly not as supportive of the issue as they seemed.

"So, do you mean to say that these beasts will not leave as long as I am here?"

He did not answer, leading her to believe she was correct in her reasoning.

"Madris has made an arrangement," Veridias said after a lengthy, uncertain pause. His features had hardened more than usual. He appeared to wait until she met his eyes before turning back to the doorway behind him and opening it.

Selene watched as a new figure passed into the room. It was a handsome man with modest eyes and dark hair. He stood quietly beside Veridias, shorter than the elf by only a few inches, but much broader. He immediately started to take in Selene thoughtfully.

"No," was the first thought to enter her mind and then slip from her lips. She stood, clutching even more tightly to Brennan's cloak.

"My lady," Veridias began calmly, "we have no choice in..."

"No, Veridias. Send him away. Now!"

A hint of guilt was spreading on the elf's features, though the silent man seemed oddly calm. "Selene," Veridias said, dropping any attempt at formality as he tried to convey the seriousness of their situation, "they will cast us out if you do not comply."

She stared at him and the swirl of emotion in his gaze. It seemed Veridias did not wish for this any more than she did.

"My lady," the guardian said in a tone meant to convey calm and comfort, "it is not important who I am, only that I am...familiar with the task. I promise to be gentle." Selene looked away from him as fear quickly brought tears to her eyes. She shook her head, wanting to keep up her protest, though she doubted her feelings carried much weight now. He moved slowly toward her, bringing his arms up from his sides as if to collect her in an embrace. "I can have this over quickly."

Selene stepped away from him, her eyes growing wide and the beginnings of a scream caught in her throat. He followed, but did not rush at her. He continued to use his calming tactics that failed to work on her as they might a naïve, bright-eyed youth.

Circling the room, it did not take Selene long to come within arms reach of Veridias. The elf snatched her around the waist, causing her to release the waiting scream; and did something most unexpected- he pushed her behind him then stood rigidly between her and the pursuer.

"My apologies, Guardian," he said immediately, sounding diplomatic yet firm. "I'm afraid this arrangement will not be acceptable."

The guardian's expression changed very little. It seemed he had met with similar difficulties in his work before. "I will inform the magistrate of your decision," he said uniformly and moved toward the door.

"Tell the magistrate," Veridias said, "that the lady requires more... familiarity... than you can offer."

The men exchanged a look that Selene could not interpret, but the guardian nodded as if he understood and slipped out the door, shutting it behind him.

Selene let out a sigh of relief and hugged the elf from behind. She buried her face against his long dark hair and the back of his tunic, wiping away the majority of her tears in the process. "Thank you, Veridias. I thought you were really going to let him."

"Do not thank me," he said impassively.

Selene looked up, trying to peek over his shoulder to see his expression. "Why should I not? You..."

"Got rid of him? Yes, but the dilemma still remains." He turned to face her; and her arms dropped from him at the sight of his colder-than-usual expression.

What was he getting at?

Veridias extended his right arm, taking her hand in his. Selene smiled at the gesture, wrongly believing that he was comforting her. Then he began to back up, pulling her forward. Her cheerful expression faltered as she caught sight of the bed behind him. With great urgency, she tried to pull her hand from his grasp and drag her feet at the same time.

"No! Please, no," she begged.

"I'm sorry," was his emotionless reply. "There are too many lives at stake."

Despite her attempts, they shortly reached the bed. Selene screamed as his other hand caught her at the waist to draw her against his strong, slender body. With the same grace and skill he showed in battle, Veridias flipped them onto the bed, grabbed her wrists and pinned her beneath him.

The first real sob escaped Selene's mouth as she became aware of his weight on top of her. He was supposed to be one of her protectors, appointed by the High Lord himself. How could he do this to her?

"Stop crying," Veridias said shortly, his tone a bit more sharp than it had been a few moments previous. "I have not hurt you."

She looked up at him through streaming eyes. "How can you be so heartless? I thought I could trust you."

"You can," he insisted. "There is nothing to fear from this."

"Perhaps not for you," she sobbed, struggling futilely against his superior strength. "The choice should be mine."

"And whom would you choose?"

She did not respond, continuing to fight him for a while longer before falling back against the blankets.

"Why are you so scared?" he asked, leaning close enough for his breath to hit her cheek as she turned her face away. "I have never hurt you, my lady. I would not have put myself in this position if I didn't think it a better option."

She turned back to him, the tears taking a visible toll on her features. "Better than what?" she asked. "You plan to rape me. How do your actions make this any better than what Madris and the magistrate propose?"

"There are at least a half-dozen good reasons; and if you'd make yourself calm down and think straight, you'd realize them too." The intensity of his gaze had softened, but Selene hardly noticed under the circumstances.

"You're not going to let me go, are you? No matter what I say or how hard I cry?"

"No."

Selene whimpered and closed her eyes to take in several deep breaths. Obviously, her screams had not achieved her aid from those gathered in the dining area below. It appeared that she was out of options.

"If you can keep yourself calm, I will not have to hold you down," he said, capturing her gaze long enough to convey the seriousness of his offer.

Though the clump of anxiety ached in her chest, Selene nodded her understanding. She had seen enough of his talents in battle to realize that he could catch her easily enough should she attempt to escape; and overall, she hoped to cling to any shred of dignity that she could.

He released his grip on her wrists then eased his weight to the side. He looked neither pleased nor disappointed when she failed to move away from him. Perhaps considering her lack of action to mean the bargain was struck, he reached for her skirts with his hand and pulled them up to peer underneath. "Remove all these layers," he said, indicating all the billowing material beneath the outer dress. "No, actually, remove the dress as well. Then it will not be soiled."

With a listless nod, Selene sat up then moved unsteadily from the edge of the bed to her feet. Most of her strength was gone, sapped by her tears and struggle. Her legs felt shaky beneath her and she nearly stumbled, reaching out to steady herself with the chair.

Veridias moved behind her, making just enough sound to let her know of his approach. He took her gently by the waist and touched his lips to her ear as he spoke. "I will do it." His hands moved to her throat to untie and pull away Brennan's cloak, which he let fall to the floor. Next, he went after the dress itself, working the ties with great skill and dropping it layer by layer at her feet while she shivered and tried not to start crying again. In no time, she was nude, wrapped only in her own protective arms. Veridias made no effort to turn her round, suggesting instead that she climb into bed to wait for him. Selene scampered into the bed sheets, welcoming the concealment though they lacked the warmth of previous body heat to chase away her shivers.

Veridias undressed while she settled in the bed. He currently wore neither armor nor weapon, making his task far less complicated than hers. At the first glimpses of his flesh, Selene closed her eyes, deciding to focus more on taking deep breaths.

The blankets rustled as he climbed into the bed. She held her breath, set her jaw and tightened her muscles, preparing for the first intimate touch.

"You are still afraid, I see."

"Do not criticize me," she pleaded, again on the verge of tears.

"Open your eyes."

"I do not want to." She wanted to control this situation, but knew she could not. At least this way, she did not have to watch him take her.

His hand suddenly touched Selene's stomach and she jumped, unable to control herself. She felt a wave of nausea from the sudden nervous twinge in her stomach. His body shifted towards her and she called out in a panic, "Wait! I am not ready."

Her screams did not deter him in the least. He climbed on top of her as she struggled, applying strength and body weight to his advantage in pinning her down again. His knee wedged itself between her thighs. Then he grabbed her wrists, pulled her arms above her head and held them there. "Then I suggest you get ready," he said. His tone was more neutral than angry, meaning he was distancing himself.

"You are hurting me!" Selene cried. She turned her face away and tried to roll out from under him, but his knee between her legs made that impossible.

He continued to hold her down, but his muscles slowly became less tense. He lowered his head next to hers, resting it on the bed. Selene stopped struggling. She listened to his breathing and pondered what he was thinking. She hoped he was having second thoughts. Finally, after what seemed like a very long time, she could take it no more. Turning her head toward his, she opened her eyes to look upon his features. The fear was evident in her tone as she asked meekly, "What happens now?"

His dark gray eyes, the color of storm clouds, shifted to look at her. Flecks of silver within his irises flickered in the low light of the lantern hanging from a hook in the center of the room. It was an unusual effect, looking deceptively like bright lightning flashes within the swirls of gray.

"It is not my wish to hurt you," he said, his features still emotionless. "Our companions are in danger. Can you not willingly make this sacrifice for them?"

Her heart ached to hear him put it that way. "It is not that simple," she whispered, partially disbelieving her own words due to her guilt. "I am to be married...when I reach Salden."

"I know, but we will not survive the journey out of these lands with those beasts on our trail. They are surrounding the town as we speak."

"And what shall I tell my intended, that it was my duty to sacrifice my innocence? My virtue is almost all I have to offer this man for his protection." She was an orphan of a noble family lost to plague and misfortune. The High Lord arranged this union out of pity for her. Madris was aware of her situation, but she did not know if Veridias was as well.

"That is not the real reason for your hesitation." His eyes studied her a moment before he continued. "It is the act that frightens you, but I cannot tell why."

She was very mindful of every place his body touched hers. "I am just not ready."

"I have no choice. This has to be done."

Whimpering, she turned her head away from him again. Frightened tears returned to her eyes. "Then get it over with!" she said angrily.

"Selene, please..."

"Do not talk to me anymore. Do your duty and be gone."

He took in a very deep breath, letting it out slowly as he lifted himself into a kneeling position that straddled her left leg and inadvertently cast off their blankets. Selene tried not to think of him looking over her exposed body.

After a moment of silence, he said, "We should not do this too quickly, lest I hurt you more than is necessary."

"There will be no enjoyment in this for me," she insisted with great vehemence.

"Of course there will not," he said softly. "If you do not seek pleasure, I cannot give it to you."

"Do not get sentimental. I will hate you until the end of my days." She had resigned herself to what was happening, trying to convert her fear into anger.

"If that is what you wish," was his cool reply.

He parted her legs and moved between them, getting only minimal resistance from her. He touched her with his palm, gently rubbing her pelvis. Selene gasped, holding back another whimper. He was exploring body parts that were practically a mystery to her. He continued to caress her; and she slowly found herself becoming more used to the sensations. Then, in time, his long fingers spread her nether lips to touch her warm skin underneath and apply direct pressure to her clitoris. Very quickly, the sensation became too much for Selene. Instead of pleasurable, his touch was becoming painful. With a distressed cry, she bucked her hips to the side and away from his hand.

"I'm sorry," Veridias said, leaning closer. "I did not realize you could be so sensitive."

Her eyes still clamped shut, Selene tried to scoot herself up toward the headboard so she could have room to turn on her side. She hoped by closing herself to him, she would have a chance to recover her wits, but he halted her attempt by gripping her waist and gently pulling her back.

"I said I would not enjoy it," she said, feeling a tinge of disappointment that her prediction was coming true. Selene had long ago decided that it was every girl's dream that her first time in a man's bed would be magical and perfect. Of course, magic, it seemed, was reserved for the elves. They were the only creatures left in the world that could harness its qualities.

"My purpose was to arouse you and lessen the pain when I enter you." Again his hand touched between her thighs and he slipped the end of one long finger into her wetness. "You are ready," he said softly, removing the finger.

Selene held her breath. Her features bunched up in frightened anticipation. She wanted very much to tell him again that she was not ready. She felt the tip of his penis touch the inside of her thigh as he moved forward. The hardness of it made her jump and her eyes opened. She looked at his face, surprised to find that he was watching her. "It is all right," he said automatically, but his words did nothing to comfort her. Selene's gaze shifted down past her body, catching a view of his erect member. To her it looked huge, having no prior experience to compare.

"It is all right," Veridias said again, reading the fear in her eyes.

Selene pulled her attention away to meet his gaze. Pleading at this point would be as pointless as it was previous. She had little choice, but to trust him, in light of the circumstances. She gave a weak nod and shifted her gaze to the ceiling. She prepared herself for the pain she knew would come.

Veridias used his hand to guide the head of his penis into her. Selene inhaled deeply at the gentle intrusion, but did not move as he pushed forward, stretching her inner walls. Suddenly, there was an increase of pressure inside her, followed by a shock of intense pain, which caused her to cry out. Tears formed in her eyes; and Selene could not help grabbing onto the elf.