She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

I didn't want her to feel awkward. We were together for eight years, why should we be awkward? So I thought some shameless flattery might get a laugh or at least lighten the mood. It worked, and did both.

"I have missed your sense of humor Tommy. And your compliments. You always could make me feel like Miss America."

"Well if the shoe fits Debbie, wear it! So tell me, since this wasn't an accident you have to have a reason to be here. How can I help you?'

She bit her bottom lip and looked down. I knew she was searching for a way to start. I let her take her time and took a sip of my coffee.

"Ok, Tommy, bear with me. This is hard for me to say."

The last time I saw her, everything she said came easily. What could be causing her angst now?

"I came to say I'm sorry."

Unexpected, but ok, that's reasonable.

"I've been thinking about us a lot. I've been thinking about how I left you. I was horrible. You didn't deserve my leaving you like that. And I have to confess, I cheated on you. Tina and I had been fooling around on you for months when I decided to leave you. Cheating on you was the worst mistake of my life, and leaving you was second. I don't know what I was thinking, but it was stupid. So for all the pain I caused you, I am sorry. For betraying you I am sorry. And for leaving you, I am sorry. I came to ask you to forgive me. I know I hurt you and deserve to be hated, but...."

"Debbie, stop. There is no need to beg. I forgave you long ago. I couldn't have gone on if I didn't. Holding onto stuff like that just poisons you. So I moved on and put it in the past."

I took another sip of Joe.

"Seriously? I mean, you're like the lawyer of the decade! You make a living arguing and helping people get revenge. And you just dropped something like this?"

"Yeah, of course. When a case is over, I move on too. So it's not like I carry grudges professionally either. Oh, I learn from mistakes when I lose, and I don't make the same mistake twice, but gee! You have to put the past behind you if you're going to enjoy the future. So yes Debbie, you are long forgiven! No worries!"

"Ooooo-kayyyyy, then, where does that put us now?"

"The coffee is so good today. Someone deserves a raise! Anyway, you wanted to know about "us." Ok, "us" is fine. We are friends. Ours is the only breakup I ever had where one of "us" got hurt, so I'm glad "us" is back to being friends. So it's all water under the bridge. To the good times!"

I offered a silly coffee cup toast, and she happily joined me. Sitting with her there like we were felt very familiar. She giggled like a school girl with that toast. And suddenly, she was sitting a little taller. Her back was arched, and she had discreetly unbuttoned another button on her blouse. Yes I noticed, and stole several looks at the expanse of real estate that had been hiding behind that button.

"We did have good times, didn't we Tommy. You know I really regret falling for Tina. We didn't last very long you know."

"No? Well, I shouldn't be happy about that. It means you gave up something beautiful for a couple of months of whatever it was..."

"No baby!"

Did she just call me baby? Wait, giggling at jokes that aren't that funny, sitting tall, the cleavage reveal, oh shit, she's playing with her hair. She's flirting!

"I fell for a false dream! Tina wasn't real, she was just the grass being greener on the other side. You were my dream, and I fell for a nightmare that I'll always regret. She was clingy, and so lazy. She did no housework, never cooked, expected everything to be done for her, and did nothing to pay her way. It was awful...and it was just how I treated you."

She paused. I didn't interrupt.

"I'm sorry honey."

Honey huh?

"I mean, I'm really sorry. The divorce process was a wake up call to me. I was determined to really start over with Tina. I got a job the next day. I went to work in a place like this while I looked for a job where I could put that MBA to use. It reminded me of you and that dream we had of owning a nice little coffee shop. It took time, but I worked hard and paid the bills, and got an entry level job in marketing. I came home one day to find Tina in bed with a friend of ours, stoned out of her mind. She'd spent the rent money on pot and coke. I kicked her out that day, and offered my landlord interest if gave me an extension on the rent."

"I dated women, and realized that as much as I liked them in bed, I couldn't live with another woman for long. In fact I don't know how any of you guys can do it for a lifetime! Drama. It was always drama. We shared a lot of good times, didn't we? And we shared a lot of those dreams, right?"

"Yes we did. Do you want another latte?"

She nodded, and I motioned to the waitress for another round.

"This was just the kind of place we dreamed about! Tommy, what do you think? Do you think we could be more than friends? I've grown up Tommy. I make good money now. I'm a lot more productive at home too. I can be good for you, really I can. I have some money put away. At least please let me be a part of one dream. One dream and we'll see where we go from there. Maybe we can get back where we were before I got stupid. Please baby. Let me show you. We can start a place like this. I'll pay my share, and it can be an investment. It will be good for both of us! What do you think?"

"Daddy!"

A little blonde bundle of pink stomped across the terrace and flung itself into my lap. She was followed by a tall, slender package of sexy carrying two steaming coffee cups.

"A latte for you, and a black for you, on the house. Careful cowboy, you're drinking up our profits."

Debbie was obviously confused. She was also a bit embarrassed, and quickly tried to button up that extra cleavage.

"Debbie, this is my wife Cindy, and this little bit is our daughter Terri."

Cindy was gracious to Debbie. Terri charmed Debbie. All three of us could see her deflating. I didn't know what to do, but it was ok. Terri stepped in.

"Why are you sad?"

Debbie was on the verge of tears.

"Because I lost something very important, and didn't realize how important it was until just a little while ago. Now I want it back, but it's gone."

"No it isn't." I told her, and took her hand. "Remember? I forgave you. We're friends now! You are always welcome around here."

"She said you were drinking up the profits. This coffee shop, this is yours too, isn't it? So your dreams have come true! All the things we talked about, have happened for you!"

"Not quite," Cindy broke in. You see, he had dreamed of a life with you. You were more than his friend, you were his best friend. He still misses you that way. You see, as much as he loves me, he still needs a friend that isn't me that he can talk to. No one has filled that void. He needs you. Stay for dinner. We all need to talk."

Debbie did reclaim her place as my best friend, and she became good friends with Cindy as well. Cindy wasn't jealous at all. I often think she would have done a threesome with Debbie in bed with us, but that wasn't in the cards. I was crazy about Cindy, and could never get enough of her loving, so I wasn't about to share her.

Debbie married a nice guy, named Tony. They were great together, but they couldn't have kids. So they "adopted" ours as their surrogate or second parents. They were godparents to Terri's little brother, and then her little sister a year later. Our kids love Aunt Debbie and Uncle Ted, who happen to spoiled them rotten.

Debbie was still very young when Ted died. It was a sad time for us all. The kids were in high school at the time, and took it hard. By then we lived in the penthouse of the building where I had lived since college, and had plenty of room, so Debbie to stay with us while she dealt with her grief. Then we all decided who should stay a while longer as she learned to live without her husband. She was so much a part of our family, she eventually sold her own house, and became a permanent member of our household.

Cindy died ten years later, after a long battle with breast cancer. The kids were out of college by then, and Terri was married with two kids. Cindy was so proud, and loved her grandkids like she had loved Terri. That was easy since they looked just like their mother at that age, and were just as adorable..

I retired after Cindy's passing. By then I had several coffee shops. But that was only a sideline. I practiced law into my sixties, and let capable employees handle the restaurants. The day after my retirement party, I boarded a plane bound for Tahiti. I had just settled into my first class seat when a lovely woman slid into the seat beside me.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself. What are you doing here?".

"Several things. First I'm taking a trip to Tahiti."

"What a coincidence, so am I."

"Well, imagine that! Second, I promised your wife I would look out for you when she died."

"She asked you to do that?"

"She did," Debbie said as she unbuttoned one button on her shirt.

"Did she know you still hold a candle for me?"

"She did."

"How?"

"I told her."

"When?"

"One night when we were all together, before I got married. I'll never forget it. She told me it was going to be hard to understand what she was about to say, then she offered to share you with me. I mean in every way, Tommy, even in bed!"

I began to laugh, but she stopped me.

"Tommy, I tried to laugh it off, but she was very serious! This was really important to her. She told me she loved me, and she absolutely adored you. She was willing to share you with me as if I were a second wife. She went into a long diatribe on how short life was, and how we needed to seize our chances at happiness. She talked about us, I mean 'you and me' us. And she wanted us to be happy. She believed we each had a hole in our life, where the other should be. She knew you would never make a move to get together with me, not that way.

"So she begged me. Tommy, she begged me every day until I found Tony, and then she left me alone. But when we couldn't have kids, she started in again. She wanted to get us all together, Tony too, and make a plan for me to have your child and raise it as our own. Funny huh? Sounds a lot like my 'Plan B' with Tina. God I was such an ass. Then when we got tested, we found out it was me that was barren, not Tony. So she stopped.

"But when Tony died, she sat me down and insisted I move in with you guys, and let nature take its course. But by then, you were so hers, I couldn't bring myself to put an ounce of myself between you two.

"I missed you Tommy. From the moment I walked out the door with Tina, I regretted what I did. And Tina turning out so strange just made me miss you more and more. But as much as I missed you, and as big a hole as I carried in my heart, I knew you and Cindy belonged together as much as we once had. As a matter of fact, you belonged together even more, because she was strong enough to stay faithful, and I wasn't.

"When Cindy got sick, she and I spent hours talking. Tommy, I loved her every bit as much as I loved you. And when she became bedridden, she made me promise I would take care of you. She made me promise to love you openly like I did before I made the worst mistake of my life. So here I am. Cindy's orders!"

She handed me a large Manila envelope, with Cindy's handwriting on it. I held it until we took off, and then I read it. Cindy poured out her heart to me in that letter. She detailed the highlights of our life, and how she had loved me. She talked about our kids. She talked about our cafes. She talked about Debbie. She loved Debbie, much as I had known, and much as Debbie had just described. Then she told me how she always wanted Debbie and me to be complete, and be together, but with her there too. And then she told me how she had asked Debbie to care for me, and that she expected the same kind of care for me, given to Debbie. She told me flat out, "Marry Debbie, as soon as you can. Let her make up for hurting you, she was just a kid. It was the mistake of silly youth, and she didn't know what she had, or what she lost until she grew older and wiser. Give her a second chance, and give yourself one too. After all, you shouldn't suffer living without her anymore either. Heal yourself baby, it's about time. I love you. See you again in heaven."

In the bottom of the envelope was a ring box. In the ring box was the engagement and wedding ring set Cindy had worn all those years ago. Sitting next to me, she saw them as soon as I opened the box.

Debbie took the rings out of my hand, and slipped them on her finger. I was very surprised to see them reunited with the finger I had once slipped them on while promising my everything to this woman.

"Debbie, I know what Cindy told you...."

"Shhhh. I know. She's still with you. She still has all of your love. It doesn't matter what she says. Remember when we were young, and she wanted me to join you two? I told her you would never agree. Then when she talked to me about this, I told her the same thing. She has your heart forever."

"I'm sorry Debbie. It must be disappointing now that...."

"No baby, it's not. I would have disappointed if you took me back just because Cindy told you too. I would have been disappointed if you took me back while you still loved her. I would have been disappointed if you were anything but yourself. It's hard to be me right now. I want you, but only if you want me. I know you don't. Just keep letting me be your best friend awhile, and let's enjoy Tahiti."

They did, sleeping in separate rooms. She kept the rings.

Epilogue.

Debbie and Tommy lived together for 10 more years, when Debbie was diagnosed with breast cancer. He began sleeping in a fold out bed beside her so he could be there see to her every need. When she needed him close, he began sleeping in her bed with her. When his fears of losing her grew too strong to ignore, they made love. She died one night in his arms, wearing her wedding rings.