Should've Been

I knew a way to get to him. Once I figured out that he was okay and just angry at me, I felt so much better. Somehow, just knowing that he was okay made my day better. I still longed to see him but it was an improvement.

I called my mom. Jake loved her. If she called, he'd answer. It took almost everything I had to keep my composure while I spoke to her. She was as full of questions as the police were. And once I admitted that the argument was my fault, she wanted to know what I'd done. I just begged her to call him.

Almost two hours later I called her back. My mom was getting a bit older so I was sure that she'd spoken to him and then forgotten to call me back. She hadn't. She refused to call me after speaking to him.

"Mom I know that it sounds bad, but Jake doesn't understand some of it," I said. "I know that what I did was bad, very bad, but Jake doesn't really understand what he told you I did."

"Jake didn't tell me what you did," she said. "But I kind of figured that by the way you're sneaking around trying to get in touch with him, you were the one who fucked up. And Aubrey, you're my daughter. I love you. I have ever since the first breath you took. I'm always going to be on your side in most things, but I won't help you kick a puppy."

"Mom, I'm not trying to kick him. I love him and I want him back," I said.

"Aubrey you haven't heard the pain in that man's voice," she said. "You hurt him bad. A lot of people love that man and I'm not sure he's ever going to be the same. Whatever you did, I hope it was worth it."

* * * * * *

Jake

For the first week, I did nothing. I sat in a hotel and just hurt. Almost as soon as I'd left the house, I blocked Aubrey's number and the home number from my iPhone. I could still call her but no incoming calls would even be connected.

I did call Brenda and tell her that I was taking some time off. For a couple of days I just ate, slept and thought. I went over every aspect of my life. I realized that Aubrey didn't love me. I realized it not through overwhelming intelligence or insight but through a math-like proof. I knew that I love Aubrey. I love her deeply and completely. There is no way that I could ever touch another woman. Aubrey didn't have the same limitations, therefore she couldn't love me.

Once I had worked that out, I had to figure out what to do about it. On the third day I was visited by a police detective. She was a tall pretty woman and she looked at me with concern written all over her face. After we spoke, I asked her not to reveal my location to Aubrey and she told me I had nothing to worry about.

I spoke to Aubrey's mother the next day. Speaking to her really made me feel better. Speaking to my mother in law made me realize something else. I had done nothing wrong. The only mistake I made was falling in love with and trusting the wrong woman. I also trusted the wrong person as a friend.

I wasn't even thirty years old yet. I had too much life ahead of me to give up. The next morning I did something I hadn't done in a while. I went out for a run. I was a bit out of shape so that first day kicked my ass. When I got back to the hotel I had a great breakfast and started making calls. I called Brenda first and then my lawyer. I told Brenda that I was coming back to work but not during the day. I'd come in during the evenings and handle the contracts and leave work assignments for everyone. I wanted her to start quietly looking for someone to replace Steve but not to say a word about it.

"Are you back home now?" she asked. "Aubrey was..."

"Brenda, just do as I've asked," I said.

My normal business lawyer gave me a referral to a guy who was supposedly the best family law guy in the state. I saw him the next day. I gave him the specifics of the case and fortunately I didn't need proof. Both Aubrey and Steve had been questioned by the police and had admitted to the affair. It was then a matter of public record.

I didn't do anything with our bank accounts. I didn't take any money out or hide anything. I didn't want to leave Aubrey penniless. I didn't want to hurt her at all. I still loved her too much to ever do that. But I needed her out of my head and out of my life.

The next thing I looked at was that I needed a change. I had money. I decided to use some of it. I hired a real estate guy to find a new house for me. I'd heard that on divorce cases the woman usually got the house. My lawyer had told me that since I wasn't the guilty party and we had no kids I might end up with it. But I didn't want it. I wasn't sure I could ever walk into that place again.

There were other things that needed to change too. I remember walking out of my hotel one day for a meeting with my real estate guy and looking at my car. Aubrey and I had similar BMWs. Our cars were a pair like I always thought that we'd be. But if we weren't a pair anymore, why shouldn't I have a different car.

By the end of the day I was driving a black Mustang GT. I took the car to a custom shop and changed its appearance. The factory rims had to go. I went for black 20" Helo rims. I really loved the way the black rims gave the car a more sinister appearance.

Two days later I had the windows tinted too. Then I swapped out the factory grills for black billet grills and a splitter. Then I blacked out the lights all the way around the car. After that I swapped out the factory brakes for over-sized black vented rotors and bright yellow brake calipers.

After that I started getting things done to the engine. Since I'd left most of my clothes at the house, I had to buy more. I got a haircut too. I felt like a new person. My lawyer told me that he had the papers ready we could have her served whenever I was ready.

I decided to wait a day or so. I went back to work the next day. I called Brenda and told her I was coming back and that she could schedule the interviews for Steven's replacement.

When I walked into the office Brenda screamed. She ran over to me and wrapped her arms around me. Without telling her exactly what was going on, I let her know that Aubrey and I were done. I think she felt as badly about it as I did.

I walked down the hall and saw several new faces in Steven's lab. I just smiled and went back to my office to start going through my morning paperwork. At about ten o'clock he came into the outer office looking for Brenda.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked. "Why are those people in my lab?"

She just pointed at my door. Steven walked in. He saw me and his face changed.

"Jake, I'm sorry," he said.

"No Steven," I said. "What you are...is fired!"

"Jake can I explain?" he asked. He came over to me the way he had a hundred times before. I don't know where it came from but I was suddenly angrier than I'd ever been in life. I punched him twice; once in the stomach, and once in the face. He folded up like an accordion.

"Pack everything that's yours and be out of my building within the hour," I spat, as he picked himself up and wiped the blood off of his face.

"Jake, I just want to talk," he said as I closed the office door in his face. I sat down at my desk and made a phone call.

"I'm ready," I said. "You can do it."

* * * * * *

Aubrey

It had been nearly almost a month since I had seen Jake. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. All I could do was lie there, waiting for him to get over his anger at me. I didn't even lie in our bed. I was on the sofa. I was too afraid that he'd try to sneak into the house to get his clothes or something that he needed and I'd miss the chance to see him.

Every time I heard someone come near the door, I jumped up and ran over to it, only to come away disappointed when it wasn't him. Every time the phone rang, I dove for it hoping that he'd finally decided to call me.

I wished, with everything I had, that I could go back to being the way I was. Being disconnected and emotionless had never seemed to be such a good thing to me as it did while I sat there alternately crying my eyes out and trying to make a plan to get him back.

Suddenly the phone rang. I expected it to be another telemarketer, so I looked at the caller ID. It was Jake's office number. I picked up the phone so quickly that it surprised even me.

"Jake, I'm so sorry," I gushed. "Please c..."

"Aubrey, this is Brenda," she said cutting me off. "I just called to tell you that he came back to work today. Honey, he's different. He's more withdrawn and at the same time more emotional than I've ever seen him. Aubrey, he doesn't smile anymore. At first I thought it was just the haircut, or the fact that he's dressing differently, but he has definitely changed. He punched Steve in the mouth and fired him. He had security literally throw him out of the building. Then he went back to work as if nothing had happened. He's interviewing candidates to replace Steve, as we speak. I'm calling you because I was kind of hoping you could come over here and calm him down...gotta go, he just called me."

I jumped up, suddenly filled with energy. This was a good sign. Even when he got angry, Jake never stayed that way for long. His record for being angry with me was from the time that I was in a hurry to get to the mall and had one of my blond moments. I backed my brand new car into Jake's brand new car in our driveway. It was a huge mess insurance-wise. We had to pay the deductibles on both cars and the insurance company balked at paying for all of the repairs.

Jake got so angry at me that he didn't talk to me for about an hour. All it took was a dose of puppy dog eyes, an "I'm really sorry, Honey," and a blow job.

I was kind of grimy and I realized then that I hadn't showered or done my hair since Jake left. I had been too upset to even care what I looked like. I jumped into the shower quickly since I had no idea when he'd be home. Washing my hair took a while. I had to blow dry it and try to do something with it after that.

I put on one of the outfits that Jake hated to see me wear in public. It wasn't very low cut and it covered me up a lot. The skirt came about three inches below my knees but it was cut so that it molded itself to my body and really showed off my boobs and butt. I was only going to wear it because I wanted him to remember what he was giving up by staying angry at me.

Before I got a chance to pick out my shoes I heard a car's door slamming and went into shock. It had taken me longer than I thought to get ready. Jake was home. I ran down the stairs, almost tripping in the process. I got my balance and kept going. I was not going to have him come in and need to take me to the hospital.

I got to the door and ripped it open just in time to see a woman who was almost my mirror image reaching out to ring the bell.

Her hand froze just before touching the button as she stared at me. We both appraised each other before speaking. She was as tall as I am. Her hair might've been a shade or two lighter than mine was. Hers tended towards a very pale blond where mine was a golden blond. I think my hair was a couple of inches longer.

My boobs are bigger but not by much but her legs are definitely better. She shook her head as if the comparison had jarred her as well. The whole thing had taken perhaps a second or two, but it seemed much longer. She had a briefcase in one hand and looked into it to retrieve a file folder.

She was definitely younger than I am. I put her age at about twenty one or twenty two at the most, so I was at least four or five years older. After checking the file she looked up at me and I noticed that she was chewing gum.

"Are you Aubrey Adama?" she asked in a really catty voice. She even cracked her gum a couple of times while waiting for my brain to kick in so I could answer. I knew who she was then and it pissed me off.

After promising to love me forever, it had taken Jake barely a month to replace me with a younger woman who was almost my clone. He was trying to show me that I was just as replaceable as all of the other things he'd left behind in the house. I wanted to cry then, but I wasn't about to let a single tear fall in front of this bitch.

"Yes, I am," I said almost defiantly. "And you can tell..."

"You've been served," she said quickly, interrupting me. Then she turned to leave.

"Wait," I said. "I need you to tell Jake something."

"Who's Jake?" she asked cracking her gum impatiently.

"My husband, he's your new lover. He sent you here to rub in my face w..." I began.

"Look Granny, the only lover I've ever had is Brandon and I'm only doing this to earn money so we can buy a house when he gets back from his deployment. I don't know any Jake. I'm a process server. Some lawyer or the court pays my company to have me hand you those papers. I don't even know what's in them. It could be an eviction notice, an order to appear before the court...shit it could be a notice that your license has been suspended for too many drunken driving arrests. Have a nice day!"

As I watched her go I felt a sense of relief. I knew what the papers were. The person whose car I had clipped in the parking lot of the supermarket a couple of months ago had found me. I know that I probably should have left a note, but at the time I didn't want Jake to get angry about another hike in our insurance rate. So I'd just driven off. There were cameras everywhere these days. I guess they'd gotten me on one of them. I'd probably have to go to court and pay for the damages to some guy's car. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey, Aubrey," called my next door neighbor, Fred Mertz. I waved back at him without saying anything as I opened the folder to look at the papers. Everything got blurry and my legs collapsed as I saw from the title on the first page that Jake was divorcing me. It seemed to happen in slow motion, the concrete surface of our porch just rose up to meet me.

My mind still functioned. In fact it seemed to go into hyper drive but it was completely disconnected from my body. It was as if my brain was so locked into trying to understand this one thing that nothing else mattered.

I heard Fred gruffly screamed at someone, presumably his wife, Ethel, to call 911. A few seconds later he was gently tapping the side of my face and asking if I was okay.

I vaguely remember him saying something like, "Only a fool looks a gift horse in the mouth." Then he started feeling on my tits. I wanted to say something or to push him away, but my mouth didn't work and I couldn't move my arms. And to be truthful, I just didn't care. My world had torn itself apart, or more correctly, I had torn it apart.

That was when the fight started. Ethel had run over to see what was going on and caught Fred feeling my boobs. "What the fuck are you doing?" she screamed at him.

"I'm doing CPR," he shouted.

"Bullshit, you letch," she said. "You're feeling her up. Your hands weren't pushing on her chest they were feeling her boobs."

"Ethel her boobs are so big, they cover her chest," he said.

"Mine are bigger than hers," spat Ethel.

"Not by much," said Fred. "And the rest of your body is four times her size. It's about proportion."

"You'll have plenty of time to learn about proportion in jail after Jake beats your ass. You know how he is about her. He'll beat your old perverted ass to a pulp," she smirked.

Fred quickly took his hands off of my tits. "But it was just CPR," he whined.

"Bullshit," spat Ethel. "You don't need to do CPR on a person who's breathing!"

"Hey, it worked," said Fred. "I saved her life."

"You didn't do shit," yelled Ethel. "Those balloons have been rising and falling since I got here. As soon as Jake gets back from his business trip I'm gonna' tell him what you did."

"Oh please Ethel," he whined. "If you tell him he'll..."

The EMT's moved Fred out of the way at that moment.

My next conscious thought was my mother speaking to me at the hospital. She was leaning over me and trying to talk to me but I just didn't care enough to respond. The nurse came in and spoke to her.

"She's having some kind of shock reaction to getting some very bad news," said the nurse. "Her vitals are good. We're running her blood right now and we did a complete battery of tests to determine if there's anything physically wrong with her."

My mother turned to her then and gave me hope. "I called her husband. He'll be here in a few minutes."

I think they noticed that my heartbeat elevated when my mother said that Jake was on his way.

A few minutes later, I heard his voice. He came into the room with my mother and I heard them talking about me. "She got some kind of news and it sent her into shock," said my mother.

"It's my fault," said Jake. "It was probably getting the divorce papers that did it."

"Jake what are you talking about?" asked my mother. "You two don't need a divorce. What is this all about?"

"You'll have to ask Aubrey about that," he said. "It's not my place to tell you."

"Whatever it is, it's got you so torn up that I can tell you're about to cry," said my mother. "Someone needs to tell me something."

"I'm giving her half of everything," he says. "She gets the house. I get my business. We split everything else right down the middle. My lawyer said that I could probably get a much better deal, but I don't want to hurt her. I want her to be happy. I just don't want her to hurt me anymore..." His voice broke then and I began to see what I'd done.

I tried to get up then but my arms and legs still felt like jelly. My mouth still wouldn't work either.

"Jake you two are not getting a divorce," said my mom. "It won't work. It's like one of those corny lifetime movies. The two of you are better together. We've never spoken about this, but I was worried about Aubrey until you came along. She just never seemed to connect to anything. She had no interests, not many friends and no ambitions. She was vacant, like a beautiful doll. I kind of expected her to go into modeling or something. But then I saw all of those articles about the modeling world and realized that she wouldn't have been right for that either. Her boobs are too big and so is her butt. But then when she met you...it started to change."

She pulled him over to a chair and sat him down. "And you Jake, when she first brought you home, her father and I were shocked. I mean my daughter had uhm...gone out with a lot of guys before you, but we got the idea that she never gave a damn about any of them. And you were the first one that she actually brought home and introduced to her father and me. And to tell you the truth, we didn't think you'd last. Not that we didn't like you but...Jake you weren't her type. You're the sweetest thing on the planet, Honey, but Aubrey's typical guy was more uhm...forceful. Maybe I should say more confident. But the two of you just blossomed.

The next thing I knew you were going into business for yourself, and my little Aubrey clearly loved you and was settling in to make a nice home for you and my grandkids...whenever the two of you get around to giving me some...any time now would be good...the two of you love each other, Jake. Look at you, you're running around on emotion and Aubrey is in the hospital. The two of you not being together isn't good for anyone concerned."

"Way to go Mom," I thought. "Set him up for me. I'll get my man back, yet." But her words weren't lost on me. She was also right. She'd distilled our lives down to a few simple sentences.

Maybe it was the fact that he seemed to be reacting to her words but I began to feel better. My mom had always had a way with Jake. Maybe it was because he'd lost his own parents at such an early age, but my mom seemed to be his mom too.

Then the nurse came back in. She spoke in that fake cheerful, pseudo professional manner that nurses portray. "You're the husband, right?" she asked.