Shifting Illuminations

"Who are you, all of you?" She questioned.

"We are your guides, dear one. We guide and protect you." The wolf answered.

"Why me?" The wolf seemed to smile at her, lifting one corner of its lip.

"Everyone has guides. More particularly; everyone has animal guides, spirits, totems. Whatever word for it you humans choose to label us with. We are part of your essence. You have been able to sense us for a long time, but your analytical mind has not let you open up enough for us to communicate with you. I have much to teach you, young one. Let me in and I can take you places you've never imagined. We can give you the access you need to help in the healing work you do, the research you toil away at." Aine did collapse then. A majestic lion stepped forward seeing this and dropped to the ground before her. It curled its warm body around hers.

"What about the changes?" She needed to know more.

"You will become used to them. Once you have accepted us into your waking life, you will have more control. You can learn to set boundaries for us so that we do not disturb your everyday life so much. You can ask us to only come to you when you are doing soul work, while sleeping." The wolf continued.

"But.." She was trying hard to understand what she was being told, but felt a tugging on her consciousness from a distance. Something wonderful was happening to her body and she was torn between wanting answers and wanting to come, hard. "Have I harmed any people?"

The animals were fading into the background, all but the gorgeous wolf. "It has all been in your head. You have not harmed anything other than woodland creatures. That is not really necessary for you to do, either."

"How so? I have to eat. Don't I?" She wondered.

"That is what your body demands of you. Your mind and spirit does not need nourishment, in this form. You are to follow where that form takes you and we will lead you where you must go." The wolf leaned forward and butted her with its nose, before connecting its forehead with hers. She felt an intense tingly between her two eyebrows and cried out, as she felt herself burst into flame and her body fall into an endless abyss.

"Awn, Awn." A voice was speaking, she felt her shoulders being shaken. "Aine, wake up." The voice from below was concerned and edging on panic. She opened her eyes. Her head was against the cold floor and her body contorted in a weird position. She pushed herself up and back and realized she was sitting on Dr. Le's chest. She had been doing more than sitting there, hadn't she? Something in the back of her mind told her. His mouth was glistening and wet, and she remembered. A furious rush of embarrassment flooded her face.

"Oh my God." She breathed.

"Where did you go?" His voice asked softly, from behind her. She shifted her gaze to the torn clothing beside him.

"Do you have an extra lab coat?" Goosebumps rose on the surface of her skin. She put her arms over her chest in a protective gesture. Le stood up and walked over to a closet, removing a spare lab coat and his own jacket. He walked back over to where she was standing and held the white coat up to her. She slipped her arms into the sleeves and pulled it tight around her body. "I have more clothes in my car." She stated, ignoring his question. He nodded and held the jacket out to her, but when she turned to leave, his hand on her upper arm stopped her.

"I'll walk out with you." When she wasn't watching, he licked his lips one last time, savoring the taste of her and then wiped the wetness on his sleeve. He took her arm in his as she grabbed her purse. They rode the elevator in silence and exited the building. She popped her trunk and rooted through it. She came out with a pair of worn jeans and a brown turtle-neck sweater.

"Will you guard the door so I can put these on?" She opened her back door and crawled into the car.

"Yes. But Aine?" He pulled her against his body.

"What?" She turned her head to look at him, a look of exasperation on her face, heat suffusing her cheeks.

"We have to talk about what happened." He said gently. "When you are ready." She turned away and Le gave her some privacy. She quickly threw the outfit on and hopped out of the car.

"I don't want to stay here any longer. I'm tired and hungry." She was exhausted and her mind almost on the verge of shutting down.

"Will you call me when you get home?" Le asked, knowing she needed time.

"No." She forced herself to say the words, words she promised herself she would never say to a man again. "I need you." She hid her grimace with a yawn.

"You do?" Le's heart was hopeful.

"I don't want to be alone. In case it happens again." She rushed on to say, so she sounded just a little less desperate. Le moved closer to her, so they were eye to eye, his hands rubbed up and down her arms to warm her up.

"I'm here for you." He stated, before tenderly kissing her lips. She sighed and leaned into the kiss, before breaking it and pushing him away. "We're in this together now. I know you might not be comfortable with that. But, it is what it is. I know that asking for help is not an easy thing for you."

"You know?" Her eyes hardened slightly. "What makes you think you know?" Her hands were on her hips, and she was in a defensive stance.

"I don't know. But, I know you have a hard time letting people into your personal life. I am sure a lot of that has to do with this current situation, but I sense there is more to it than that." He remedied, reaching for her again.

"You sense?" She scoffed and bit back a bark of laugh. Le focused on remaining calm for her and rubbed his forehead, just above the arch of his eyebrows, not wanting to show the frustration he was experiencing. "You know what? I've changed my mind. I think I am better off alone." She whirled around and stalked to the driver's side door, throwing it open, angry.

"I want to know." Le said, hurrying to her side. "Please don't shut me out. You're my friend and I want to help you."

"We're coworkers, nothing more." She said, coldly.

"What just happened between us was more than that. You know that and it scares you. It's OK to be scared and to have a hard time letting yourself be vulnerable."

"That wasn't me back there!" She raised her voice to emphasize her point. "That was some, some creature. I had no control over what was going on. Even if I did, that was not something I would have done with you." Her eyes bore into his.

Despite knowing that she was hurting and confused, her words wounded him. He wondered if she really believed what she was saying or if this was the only way she knew how to cope; to shut down. He was torn. Part of him thought it best to give her some space, let her work things out on her own. But, another part, the part that was winning out, didn't think she should be alone right now with her thoughts or the shadow. Making a decision, he stepped forward and took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. He stroked back her hair from her face and lightly brushed his nose against hers. No reaction. It gave him the chance he needed to reach into her car and pull her keys out of the ignition. Her fingers bit into his wrist, as they held it.

"What are you doing?" She glared at him, her blood boiling.

"I am making a decision for you. You are not thinking clearly right now. It is not safe for you to drive in this state." His voice firm.

"I'm not drunk." She clenched her teeth, annoyed at him and annoyed at herself for privately agreeing with him. "And this decision of yours, what does it involve?"

"That's up to you. I can either drive you home and tuck you into your bed." Her face visibly relaxed a bit at his words. "Or I can take you home with me and tuck you into my bed."

"So either way, I end up in bed." She yawned widely. "With you." She surmised, making it a statement and not a question. He reached behind her and shut her door, then locked it with the keyless entry remote on her keychain. It beeped and she jumped into his arms.

"That is entirely up to you. But yes, you will end up in bed, either way. Your decision." He said, giving her a choice. But all along, they both knew the decision was out of her hands.

"Doctor's orders?" Her lip lifting slightly in a half smile.

"Doctor Le's orders, yes." He grinned at her.

"In that case, take me home." He took her cold hand in his warm one, and she allowed him to steer her to his car. He opened the door for her and she climbed in.

***

The first thing Aine noticed about Le's home was that it was very neat and tidy. She expected it to be, based on the way he organized his work space. While she managed to keep it together at work, at home she was more comfortable with organized clutter. Le led her to his couch and sat down with her. She looked around at his home. It had a modern style to it. There were framed Ansel Adams photos hanging on the crème brulee painted walls, along with other nature scenes; these photographs in color. She also noted some Asian inspired accents, which probably reminded him of where he had come from. She was about to get up and explore, when his face came into her line of vision.

"Aine, can I offer you something to eat or drink? You need to replenish your energy." The doctor in him took over.

"Only if you have raw meat." Her face showed no expression. When she saw the shocked look on his face, she pecked him on the cheek. "Le relax. I'm kidding. I told you I'm a vegetarian."

"But the wolf?" Le was picturing her wolf form tearing into the flank of a deer and winced.

"The wolf and I are both fine. I will take some tea if you have it though. My stomach is too jumpy to eat right now." While Le got up to put the kettle on the stove, Aine glared at the shadow that lurked in the corner.

"I don't know how to accept you into my life." She whispered a hiss at it.

She heard in her mind the answer of "Trust us." She threw her hands up in frustration.

"I don't know how!" She complained.

"You can start with opening your heart again." The female voice answered.

"No. I'm not going there. Not with him. Not with anyone. My heart is closed. End of discussion. Now please, leave me alone." The shadow leaped at her and knocked her against the cushions of the couch. The wolf's paws were on her shoulders.

"Sooner or later you will have to concede. It's part of your path." The shadow receded.

"What's that?" Le called out to her, when he thought he heard her ask him a question.

"Nothing." Her clipped voice replied. Le took up the two mugs and flipped a switch on his way back to the living room. The smooth sounds of jazz music floated on the air. He knew it relaxed him and hoped it would do the same for her. She was strung tight about now. When he returned with the mug of tea, Aine was staring intently at something. Her face was red and her fists were clenched at her sides. Le rushed forward, almost toppling the hot tea on top of her. Her reflexes were unnaturally quick and she righted the tray.

"That was close." He sat down beside her.

"Listen, after we talk about what happened and I finish this tea, I'm going to ask you to drive me home. I do need to be alone. It's nothing against you. I really appreciate the interest you are showing, even if it scientific." She muttered the last words. But he heard them.

"If that's what you need to do." He agreed. "But Aine, this isn't about science. It isn't even about my curiosity. It's about you and." He started. She stood up and held her hand up to stop his flow of words.

"Regardless." She started. His fingertips brushed against hers. The shock of the gentle touch had her forgetting momentarily what she was about to say. Le saw the opportunity in the distraction and with more strength than he realized, leaned forward, placed his hands on her trim waist, and pulled her towards him. He looked up into her eyes as he lifted her shirt up, and pressed a kiss to the soft skin of her stomach, moving his lips back and forth.

Aine's heart started pounding. Something inside her told her that the shadow was waiting for just such an opportunity, as well. Le let the sweater slip back into place and walked his fingers up her arm to her shoulder. He brought her down to his level, nudged the collar of the turtle-neck to the side and buried his face in her neck. She smelled like vanilla and with a hint of something fruity. A curtain of red caressed his face, as she moved her head slightly to glare at the shadow. It crouched in waiting.

"Stop denying yourself." The voice in her head urged. She closed her eyes as his lips sought her earlobe.

"You should wear your hair like this more often." His hot breath whispered into her ear. A shiver ran through her at the change in his normally serious tone. "I like it." He said playfully, as his lips finally closed over her earlobe and sucked it into his warm mouth. He ran a tendril of her hair between his thumb and forefinger, relishing the silken feel of it. She felt her body moving of its own volition to perch on the edge of his couch.

"I wear it like this all the time when I'm not at work." She told him, enjoying what his mouth was doing to her ear, but more so the soft stroking of her hair. Memories of what his mouth did to other, more intimate places, had the blood rising to her cheeks. Le felt warmth heat up her cheek and looked at her, seeing the blush sitting there. God she was even cuter, blushing!

"I do believe you are blushing, Aine. Might I ask what has caused the color to rise to your cheeks?" He smiled at her. Damnable pale skin, she thought to herself. She took a deep breath to steady herself.

"I think we should probably talk about what happened to me back whe-when you know, when I blanked out." She finished with a huff. Le straightened up, recognizing that she was evading again.

"Yes, of course. You are right." His tone once more became serious and analytical. "Tell me what you experienced. Leave no detail out." She was staring at him with wide green eyes. Would he think she was insane? At the very least unstable? A tear slipped out and before she could angrily dash it away, hee gently caught it on his thumb, which was rubbing against her cheek.

"I'm not sure why I'm crying." She told him.

"Your body is releasing the stress of the situation. It's a natural thing to be happening." He told her, as if she didn't know the mechanisms and reasons for crying. She meant why now. She sighed. He handed her a tissue from the side table beside the couch. She took it.

"Where's your bathroom?" She questioned him, hiding her face behind the tissue.

"Down the hall, second door to the right." He pointed. She got up and walked slowly to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and admonished herself. She let out a scream, when she saw her reflection. The face of a red-brown wolf superimposed itself over her own drawn face. The eyes were golden and the snout long. She lifted her lip up in a mock smile and gasped, touching the glass with her fingers, seeing large white canines sticking out from her lips.

A pounding sound came from the door. Le had heard the scream. But she was paying him no mind right now. Let him keep pounding. She was mesmerized by the image in the mirror, her image. Or her image and the wolf: A guide? A demon? A piece of herself? Her true self? What did it matter? She was exquisite. She flipped her long red hair and watched the image respond with fur bristling and flowing, as if on a breeze. She let out a hysterical little giggle.

"Aine, are you alright? Please let me in. I heard you scream. Aine." The pounding continued. Le's voice was frantic. "I'm going to pound this door down." He yelled. "At least just say something, so I know you haven't fallen or something." She responded with a low, guttural growl.

Upon hearing the animal sound, Le stopped pounding, and lowered his voice.

"Aine. I'm going to go back into the living room now. You take your time. I didn't mean to upset you further." All the while, backing slowly away from the door. He heard scuffling and banging and an anguished cry. What had he gotten himself into? His sense was at last returning and he snapped out of a momentary trance. Within the bathroom, the wolf woman swung around, smashing against the sink. It fell off the wall, the porcelain shattering. She swept her tail up in her half hand/half paw and pet it, with wonder.

"A tail?" The human part of her mind questioned. She stalked forward, stood on her hind legs and pushed the door. It fell off its hinges and smacked to the ground, cracking in half.

"Do I look awful?" She asked him. She was only half-way transformed. The wolf legs merged back into human legs and she walked down the hall, her imposing presence pushing the man back. Le's back was against the door. He grasped the handle and pushed it open, slipping inside the dark room, stumbling. The wolf woman kept coming.

"Aine." The named barely registered in her mind. Her golden eyes burned into his; he felt like a deer caught in headlights. Her human hands were edged with claws; sharp, dangerous looking claws. He had encountered them once before and he knew they could do major damage, given the chance and circumstance. He didn't want to give her that chance.

He skirted around his bed, putting the bed between himself and her. She put one leg on the bed and climbed onto it, crawling across it, her eyes never wavering from his. Le's adrenaline was pumping, palms sweaty and there was fear in his eyes. Where last time he was able to see Aine in the wolf's eyes; this time only the animal stared at him.

She crouched, looking ready to spring at him. Le quickly grabbed up a blanket from the end of his bed and threw it over her. She thrashed around. He climbed onto the bed to tighten the blanket around her body, trying to keep her still. She howled and slammed against him, knocking him to the ground. But the constraints held. When he had thrown the blanket over her, the woman disappeared, leaving only a slathering she-wolf in his room. She looked hungry, judging by the drool dripping off her muzzle.

He grabbed two more blankets and repeated the same action. He didn't want Aine to hurt herself or to hurt him. He just wanted to slow her down. He needed to think. He needed to get through to her. He knew it was only a temporary fix, but he wished he had had the forethought to bring the antidote from the lab with him. He hadn't. He placed his hand on the blanket and felt trembling and fighting. He smoothed his hand up and down, trying to soothe. The last time, he hadn't actually seen her shift completely. This time was different and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it. He sat down beside her, continuing to rub, as you would do to soothe a child, or a frightened animal. It seemed to be working. The thrashing had stopped and her heaving breath was slowing down too.

"Aine." He said. "I'm going to unwrap you now. I'm hoping you can understand me, like the last time. I'm going to unwrap you and then walk away so you can get your bearings. I'm not going to hurt you, so I need you to not hurt me. OK?" Movement ceased, but the soft rise of the blanket let him know she was OK. He carefully began to untangle the blankets from around her. When there was only one fold left to un-tuck, he got off of the bed and took a step back, stretching his arms to finish the job of pulling the blanket off. He backed up towards the door.

"Le, help me," The voice pleaded in his head. "I don't know what to do." Aine felt torn in two directions and it was painful. Every nerve ending in her body seemed lit afire, and she was afraid the pain of it would kill her. She begged the animal part to release her. But, at the same time she reveled in the new found freedom and sensations, especially the acute sense of smell. She could smell Le's scent on the pillow that she was resting her head on, and a few feet away she smelled Le himself. She sniffed the air. Beyond that she could smell the scent of wood, the hardwood floor she guessed, and maybe the wood from the fireplace she had seen in the other room. She liked that smell. The herby, minty scent of her tea, with a hint of milk. She sniffed deeper and looked across the room at him. She could smell the blood under his skin. That would not satisfy her hunger, she knew.