Should I Be Jealous of a Vibrator?

Men ask, "Should I Be Jealous of a Vibrator?"

In a word, NO! Men should love vibrators, but the reasons may not be obvious.

The question is asked frequently. There's an odd insecurity lurking in the hearts of some men. Similar questions have been asked at ehealthforum, askmen, menshealth, goodtoknow, answers.yahoo, nbcnews, cosmopolitan, girlsaskguys, and so many more places.

Some male concerns are expressed with the following themes:

1) "She masturbates with a dildo twice as large as me. I'm worried she is used to the extra girth, and I won't satisfy her."

2) "I have never made her come, but the Rabbit does it every time. I'm worried I can't satisfy her, and she doesn't need me."

3) "I want to please my lover, but the moment I climb off, she uses her vibrator. It makes me feel inadequate."

4) "She says 'no' to sex and then masturbates without me. I fear she's bored with me."

5) "It says right on the box: 'Better Than a Man'."

6) "I think I'm a great lover, but I can't vibrate. It's not fair."

On one hand, it's heartening to read about men desperately wanting to please women, but feelings of inadequacy abound. I'm going to say it straight out: Few men will ever satisfy a woman's animal urge to come as effectively as a vibrator. I'm sorry guys. That's just the way it is. Men should cherish this fact instead of claiming injustice. Before I explain, let me first quote some interesting but misguided advice one columnist gave to a woman who asked the following question:

Question: My guy is upset because I use the vibrator to give me a climax after we make love, but it's what I'm used to. Shouldn't he be able to accept it?

Answer:Reaching orgasm can be complex and elusive for us women, so I appreciate that your vibrator gives you climaxes at the flick of a switch.

But your man wants to bring you to a climax, too. I bet you'd feel rejected if he toyed with you a bit, then turned away and penetrated a blow-up doll. Even if he added: 'I hope it's OK, but this is the easiest way to get satisfaction.'

That answer is the most sympathetic to male anxiety. It's so terribly misguided. It's the wrong way to think about it. First, to get this out of the way: Men masturbate after sex, too. It's more common for men in pornography to jerk off on the woman's ass, tits, or face than to come inside her. That may be the result of cinematic concerns, but the reality is than many men prefer the tried and true sensations provided by their hand. Second and more importantly, men needed to think about the sad alternative: their lover's persistent dissatisfaction.

I'll lay it out as simply as I can. See if you can follow my logic:

A) She loves you and wants you to experience pleasure in her body, but your woman never has orgasms during sex with you.

B) She doesn't have orgasms from masturbating - perhaps because she doesn't use a vibrator.

C) Her body and her mind crave orgasms making her frustrated and dissatisfied with sex.

D) A handsome guy advertising his good genes and social capital takes a fancy to her.

E) She values your relationship but knows something is missing. Through some misalignment of stars or pheromones or whatever, he gives her what you never could - or he doesn't.

F) This doesn't end well for you.

Contrast the sad scenario with the happier one:

A) She loves you and wants you to experience pleasure in her body, but your woman never has orgasms during sex with you.

B) She frequently has orgasms when masturbating with her vibrator.

C) Her body and her mind crave orgasms which she gives herself as soon as you climb off because she enjoys basking in afterglow cuddles with you.

D) A handsome guy advertising his good genes and social capital takes a fancy to her.

E) She knows a dalliance with him will give her nothing that her vibrator can't, and she values your relationship too much to give the scoundrel the time of day.

F) You end up sliding your penis into her love canal for years to come.

Look at it this way. Your woman opens herself to you. She wants you to feel pleasure. She takes pride in arousing you to climax. You want to please her just as much. You want to take pride in arousing her to climax, too. In an ideal situation, that's how it works. But, women's bodies are complex finicky enigmas capable of bestowing mind bending pleasure for hours and soul shattering frustration for years. Be honored to accept her offering to you. She wants to be your lover because you provide tender devotion and reliable partnership that plastic and batteries can never match.

Don't worry about her masturbating without you. You masturbate without her, too. Sometimes, a woman wants to scratch an itch and doesn't seek tender loving interaction. It's no different than you jerking in the shower because you can't be bothered with dinner and foreplay. You still love her. She still loves you.

Here's the bottom line: Be grateful for her vibrator because she can never love it the way she can love you. Don't begrudge her sexual satisfaction no matter what it's source as long as it doesn't result in her leaving you. No woman is going to abandon a loving relationship just because she only comes on Rabbit setting number two.