Shane and Carmen: The Novelization Ch. 10

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to hurt.

***

Carmen lay on the far side of the double bed, on her side with her back to the door. She apparently was asleep when Jenny came into the stateroom after midnight. Jenny undressed quietly, using the light from the bathroom as a night light. She slipped into the bed on the other side, and soon went to sleep. Shane came in two hours later, a little drunk, and stared at the two bodies in the bed. Jenny had left the bathroom light on and the door slightly ajar, so there was a bit of light. Theoretically there might have been room for Shane in the middle of the bed, but there were a lot more considerations than just elbow room. She opened the door to the closet where all their suitcases were stored, and found a spare blanket and pillow on the top shelf. She spread the blanket on the couch opposite the foot of the bed, slipped off her shirt and pants, laid down on the blanket and wrapped herself in it, and soon drifted into a troubled sleep.

In the morning Carmen was the first one up. She tip-toed quietly past Shane to get to the bathroom to take a shower. When she came out she found Jenny sitting up on the side of the bed waiting her turn, and they agreed in whispers to go to find Alice and Dana and go to breakfast. There wasn't going to be any fucking, not with Shane in the stateroom. Jenny was naked when she came out of the bathroom, and Carmen watched her put on a peasant blouse and a long, flowing Gypsy skirt, with no underwear. Jenny often went commando around the house, but Carmen hadn't known her to dress this way in public. It was just one more sign of Jenny acting strangely. Carmen didn't say anything, and they quietly left the stateroom to go to breakfast.

After they ate they had forty-five minutes to kill before their first seminar, so they decided to visit the silent auction to see what was being offered. The auction was set up along a corridor near the spa and swimming pool area, a high-traffic area chosen to draw the maximum amount of bidding. The auction featured items varying from autographed copies of The Well of Loneliness and The Feminine Mystique to lobby posters of the movies Reform School Girl ("A Shocking True Story of Delinquent Girls!") and Bound; posters such as Negative Image of Woman in Underwear Looking Out Bedroom Window, Rear View, by Ilona Wellmann, and the famous, iconic The Kiss by Tanya Chaiken; Catherine De Souza's In Bed, Ronda Matte's High Street Honeys; a refrigerator magnet with the message "Yes, we're lesbians; no, you can't watch" on it; reproductions of two 19th century Gustave Courbet oil paintings, Le Sommeil, showing two naked women in bed, and the rather incredible nude study, The Origin of the World, which showed a naked woman from the breasts to the thighs only, but featuring a very hairy pubic area. When Carmen first saw it she gasped, since it reminded her of the photo of Maria on Picassa's ceiling, only the pubic bush in that photo had been closely trimmed.

"Oh, I gotta bid on this," Carmen said, "but I know I'm gonna get way out-bid on it." The bidding opened at $25 on the reprint, and the had already gone to $40. Carmen bid $45, the next allowable increment, but knew before the bidding closed the Courbet would probably go for a couple hundred bucks. The money went to a worthy lesbian charity, but even so ... .

***

Dana and Alice decided to skip the second afternoon session and spend quality time out by the swimming pool, taking in some sun, mingling with hundreds of other women on the St. Tropez Deck, and not coincidentally finding a steward with a tray of fruity drinks with little paper umbrellas in them. The music on the St. Tropez Deck was pleasantly loud. There were women all over the place in T-shirts, shorts, bathuing suits, bikinis, sun dresses, whatever, and the smell of cocoa butter was nearly overwhelming. Dana and Alice were themselves wearing swim suits with cover-ups over top, and Dana hide under a huge floppy hat and behind a pair of sunglasses. Alice saw a steward with a tray of drinks and grabbed Dana's arm.

"Oh, I want one of those," she said. Just then Dana's disguise broke down as a handful of fans recognized her.

"Dana Fairbanks? Oh, my God. Thank you for being here," one of her fans gushed, stepping in front of Alice and effectively pushing her aside. "Oh, thank you for coming out, and thank you for living your life."

"Oh, my God," another woman said, "I saw you almost beat Capriati in 2002. I drive a Subaru because of you."

Alice regarded the mob scene with a mixture of amusement, pride in Dana, and just a bit of irritation. With a sigh she turned away and suddenly found herself staring at Phoebe Sparkle just a few feet away, signing autographs. Alice went over to her.

"Phoebe? Sparkle? Hi. Hi. Hi. I'm Alice Pieszecki. I do a radio show in LA, The Chart. I'm sure you've heard of it."

Phoebe smiled and shook Alice's hand awkwardly because of the autograph book she still held. Phoebe went back to signing the book while Alice plunged ahead.

"Um, is it true, for research purposes, that you sleep with a different woman every night?"

Phoebe and her fans laughed, and Phoebe regarded Alice humorously. "Well, I like to have as much sex as possible, whenever, wherever, but if I come across someone really amazing ... I don't know ..." she said.

"And who's going to be next?" an older woman in the group blurted out.

Phoebe laughed again. "You know, I don't know. I'm open to a new discovery."

At that moment Shane walked up to Alice. "Hi, have you seen Jenny?" she asked, not aware who Alice had been talking to.

"No," Alice replied, "but look! I'm talking to Phoebe Sparkle!"

Shane looked at the attractive woman for the first time, realizing who she was. "Hi," Shane said.

"Hello," Phoebe said, unabashedly taking Shane's measure, looking at her from head to toes and back again. She took off her sunglasses and smiled at Shane.

"Hello, Phoebe Sparkle," Shane said, and returned to Alice. "You haven't seen Jenny?"

Phoebe 's antennae perked up as her glance took in Shane. Lean, androgynous, kind of a little bit of attitude. Offbeat style, the semi-grunge clothes, the spiky don't-give-a-fuck hair. And she apparently wasn't star-struck or an autograph-seeker, which Phoebe was actually grateful for. She broke in and asked Shane, "Um, can I buy you a drink?"

Shane looked at her. Tingles. "Uh ... okay," she said.

"Great," Phoebe grinned, taking Shane's elbow and heading off to find a bar.

"Thanks, Shane," Alice muttered as her interviewee waltzed off.

"She offered ... " Shane tried to protest to Alice, but she was pulled out of range and disappeared into a wall of women clustered around a bar.

"Mm-hmm." Alice sighed. That fucking Shane and her magical appeal. If Alice had been chatting with Mother Theresa, the conversation would have ended with Shane and Mother Theresa walking off to do some jello shooters. Well, shit. Okay, where the hell's Dana? She wandered off in search of her girlfriend.

***

Not far off, Jenny was dancing in a crowd of women, swaying slowly and languidly in the hot summer sun and the ocean breezes. Carmen approached the edge of the crowd and scanned the faces. She saw Jenny at the far side of the pool, dancing and swaying, and removed her sunglasses, furrowing her brow. Jenny danced, unaware of Carmen or anyone else.

Jenny was only wearing the thin cotton peasant top and the long flowing skirt she'd put on that morning, but even so she decided to get wet. She walked to the steps of the pool, watched by several dozen women sitting along the edge with their feet in the water. They cheered Jenny on as it became apparent what she was going to do. In response to their cheers, Jenny impulsively raised her skirt all the way up and flashed her naked pussy at the line of women, who hooted, laughed, cheered and applauded as Jenny walked down the steps into the water, her skirt billowing up around her waist.

Carmen, watching from the other side of the pool, shook her head. Jenny was just getting crazier and crazier. It wasn't so much the behavior itself -- it was that the behavior ... just wasn't Jenny. Carmen thought she sometimes simply didn't recognize the person inside Jenny's body. It was a person who seemed to be coming apart at the seams.

She put on her sunglasses and walked away.

***

Between Phoebe and Dana's combined VIP status, it was no trouble at all getting them an invitation to dine at the Captain's table. Phoebe was chatting with the Captain while Shane, Carmen and Jenny waited for Alice and Dana to arrive. There were a few other guests at the table, too, and only Dana and Alice were late, but not unfashionably so.

Phoebe and the Captain were discussing how relaxed many of the passengers seemed to be.

"Most of the women on this cruise? They don't have that kind of freedom when they're back home," Phoebe said. "This is the only place where many of them feel completely free to express themselves."

The Captain murmured something like "Mm-hmm," and looked up to see Dana and Alice approaching. The Captain was amused to see that Dana was still wearing her Captain Stubing outfit, and that Alice was still dressed as Julie. He was even more amused to see that Dana was shielding her crotch with her own and Alice's hands. Phoebe grinned and Shane covered her eyes momentarily. Carmen and Jenny looked at each other and grinned. Dana was packing.

"Oh! Hi!" Dana said, arriving at her spot at the table.

"Hi!" Alice said.

The Captain stood up and leaned over to shake their hands. "Hello, good evening, nice to see you," he said as two stewards came up and helped seat Dana and Alice at their places.

"See, these girls are completely in their power, free to go wherever their libido takes them," Phoebe said quietly to the Captain.

Under the table, Alice put her hand in Dana's crotch and grabbed the strap-on, which seemed to be where her libido took her. Dana quickly covered Alice's hand with a dinner napkin.

"You know, for me, it's just business, and as long as the guests are happy, I'm happy," the Captain said. "Everyone, please begin."

Down the table a few places, Carmen and Jenny picked up their salad forks and dove into to their salads. Carmen leaned to Jenny slightly and pitched her voice low so only Jenny could hear.

"You want to tell me what's going on with you?"

"Nothing," Jenny said.

"Nothing?"

"No."

"Okay," Carmen said, but not buying it. "Well, it just ... it seems like you want a three-way with Shane."

Jenny went on eating calmly as though they'd been discussing the weather. "You seemed like you were very attracted to her, and I just thought it would, I don't know ... it would be interesting. It just came into my head."

Carmen thought about it for a minute. "Are you jealous?"

"No, I'm not--"

"Is that what this is all about?"

"No, I'm not jealous."

"Just tell me if that's what this is all about," Carmen persisted.

"No, I'm not jealous. I just thought ... we have to explore our options." She looked up at another table nearby, where an attractive but butch older woman dressed in a full tuxedo had been watching Jenny. "There," Jenny said to Carmen, indicating the butch, who smiled.

Jenny smiled back.

"Is that what you want?" Carmen asked quietly.

"She's beautiful," Jenny said.

Carmen wasn't buying it at all, but she was already tired of the bullshit. She didn't like headgames, and didn't like Jenny's dissembling. She was simply getting nowhere. Well, fuck it, Carmen thought to herself. "The salad's great," she said, changing the subject.

That evening after dinner they all went to the second show in the ship's theater, where Shawn Colvin, the special guest performer aboard the cruise, sang and played her acoustic guitar. The theater doubled as an auditorium during the day, and served a variety of purposes depending on what was needed. On this occasion it was darkly lit and had an intimate, bistro-like atmosphere that suited Colvin and her performance. Toward the back there was a raised tier of small tables and booths, kind of like a balcony. Phoebe and Shane sat together at one very small, candle-lit table, and next to them sat Carmen and Jenny with their own little table and candle, and then Dana and Alice at a third table. They placed drink orders before the show started, and sipped wine or cocktails.

Every now and then Phoebe would lean close to whisper something to Shane, who might nod and smile, or Shane would say something to Phoebe. They gave every appearance of being a couple, of being lovers, and the more they did, the more it ate away at Carmen's heart. She knew she had no rights in the matter, had nothing whatsoever to say about it, and had no claim on anyone, least of all Shane. In fact, she was already part of a couple herself, such as it was: she and Jenny. She clasped Jenny's hand, and tried the increasingly difficult task of being Jenny's girlfriend, Jenny's lover.

"Sunny came home with a list of names," Colvin sang.

"She didn't believe in transcendence.

"It's time for a few small repairs."

"Sunny came home with a vengeance.

"She says days go by, I don't know why

"I'm walking on a wire. I close my eyes

And fly out of my mind, into the fire."

"And Sunny came home ... Sunny came home ... Sunny came home," Colvin sang, ending the song and the concert to long, sustained applause from the audience.

"Let's get out of here," Carmen heard Shane whisper to Phoebe and like two ghosts they were gone out the door of the theater. Carmen looked after them, feeling a terrible hollowness in her chest. She knew that tonight Shane wasn't going to have any trouble finding a place to sleep, and cabin MS-634 wasn't going to be it.

***

Phoebe Sparkle unlocked the door to her suite on the Isle of Capri Deck just aft of the Neptune Lounge with her electronic key card. The stateroom was just down the hall from Dana's suite, which Shane had visited the day before. Phoebe's was even larger and even more luxurious, as befitted the queen VIP on this cruise, but Shane was oblivious to the luxury and splendor. When they got to the bedroom Shane tossed Phoebe down on the bed and crawled on top of her.

Phoebe laughed. "You trying to top me?"

"What, you think you're going to top me?" Shane grinned down at her.

They looked at each other for a moment, smiling but also assessing what the power dynamic was going to be here. Then, without warning, Phoebe started to yawn and couldn't stiffle it. They both thought about it for a moment, Shane knowing she was as exhausted as Phoebe. She yawned, too. What they hell-- they laughed.

"Ah, shit," Shane said. "Look, I have a favor to ask of you."

"Yeah?"

"Things are a little, um ... uh, they're a little, uh ... different ... in my room ... ."

"Mm-hmm?"

"And I see that you have a couch."

"Yes," Phoebe said slowly, trying to figure out what Shane was asking.

"Well, would you mind?"

"You want to crash on my couch?"

Shane nodded.

"As in, sleep, just sleep?"

"No ... to sleep, entirely."

Phoebe grinned. "You know what? That sounds fantastic to me. I am completely exhausted."

"Okay, good."

Phoebe giggled, relieved. Shane smiles down at her and climbed off her. "Thank you so much. You have no idea," she said.

"No, thank you," Phoebe countered. "Hey, um ... just do me one favor. Don't tell anybody."

Shane, already heading toward the couch and pulling her shirt over her head, understood immediately. "No. I swear. I won't say anything. "

"Excellent," Phoebe grinned.

"You were great, fantastic," Shane laughed. "I came three times."

"That thing you did with your tongue, it was amazing," Phoebe said, getting undressed.

"Thank you," Shane smiled.

"Oh, thank you," Phoebe said, going to a closet and tossing Shane a blanket and a pillow from her own bed.

"Sleep well," Shane said, lying down on the sofa with a deep sigh.

"You, too," Phoebe said, crawling between the sheets of her own bed.

They were both asleep in seconds.

***

Jenny lay on her side, her right arm propping up her head. The cabin was dark except for the night light from the crack in the bathroom door. She looked at the silhouette of Carmen's back and shoulders, and listened to her deep breathing as she slept. Her feelings were mixed, sad and confused. Carmen had tried, Jenny had to give her credit for that. She played a good game, but in the end they both knew who commanded Carmen's heart, and always had. Jenny had no regrets.

She reviewed in her mind, as she had dozens of times in the past week, the video she had watched, the Shane/Carmen Love Confession, as Mark had labeled it. She held no animosity toward Shane or Carmen over it, because Carmen spoke the truth, a truth Jenny had always known, even from the very start of her affair with Carmen. It was quite simple: Carmen loved Shane, and that was all there was to it. Jenny had known it all along, even if Shane and Carmen were in denial about it one way or another.

The other things Carmen had said, they were also true: Jenny really was trapped deep inside some dark place, along with her demons, and it was true, as Carmen suggested, that Jenny seemed to like it there. It was true she and Carmen were both waiting for "the real thing" to come along. They both knew the real thing for Carmen was Shane. Nobody knew what "the real thing" was for Jenny, but that was hardly Carmen's fault.

And God knows, until the real thing, whatever it was, came along, Jenny could not have asked for a better lover, a better teacher, a better fuck buddy than Carmen had been. Warm, gentle, kind, patient, tolerant, funny, stable, non-judgmental, sexy, spontaneous, intuitive, creative ... on paper the woman was a fucking saint. As a sex partner and lover, it was the same story. Carmen had taught Jenny so much: how to sixty-nine, light water sports, rimming, the best cunnilingus imaginable, all about strap-ons, dildos, vibrators, lubes. Best of all, she had learned from Carmen the wonderful technique Picassa had taught Carmen: The Slow, Well-Lubed, Single-Finger Bum Fuck Mustache Ride. Jenny had discovered that her very favorite sex position was straddling Carmen's lovely face, lowering her pussy onto Carmen's hungry mouth and coming in it while Carmen's talented index finger slowly pistoned in an out of her taught bottom crinkle. It was as though she was riding the face of a large jungle cat with its wide, wet tongue held flat and languidly lapping her cunt. God, it was good.

She had learned things and done things with Carmen she'd never done before. The excitement of peeing in the shower, and peeing on each other while sitting on the pot that time Shane had walked in on them. No one, not even Marina, had ever eaten her out as wonderfully as Carmen had. Chocolate syrup on her nipples and pussy. An ice cube inside her hot, hot twat.

The role-playing was Jenny's idea, not Carmen's, but Carmen played along so well, with Jenny often pretending to be tied up while Carmen "forced" her will on her. Jenny claiming to be an innocent virgin, or to be a complete stranger whom Carmen was seducing in a variety of settings, an airline bathroom, on a camping trip in the middle of a forest. The Naive Cheerleader and the Slutty Soccer Mom. Strangers on a Train. The Sorority Pledge and the Rush Chairwoman. They had made love many places, in the back seat of Carmen's Jeep, on the beach at night, in Bette and Tina's pool, in toilet stalls at The Planet, the Roxy, Girl Bar and once in the women's restroom at a Bob's Big Boy. Whenever Carmen entered Shane and Carmen's home, she never knew who or what was waiting for her in Jenny's bedroom.