Shooting Matt Ch. 09

Matt and Liam, with Randy's blessing, head to the lake.

Thanks to LarryInSeattle for editing.

This is a pretty sedate chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

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"Pop, you're nuts. There's no way."

"Why?"

Matt has said nothing. I've discovered it is nearly impossible for me to tell what's going on behind those hazel eyes.

"Why? I need to work."

"What do you make a month?"

"After taxes, depending on overtime, twelve, maybe thirteen-hundred bucks."

"I can spot you that if you're right and they shit-can you, which I doubt 'cause you're the only one there without his head up his ass. If they don't fire you that means I'll pay you a month's salary for your two-week vacation, plus you'll have the two weeks' salary you'll make when you get back. That's works out to six weeks of pay for two weeks of work."."

"How are you going to give me twelve-hundred bucks?"

"Let me worry about that."

"I don't have a job but I'm supposed to be training," Matt offers. I've noticed that when he's being serious, the 'bro', 'brah', and 'dude' are dropped less frequently.

"There's a lake, beautiful lake, unless it's changed completely since I was there, which is possible. It's been more than twenty years. You can swim your ass off."

"Hmm, okay, cool, be tough to practice my turns, but okay." He looks at me with that damn expressionless face. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why should Liam and I take off and spend two weeks in a cabin you've paid for on a lake you remember going to as a kid? Why? Are you trying to get rid of me? You playing little Miss Matchmaker?"

"No, to both." I hold up my hand and he closes his mouth before I continue. "But, I do want you two to have a chance to be alone, sort things out, see how you feel." I turn to my son, knowing what he's about to say. "I am not playing the martyr. No one will be happier than me if you come back after two days hating each other's guts. What I am being, is realistic. The plain, simple, unalterable fact is, there are a lot of years separating my life from Matt's. Maybe that's not insurmountable but maybe it is. An objective look at the situation suggests that you two have a better chance, even if it is a long shot. You're both young and, speaking from personal experience, I'm not big on the odds of college romances lasting.

"I want, need, to give you two a chance before I'm too far gone to let you." I hadn't meant to make that confession; it just came out. There's nothing I can do about it now. "If you come back convinced there's no spark, no real interest, I'm happy to see what happens from there.

"This is important. To the extent possible, forget about me. I'm not being a martyr; don't either of you play that role. Don't make what happens between you two about me. If you do, if I, if all of us, can't trust that there's nothing between you, it will poison whatever Matt and I may find together."

"I'm not gonna compete with my own father over a date," Liam snaps.

"You're not. I'm not talking about a date and neither are you," I reply, keeping my voice even. If Liam gets his back up, this will never work. "I love you," I remind my son before turning to Matt. "And, I think there's more than an off chance I could grow to love you." I lean back and look at the two of them. "The two of you being happy together would hardly be the end of the world. Trust me; we need to know, or nothing else is going to work, not between Matt and I, or between you and I. And that would be the worse outcome, at least in my mind.

"Matt, bud, I truly don't want to put you in a position where you feel like you have to choose between Liam or me. On the other hand, I can't go forward, wondering if I'm choosing you over Liam's happiness."

No one speaks for a long time.

***

I was in a daze when I pulled into the driveway. The wetness in my pants made it clear what was looping over and over in my head had truly happened. If I had any doubts, I could watch it on Matt's phone. I sat in the truck, listening to the metallic clicks and clanks as the engine cooled.

"We should erase the video," I finally manage.

"What? No fucking way, bro. That shit is fucking hot, hot, hot."

"Perhaps, but at least the part in the truck, that has your face on it, maybe both our faces."

"So?"

"So, shit like that video has a way of wiggling its way out of your control, no matter how tightly you try to hold onto it. You already said you're not interested in everyone at State knowing you're gay. That shit on the internet might blow your cover don't you think?"

"I'm not sure I want to stay in the closet any longer," is his somewhat surprising reply. "Besides, who said anything about putting it on the internet, bro?"

I shrugged, trying, and apparently failing, to hide my unease.

"Are you fucking telling me you've posted shit on the 'net? Bitch, you are fucking full of surprises. Show me."

"I've only done it once and there's no way to tell it's me. Later, maybe, I'll show you. Too much to do today," was my reply to his question and request.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Liam had the rotted boards and the boards that needed to be trimmed off and waiting. It went faster than I had planned. We had the fence power washed before mid-afternoon. We were eating a late lunch when I sprang my request on them.

Cedar Lodge, on Cedar Lake, had been a favorite when I was a kid. We started going before I was old enough to really remember. After the old man disappeared, it was one of the few before-your-father-walked-out-on-us activities that continued. We always had the same cabin. Most years there were at least one or two families we'd remember from the year before. I got my first kiss sitting on the end of the dock from Janet. I don't know if I've forgotten her last name or never knew it. By the next summer, she acted as if I had a putrid bag of offal hanging around my neck. Even getting dissed by Janet, couldn't ruin Cedar Lodge for me. It took college, or more accurately, Mary Beth, to end Cedar Lodge for me.

That had been what I rummaged through the buffet drawer for earlier. The old Cedar Lodge brochure. It was still there. The phone number was unchanged. They had a small cabin available for two weeks, not right on the lake but an easy walk. I gave them my credit card number on the spot.

Now, late lunch over, all I had to do was to convince them.

***

Speech, and lunch, over, Randy excuses his self and leaves his son and Matt sitting amid a clutter of crumb strewn plates and empty milk glasses. Matt pushes his chair back, carries his plate and glass to the sink and begins to wash them. Liam methodically presses the tip of his right index finger to the crumbs on his plate. Satisfied he's scavenged the lot, he licks his fingertip clean. Matt, reaches around him and takes the plate and glass. He washes them and adds them to the dish drainer.

"I want to do it," he says turning and resting his butt against the counter. "Brah, does that make me a total D bag?"

Liam shakes his head. "No, I think worrying that it makes you a D bag means you aren't a D bag." He looks at his friend. "But that doesn't mean you won't feel like a D bag; I do."

"Dude, do you think he's doing that deal you were telling me about, using this as a way of getting out of the situation?"

"No," Liam says, shaking his head slowly. "I don't. There'd be more drama. I think he really believes this is a good idea."

"Do you?"

Liam doesn't answer immediately. His crumb-deprived fingertip draws circles on the table top. "I'm not sure," he replies at last. "I want to say, 'yes' but maybe that just means I want it to be a good idea, so I can spend two weeks with you."

"So, brah, you would like to spend two weeks with me?"

Liam stares at his friend for a moment. "Duh. Yeah. Fuck."

"Don't be duhhing me, bitch. I thought that'd be your answer but seemed safer not to assume." He softens the word with a smile. "In the spirit of full disclosure, due diligence and reciprocity - see I pay attention in class - I'm glad that's your answer. And I'd like to spend some time with you."

"Is that our decision then?" Liam asks softly.

"Yeah," Matt answers. "I guess it is. You cool with me talking to the dadster about this, alone?"

"Knock yourself out - bitch."

***

"If his is such a good Idea, why do I feel so totally fucking shitty about it?"

Matt tries to sound casual but I can see the pain in his eyes, those fucking hazel eyes.

"I'm not pretending I don't feel shitty about it myself," I tell him in total honesty. "I keep telling myself it's been like, what ninety-six hours, so what's the big fucking deal. I keep telling myself that but it's not working so hot. I'm not going to pretend there's not part of me that imagines you moving in here. I'll do my warehouse shit; you'll do whatever it is you'll do after college and we'll fuck our brains out. I've told you a dozen times the problems I see with that becoming a reality.

"I've watched you and Liam. You like each other; that's obvious enough. I keep wondering if the universe used me to get you two together, or some cosmic karma shit like that. If you tell me you don't have any interest in Liam and, that's a big and buddy, you make me believe it - don't go, stay here."

Matt sits on the concrete step for several minutes without speaking.

"Well, bud, that's the answer isn't it? You can't tell me you aren't interested. That's okay. Honest. We're a shit fuck distance from talking about exclusivity. Even if we were, I'd be a bigger fool than I am to imagine you'll never be interested in someone else. At some point, all couples have to deal with how they are going to deal with that sort of interest. I don't believe, no matter how committed a couple is, that sexual interest in others ever dies, not totally anyway."

"What if I say I wasn't going?"

"Bud, I can't make you do anything. But, don't you think just the idea will cause a lot of problems. I don't see a way around it. All I see is letting it play out, hopefully with a minimum of pain and hurt feelings."

Matt nods. "Okay." He looks at me. "I feel like an asshole."

"Don't," I whisper. "I don't think you're an asshole, far from it."

I push myself out of the old nylon strap lawn chair and cross to him. It's a tight squeeze but I sit beside him on the step.

"Even, if we never, ever, have any more time together, like we've had the past few days, believe me when I say - it's been some of the best days of my life, to date. I don't regret any of it, not one second. I hope you'll come to feel the same about it."

"Come to feel the same? God, you're fucking stupid sometimes."

His eyes are wet as he turns to hug me.

***

"Oh for Christ's sake," I sigh in exasperation. "You look like you're on your way to a funeral. Knock it the fuck off or get out of the car. I'm not paying good money for you two to spend two weeks looking like both of your dogs have died and you lost your dicks, all in the same tragic accident."

"Fuck," Liam cries, sitting upright and looking at me with panic. "I can't go. Mom. I totally forgot about mom. I'm supposed to be back over there tomorrow."

"Don't sweat it."

"Oh, please. You and I both know what a shit storm this will be. Dad, seriously, I can't go."

I can't tell if Matt looks relieved or alarmed.

"Liam, I talked to her already." Panic and horror flares in my son's eyes and I hasten to reassure him. "Not about that. I told her you had met someone who invited you to go to the lake. The summer's barely started. You'll have plenty of time when you get back." I smile. "To be honest, I think your mom was a little relieved. Apparently, you're not the only one finding this bonding business stressful." I pat him on the arm, lean past him to touch Matt on the cheek. "Get the fuck outta here. You can make it there before dark. Cabin 14. Check in is open until 9, get there after 9 and you sleep in the car. I've no doubt you've forgot something critical. Tough. Don't drag your asses back in an hour whining about forgetting your special pillow or something. Bye. Go. Now."

"Hang on," I holler as Liam takes his foot off the brake and the car begins to move.

"I thought you wanted us to GO!" Liam cries.

"I do but I want you to be careful. The Poconos aren't Mississippi but there are similarities. I'd be careful about getting too friendly out in public. No use in looking for trouble."

"Okay, pop. I won't let Matt have his way with me on the pool table at some red-neck bar." He rolls his eyes are me and I want to fucking smacking him in the head. "May we go now?"

I nod and step away from the car. I refuse to stand there and watch the car disappear. I do a bit of mental math. They should get there right before it's dark. I have no idea if they'll have cell phone reception. I remember the lodge as setting in a pretty steep little valley.

***

"What's that?"

Matt shrugs. "Music, I assume. Keep your eyes on the road, brah." He pops it in the CD player. "The dadster gave it to me, to us, for the drive."

"Are you fucking kidding me," Liam groans as the nasal voice of Willie begins to croon 'On the Road Again'.

"Chill, bitch. I like Willie. Though," Matt continues after pausing, "this is not one of my favorites. Apropos perhaps but, still, have to say, not up there with his best."

"If the next one sucks, I'm chucking it out the window, dude."

"No way, brah. I was just being polite earlier. It's not ours, it's mine." He glances sideways at Liam. "Besides, you told me you like your old man's taste in music."

"I do. It's just -" his voice trails off.

"Yeah, I know. But, if we can't listen to a playlist from the dadster I don't see how this will ever work. It's not like we'll never see him again, no matter what happens." Matt's face breaks into a giant grin and he does a drum roll on the dashboard. "Fuck, yeah." He punches Liam on the shoulder and then twists the volume knob. Jimi's voice and guitar fills the car.

All Along the Watchtower, I Wanna be Sedated, Rock the Casbah, Black Dog and more, serenade them. Liam forgets to resent his father's intrusion. Before they hit the Penn state line, he's pounding on the steering wheel.

They stop once for gas. Matt compares Randy's crude map and directions to those on his phone. It's straightforward. They made good time. Matt points out the last turn a little before 8:00 pm.

The resort looks its age, is Liam's first thought as the tires crunch to a halt on the gravel in front of the largest building. It's a great location, though. The lake, water dark in the fading light, stretches out, long and sinuous a hundred yards down the hill he's parked on. The forest is pock-marked here and there by small clearings, sporting cabins, grills and closer to the lake, a beach volley ball set up.

"Nice, brah. Nice," Matt drawls as he climbs out of the Civic and looks around.

"Mmm," Liam offers.

They walk toward the door marked "Office" in paint so faded it's hard to tell what color it used to be. Liam pulls the screen door open and enters.

"Sweet, Jesus!" the woman behind the counter gasps and stares at him.

Liam skids to a halt and Matt, looking around the inside of the building, walks into him. Liam looks down, instinctively, at his fly. It's zipped. Is there something on his face he wonders? He's vaguely alarmed as the woman rounds the counter and heads straight for him. He glances at Matt for support. Matt shrugs and smiles.

Liam wills himself not to flinch as the woman reaches up and takes a hold of his chin with her fingers. He lets her turn his head to the left and then to the right.

"I'll be dipped in shit," she whispers as she takes a half step back. "You're the spittin' image of your father. You could be his damn twin if you weren't so young," she finishes, eyes wide in wonder.

"You know my dad?"

"Yup," she snorts. "You tell him he hurt my feelings. I can't believe he didn't recognize my name." She holds out a hand. Liam shakes automatically. "Glenna, Glenna Anderson. 'Course, your father knew me as Glenna McCormick. I wasn't married then. Good thing. I had the biggest damn crush on Randy," she tips a wink at the flabbergasted Liam. "My momma, she ran the place back then, was constantly on me about bothering him." She chuckles. "I'm sure I was a pain in his ass. What sixteen-year-old wants a thirteen-year-old girl hanging around."

She beams at Liam and claps her hands under her chin. He can't help smiling. It's easy to see the thirteen-year-old girl inside the woman.

"And, now, here you are," she says in wonder.

"Here I am, too," Matt says, pulling his face into a make-believe pout.

"Yes, sir. There you are too," Glenna replies. She cocks her head to one side. "And aren't you a cutie pie yourself." She shakes her shoulders, as if someone had douse her with cold water. "Back to work Glenna." She turns and walks toward the counter. "Come on fellas, let's get you settled."

"Here you go. It's Liam, right?" She asks, handing him a form.

"Yes, ma'am."

"You aren't at church camp. Glenna will do just fine. Two keys I'm guessing."

"Yes, m - Glenna. Please."

"Holy crap, you don't just look like your father, you act like him. Always worrying about being polite. There's nothing wrong with that," she adds, seeing the lines appear around Liam's eyes. She turns to Matt. "What should I call you, cutie pie?"

"Cutie pie is growing on me," Matt tells her with a smile.

"He's name is Matt," Liam snorts without looking up from the registration form.

"Nice to meet you, Matt. I'll show you around the clubhouse while Liam finishes up the paperwork." She steps from behind the counter and Matt follows.

"I keep a few odds and ends, toothpaste, etc for sale. There's a Walmart about 10 minutes down the road. Kroger's is closer and has most of what you might need. We got two ping pong tables and a pool table. You need four quarters for the pool table but the cash box is open, drop 'em in and fish 'em back out. Ping pong paddles are over there," she points without looking. "You're lucky, in a few more weeks, the damn kids will have 'em beat to pieces. For the life of me, I don't know what they do with those paddles." She walks to a door that opens onto a deck, the lake lies beyond it. "The clubhouse locks up at nine but you can use the deck anytime. You can swim pretty much anywhere along the shore. There's a ladder at the end of the dock. Stay on the side away from the boats. You can rent a boat or canoe if you want. Around the side, where you came in, there's soda machines."

She leads Matt back to the counter. "The pools over there," she points with her chin, picking up the registration card. "You probably saw it as you pulled in. It's open until 11. We don't have a bunch of rules here, beyond be nice to folks. Most of the folks my age and older or aging hippies. You didn't hear it from me but if you're discrete, no one is likely to fuss if you smoke a little weed. But be smart about it, don't sit on the end of dock smoking a J, while grammy Sally is showing little Billy Bob the pretty fishies."

She looks at them sternly.

"Yes, ma'am," Matt answers then starts to laugh.

"Cutie pie, you already stoned?"

"No, unfortunately, he's like that all the time," Liam tells her. "Glenna?"

"Yeah, hon?"

"Is there a restaurant close by?"

"You can buy sandwiches, pre-made, at the Kroger's." She points over her shoulder. "Until 9, I can make you a burger, hot dog, chicken wings, frozen of course, or throw you a frozen pizza in."

"Pizza and a dozen wings," Matt tells her. "Will you join us?"

"Cutie pie, why you want me to join you?"