Shane and Carmen: The Novelization Ch. 29

Chapter 29

Canadian Sunset

"Welcome to the Fairmont Chateau Whistler," the doorman said after opening the door to the Hummer stretch limo and helping Peggy Peabody climb out. She was followed by Shane, Carmen, Alice and Helena, all of whom had flown from LAX to Vancouver in the Peabody corporate jet, and then taken the limo up Highway 99, the Sea-to-Sky Highway to Whistler two hours and some 75 miles to the north. The road ran along the eastern shoreline of the fantastically beautiful Strait of Georgia, then through forest, and then along the western shore of Daisy Lake before finally turning northeast into the town of Whistler. The resort itself nestled at the foot of Blackcomb Mountain. Not only did it include two mile-high mountains with some of the best skiing in the world, it even had its own glacier, and you could ski on it, too.

"Wow, look at this place," Shane murmured in appreciation. There was no place like it in Texas, where she had spent the first two-thirds of her life, or in LA, where she'd spent the last third.

Carmen got out of the left side of the car, turned, and looked out over the snow-covered valley. The view was incredible. The sun glistened off the snow-crusted mountainsides that ringed the huge resort hotel. Carmen had been born and raised in the barrio, but she had traveled much further and wider than Shane ever had. She'd even gone on ski trips before, and she loved mountains and forests just as much as she enjoyed oceans, beaches and deserts. She could hardly believe it, her fairy-tale wedding taking place in such a fairy-tale environment as this. Cliché or not, it would be the memory of a lifetime.

"Here comes the bride," Alice said from the steps of the grand hotel.

"Look at this!" Carmen marveled, throwing up her hands and gesturing at the landscape. She inhaled the crisp winter air happily. She and Shane had their arms around each other as they went up the steps and into the chateau's immense lobby.

And then there they were, the six of them. Carmen's sisters Patricia and Anna, and their husbands, Freddy and Pablo. Her cousin Evi, the hairdresser. And at their center, pouring over a map of the resort, was her mother Mercedes.

Carmen saw them and stopped short. Mercedes looked up from her map.

Shane looked at Helena, who had a broad, happy grin on her face. She realized what Helena had done, that she had somehow brought Carmen's family here for the wedding, as a surprise. Alice, too, had a Cheshire-cat grin on her face; she'd been in on it with Helena.

"They're all dressed in the same clothes," Peggy murmured to Alice. And indeed they were: all six of Carmen's clan wore identical red snow parkas trimmed out in gray and white accent panels. All four women wore white boots.

"Carmen didn't know they were coming, though," Alice told Peggy. "I think Helena might have had something to do with it."

Carmen slowly stepped forward in shock, looking at her mother. This meant ... this meant ... . Slowly she shook her head no, she couldn't believe it. And then Mercedes threw herself forward, laughing and crying, hugging Carmen to her, words of endearment tumbling out in Spanish and English. "I couldn't miss it! My baby! Getting married!"

Patricia went over to greet Helena, who stood beaming at them all. "Everybody," she called out, "this is Carmen's friend Helena, the one who phoned me, and invited us all, and paid for our plane tickets and hotel rooms." The co-conspirators had outed themselves.

Carmen went to Helena and hugged her, saying "Thank you, Helena." Both their faces were wet.

"My pleasure," Helena said, returning the hug. Before they knew it, the entire Morales clan had come forward, surrounding them, hugging, clapping Helena on the back.

Peggy turned to Alice, who could read Peggy's mind perfectly. Peggy did the money math in her head: round-trip plane tickets for six, shuttle to and from Vancouver, hotel rooms for a couple of nights ... . "I guess it grows on trees," she said to Alice, who merely smiled.

Mercedes grasped Carmen's hands. "Anna says you bought a dress." Carmen nodded; she had been in more-or-less constant contact with her sisters, if not her mother, for weeks now. "You bought it yourself? I need to check it!" Mercedes said, overriding Carmen's attempts at protest. "I want to make sure that the jewelry goes with it! And look, we have Evi to do your hair."

Carmen laughed and waved at Evi, who blew her a kiss.

"And Chane! Chane!" Mercedes said, pulling Shane over to join them. "Aww! You're going to make such a handsome bride!" Carmen pushed Mercedes' arm. "Groom!" Mercedes corrected, laughing as Shane laughed, too.

"Thank you," Shane said, her hands grasped by Mercedes lovingly. She couldn't believe the sudden change in her fortune, that she had regained the mother love of Mercedes and the Morales clan she'd thought had been lost.

"So handsome!" Mercedes said. She turned to her daughter. "Carmencita! You are coming with us. We are going sight-seeing at the Whistler Village." She waved a finger in Shane's face. "You're not allowed to see her now until the wedding! Okay?"

Shane, beaming, said, "Okay."

Evi came and joined them, and together Evi and Mercedes carted Carmen off between them.

"Bye," Shane said, helplessly, watching them go out the front door. She turned and saw Helena standing there, smiling. She went to her and hugged her. "I'm ... speechless ... I can't ... you'll never know ... ."

"Oh, I think I do," she said.

***

"So, Shane, where is your lovely bride?" Peggy Peabody asked. They were in a private dining room off the one of the hotel's restaurants called "The Chalet," a separate building from the main hotel and located by the resort's golf course. They'd all been transported to The Chalet by horse-drawn sleighs. Helena had booked the room in advance for the evening's dinner ... and entertainment.

"Peggy, this is Shane's bachelor party," Alice explained. "Brides are excluded."

Jenny, Max and Lara had joined them all for a glass of wine before dinner was served, and the others were expected momentarily.

"Oh, my goodness, I had no idea you were all such role-playing lesbians," Peggy said.

"Come on, we're not," Shane protested. "Actually, I'd like for her to be here, but her family's so traditional, so I stepped back."

"I think that's nice," Max said.

"I think that's regressive," Jenny had to put in quietly. Lara looked at her, mildly annoyed. It was so Jenny.

"Well, we're pretty traditional in our family too, aren't we, Mummy?" Helena said. She was sitting on the arm of the chair Peggy was ensconced in, and rubbed Peggy's back fondly.

Peggy rolled her eyes and looked at her daughter incredulously, as if to say, Have you lost all your marbles?

"Oh, look, Bette and Tina are here now!" Helena said, saving the moment and still oblivious to Peggy's reaction. "Time for dinner. Please, take my hand," she said, helping her mother rise up out of the chair, "and let me bury my head in your ample bosom if I get a little too emotional."

Bette and Tina had arrived, Tina pushing baby Angelica in a stroller. A minute later Kit and Mangus arrived, and the Friends all seated themselves around a single long table in a private room, with Shane seated in the middle in the guest of honor's position.

The meal was The Chalet's famous and popular three-course fondue, starting with a cheese fondue with vegetables. Then came the main course, Fondue Chinoise, a broth-based fondue featuring pieces of beef tenderloin, prawns and salmon. Dessert was -- what else? -- a gloriously decadent chocolate fondue.

Then it was time to get down to business: Shane's bachelor party event. Jenny and Alice stood up at their end of the table and Alice tapped on a glass to get everyone's attention.

"Okay, everybody, we would like to make a toast to our dear friend, Shane," Jenny began.

"Yes," Alice picked up the narrative. "Shane. We have been through a lot together as friends—" here Shane buried her face in her hands, laughing, but knowing this was going to be brutal "—especially in the last few months."

"Shane, the thing that you've taught us about friendship is about being fearless," Jenny said. "So thank you very much for convincing me to cut off my lustrous, mink-like, long, long mane as short as humanly possible. And Shane, thank you very much for not making it look like yours."

Everyone laughed, Shane, too.

"It's really grown back fast," Alice said in an aside to Jenny, to more laughter.

"Yes, it has," Jenny acknowledged.

Alice consulted her notes. "Shane, thank you, as a friend, for saving me from going home with that girl that night, you know the one I'm talking about. And ... as a friend ... taking her home yourself, instead. Thank you." Laughter.

"Shane," Jenny said, "only you could make a two-piece pleatherette ensemble look good--"

"--at 7:30 in the morning--" Alice said.

"—drunk--" Jenny said.

"--after a one-night stand," Alice added. Shane was sunk so far down in her chair her head was barely at table height. "But, in all seriousness," Alice picked up, "you are ... our best friend."

"Shane," Jenny said, "you are the most loyal friend I -- and I think I can speak for the group -- that we have ever met, and you've never left our sides when things have become dark ... and I think that you've taught the whole group that people's rough edges are beautiful."

"And we know that, if Dana was here," Alice said quietly, "that she would be very happy to know that you were marrying someone you love." There was a brief moment of silence as everyone thought about Dana. "So. We love you very much, and congratulations."

"To Shane! To Shane!" Glasses were raised all around the table and were clicked in toast. Shane halfway rose up out of her chair in embarrassed acknowledgment, and immediately sank back down.

Then one by one, Bette, Tina, Max, Helena, Kit and Mangus stood and each delivered a brief but heartfelt toast. Finally it was Peggy Peabody's turn, and she delivered a slightly longer toast, concluding, "So my dear Shane, although I don't understand why you would embrace an institution that breeds conformity and restricts free will, that said, if you give one another children, I only hope that they're as generous and kind ... and lovely ... as the child my good-for-nothing Brit gave me." And with that she gestured fondly toward Helena, who laughed and gave her a fond nudge back, and sat down.

"What about that? Are you guys gonna have kids?" Mangus asked. He got a major glare from Kit. "What? She's the one who brought it up," he defended himself.

"You're not gonna have kids. You don't want 'em, do you?" Alice asked.

To everyone's surprise, Shane hesitated, thinking seriously about it. Finally she said, "Uh, yeah, I think I do."

"You do?" Alice asked, incredulous.

Shane thought again. "Yeah," she finally said, nodding.

"I think you'd be a wonderful parent," Bette said from beside Shane.

"Yeah. And Carmen would be really beautiful pregnant," Max said.

"What makes you think that Shane wouldn't carry the baby?" Jenny asked, having the need to spar with Max over just about anything.

"Ah, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't know about that, I don't think I'd go that far, but I think that, in any event, I think kids are such a beautiful gift. Because, I don't know, I look at that little one—" she looked toward baby Angelica, dozing peacefully and obliviously in her carry-all at the other end of the table --"and I see the love that you have for her—" she looked at Tina and Bette -- "and the love that you actually have for each other, despite the things you're going through, and it just seems that sometimes love just doesn't last the way you hope it will, but if you get through that pain, it just could last in ways that are more precious. Maybe. Possibly."

Alice could hardly believe her ears, and the things that were coming out of Shane's mouth. "Wow. Hi, I'm Alice," she said, pretending to shake Shane's hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Everyone laughed, and Shane slapped away the handshake, laughing herself.

"Anyway, Shane, as your best man," Alice said, standing up again, "it is my honor to present you with a gift from your bride-to-be."

"Wha...?" Shane asked, truly surprised.

"Yes. So, this is a gift from Carmen," Alice said, standing behind Shane's chair, her hands on Shane's shoulders. "To Shane. With all her heart. Come on, get up! C'mon!"

Shane rose slowly and suspiciously, and allowed Alice to guide her to yet another side room. Everyone followed.

"What the hell is this," Shane asked, being propelled forward.

In the side room were two women. The first was a stone butch with a shaved head, dressed in military combat camouflage fatigues. The second was a heavyset woman in a high femme outfit. They both had hand-held microphones.

"Congratulations, Shane," the butch said. "My name's God Des, and this is She. And Carmen wanted me to tell you something really important, that there actually is a prescription to a happy marriage. And this ... is it."

God Des turned and punched a button on a CD player. From somewhere a heavy rap rhythm blared out over a PA system, and God Des and She swung into chanting their rap song.

Good Evening, Class I would like to welcome you To Pussy Eating 101 Pay close attention now

There's rules and regulations to pleasin' a girl Goin' downtown could really rock her world But you gotta make sure that you know what you're doin' There's a map down there that you gotta start learnin'

First, you gotta make sure you rehearse Move 'round your tongue like your tryin' to curse 'Cause there's nothin' worse than a tongue that doesn't work Then your girl will be mad and you'll feel like a jerk

Spread out her lips before you kiss You wanna make sure that you find the clit Lick a little bit then move it all around Lick it all over 'til you hear her make a sound

Then you know that you found a good spot Tease it and touch it, but not a lot Put your mouth on top, you're in control You can make it happen - fast or slow

Lick it, better lick it right Touch it, better touch it right Kiss it, better kiss it right Do that pussy riiiiiight

Don't be bland - better act creative Be on top of your game and be innovative Experiment a bit and change it up Lick a little lower then put it in her butt

Then you can place a finger inside Make sure that it's wet and easy to glide If she's really wet, and your finger slides, Try to put another one inside

But you better still have your mouth on the clit You know you're doin' good if her legs twitch Then pick her up and set her on your face Pick a large area to give her some space

She needs some room to place your mouth where she want it And let her ride your face like she's 'bout to cum on it The key to a girl's heart is goin' down south So come on everybody, let her put it in your mouth!

Lick it, better lick it right Touch it, better touch it right Kiss it, better kiss it right Do that pussy right

Let your mouth do the talkin' and your tongue do the walkin' Work on your cardio, there is no stoppin' Get through the pain if your jaw locks You gotta be a soldier and don't stop

Lick her and finger her at the same time Feel around the G-spot seek and you shall find Rub on that spot, lick on top You got to be coordinated, show her what you got

Once you got that down, put your other hand around I have to be blunt and not profound Put your wet pinky finger in her asshole You're in three different places - it's time to go

Your pinky in her ass and your other in her hole Your tongue move fast like a drum roll... If your girl can't come this way, I guess she's not ready, come back another day

Lick it, better lick it right Touch it, better touch it right Kiss it, better kiss it right Do that pussy right

Lick it, better lick it right Touch it, better touch it right Kiss it, better kiss it right Do that pussy right

Lick it, better lick it right Touch it, better touch it right Kiss it, better kiss it right Do that pussy right

Lick it, better lick it right Touch it, better touch it right Kiss it, better kiss it right Do that pussy right

[Copyright assumed to be 2006, by God Des & She. Permission to use lyrics requested, no response received.]

***

Shane leaned against the door of the hotel room and drummed her fingers on it, tapping a quiet staccato. The door opened a few inches, and Carmen peaked out. She was wearing a man's white shirt, and her hair was tousled, like she'd been sleeping; it made her look cute and adorable and desirable as all hell. When she saw it was Shane she grinned from ear to ear, knowing that Shane had just witnessed God Des and She's performance at the bachelor party.

"I love my present," Shane said, "and I wish I could do exactly what they taught me." She grabbed Carmen by the waist, gently pushed her back against the door, and buried her face in Carmen's neck.

"You can't come in, it's against the rules," Carmen whispered, not struggling very hard -- or at all -- to fend off Shane's advances. Shane ducked under Carmen's chin and began kissing the other side of her neck. Carmen groaned.

Behind them a man laughed. "I hope that's Carmen," Gabe McCutcheon said. He and Carla were coming down the hall to their room across the hall.

Shane and Carmen broke apart quickly. Shane turned and saw who it was. "Hey, you made it!" she said.

"Of course we made it," Gabe said as he and Carla stood smiling at them.

Carmen put her hands over her face, suddenly realizing who'd caught them necking. "Oh my God," she said, laughing but embarrassed.

"Gabe McCutcheon," he said, introducing himself. "My wife Carla." They were both still grinning, but came forward.

"Hi!" Carmen said, shaking Carla's hand. "Good to meet you." She turned to Gabe and offered her hand, but he wouldn't take it.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr," he growled, and came forward wrapping Carmen in a big hug as she laughed delightedly.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" she laughed, stroking the back of her future father-in-law.

"Welcome," he said, kissing her cheek. He stepped back to Carla.

"Hello! I'm so glad that you guys made it," Carmen said.

"Me, too," Shane said, quietly, but with real affection.

Carla knew they'd interrupted a moment. "Honey, we should probably ... you know ... go to sleep, leave these two alone--"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go to bed, too," Carmen said. "I think tomorrow's kind of a big day."

"Let's us get a drink," Gabe said to Shane, with a let's-go gesture.

"Yeah, let's do it," Shane grinned.

"He's a total night owl, never goes to sleep before 2 a.m.," Carla said.

"Oh, my God," Carmen said, pointing at Shane, "this one is the exact same way. Two a.m. Right?"

Shane leaned in and kissed Carmen, a little more chastely than a few moments earlier, and Gabe kissed Carla good night. "See ya in a bit," he told her, and Shane said, "See you tomorrow," to Carmen. Gabe and Shane walked off down the hall, swinging their arms and holding hands. Carla and Carmen watched them go, both marveling at a sight neither one of them could ever imagined.

***

The next morning Gabe and Carla sat at a small table on the crowded deck of the chateau, watching all the skiers and snowboarders on the lower slopes of Blackcomb Mountain. The resort was packed with hundreds of people decked out in their parkas and ski outfits. Helena, Bette and Shane came by and stopped to say hello. Shane introduced them to Bette and Helena.

"So aren't you two going to go skiing?" Bette asked, putting on her gloves.

"I've never skied, and I don't figure today is the best day to start," Gabe said, grinning.

"Well, you could take a private lesson," Helena suggested.

"Yeah, you should," Shane said, putting on her own gloves. It was a frosty morning, the air clean, crisp and cold.