Shrinking Violet

Just as I was getting August's coat on, Vi's spot was about to come on the TV in two minutes and the director wanted to usher us into position. I rang the school secretary quickly and said we'd be late for school and she was so excited to hear the reason why, she said she'd record it. Apparently the whole school would definitely watch it during assembly just after 9am, which was nice. August would be able to see her mum on the telly then.

15. August and the film crew.

Was in bed when Daddy was told 'bout Mummy on the screen. So it was a s'prise to see all them people in our house when I woke up. Ruth, the woman with the crew was very nice and she calmed me down, 'cos I got very shy, with so many people in the house. It was a bit of a p'lava and then Daddy got real upset and told them all to go and we had to get in the car while all those flashing lights went off and we were pushed and pulled and shouted at and I was very frightened with everyone shouting. I wanted my Mummy but she weren't there, but then she's never there any more, is she?

16. Jim sees red.

I didn't actually see Vi's interview. I saw the group of slimmers walk on. There were four of them, with Vi in front and some skinny beanpole next and a nice old couple. But Ruth, the director wearing the earphones, had the sound on our telly turned off so it didn't interfere with our transmission and we then had to face the cameras in our sitting room.

It started off exciting enough, with the slimmers getting a chance to say something each but we couldn't hear any more as Ruth came through the earpiece, getting August and me to move closer together in front of the camera. Then the presenters in the studio started questioning me through my earpiece about Vi's supposed affair and whether we were getting a divorce! What the f-! They kept on asking the same question and August was getting more and more upset as I was getting more and more angry. I kicked them all out then, threatening to call the police on them, for outstaying their welcome, so finally the buggers went. I couldn't believe how crowded the street was. All the neighbours were out watching the spectacle, with other TV vans turning up with masses of press photographers. We were mobbed getting to the car. What the hell's going on!? I can't understand it. Vi, what have you done?

17. Rosie on the grapevine.

I read the rumours about my not-so-big Sis from my so-called friends on Facebook first, as I'm not on twitter. They were all gossiping about Vi and taking the piss out of her and me. I could strangle the lot of them, especially Vi. Mum had left me a note on the fridge for when I got in last night but I never saw it so I missed the breakfast programme. Then an item comes up on the radio news about it. Tried to ring Vi but her mobile's off. Next tried Jim but again his home phone's maxed out for messages and the stupid sod doesn't even carry a mobile.

18. August upset.

When I got to school they were all excited and asked if I'd seen Mummy on TV? I said no, it had started at home with the sound off but then I had to leave to get to school. We all went into assembly and they started playing back the recording. Miss Jenkins had trouble getting it going, she always does, but that nice Mr Pitman got it goin'. Then Mummy was on the TV but she got flustered and it all went wrong an' she started getting upset and crying. Some of the other children started laughing an' the rest started crying. My friends asked if Mummy an' Daddy were getting a divorce. I cried an' was taken to the Nurse's room before Auntie Rosie came'n' got me.

19. Rosie collects and delivers.

August was ribbed at school by her so-called friends and she ended up in tears. All the while Vi has been so preoccupied with her contest,and Jim working long hours, he had given my mobile number as emergency cover. So, after the school secretary called me, I collected the poor girl. August was really upset and missing her mum. When I drove down the street where her house was, I found loads of reporters camped out in front of August's home. As we turned around and drove away, we saw and waved down Jim's car coming towards us. He had been having a bad time at work and called the school to say he was coming back to pick up August and was told that I had already collected her, so he came straight home. We drove out of town and I tried to call Vi from the car. No answer. I booked us into a small motel. I used my credit card just in case Jim's name triggered a response and someone at the hotel tipped off the press.

20. Vi loses.

Bastards! The Slim Club directors took away me award and the prize money with it because, apparently, I should've declared me tummy tuck on the entry form and it would've scored against me when the judges voted. I said that when I filled in the form, ooh months ago, I never had the op and hadn't even considered it back then. But the buggers've still gone and cancelled the bloody cheque.

I tried to ring Jim and August but the answer phone at home is full an' won't take no more messages. Now wish we'd got mobile phones after all. Was dead against 'em then. Got no cash on me and there is nothin' left in the current account, and I couldn't get no cash out.

Managed to get hold of Rosie's mobile eventually. They are all stayin' in a hotel near home. Jim's not talking to me. I told Rosie that the reporters 'ad got it all wrong, I was drunk and we just stayed in the same room celebrating together with other prizewinners, but nothink happened, none of us even slept that night we were so excited and had to go to the studios very early. I wouldn't do anythink to let Jim down now, would I?

I'm not sure if she'd believed me, to be honest, but I had to try.

Jim calmed himself down, after Rosie put in a good word for us, and called me back later an' I told him the same think. He thought we should sue the TV studios and the papers for lying. Bugger! Then I talked him into just forgettin' the whole think and look forward to us gettin' back together. He managed to transfer some money to the current account from the deposit so I was able to get out cash to pay for the extra two nights I'd spent at the hotel and me train fare down. Rosie booked another room at the motel for herself and I checked out and headed down. As I travelled down I wondered about the "gettin' another room" business, but, no, that wouldn't happen. Rosie's eight years younger than me and 12 years younger than Jim, so they wouldn't have would they?

21. Darren tweets on the outcome of his earlier communication to his 1173 followers.

Bastards! Slim Club took back award & prize. shoulda got top prize but kicked out for bad publicity. Bastards! Skank def not worth it.

22. Rosie misses August and Jim.

Vi wasn't too happy with me when she got to the hotel, accusing me of wanting to sleep with her husband. I told her she wasn't fooling me, at all, I know she slept with that Darren creep. I started following him on twitter from that day and he has mentioned banging her a couple of times, never very complimentary, of course. Vi doesn't want me around any more and accused me of trying to jump her Jim. As if I would. OK, course I would, he's a sweetheart. I really miss seeing them, August, particularly.

23. August on her holidays.

Last month was a nightmare at school but now the summer holidays are here and we are at the seaside for two whole weeks. Mummy's not well as the sea air don't agree with her and she keeps being sick, euu, so Daddy and me played all the time on the beach and the fun fair while Mummy rests.

24. Jim reflects.

Thank goodness all the hoo-haa's died down but Vi and I are still working through our trust issues and currently sleeping in separate rooms. At the hotel, August and I were in one room and Rosie and Vi in the other. Vi was very upset by the separation, well both girls were upset by the arrangements, to be honest, but what about me and my blessed feelings? I was fed up to the back teeth with the whole dieting thing and Vi still hasn't bloody well apologised to me about what she's put me through for months.

This holiday should be the time for us to get together again, you know, physically, but as soon as we got here she went down with a stomach bug. Fortunately, August and I haven't caught it yet and to be honest the pair of us are keeping out of her way as much as possible.

25. Vi tries to get back on track.

The last few weeks has been horrible. We were in separate rooms in the hotel for a week and a half before we were able to go back home again. Jim cleared out all the junk from the box room and turned it into a tiny third bedroom for himself. It could be worse, he might have made me sleep in there. He is that upset though. I've told him that nothink happened with Darren until I'm blue in the face but I think he knows I'm lying.

I've been gettin' hate mail, too, really nasty things, so Jim is checkin' all me letters now.

We've not had any lovin' since we've been back but Jim promised we would try some romantic dinners and dances while we are on holiday and see how it goes between us. At least we will be in the same bedroom on holiday, so let's see how we get on. I might just jump him when he's not lookin'!

Damn! Ever since we got to the seaside I've been sick as a dog. Can't be the food down here as I started feeling queasy in the car driving down and we had to stop a couple of times. Never been car sick before. Now I'm sick every morning and Jim and August won't come near me in case they catch it. And, since I've stopped going to slim club I've bin packing the pounds back on. When will I ever get an even break?

26. Rosie pines.

I have really missed August this past few weeks. However, I think that I miss seeing Jim much more. I think I've always liked Jim. I hope Vi deserves him by making up big time. Or hopefully she cocks it all up as usual and Jim's ready for a rebound.

27. Vi checks stomach bug at the doctor's.

F-! I'm pregnant! Accordin' to the doc I'm nearly two months gone. It can't be Jim's, we only started making love last week, the second week of the holiday, which was our first time for about four munffs. I was sick through most of the holiday so had a check up when I got back to see if I needed a course of antibiotics. I'm far too old to have another bloody kid. It's really gonna bugger up me bleedin' tummy tuck, I'll probably split in half a coupla munffs short of full term! It was that skinny bastard from the slim club weekend, I'm sure, an' I can't even remember his soddin' name!

28. Rosie exasperated.

I cannot believe my skank sister. Looks like she's absolutely blown everything. She's not even told Jim she's up the duff yet. Wouldn't surprise me if she tries to pin it on Jim. He is so naïve that he may even believe her. I have given Vi that Darren character's email address as I had previously contacted him to try and find out exactly what happened after the national slim finals.

29. Vi desperate.

Sent an email to s-head Darren and he's blown me off, again. He won't even give a DNA sample so we can confirm he is the father. What the f- do I do now? I am going to have to tell Jim soon before I start to show. F-!

30. Jim disappointed.

I can't believe Vi. Pregnant after all theses years of trying and it's not even mine. She thought we could work around this. What?! There's not much to think about. So I kicked her out without a second thought and she has gone back to her mother's. I angrily packed all Vi's clothes in plastic bin bags and dumped them in the garage for her dad to collect. Not that she'll be able to fit any of them. I've contacted a lawyer and started divorce proceedings and she expects me to win custody of August due to Vi's virtual abandonment while she was on her exercise and competition circuit. August is upset that her mum isn't living with us any more. At least Rosie has started coming back around again. She said she had known all along about Vi but was too upset herself to come around until I asked her.

31. Vi dumped.

Really f-ed up big time. Jim kicked me out and dumped all me nice new threads in the garage and by the time Dad got off his butt and picked them up for me they were creased, smelt of petrol and oil and will have to be washed or dry-cleaned before I can wear 'em again. Well, only some of the jumpers might fit, I suppose. Have seen a lawyer and want him to fix it so we can get back together. He says we should press for counsellin' and recon-sumfink-or-uva. Failing that, he thinks I should be awarded the house and August, but that's not good enough for me, I want Jim as well. Wivout Jim I'm nuffink.

32. Darren tweets to his 362 followers.

Would you believe that Milf slut says I got her up the duff. Whistle for it lady, could be any one of a dozen guys, you sad old slag.

33. Vi is left without a paddle.

I am in s-creek. Jim won't budge on con-whatever, you know, talkin' with a referee 'n' everythink, or give up the house and especially not August. Have given up slim club as I am starting to show, now. Also given up on that bloody wanker Darren, refusing to help with DNA. Decided not to take amnio-test-thingy as there's too much risk for Baby Jones. Stayin' with Mum and Dad and takin' a lot of stink from Mum who still thinks the sun shines out of Jim's arris and looks at me like I'm a tramp.

34. Darren tweets to his 127 followers.

Lawyers chasin me for DNA. Hate needles. Going to Bangkok, next week, on me hols so I can bang me cock, alright!

35. August misses Mummy.

Miss my Mummy but I want to stay with Daddy at my house. Auntie Rosie stays some nights. She has her own little bedroom, Dad's old one. Auntie Rosie's made it look really nice with new curtains and cushions. Mummy's sad and she is getting fat again and stopped going to slim club on Mondays. Miss slim club, it used to be fun. Mummy's sad all the time now. So's Daddy.

36. Jim trying to hold it together.

At least with Vi staying at her Mum's I am spending a lot less money, although the monthly savings are pretty well being swallowed by lawyers' fees because Vi keeps fighting to get a better settlement. Both lawyers' bills are coming out of the same account, that's mad, no-one wins except the lawyers, absolutely mad! August seems less upset about the divorce than I feared, although we are keeping the news of the baby from her at the moment until Vi's appearance makes it obvious. I speak to Vi as little as possible, I can't find it in me to forgive her, perhaps once the divorce goes through we might have to get back on speaking terms, if only for August's benefit. I never want to see Vi's baby. I'm adamant about that. Rosie has been a treasure though, she can't do enough for August, which has helped her cope. Rosie stays in the spare room at least a couple of nights a week. We'd be lost without her.

37. Darren tweets to his 127 followers.

Lonely, Thistle Hotel LHR, room 435. Flight in morning. Any girl company out there?

38. Jim faces an ultimatum.

Doug Gardner, Vi and Rosie's dad, and still my father-in-law, came and spoke to me today. He retired last year and said that their house had been up for sale all this time, with the intention of them moving to Spain. Now he has received an attractive cash offer, with little chance of it being matched or even approached in the current market. If he and his wife Ivy accepted the offer, they would be off within about five or six weeks. This leaves Vi with nowhere to live, with over three months to go before the birth. She wanted the baby born in England so doesn't want to go with her parents. She has no means of support as her lover Darren was still refusing to cooperate and besides he was out of work, had been for years, and was unlikely to provide any kind of child support in the foreseeable future, if ever and had hinted at moving abroad soon. Doug said they were prepared to pay Vi's half of the mortgage if I would allow her to move in. What do I do now? I said I would think it over.

39. Vi receives decree nisi.

Sad day today, me marriage is finally over, the decree coming through today in the post. Mum and Dad are excited about the move to Spain and have said that whatever Jim decides, they will send me enough each months to may my rent for a small flat, but it will still mean I'll be on me own. I am so big now, even me stretch marks've got stretch marks. Me figure's gone west, just like me life, which sucks big time. I could cheerfully throttle that Darren creep.

40. Darren tweets to his 127 followers.

Three replies, one offer, one show. Great send off, but shes gone first thing so no boner bonus morning glory!

41. Jim decides.

August is happy, her Mummy is coming back to live with us in the morning and is excited about a new brother or sister coming in a couple of months or so. I had to bite my tongue before adding the word "half" to brother or sister. Although I sound like a wimp, having her back, it is the best practical option. I will sleep in the box room, while Vi and the cot will be in the master bedroom. I will put a TV with cable in the dining room for Vi to use in the evening, so I can have use of the living room; she can use that room whenever I don't need to. She will have to look after her own meals and washing, and we have divided the housekeeping between us. I will not have anything to do with child care, if she wants to go out she will have to arrange a baby sitter; she won't be able to call on her parents and certainly not me, except where August is concerned.

42. Darren tweets to his 132 followers.

Nicked in Thailand for drug possession. I'm innocence, man. Honest.

43. Darren tweets to his 114 followers.

Must have been her, the last night in LHR, blond tart @rosiegee with nice arse, she planted drugs in my bag, man.

44. August happy.

It is so nice seeing my Mummy so cheerful this morning. She cooked my breakfast and did some for Daddy too, although he is still upset with her. Nanna and Gramps went away and won't be back till Christmas. They dropped off a lot o'loverly presents for Daddy and me and lots of baby stuff. It'll be good to see Mummy whenever I get home from school, I had missed her. Better than waiting hours for Daddy to get home from work or Auntie Rosie, who doesn't come round every afternoon as she used to. I miss Auntie Rosie, she's fun!

45. Darren tweets to his 13 followers.

Consul legal adviser reckons I'll get eight years. If I ever find her I will kill that blond cow!

THE END