Shattered Dreams

A special thanks to psyche_b_mused for making this a better read.

*

I pulled the key out of the lock as the door swung closed behind me. I smiled when I saw him coming from the bedroom. My heels clicked on the living room hardwood floor, as I excitedly hurried toward the handsome man wearing black silk boxers and a smile. I wrapped my arms around him and he kissed my parted lips as his hands unzipped my dress. I stepped back and looked at his lust filled eyes.

"Bit of a hurry Bax?" The shocked look on his face was priceless. I chuckled as I leaned against the end of the couch to remove my heels.

"Not at all." He smiled sheepishly and held up two drinks. "I just wanted you appropriately undressed so I could enjoy my drink and the beautiful view."

I stepped out of my dress, draped it over the back of the couch and took the drink from him. I sat across from him and took a big swallow. The amber liquid burned all the way down. I hoped it would give me the courage to tell Baxter what I wanted.

"Sorry I'm late." I said, glancing between his face and his boxers. "The attorney for Destin Industries called with a counter offer. I had to contact our client and run the number past him."

"How was it?" He leaned back in the chair. My pulse quickened as his eyes slowly drifted from my face down my nearly naked body, coming to rest on my nylon clad legs.

"Better than we expected. I advised him to take it. He'll let us know tomorrow." I took another sip and began removing my thigh highs.

"Leave 'em on Jo. You know how I get when you wear 'em." His eyebrows arched as he looked at me hopefully for a moment before letting his eyes continue wandering over my body.

"Sorry lover," I said. His eyes saddened but stayed froze on my legs as my fingers teasingly rubbed under the top of my stocking. I slowly rolled them down and tossed them next to the dress, one by one. "I didn't bring a spare pair and we still have at least four hours left at the office. I'll pick up a couple of pair to leave here next time."

I stood up and nervously walked around the coffee table so he could see the silk bikini panties I wore for him. My heart was racing; thoughts were flip-flopping if I should tell him my feelings before or after we made love.

He stood as I came toward him. Leaning into him, I kissed the hollow of his throat as my thumb played across his nipple. The fragrance of his cologne filled my senses as my nose brushed across his bare chest. My lips captured one raised nub and sucked on it. My thumb and finger pinched the other and lightly pulled.

He moaned as he ground his shaft into my stomach. "Damn Jo, you know how to push my buttons."

"I loved finding your buttons, lover." I slipped my hand between us and stroked his hardness through the boxers.

His lips found mine as he walked me backward into the bedroom. My body overruled any thought of talking as I surrendered to his touch. I grabbed his waist to keep from falling as the back of my legs bumped the bed. His hands went around my hips and held me until I relaxed, then slid inside my panties, pushing them down as he fondled my cheeks with both hands. The scent of my arousal increased as the pink panties fell around my feet.

I licked and nibbled across his chest, Baxter's moans increased my own arousal and spurred me on. My fingers caressed down his sides as I sat on the edge of the bed and nuzzled his rigid member through its cloth confines.

Leaning back, I unsnapped and tossed my bra toward the dresser. I pulled his boxers past the protruding shaft and let them fall down his legs.

I looked up at his face as I took the head in my mouth, swirling my tongue around the rim and over the excited leaking tip, sampling his salty nectar.

"God yes Jo." He moaned as he held my head between his hands, his hips gently rocking back and forth.

Stroking his shaft with one hand, I caressed his dangling jewels with the other. Sucking him in deep and then pulling off with a pop, I looked up and smiled.

"Feels like you haven't emptied these in a while." My fingers gently massaging them.

His face got a pained look on it. "The last time was when we were together."

I took the head in my mouth as I continued stroking his shaft. My tongue teased the sensitive underside as I sucked harder. He gasped; then moaned loudly as I squeezed a nipple, and pulled. He gripped my head as I felt his jewels tighten.

"Jo!" He groaned as a hot pulse splashed against the back of my throat. My lips continued to milk him until he pulled away and collapsed on the bed. Bax laid on his back with his eyes closed, his excited breathing slowing down. I laid on my side next to him, my hand resting on his chest.

Tiny tingles ignited between my legs as his fingers traced random designs around my breast and down my abdomen as they moved to my closely trimmed vee. My legs parted and my hips squirmed in expectation as he eased me onto my back. His finger slowly moved through my moist lower lips. His tongue licked my nipple.

His lips nursed at my breast as he slid two fingers into my wet opening, moving them with a slow, gentle rhythm. My hips slightly moved, encouraging his fingers deeper.

"That feels nice." I whispered, my fingers playing in his dark brown hair. "I can imagine us doing this every Sunday afternoon after brunch."

"Ummmm" Baxter replied, making my breast tickle. I felt his warm shaft rub my thigh. My hand slid between our bodies and grasped it, feeling it harden as my thumb brushed over the leaking head.

His fingers plunged into my opening and his thumb rubbed around my clit. My hips arched at his sudden urgency. Baxter removed his fingers and moved between my thighs. He tensed in anticipation as I rubbed the engorged head in my moisture and held it at my entrance before he firmly pushed forward.

My fingers teased my clit as his movement increased, my hips arched upward to meet his thrusts.

"Now Bax, harder." My fingers spread my lips open as I furiously worked over my clit. My body tensed; poised on the edge; seeking the final push to ecstasy. Baxter's strokes became shorter, harder, as his breathing came in gasps. My legs pulled him in tight as I leapt off that cliff.

With a loud growl, Baxter thrust and his shaft erupted. His sweaty body fell on me; his raspy hot breath tickling my neck. I felt his shaft twitch as he released the last of his seed.

"That was wonderful Bax." My fingers absently stroked his neck as my thoughts returned to the talk we needed to have.

"You're an amazing lover Jo." His hand touched my leg as Baxter rolled over on his side. I turned toward him and he softly kissed my lips. His hand stroked my side. He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose.

"You're my inspiration." I felt my face glow with love as I looked into those calm, hazel eyes. I touched his face; his head turned slightly and kissed my hand; my fingers lovingly caressed the splash of gray at his temples. I gathered my thoughts, feeling now was the time.

"I've loved every minute of our time together Bax. I think it's time we need to talk about what's next."

I watched as his smile evaporated, and he looked away. His normally calm voice had an edge of nervousness to it.

"There is no next, Jo. Monday they'll announce my transfer back to Boston."

"What?" I sat up and stared at him. I couldn't have heard that right. "Why?"

"Miranda doesn't like Chicago. She and the kids moved back to Boston two weeks ago."

Sadness began to fill me and I blurted out my thoughts. "Then don't go, stay here with me. You said you wanted us to stay together. I'm ready."

Baxter looked at me for a moment before looking away. It was the look he used when giving clients bad news. "I care for you Jo. I wanted us to keep what we have now, our time together when your husband's out of town."

My anger flared. "So you just wanted me as your office slut; meet you here; suck your dick and let you blow a load in my cunt whenever you get the urge and Miranda's not available."

Baxter gave me a cold stare that made me shiver. "Don't act the innocent victim. You were in awe of the places I brought you to. You must have felt like a princess when you didn't have to remove your dinner from a paper bag and unwrap it. I didn't hear you say 'no' when I brought you here and undressed you. On the contrary, you were a most willing participant."

This was not the conversation I'd planned on and now I'd pissed him off. I felt myself starting to fall apart but I needed to change his thinking. "But you told me your marriage to Miranda was a farce and you'd love to leave her. I thought you loved me. I thought you were taking me to all those places to win my heart, and you did. I didn't stop you when we came here because I wanted to make love to you."

His eyes turned sad. "I didn't lie to you about Miranda. She changed. There are times I want to leave her but I sold my soul to the devil when I married Miranda. I got a job and lifestyle I couldn't have achieved on my own, but it came at a cost. The house in Boston and the condo here were bought by Miranda's grandfather. They're held in a trust he controls. The prenup I stupidly signed leaves her and the children well protected and my ass hanging out. If I leave Miranda, I'll have the clothes on my back and little else. My chance for a job at a similar firm would be nonexistent. As unbearable as my marriage feels sometimes, I enjoy my lifestyle and don't want to lose it."

I couldn't believe I'd misread his feelings! I was sure he felt the same way I did and wanted more than just an affair. The last few months he'd cuddled with me afterward, and last time he'd wanted to kiss and hold me for the longest time before we'd made love.

Now, he's leaving.

I moved his hand off me and put on my robe from the closet before walking out of the room. I made a fresh drink in the kitchen and stared at the mid afternoon sky reflecting off the windows of the nearby buildings, deciding what to do. The sound of the shower invaded my thoughts. Bax must have decided to leave before it got too uncomfortable.

Walking into the living room, I took the cell from my purse and called Pat, the assistant I shared with a dozen other attorneys. I told her I had a migraine and would be taking the rest of the day off. It was a believable lie I'd used before when I wanted to spend more time with Bax.

I sat on the couch and sipped my drink. The walls were bare and stark white. A lone painting of a reclining naked woman hung on the opposite wall. I looked at her wondering if her life was as fucked up as mine. She definitely wasn't smiling. Her expression was more of boredom. What was going through her mind while she lay there for so long?

"Jo...Jo."

I turned toward the sound and saw Baxter standing next to the couch.

"I'm sorry about my thoughtless remark. I know my moving was a shock, but I thought you'd want to know before it was announced."

"Thanks Bax. I'm not sure how I'd have taken it."

"I'm sorry you misunderstood Jo. I didn't mean to give you that impression. I enjoyed your company and thought we were both having a good time while your husband was away. I guess it got too emotional and I didn't realize it."

I took a sip considering what he said. My hand trembled, but I held my emotions in check. I felt a tear run down my cheek and wiped it with my hand. Baxter walked into the bathroom and returned with some Kleenex for me. I looked at him and nodded my appreciation.

"It hurts just knowing your leaving and I'll never feel you again."

He started to hug me but I put my hand to his chest and stopped him. "You're already cleaned up. I smell like sex. Go back to the office and I'll talk to you tomorrow. I need a shower now." He kissed my forehead and left.

I swallowed the rest of my drink and picked up the cell phone.

"Evelyn Boyd please. This is Jolene Reynolds calling."

"Jolene, I didn't expect to hear from you for a few days."

"Evelyn you haven't filed the Dissolution papers yet have you?"

"No I haven't. Is there something you want to change?"

"I want you to hold off filing. Just put them in my file for the time being."

"I'll do that right now. Jolene, are you crying?"

"Yes, they're tears of happiness. Richard called and agreed to marriage counseling."

"That's wonderful. The hardest thing is always getting him to recognize there's a problem and seek counseling. I'm sure everything will work you for you now."

"Thank you, I'm sure it will all work out too... Oh, one more thing. Can you have your office send the statement to my work address? I didn't tell Richard I was going to file for divorce. I don't need him finding the bill in the mail and ruin our chance at reconciliation."

"I'm making a note right now for Karen to use your business address for all billing and correspondence."

"Thanks Evelyn that's wonderful. I'll see you at the monthly luncheon." Sometimes a lie is easier than the truth.

I climbed in the shower and began washing off our love making. When the warm wash cloth passed across my chest, I smelled his cologne. My emotions gave way and my whole body shook as the tears poured. I still couldn't believe it happened. My dream of the future gone. I slumped into the corner of the shower feeling the sadness and heartache rise to the surface; praying the water would rinse them away.

I not sure how long I lay there crying, but I finally turned off the water and dressed. I was half way out the door when I remembered. Removing the apartment key from my purse, I set it on the entryway table and left.

*~*~*~*~*

The drive home was a complete blur. I know more than a few times horns blared and tires squealed, but I drove on, indifferent to what went on around me. I pulled into the driveway and stared at the three bedroom hell pit we'd bought soon after I was hired. It was a foreclosed handy man special. Richard was ecstatic as he explained his dream for the house. He had sketches of his idea for the master suite. He convinced me it wouldn't be that big of a job. He was sure he could do the work himself. We would do the painting and decorating together. He'd assured me it would all be finished in a year or two at the most.

We worked on it together in the evening, ending up with lunchmeat sandwiches or drive thru food for dinner. With all our work during the week we made sure we had at least one night of 'us' time on the weekend.

Then Richard changed jobs. He explained how it had unlimited advancement possibilities. There would be travel involved but promised it would only be for a little while until he was promoted to a management position. That was three years ago.

I went inside to our bedroom, stripped off my clothes and donned shorts and a tee shirt. Looking at all the unfinished work that hadn't been touched in a long time lowered me into deeper sadness. When he comes home now, mowing the yard and washing the cars is a major chore. The rest of the time is watching TV or spending time in the spare bedroom he calls his office. It's like he lost all his enthusiasm in the last couple of years.

I thought marrying a dreamer was an exciting adventure, but when your dreamer doesn't follow through on finishing the dream, it soon becomes a nightmare. Our bed's pushed in a corner because of all the construction material piled around the room. My hanging clothes are hung on a clothes line stretched along the bare studs where the walk in closets will one day reside. The rest are in Rubbermaid tubs on the floor. Our master bath has partially done walls and a sheet of plastic covered by an old piece of the original carpet to protect the plywood subfloor until Richard finds the energy to lay the tiles that sat in boxes along the wall.

I went to the kitchen, poured a glass of wine and carried the bottle with me into the den. The only two finished rooms in the whole house. The previous owners had the kitchen remodeled a few years before they'd lost the house. The den, I repainted and redecorated while Richard started on the master suite.

I looked outside and shook my head. The backyard was still untouched from when we bought the house. Two winters ago we'd looked at magazines and Richard had sketched out a landscape plan, but nothing was ever done. It was still patchy grass with a swing set that came with the house.

I took a big swallow trying to clear the lump in my throat. Richard and I had talked about starting a family when we saw that swing set. As soon as my job was secure I remember promising him. He'd grinned and insisted we start practicing as soon as we went home. We ended up eating potato chips that night because everything was closed when we'd climbed out of bed, sated and famished. I've been putting him off ever since he changed jobs because I had no intention of raising a child by myself in this half finished house. At the pace Richard's going on the house and his job promotion, I won't have to worry about kids. Besides, I wanted some 'me' time before we had a family.

I thought about all the things Baxter and I had done while Richard was away. Not just the sex, but the dinners in downtown restaurants that I'd only read about in the paper. Dancing, I loved to dance. Bax danced with me until my feet hurt. He took me to my first opera and the symphony.

Before he changed jobs, Richard used to take me out and do fun, exciting things. When I was in law school, we lived in an apartment and had one old Ford for both of us. Richard had an entry level job that bored the shit out of him but paid well enough that we had money left over to go out and have fun. We weren't worried about car payments and mortgages back then, we only cared about 'us' time. Even after buying the house, we still managed one evening of 'us' time.

Now look at us. We make more money, but seem to have less than before. We have a shit house that always has something in it breaking along with a mortgage that jumped two per cent after the teaser rate expired. Two new cars complete with payments. He's gone five days a week, then hardly does shit when he's home. I have to live alone in this mess and I'm miserable.

Then one night it all changes. I go out to dinner with Baxter after we work our butts off expecting something at the corner diner. He took me to a restaurant that I'd only dreamed of eating at. He took me to more great restaurants, lounges with live music and dancing, and little places I'd never heard of. He showed me a side to life I thought was only a dream.

I was suddenly excited about life. I enjoyed every night after work. I began wanting the weekends to end so I could see Baxter and live the dream. When he took me to his city apartment, I found it easy to love the man that had given me that dream. The more we did, the more I wanted to live everyday with him. Then the bastard tells me he's leaving because the bitch moved back to Boston. She won't even fuck him and he follows her like an obedient dog. I showed him how it felt to be loved. I gave him what he needed and end up with an evaporating dream.

Brring! Brring!

"Shit!" I jumped and spilled my glass of wine on the couch and me.

"Hello?"

"Jo? Are you OK; you sound like you're crying?"

I refill the glass and take a big swallow before topping it off again.

"That's because I'm drinking and crying and spilled the wine when the damn phone rang and my day sucked and I hate this fucking money-sucking house for always breaking and taking away our 'us' time."

"Wow babe, sounds like your day was the pits. I wish I was there to hold you."

"Bullshit! If you cared you wouldn't have taken that fucking traveling job. You don't give a shit about me or our marriage. Before we were married, you told me we'd have the house we both loved. We'd be the perfect loving parents and take our children to all sorts of fun places on the weekend. You said how we'd have a couple of evenings a week for just the two of us to have dinner at a nice restaurant and then go dancing or a quiet picnic in that secluded spot in the park like we did when we dated. You've told me all kinds of beautiful dreams, but you haven't done any of them. All you've done is lay around and dream your stupid fucking dreams you'll never complete. I'm tired of waiting only to get more disappointment. Try dreaming how you're going to fix our marriage when you get home."