Siblings with Benefits Ch. 31

For the next few weeks I started spending first afternoon's then entire weekends with them and although I hardly spoke to Doug and wouldn't let him touch me Mary decided to give me living with them a try. I was thrilled to be living with Denise, in a nice house with my own room and they had bought me plenty of toys including my favorite, a really nice stuffed Scooby doo that I slept with every night. That was when I slept. I had a lot of nightmares back then and many nights would wake up crying and Denise would sleep with me. Doug would come in with her sometimes, but I would end up getting more upset and he would have to leave.

As time went on I did get a little more comfortable. Doug could hug me, but only if I was either on mom's lap or sitting right next to her. I would also let him help tuck me in, but once again only if Denise was there. Dad would always read to me while Denise would sit on the bed and I started to like the sound of his voice. I also noticed that I was feeling less scared when he touched me. I still would never go to him however, he always had to approach me ,and still always with Denise very close by.

One Sunday after I had been living there for a couple of months I came into the kitchen and saw mom, I had asked if I could call her that, was making a cake. I asked her what it was for and mom had said that it was Doug's birthday. I told her that I felt bad because I didn't know and didn't have a birthday present for him. Mom had smiled and asked if I really wanted to give him something. I said yes, but I didn't have any money. Mom then leaned down and whispered in my ear what she said would be a perfect gift. I looked at her nervously and asked if he would really like it and she said of course he would.

I nodded and went into the parlor where Doug was sitting in his old recliner watching a baseball game. Doug had looked a little surprised that I had come in by myself, but smiled and asked what I was up to. I walked up to the chair and told him I had something for him. Doug said that he couldn't wait to see what it was, and quickly, before I got scared, I crawled up onto his lap and putting my arms around his neck gave him a big hug and told him happy birthday. Before Doug could react I added a kiss on the cheek.

Dad put his arms gently around me, and seemed to hesitate. I told him that I would like it if he hugged me. Doug hugged me tight and told me that this was the best present he had ever gotten. I stayed there letting him hold me and realized that, not only wasn't I scared, but that I felt safe. I took my arms from around his neck but stayed sitting in his lap. Dad put his arm around me and started telling me about the baseball game. I didn't care, but it felt great being there with him. A few minutes later mom brought out the cake and I ate mine still sitting on Doug's lap.

I stayed there all day watching baseball, and when the game was over Doug put on cartoons and when I started to fall asleep he carried me into my room and tucked me in without mom. After Doug read me a quick story, and gave me a kiss good night I asked him if I could call him daddy. A week later mom and dad started the adoption process and within six months I was officially their daughter. I could feel myself start to smile at the memory of the day my adoption was official. Mom had...

"And that's when I decided to tell your mother that I'd been having an affair and wanted a divorce." Dad said cutting through my fog.

"Huh?" I asked, wondering if I had just heard right. "What did you just..."

Dad cut me off with a laugh and a wave of his hand.

"Nothing Megan, just trying to bring you back from whatever fog you were in." He sighed. "I know I'm not very exciting but once every few months you could pretend to listen."

"Sorry daddy!" I batted my eyes at him. "But the golf thing gets to me after a few minutes."

I paused as the waitress came back over, and as she cleared our plates we ordered coffee. When she walked away, I grinned and asked if he wanted to know what I was thinking about. Dad said okay as long as it wasn't some twisted idea for a new painting like a zombie father daughter out to lunch called better late than never. I snapped my fingers and said that I would have to write that down. Dad rolled his eyes and after I told him I was only kidding proceeded to tell him what I had been thinking about. As I told the story Dad listened intently and I could see by the end that my tough guy father was getting a little misty. This time I reached out, taking his hand and asking if it was still his favorite memory. Dad nodded then said;

"I think it always will be, but I have to say being there to give you your one year Medallion was really special." He sighed. "I guess one of those tough, because of what it meant you went through, but very proud of you. I think it was the first day I let myself think you were going to be okay for good this time."

We stopped again as the coffee came, and as we each started adding sugar and cream, Dad continued;

"I really was thrilled," He gave me a wry smile. "Even though I wasn't your first choice I..." Dad stopped realizing where he was going with that, and elated at seeing my chance, I dove right in.

"Well not alone anyway," I began. "I was going to have Mark do it, but didn't want to leave you out and was going to have you both. Then Mark told me that you and I were just really starting to get close again and he wanted you to have that moment with me."

Dad didn't say anything. At first he just sat there staring at me, most likely pissed at himself for giving me that opening. I kept looking at him expectantly, and finally Dad took a deep breath, and as he exhaled, said;

"Yeah Megan I know. He told me that when I wanted to know why he wasn't doing it with me." He looked away.

"If you want me to say that it was a nice thing to do it was." Dad grunted and added; "Guilt will make you do things like that."

With no further beating around the bush I asked;

"Dad what the hell happened between you and Mark?"

"Don't worry about it Megan." Dad said simply. "It doesn't concern you."

"My father hates my brother," I told him evenly. "The two most important men in my life aren't speaking and it doesn't concern me? Never mind how much it's upsetting Mom."

"Not as much as knowing the truth would." Dad said simply. "Your mother thinks the world of her son" He sneered the word. "She would be heartbroken if she knew what that animal did."

"What the hell did he do Dad?" I asked in exasperation.

"Forget it Megan."

"No Dad, it's not that easy." I told him. "This is the second time since last night you called Mark an animal. I want to know what he did."

Dad sat there idly stirring his coffee and shook his head. When he looked up I was staring at him, and after a moment, he said softly.

"You know damn well what he did Megan because he did it to you."

"To me?" I asked wondering if I'd heard right. "What the hell did Mark do to me?"

"I'm not going to say it Megan. I... can't." Dad exhaled slowly, and I saw his hands were shaking. "Just thinking about it makes me wish I'd put my foot down with your mother and never told you about him."

"Are you kidding?" I blurted out. "Dad...."

"He was bad news Megan, disturbed, and I knew it. I could see it in those crazy eyes of his. Maybe it was what he went through; maybe it runs in the family, but Mark was dangerous like that dog I told you about years ago." Dad snorted.

"I almost had him Megan, was going to throw him out after that mess at the hotel. He was going to fight me there Megan I saw it."

"He was trying to defend me." I said as calmly as possible.

"So he could ruin you himself." Dad said disgustedly. "He should have went to jail for what he did to Max. Whether Max deserved it or not what Mark did was inhuman, they should have kept him in Butler." He shook his head. "But you cried to Alex to help him, just like you cried to me to let him stay."

Leaning back Dad continued;

"You always protected him Megan. Always. Makes what he did even worse."

"My brother did more than his share of protecting me Dad." I told him feeling myself getting upset. "You don't know the things Mark did for me. My brother had half the dealers in the state afraid to sell to me." Dad started to talk but I kept going.

"Never mind the end Dad. Mark saved my life, literally." I tapped the table. "Hell we wouldn't be sitting here if he hadn't gotten to me. If it wasn't for Mark you'd be seeing me in a cemetery and leaving flowers." I fought back tears and added;

"I remember that day; you were in tears Dad, in tears, thanking Mark for bringing your daughter back to you." I snorted disgustedly. "What have you done for me lately is that it?"

"You..." Dad seemed to be picking his words carefully. "You don't know the whole story Megan."

"Well if you would friggin tell me than maybe I would!" I snapped. "Christ dad, I'm not mom okay? I can handle shitty things, case you haven't noticed a good part of my life has been full of them!"

"I didn't know then okay Megan?" Dad snapped back raising his voice. "I... I didn't know what he had done to you."

"What did he..."

"He hurt you Megan!!" This time I noticed the people at the next table look over.

"Dad shhh!" I said putting my hand over his.

"Well this is why we don't need to get into this!"

"Dad," I began, now making sure I stayed calm so he would. "When do you think Mark hurt me?" I put my hands out. "I mean Dad, a few months ago I came up here with Laura and we all went out and you and Mark were fine. Six months later he's an animal. I mean when could he have hurt me?"

"Oh for Christ's sake Megan," Dad said. "It wasn't recent. He hurt you a long time ago and I just found out about it." He grunted. "Little bastard finally ran into someone dirtier than him and I got to see what that piece of shit is really like what he' really capable of."

"Dad, listen to me. My brother never hurt me, ever." Even as I said it my mind started to form an image of Mark in my face, snarling at me, that crazed look in his eye and blood running down his face. "It's time you learned your place whore..." he had hissed.

I shoved that image from my mind. I would not go there just as I told Mark not to yesterday. That had been terrible for both of us, but my father couldn't have known about that, no one did except the two of us. As Dad rolled his eyes I pressed on;

"Dad, I know Mark has done some extreme things and I know he's earned a pretty bad reputation but," I took a deep breath to stop myself from choking up and whispered;

"My brother loves me Dad, when he came to live with us we promised each other that we would never let anyone hurt us again, that we would protect each other!"

"Yeah well he lied," Dad said, "Or maybe he figured he would just hurt you himself."

"Dad, please tell me." I said softly. I could feel the tears starting to build and didn't fight them. "Tell me when you think Mark hurt me because he never did Dad, never. I swear, I mean if anything I hurt him just like I hurt you. I'm the one who deserves to be..."

"You didn't deserve what he did to you!!" Dad said slapping the table hard and making me jump. "Don't ever say that! That sick fuck gave you...." Dad stopped and stared at me as the tears began flowing down my cheeks. After a minute he said quietly;

"My god you don't know." He shook his head. "You know I wondered if you would remember."

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I wiped at my eyes with a napkin.

Dad paused to take a sip of coffee and I saw his hand shaking again. He put the mug down and once more taking my hand across the table said;

"When we went to those sessions while you were in the rehab the therapist had said that there were probably a lot of things that you may not recall. That as much of those terrible times you remembered there would be a lot that your mind would block out."

I nodded; both because I recalled the conversation with the therapist and that I knew there were things my mind was hazy on. I would get little glimpses sometimes but they would always fade before I could fully grasp them. Like that brief image of my brother over me, lowering himself gently down to me a look of love in his eyes. Dad's voice brought me back from that fleeting vision.

"I wondered when we started if you knew and were sticking up for him like you always do," He shook his head. "But you don't, I can see it in your eyes." He sighed. "You're better off then."

"Then tell me Dad," I pleaded. Was it possible? Had Mark done something that I couldn't remember and he wouldn't bring up? "Please?"

"Absolutely not Megan," Dad said. "Its better this way trust me."

"But Dad, you can't do this to me!" I continued. "I mean you can't imagine what this is doing to..."

"Doing to you?"

As he spoke Dad leaned forward and when he began speaking his voice was trembling with the effort to keep it down.

"What do you think this does to me? I know what that animal did to you Megan, what he did to my daughter. I told him if I ever saw him in my house again I'd blow his fucking head off."

"D-dad...?" I trailed off stunned. Dad continued as if I had not spoken.

"Think this hurts you? Your mother thinks she's upset?" Dad pointed at himself as he spoke. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to hear your mother talk about her wonderful son, how hard it is to listen to tell me how much your brother cares about you."

"It kills me to hear you say his name, kills me that whenever you come up here you spend more time with him than us, that you always see him first. That he just goes through life like there is nothing wrong."

Dad let out a long shuddering breath and as he did I saw how red his neck was and his temple was throbbing. I had never seen him this angry. Oh, my brother, what the hell did you do I thought as Dad went on.

"But as much as it hurts me Megan it would hurt me more to see your mother upset. Trust me if she knew Megan..." he paused and took another breath as if he were trying to control himself. "And it would hurt even more to see you get upset over it." He sat back and laughed disgustedly.

"Of course that's your brother through and through. Doing what he wants and leaving nothing but pain behind him. Smug bastard knows I'll never tell. Hell, I'm sure he's figured out that you blocked it out." With a sigh he said. "I'm sorry Megan but I won't tell you. You can try your brother and if he has one shred of decency somewhere in that cesspool he calls a heart he won't tell you either."

"Dad you have it wrong," I tried again. "Whoever this was that you said you found out from they're lying. I mean why would you believe what someone who had it in for Mark would tell you?"

Looking into my eyes Dad said;

"Because Megan, I heard it straight from the source."

"What do you..."

"Your brother," Dad answered softly. "Mark told me himself what he did."

Looking down at the table dad continued to speak;

"I...found out and I confronted him."

When dad looked back up there were tears in his eyes but not tears of sadness, more like frustration.

"Not only did he not deny it Megan, he fucking bragged about it! Sat across from me at my own table with that fucking smirk and told me what he did."

Dad let out a long shuddering breath and continued;

"I swear to Christ Megan, if I'd have had my shotgun next to me I'd have killed him. Instead I told him to get the fuck out and I had better never see him again. That he was dead to me."

I started to try to speak but dad waved me off;

"So your mother can think what she wants and so can you. And I suppose if you're happy that should count for something. But I saw the real Mark, Megan and he is a soulless, heartless beast."

He sat back in his chair and picking up his coffee said;

"There's a special place in hell for your brother Megan. It's right next to his father." He sipped his coffee then smiling grimly said;

"All that I ask is that I live long enough to see him get what he deserves."

*****

We finished our coffee in silence and when the check came I took it from the waitress as Dad tried to reach for it, and after paying, asked if he were ready to go. We both stood and I walked out without speaking. When we got to Dad's old Volvo wagon he opened the door for me. As I started to get in he stopped me with his hand on my arm, and putting his arms around me, hugged me close to him. As he held me there he whispered in my ear that he was sorry he upset me that he should not have said some of those things about Mark to me, but he couldn't help it.

As Dad stepped back from me he started to say something, but I told him to let it go. I had precious little time to spend with him and mom these days and didn't want to fight, especially not over the past. Dad said okay and I got into the car thinking that enough was enough. I would get the answer from my brother. Mark may be the consummate game player, but at the end of the day I was his weakness. Dominate him, seduce him, plead or find something to threaten him with, my brother would give me what I needed to know.

As Dad got into the car and pulled out of the parking lot I started wondering if this would be a case of be careful of what I wished for. What if Mark had done something to me that I had blocked out? In my heart I doubted that he had. Dad had to be wrong or, I felt my stomach twist at the thought, what if Mark had been playing games with his meds and dad had caught him at just the right time. Mark's 'other half', as he would refer to it as, was absolutely vicious and would say whatever the hell it wanted to whether it was the truth or not. Obviously my parents did not know about Mark's condition, although mom had once remarked that she swore he was bipolar. If that were true would my brother even remember? Only one way to find out and I was done running from the past. I was no longer a weak, needy emotional basket case. I could handle whatever it was and then I would fix it. Mom, Dad, and Mark were my family and it would be only fitting that the one who had done so much to tear us apart over the years would be the one to make it right.

"Oh Christ, would you look at this!" Dad exclaimed.

Looking up from my thoughts I saw that we had just gotten onto the highway and were in dead stop traffic.

"Yeah I got stuck on the way to Mark's earlier." I said quietly.

"Ridiculous." Dad muttered.

I leaned back in the seat, and turning my head to the right, found myself staring down at several buildings just off the highway. As my eyes idly scanned the houses they seemed to look a bit familiar. My gaze stopped wandering as I focused on a large square two story building. The building had been burned out and all the windows and doors boarded up. There was a sign over the main entrance that if you stared hard enough you could still faintly make out the name;

The Wolves Den.

Underneath were the words "Hottest girls in town."

Most of those letters were missing but I knew them by heart. After all for about a month I had been one of RI's hottest girls. The sign of course left out that The Wolves Den had also been a hot spot for cocaine and prostitution. Sadly I had participated in both. Part of my mind told me to look away, as I had earlier when driving through the city. This time however I found myself sliding back to not just that terrible time, but one of the most horrifying events in my life. Even as my mind continued to sound the warning bells I could see the club in its heyday; the stage the smoke, the drugs. I became aware of Dad turning the radio up, and leaning back in the seat I closed my eyes, and let the sins of the past wash over me.

Providence 1996

I pulled into the parking lot of the Wolves Den, and finding a spot left the car running. Sitting there with my hands on the wheel I stared at the club; I didn't want to go in there. All that was in there for me was humiliation. Dancing on the stage and lap dancing was the least of it. I rubbed at my burning eyes thinking sadly that six years ago at twenty one and before I had let myself get this far I had been a talented beautiful girl who'd only had five lovers. I was still pretty, but hadn't painted anything in months and now had as many as five men on a good night.