She used to be Innocent Ch. 04

Lilly knew just the way she would leave, but she dreaded it. She became accustomed to following him around and having him inside of her. Though she found herself and her actions despicable, she no longer thought of herself as an individual. With every thrust he made, with ever stroke he gave her, with every kiss he took, she was branded as his, and it was she who allowed herself to fall deeper and deeper into that identity.

"Lilly," William said, looking down at her hands. She was slightly shaking. "Will you not tell me what is bothering you?" He looked sincerely worried, which irritated her. As she felt William's hand take hers, she gave a piercing stare in his direction.

"You have violated me, forced me, pleased me without my permission, and took away the very life that I was merrily living. I tried to return to who I was and you punished me. I finally gave myself to you, which is something that you wanted and something that was significant to me, and you again punished me, and yet here you sit before me, asking me what is bothering me. Is it not noticeable?" She raised her voice, something her mother told her never to do, and her shoulders slumped in sudden realization. She looked down and attempted to humble herself, hoping that he wouldn't strike her for her outburst. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the blow that never came. She opened one, peeking out towards him, and saw a perfectly calm gentleman sitting in front of her.

William sat in silence, thinking of how to respond. He didn't want her to be scared of him, he wanted to have her. He wanted to keep her as his own, not turn her into a doll that he got out and played with when he was bored. He just...couldn't find a way to let her know what he thought of her. Within his family, the only way to show love was to spread gifts. He didn't know of any other way, and he'd hoped that she would understand today as they shopped in the market district, but she seemed so unfocussed and discouraged. Lilly realized that she shouldn't act this way if she were to follow her plan, and decided to stay quiet. She wished for the hours to pass by quickly.

"It's my name day." she said, hoping to switch the subject. William smiled softly. Perhaps he could find her a suitable present for her name day. He had, after all, already planned to shower her with gifts. Ideally, he would find something that would mean a great deal to her.

"Happy name day," he said, trying to find her gaze. He couldn't, though, as her eyes would never meet his. Every move he made caused her glare to change position, so he sulked in his seat and waited. After a long pause, he cleared his throat, hoping to catch her attention. Instead, she looked down at her feet. "We'll get you a nice wardrobe first." There were no more conversations the rest of the way.

When the carriage stopped, Lilly had trouble getting out. William had insisted on heading out first to help her, but she stubbornly refused, intent on never again trusting him with anything. Ignoring his request, she tried to step out, only to find that her dress would hike up, revealing her ankles. She paused for a moment and sighed, debating on whether or not she should jump. Another reason to be of normal height, and here she was, petite as ever.

"For Christs' sake!" William shouted, grabbing her wrist. It was only then that he realized she lost weight. He had always been able to wrap his hand around her small wrists with relative ease, his index finger and thumb able to wrap around fully and touch one another, but she seemed feebler than before. He looked at her calmly as to not show his worry and stepped outside. Gently wrapping one arm around her waist, he lifted her in the air and carried her down. Yes, she had lost weight. Lilly held onto him tightly, terrified that he might drop her, but he held her as if her weight was nothing, and lightly set her down on the dirt road. Without missing a beat, she took a few steps away from him and lowered her head.

To her surprise, she was greeted far differently than she had been greeted before. When she previously walked down the streets, she was unnoticed, overlooked, or disregarded, but today was like stepping into a different city altogether. The market seemed to only look at her as she made her way down the streets in the silky garment.

"Milady, please take a look at my fabrics! Absolutely beautiful - the best!" "Ribs of beef and many a pie!" "Fine Lady, your feet! They will thank you for wearing these!" "A song for the beautiful lady!"

No matter which way she turned, she seemed to be spoken to in one way or another, whether it be the vendors trying to sell or the young kids wanting to meet a noblewoman. It reminded her of when she was little. She would do the same thing. She never thought about whether or not they were actually of noble birth, and it occurred to her that only clothes made a lady.

William smiled as he watched her face. She was so confused at what was going on around her, and it was cute to see. Her lips slightly tilted into a smile as she experienced this new world. Holding out his arm, she placed her hands around it. He escorted her down the streets as she seemed to brighten up. It was almost like watching a child as she let go of his arm, running from vendor to vendor, her hair coming undone from her excitement.

"What's this?" She'd ask, eager to be able to try all the new foods. He'd explain as much as he could, but he wasn't a chef. Many names of spices seemed to slip his mind, and vendors had to step in and explain the process of cooking. He was surprised that she knew how to cook. Most women he knew would never be found near the cookware, but instead would order their food through their handmaidens. Lilly started speaking with a vendor, and he couldn't help but look at the back of her neck. It looked so tempting. He gulped as he heard her giggle, and looked away to regain strength. What were they talking about again?

"You mean you're not a noble?" The young vendor asked. He was rather thin, but slightly muscular. It was clear that he worked hard in his life. His skin was tanned from the sun that he stayed out in every day. His fingers were calloused, and his clothes stained. A butcher's son by the looks of it. He had told his father he'd run the booth today.

"Not at all," Lilly replied. "This man, here, he..." she paused. How was she to introduce him? Her captor? Her master? She didn't want to be with him, and she was reminded of that immediately. William smiled as he thought of her admitting what he was to her. "I'm his maid," she said with a smile. "He brought me here today because he takes very good care of those underneath him, and it is my name day." This made the young man smile.

"You are very lucky, Lilly. But, if I might be so bold, you really look like a Lady, not like a maid." She blushed in embarrassment and smiled, but her insides were twisting. Why had she allowed herself to get so distracted? Merely by food? She was no lady. She was an imposter, staying by the side of a man who was a monster.

William frowned. He didn't like the look the butcher's son was giving her, and he didn't like her answer, either. He had never viewed a woman the way he viewed her, and he expected her to know this. Maybe not know everything, but to at least know that she wasn't a toy.

"You think so?" she asked, innocently. Her eyes were sparkling from the compliment, and though the young man was respectful and good-mannered, or at least as good-mannered as a peasant could be, William saw the man's interest in her.

"Absolutely," he said. "But I'm glad that you're not. You wouldn't have talked to me otherwise." She giggled in a way that made his blood start to boil. He wanted that laugh to himself, yet she was allowing another man to have it. He trusted her enough not to fall for him, but he still didn't like the look he was giving her.

"My name is Alexander. Though most call me Alex. You can, as well, if you like."

"Hello, Alex." She said serenely. William stiffened. It occurred to him that he had never heard her call his name like that. He had only heard his name when she was begging him to not punish her.

"If you'd like, I'm sure you could be an apprentice for a while and learn to cook these foods. I'm usually the one to cook them, but my mother makes it much better than I do. You'd probably be paid more than a maid as well-" William grabbed Lilly's wrist firmly. He couldn't imagine her working for anyone else. He didn't want her to work at all, only to stay by his side.

"I'll make myself clear," he said threateningly. "She works for me, and I will not sell her." Alex lost his friendly smile. Lilly looked down as her eyes began to well with tears. She didn't want to be an item, and she wanted to take his offer; though, she wouldn't dare make William lose face in public. She wanted to be free of him already and would do anything to make that happen. She guessed Alex would be bright, so she tried her hardest to mask how she felt. She thought of how many eyes could see the situation she was in, and hoped they were few. As she returned her eyes to Alex's, her heart skipped a beat. He was watching a tear slowly fall from her cheek, and plain as he may have been, knew how desperately she sought to flee.

"Well, if you ever change your mind, I only live a mile west of here. There are a lot of houses in that direction, but I'll be outside. I'm usually outside every night." He smiled wide, as if not to understand William's intimidation. William felt his face get hot from anger, and he pulled her away from the stall.

"Please, William!" she quietly begged, trying not to cause a scene. It was no use, as people had been staring at them from the moment they stepped out of the carriage.

"There it is again." he said, furiously, continuing down the path. His strides were long and fast, causing her to run. They made a turn, making their way down a small corridor. Lilly didn't understand what he meant.

"Please, William, I beg you!" She started to struggle, hoping to slip her wrist from his grasp, but he only held on tighter. She winced audibly as she felt her wrist be squeezed painfully, and they suddenly came to a halt.

William pushed her up against a wall, his body aching for hers. There was no one around as the alley was not meant for people to travel through, but Lilly still felt embarrassed. She had known him long enough to know what he wanted.

"There it is again," he whispered, his eyes burning into hers. "I don't want you to say my name like that ever again." His gaze fell on her exposed neck, and he wondered about leaving a mark with his lips. As his breath was labored from his rage, she had to take a moment to catch hers. She wasn't used to running, and he was so much faster than she was.

"I don't know what you mean," she said, confused. "How can I-"

William's lips cut her off. He couldn't last any longer. He didn't want to do this in public, and he didn't want to feel so furious as it happened. His anger fueled him as he took his lips off hers. He already had her body on his side. His glare was causing her body to tremble and her pussy to drip. Though her eyes begged him not to continue, her body was not fighting him. The only thing he had left was to get her mind on his side, and he was intent on doing just that. Maybe it was animalistic, but he wanted her mind and body to crave every inch of him the way his craved her.

"I want to fuck you," he whispered. She looked so frightened, but her lips parted as her cheeks flushed. He placed his hand on her sleeve, causing it to slip down, exposing her chemise. It was so thin, hardly concealing her nipple. He pinched it forcefully, a whimper leaving her lips. "How do you want it this time?" He slid her other sleeve down, causing her dress to pool at her feet. He slipped his knee in between her legs, and without much restraint, she leaned against the wall, seductively moving one leg to make room for him.

"I... I don't... want it..." she said, trying to keep herself in a right state of mind, but she was intoxicated. In a way she never wanted to be - entirely unplanned and far too out of her control.

"Should I choose again?" He asked, bringing his lips down to her neck. It tickled her skin as she felt sharp pain shoot down her spine, a sharp pain that she hadn't realized she had been craving. She instinctively wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in closer. He leaned into her, his forearm against the cobbled surface, one hand wrapping around her, tracing her backbone. The soft kisses turned into heated bites as she started moaning. He was waiting for her to come around, for her mind to agree, but she had put up a wall.

He brought his head back up, her eyes looking at him with desire.

"Fuck," he said in a low growl, forming his hand into a fist, his nails digging into his palm and drawing blood. He wanted to show restraint, but her face had imprisoned him, tempting him to stay for one more stroke - even if the stroke was a small touch. The whole ordeal was making him lightheaded and his member throb. "It's not fair." His lightning glare, filled with possessiveness, made her knees quiver and her breathing ragged. Those eyes were so piercing, she would follow them anywhere. She wanted him to glare at her like that just a little longer, but she couldn't hold it anymore. Her juices were trickling down her thigh, and her legs were too week to move.

Lilly's face was causing him to lose control. Her lips were parted, her chest moving as though she had lost her breath. Her cheeks were blushed pink from heat, and she was practically panting, her eyes staring into his, slowly blinking. He started to break out into a sweat, lifting her against the wall.

"I demand you to tell me what you want, woman! Do you realize what your body does to me?" He huffed. His lips found their spot on her collarbone, and he sucked hard to leave a mark. He had sworn that he dominated her, showed her that she was his. He had made himself her master, but the face she was making... the face she was making...

He'd go all day, doing whatever she wanted, and more. All of his efforts to make her his were for naught. It was maddening to know that he had given himself to a woman, but he couldn't help it. That face she was making, too expressive to hide her genuine pleasure, wouldn't allow him to yield. He squeezed his fist harder, trying to control his desire, not noticing the drops of blood landing on the cold stone street. It was as if all the discipline he had acquired over the years had utterly vanished, leaving him victim to temptation.

Lilly breathed in sharply, trying to keep her voice down. Though the alley was not meant for people to travel through, it was still broad daylight, and people might hear. It was shameful, and she hated herself for it, but she wanted to feel him inside of her.

She suddenly felt William's member poking at her thigh. It had gotten thick and hard, too stiff to keep in his garments.

"Why?" she sobbed, causing him to pause at her entrance. He wanted to reply, but it didn't seem like she was talking to him at all. "I hate this," she admitted, a tear escaping her eyelids. "I hate this, so I don't understand... why does it have to feel so good?" He placed his forehead against hers, their breath mingling as he fought for the strength to leave her alone. It was wrong for him to do this, and he knew it. The way she ignored him today made it obvious - she didn't want this. He vowed that he would never force it on her again. Why did he break that vow...?

Because it felt good.

He wanted to keep feeling good.

"Why does it have to feel like this?" she panted, searching for the answer in his eyes. William was speechless, unable to give her an answer. Lilly closed her eyes, trying to fight the pleasure. She couldn't lose to him again. This time, she would win, and it would be unexpected. She knew she was weak, but she would give it all she had. She would fight the only way she knew how.

"William," she whimpered, looking back up at him. He froze in sudden panic. How could he possibly let her go if she said his name like that? Squeezing her eyes shut as tight as she could, she gulped, as if swallowing her pride.

"Fuck me."

Why does it have to feel so good?