Shades of Gray Ch. 03

The hallways were long, dark and unfamiliar. Considering the lateness of the hour, Selene would have given up and returned to her own room if it was not for the great need she felt to be close to him. Odd as it seemed, some unseen, and possibly magical force, was guiding her through the castle to the guest suites...to Veridias.

Finally she reached her destination, where she hesitated, clawing at the robe she wore and closing it over her nightdress. "What am I doing?" she whispered, staring at the dark wood of his door. She wondered if he would be sleeping. Her time with him on the journey here to Salden from Gerra had led her to believe that the elf rarely slept. Even when she glimpsed him resting, he always seemed completely aware of his surroundings and capable of instantaneous action.

She reached out a fisted hand, preparing to knock, when she again hesitated. What would she say to him when he asked why she was out of bed? Could she explain the restlessness to him, the longing, or the images that kept visiting her mind- images of their love-making beside the hot spring? Oh, how impressionable she knew she was. Surely this would all fade away once he was gone, returned to the Elven homeland.

Selene still did not knock. Her mind was undecided. Perhaps she should find her way back before some servant caught her out of bed. Tales travel quickly, she knew; and the future queen caught visiting an Elven ambassador in the middle of the night, was sure to be a topic of interest- especially for the king.

Yes. She really ought to return to her own quarters and put this foolish infatuation behind her. Surely she could get control of herself. Her need was not so great.

Or, was it?

The click and scraping of the door latch made her startle and step back. The door opened slowly, spilling lantern light into the hall and revealing Veridias's emotionless, Elven features and lengthy, black fount of hair. She noted that he wore the same fine attire he had donned for dinner. He took her in with one quick sweeping glance before tilting his head to the side giving meaning to an unvoiced question.

Selene stared at him, still deciding her course of action as her heartbeat calmed from the sudden start. "Am I intruding?" she finally managed to say, though her words were spoken at barely a whisper.

"No. I have not retired yet," was Veridias's factual reply. "I have been looking over some documents that King Jaren requested I deliver to the Sovereign."

"I see," Selene said. Her already shaky confidence was fading quickly. He was a man of importance with responsibilities. He was no longer her protector or travel companion. Now that they were in Salden, he wore the title of ambassador again, just as she would eventually be queen.

"You look troubled," the elf commented, pulling the door open a bit farther to allow him to step a little closer to her.

"Well...I..." she felt the last of her bravery leave her and her words fell quickly into babbles. "I decided to walk about a bit- to tire myself out. The castle is so big; and I am trying to get used to everything."

Something in his look made her fall silent. Feeling like she was under scrutiny, Selene pulled her gaze from his, dropping her head and clutching even more tightly to her robe. She immediately decided that coming here had been a mistake. Now she would have to conceive a plan to get away without sounding like a complete imbecile.

"I think I understand," Veridias said softly. The hint of a smile, that she thought she saw forming on his features, did not quite materialize. He backed up and bid her to enter.

Selene stepped into his suite, feeling both relieved and unnerved by the invitation. She looked around, realizing that it was much smaller and simpler than she had imagined. The suite did have a sitting room; and there were documents laid out on a nearby table- just as Veridias had said. Directly to their left was an open door with a view of the bedchamber beyond.

"Do not think critically of your intended, My Lady. I requested something smaller than the usual guest suite. All that time traveling has made me appreciative of the simpler things," Veridias said as she inspected his accommodations. He closed the door to the hallway and moved back to the table. He took another quick glance at the papers before he began to carefully gather them.

"You read my mind," Selene teased, her tone light-hearted. "As you wish, I will not make an issue of it to Jaren."

Veridias placed the papers in his leather satchel and turned his full attention on her. "King Jaren is not what I expected," the elf admitted, looking a bit humbled. "His father was much more stubborn and opinionated. I was not well received when I first visited Salden. Hence, I moved on to Gerra, offering my services to the High Lord."

Selene knew little of the history of Salden. However, she did know that Jaren had ruled the kingdom for the last five years. "How many years have you served as an ambassador?" she asked.

"Twenty-three, if I recall correctly," Veridias said. He gestured to a red, velvet-covered divan, offering her the most comfortable seat in the room, while he instead seated himself on the hard, high-backed chair beside the worktable.

Selene lowered herself onto the divan. "Twenty-three? Goodness! It seems that I have forgotten about elven longevity." She stared at him openly for just a few moments before adding, "I never did ask how old you are, Veridias. Dare I ask now?"

He shook his head slowly, watching her fidget with playfulness. "After so many months of travel, is it not a bit late to be asking that question now, Selene?"

She shrugged, keeping up the façade. "It is just a question. I was not trying to offend you."

"I am not offended by the question," he said simply then fell silent. There was something there to be interpreted, but Selene did not feel motivated to put more thought into it. The uneasiness had not completely abated within her. It toyed with her thoughts and emotions as she admired the elf's dazzling gray eyes. She had discovered before that his eyes were the key to interpreting his feelings, as well as being linked to his magic. She decided that he was also feeling uneasy.

"You have been away from home a long time," Selene observed, thinking the new topic might be a bit more fruitful in getting him to talk.

There was a flicker of emotion in his eyes and on his features before it was quickly suppressed. She seemed to have hit upon a delicate subject. This realization made her curious, but more sorrowful. Again she considered taking her leave, feeling that she was making a mess of the whole situation and furthering herself from her goals, which truthfully, were a mystery to her conscious mind.

"Selene," Veridias began, his tone sounding serious, "I intend to speak with the king before I leave tomorrow. I wish to be completely truthful with him about us."

It felt like a massive boulder suddenly dropped into the pit of Selene's stomach. She stared at him, speechless and physically frozen.

Veridias was quick to continue, wanting to explain his thoughts on the matter. "I believe it is the best course of action. He might have heard something from Madris or one of his men before they left; and we should not make the situation worse by trying to conceal it."

She heard his words, but did not feel anything resembling relief or confidence. Would King Jaren be angry with them? What would this mean for her? At least Veridias could retreat to the safety of the Elven lands and hide behind his diplomatic immunity. Where could Selene go? Where could she hide? The answer was simple and frightening- nowhere. King Jaren and Salden were her only future now.

"I have upset you. I apologize for presenting my intentions in such a troubling fashion. Please do not be vexed, Selene. I would not be so willing to go to him if I did not have faith in the king's character. Jaren is a negotiator and strategist at heart. He accepts situations as they are, taking the steps necessary to improve them."

"You think he will forgive my indiscretion?" Selene asked. She dared another glance into the elf's eyes. "And for not coming to him pure?"

Veridias suddenly stood, crossing the short distance to drop to one knee in front of her. "Selene," he began slowly, reaching out to grip her shoulders, "the first time was not your fault. If he is angry, it will be directed at me- not you."

"And the second time?" she asked weakly. "Was that not my fault?"

There was pity in his gaze as he tightened his grasp on her shoulders. "That is not how you should remember it. Our sharing was very special- very powerful. I know you felt it too."

"It was only lust and curiosity," she said, sounding critical. "I wanted to know what it felt like."

"We made no plan. It just happened," the elf argued, keeping his tone gentle. "Even I did not have time to fully reason out what was happening. The need was too great."

Selene took several moments to think through her own emotions and thoughts. The feel of his strong hands upon her shoulders, barred from touching her flesh by thin layers of material, stirred up the images and feelings that had sent her in search of him in the first place.

"You say I was not at fault for either encounter, yet...what about now?" The skin on her face and chest flushed even as she tried to put to words the desire that was building within her being. "Would it be my fault if I asked you to take me into your bed one more time? Could Jaren forgive such an indiscretion within his own castle?"

She had seen Veridias's pale features look cold and calculating before, as well as the storm clouds swirling within his irises; but there was something in the way his hands suddenly lost their grip, sliding down to clasp hers. She expected to hear some excuse- some reason that they could never be together that way again. Instead, his answer surprised, excited and scared her all at once.

"If you truly wish it, my lady, we can make love again."

"And what of the king?" she immediately asked, casting out the stone that she half-hoped would shatter this scheme before it was actualized. If their last encounter was forgivable for being an act of impulsiveness, what excuse would they offer the king in this case?

"This is not about the king," he said, catching her gaze in his. "We both have obligations- expectations that await us. If we do this, it is for us. So we can say goodbye."

His words deeply touched her; and she smiled in response, tightening her grip on his hands. "I will miss you," she admitted, knowing she must sound childish. Somehow, in that instant, he had become dearer to her than an accidental lover. She felt that he was her friend.

"I almost believed you when you promised to hate me forever. I am glad that you have relented," he said simply, keeping any show of emotion from slipping out for her to view.

Selene nodded, accepting that his nature allowed him to distance himself from others more easily than she could. They were silent for several moments. Selene enjoyed the stillness of the room and the feel of their warm hands clasped in support.

Then Veridias asked, "Is this what you want? Truly?"

Even with the opportunity to back out presented before her, Selene did not stop to contemplate. She leaned forward, closing her eyes just as her mouth pressed against his. It was a soft kiss that built in strength and urgency over several moments.

Veridias moved all at once. His arms reached out, gathering her closer as he rose from his kneeling position, transforming their embrace into a carry. He curled Selene against his chest, breaking their kiss only to allow him to navigate through to the bedchamber, where he gently laid her out on the bed. He then eased down beside her, stretching out completely before transferring some of his weight onto her.

They cuddled in silence for awhile; and Selene enjoyed the closeness. Veridias's long fingers traced up and down her side and played in her hair while he planted soft, slow kisses along her jaw, neck and shoulder.

The longing that had chased Selene out of her own bed, began to flare again within her chest. It was so raw and powerful that it tickled her senses and warmed her body with anticipation. She almost confused it with the mental bond they had shared during their previous encounter; yet, she quickly realized it was not the same.

"I think we have more control this time," the elf breathed to her between kisses. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," she whispered, soaking in every flicker of sensation as if it was desperately needed to sustain her.

Again he broke off their kisses, but made certain to keep a physical connection with her as he shifted his body closer to the foot of the bed. He touched her right shin, curling his long, lean fingers around her calf and gently rubbing at the muscle. After some time, he moved his hand up and under her nightdress to knead at her thigh, pushing the material up as well. Then, just when his hand was close to touching between her legs, he withdrew the hand, moving it to her left shin and slowly working his way up her other leg.

Realizing that her nightdress was almost at her waist now, Selene opened her eyes, curious to know what he was going to do next since he had an unobstructed view of her pelvis. She watched him touch her knees and carefully part her legs. Her eyes shifted to his features, trying to read his intent as he scooted forward again, laying on his stomach between her legs. She observed a few gentle caresses to her stomach before his hands eased slowly down to her vagina where he applied some pressure against her nether lips. He massaged the sensitive area with small circles, spreading out his fingers, to tease at her pelvic hair.

"Oh, Veridias," Selene cooed, gripping at handfuls of the blankets to help contain herself, resisting the urge to buck against his hand as her eyes closed again.

"Still trust me?" he asked, releasing small puffs of air through his speaking, which skimmed over her nether lips and caused her to jump just a bit.

Though she was uncertain what he had in mind, she re-voiced her trust in him and momentarily loosened her grip on the covers so that she could return the blood flow to her tingling fingers.

Suddenly his tongue, warm and wet, slipped between her nether lips, parting them slightly and pressing down on her tender flesh. The unexpected intrusion caused her whole body to instantly stiffen and she grabbed at the nightdress bunched up at her waist, as if she had been reaching to fend off his attentions, but had instantly changed her mind.

"Veridias?" Selene said in a quick, uneasy tone. Though she was greatly inexperienced and unknowledgeable in situations such as this, Selene couldn't help feeling a rush of guilt in that moment. Somehow the thought of him licking her there was by far more sinful than the love act itself.

The elf responded to her distress by lifting his head and laying it casually on her left thigh. He placed his hand back on her mound, kneading it softly as silence filled the bedchamber.

A worm of guilt writhed in Selene's breast, keeping her from enjoying the feel of his fingers teasing her pubic hair and nether lips. Again she rushed to blame herself for making a mess of the evening.

"I am sorry," she said, feeling sincerely saddened. "I..."

Veridias rose from the bed, abandoning it completely for a few moments and silencing her before she could really put her thoughts into words. He discarded his overcoat and sat on the edge of the bed to remove his shoes.

"No," he said softly, shaking his head and turning just enough to meet her gaze. "I should have warned you of what I intended. Please forgive me."

Selene knew her face was hot with embarrassment. She debated covering herself, but felt that would only add to the shame of the moment. "Do you wish me to go?" it pained her to ask.

Veridias's eyes deepened their gaze as he slowly turned toward her again. He stretched out his long, slender body on the bed against her side and leaned closer to meet her lips with a warm, reaffirming kiss. Only after they parted a few moments later did he answer. "I want you to stay with me, but...only if you still wish it."

Selene smiled at him. In her chest, the guilt worm did not writhe quite so much now; and it bolstered her courage in the same instant that she noted the fact. "Can I touch you?" she asked, drawing up the edges of her smile in a look of recaptured innocence and curiosity.

Veridias seemed to study Selene's features for a time before nodding in approval. Then he eased onto his back among the pillows, keeping eye contact with the young woman as she began to rise up on her side and gather her knees beneath her. Soon her hands were on him, sliding under his tunic and across his muscled chest. She lingered there for quite a while, taking pleasure in the warmth and smoothness of his skin. Meanwhile, he had closed his eyes and relaxed his body.

Selene drew up the tunic to look upon the flesh beneath and boldly leaned forward to plant a wet kiss on his right and then left nipple. Looking up at his features, she was lightly disappointed to note that his controlled expression had not changed. So, with a bit more determination, Selene went to work, planting lines of soft, wet kisses across his chest and down toward his bellybutton, which she playfully tickled with her tongue before checking again for a reaction.

"Veridias," she said with a hint of a pout, "You do not look like you are enjoying any of this."

"Does that mean I am not?" he asked tentatively.

"Well, no, but..."

"Do not worry so much, my dear Selene," Veridias said, reaching out to caress her thigh, though his eyes remained closed. Even his disciplined voice was hard to gauge at times. Selene felt the whole situation would be much easier if she could stare into his eyes the entire time. They truly seemed to be the passages to his innermost feelings.

"This is more work than I expected," Selene admitted, settling down to trace pictures with her fingernail across his abdomen- only to quickly spy a noticeable bulge in the elf's trousers. With a flare of excitement at the discovery, she skimmed her fingernails across his exposed flesh until she met the waistline of his pants. Then Selene flattened out her hand and slipped it under the material.

The elf sighed expectantly as Selene's fingers reached his concealed penis. She took the reaction as a good sign and gripped the warm shaft in her delicate fingers while remembering their last coupling, during which she had fondled his erection and been able to share in the sensations. Just the simple combined act of holding him and remembering that day by the hot spring was enough to quicken her lust. The feelings that had drawn her out of bed a short while ago to search the castle for him were reemerging with desperate haste.

His hands lifted from the bed sheets, moving to his waist to remove the restrictive garment and reveal his manhood, which was still clenched in her hand. His hips settled back onto the bed; and Selene began to massage and lightly pull on the hardening organ. Multiple times her attention shifted from the growing penis to his features, still hoping to see a crack appear in his cool, unemotional façade. Finally, after what seemed like a torturous amount of time, Veridias let out a low uncontrolled moan and his body appeared to sink even further into the bed's softness.

Afraid to presume that she should do anything different, Selene continued to tend to him even as her own desires multiplied and sent vexing messages all over her body. How she was wishing for him to take her again- to feel his pulsing manhood pumping in and out of her opening and firing up her senses with indescribable pleasure. She longed for his strong hands on her breasts and demanding kisses at her throat. These thoughts swarmed in her mind, finally pushing her to take action. In a swift movement, she flung her leg over him and settled into a straddle directly below his erect penis.