Side Order

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first ninety-nine times. Swallowing is all it takes to soothe the savage beast."

"That pretty much covers it," said Val. "I remember once I told Mark I wanted to stop for a pumpkin latte and he went off on this 'waste of ten good minutes and five good dollars' grumble and all I had to do was remind him that I could suck him off twice in that amount of time and it wouldn't cost him a cent. He turned that car right around."

I shook my head. "Do you really believe extortion is the bedrock of a sound relationship?"

Val smiled. "Call it what you like, but men are practical and two blowjobs for a pumpkin latte is one hell of a good deal. So how'd it go with you?" She bounced her brow twice. "I take it you still didn't treat Todd to the real deal?"

I shrugged and sighed. "I didn't treat him to any deal. He wouldn't do that either."

"Whoa!" Val's brow dropped to shroud her eyes. "Now that is weird!"

"So then," I continued, "he asked if I had any toys. I got one of my vibrators from my bed stand and that wasn't bad, but it wasn't what I really wanted, you know?"

"Oh, yeah." Val nodded. "I know. I know."

* * * * *

A week passed before we lunched again.

"How's it going with Todd?" Valerie asked as soon as we had dispensed with hellos.

"I'm not sure," I admitted. "We still go out, we still have fun, and I still soak the sheets every time he touches me, but he still won't let me near his dick. I told him I'm on BC, but he says he's just not ready yet. It makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me?"

For some seconds, Valerie just stared across the table. "I think I know why he's reluctant and you're not going like it."

I sat upright and swallowed. "Go on."

"I spied on them a bit. The blonde is Kristi. Whenever he's not with you, he's with her. They even work together."

"She's a pharmacist too?"

"No," Val said. "She just works at the counter, but that's not the worst news."

"Out with it already!"

Valerie shook her head. "They're married."

I gasped. "What?"

Val nodded. "Yep."

"But he doesn't wear a ring?"

"Neither does she, which really makes me wonder what they're up to."

I shook my head. "How do you know?"

"I asked her."

"You did what?"

"Once when I was eavesdropping I distinctly heard her say, 'Have you forgotten you're married,' in a not so nice voice and I decided I had to know for sure, so I caught her alone and asked her."

"It doesn't make sense." My gaze fell to the table as I considered Todd's secrecy and reluctance. When I brought my eyes upward again to my sister, they had narrowed. "How do you know it's true?"

"I really don't know what they're up to," Valerie said. "Who knows? Maybe he's not really into you, but she is? That would explain why she was there that day."

"I don't believe it! Did she say that?"

"Nope," Val replied. "After she told me they were married, she pretty much clammed up and told me it was really none of my business. I wanted to slap the snitty little bitch, but I didn't really see how it would help you."

"I still don't believe it. If you felt his tongue, you'd know he was definitely into me!"

"Maybe so." Valerie shrugged. "But looks like he's at least into her too, and in ways he's not into you. No matter who he's into, something weird is going on and weird is never good. So maybe you'd best quit talking to me about it and talk to him instead."

"I will," I vowed with my jaw set. "I will."

* * * * *

Several minutes later, I slid into the driver's seat of my car with my pissed-off meter pegged and all but punched the buttons through my phone.

Todd answered on the third ring. "Hey! I was just thinking of you."

I decided not to give my courage a chance to waiver and skipped pleasantries. "Why won't you have real sex with me?"

It was several seconds before he replied, "I just didn't want to rush things, but we really don't have to wait any longer."

"Really?" I asked. "And this lack of rushing doesn't have anything to do with, like, maybe, you having a wife?"

"I, uh," Todd stammered before pausing to sigh. "How'd you find out?"

I gasped. "So it's true?!"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" I snapped. "That's it? Just yeah?!"

"I was going to tell you."

"When?" I asked through clenched teeth. "Afterwards?"

"No," he said. "I just, well, I couldn't seem to find the right moment and, well, I didn't think it would really matter."

"Wouldn't matter? How the hell can it not matter?"

"I really care for you. Is it such a big deal?"

"Big deal?!" I said. "Dishonesty practically fucking definesbig deal. I don't even know how you can live with yourself."

Several seconds passed before Todd managed a meek, "I'm sorry."

"Save it for your next squeeze," I suggested and terminated the call. My phone slipped through my fingers. I leaned until my forehead rested on my steering wheel and began to weep.

* * * * *

Todd's regular appearances in the food court ceased and my spirits tumbled each day to a new low. Each day, that is, until the little blonde appeared in my queue a week later.

"Large Chocolate Shake," said Kristi. "We need to talk."

"Buck ninety-two," I replied in my most laconic tone. "Don't see why."

Kristi slid two bills across the counter. "Because I want to explain about Todd. What time are you off?"

"Eight cents is your change, ma'am." I set the coins on the counter and shoved them across with the tips of my fingers. "About five."

"Works for me," Kristi said.

While I prepared her shake, I tried to imagine what she thought we needed to discuss, but I still hadn't come up with a thing by the time I slid her cup across the counter.

"Thank you and have a nice day," I said with the nastiest faux smile I could manage.

"Thank you." She flashed a genuine smile and took her shake. "I'll be waiting in the court at five. See you then."

* * * * *

True to her word, Kristi waited at a table several hours later.

"Hi," she said with a token smile. "I'm happy you made it."

I took the seat opposite her. "Ok, what do you want?"

She chewed her lower lip. "I want to start by apologizing."

"So go ahead," I said with a shrug. "Apologize."

The blonde swallowed, then nodded and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry I mislead your sister."

I looked at her sideways. "About what?"

"I didn't exactly lie," Kristi said. "That's how I told myself it was ok when I said it, but I still allowed her to believe something that isn't true."

"Ok. So what exactly isn't true?"

"Todd isn't married to me."

My eyes narrowed. "But he is married?"

"Technically, yes."

"Technically?! What the fuck does that mean?"

"His divorce won't be final for another few weeks."

I wiggled my head through a trio of quick shakes. "Divorce?"

Kristi nodded. "Yep."

"So who the hell is he married to?"

"Linda."

"Is there anyone else in this fucking little soap opera I need to know about?"

"Look," Kristi said. "I know it was desperate and cruel and wrong, but I've been in love with Todd for years and it just didn't seem fair. I didn't realize how wrong it was until after you dumped him. Seeing how crushed he was, I knew how sad I'd made him. So I just want him to be happy, even if that means he is with you. I really am sorry."

"Are you for real?"

"Yeah," Kristi said. "Real bad. And real sorry. Really, I am."

"Does he know?" I asked. "That you lied, I mean."

"I didn't lie. She only asked if he was married, not to whom."

"Whatever! Does he know?"

"No." Kristi looked down and shook her head. "I don't know how I'm going to tell him. I just know he'll hate me. I deserve it of course." She slumped in her chair and sighed. "At least before I was his best friend. Now I won't even be that. Oh, fuck! What have I done?"

"So you've known Todd long?"

"Forever. We grew up next door neighbors."

"Wow," I said. "And you were never a couple?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Like I know!" Kristi shook her head and a tear crept from her eye. "I always thought we would be, you know, but then he met some skank at college and before you could blink, they were married. Oh my God. That was bad. And now this, this is worse."

"Skank?!" My eyes widened. "Wait! Is that why he won't have sex with me?!"

Kristi leaned back and crossed her arms. "Do you have to rub it in my face you get to be with him and I don't?"

"I'm not trying to be cruel," I said, "though I really don't think you could blame me if I was. It's just... I'm still trying to put all the pieces together."

"Fine, then," Kristi said. "Yeah. He wouldn't do it with you because he wanted to be sure he was safe. Linda was a real skank. Cheated on him with who knows how many men. Can you believe the stupid bitch had Todd and thought that wasn't enough?"

My head moved in a slow bob. "Yeah, hard to imagine."

"I know!" Kristi said. "So, anyway, that's why he couldn't do it. He wasn't sure she hadn't given him some disease and he hadn't got his test results back yet."

"He's almost too thoughtful."

"Yeah," Kristi replied. "You're telling me? You know what the crazy part is? He got his results back the day you dumped him."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"In a sitcom, that could pass for funny."

She shook her head. "You really hurt him. I don't think it's funny."

"I had a little help hurting him."

Kristi nodded. "Point taken. I'm trying to make up for it. Really I am."

"So his results were negative?"

"All clear."

"Why didn't he just tell me about Linda?"

"I don't know?" Kristi shrugged. "Maybe he was worried about scaring you away?"

"Hard to believe he thought that would scare me away."

"Yeah." Kristi sighed and looked upward into the distance. "I know. What could scare anyone away from Todd?"

"So you two hang out all the time, right?"

"Yeah. Well, I guess we used to."

"And what do you do together?"

"The usual." Kristi shrugged. "Talk. Watch TV. You know, whatever."

"Ok," I said. "So why did you come with him that day? The one where he asked me out."

"Moral support." Kristi replied. "All he could talk about was the beautiful girl at the mall. I came and checked you out a few times without him. And, he's right, you are pretty."

I sought some clever reply, but could only manage was a simple, "Thank you."

Kristi stared across the table with her lips drawn into a line. "It's just not fair!" she said with a sniffle. "I was his friend for all those years. I nursed him through the divorce. Told him it was ok to move on and start seeing someone. But I was supposed to be that someone! So, yeah, I guess I just thought I was losing everything and panicked. And now I really have lost everything." Another tear traced its way down her cheek. "And I really am sorry."

"I believe you," I said. "And I forgive you."

Kristi's face went blank. "You do?"

"Yes."

"You are too sweet." Kristi said between sniffs. "Todd deserves someone like you."

"Thank you," I said. "But you may find I can be selfish too."

"What do you mean?"

"It all depends whether Todd will forgive me."

"I'm sure he will."

"In that case," I said, "I just need you to do one thing for me."

"What's that?"

"Absolutely nothing," I said with a smile. "Don't even talk to him about this. I'm going to ask him to come over to my place so I can explain everything. After I apologize, I'm going to tell him that you corrected a misunderstanding and that's all."

Kristi's eyes widened. "You are?"

"In the end, that is what you did."

"So when's he going to know?"

"Never works for me."

Her jaw fell. "Never?"

"That's what I said."

"Oh, wow. You really are too nice."

"No, I'm not." I shook my head. "I'm going to get exactly what I want out of this, and if you happen to get a little of what you want too, I'm ok with that."

* * * * *

Several hours later, Todd sat on my sofa and listened to me explain it just that way.

He shook his head when I finished. "So your sister thought I was married to Kristi?"

"Yes," I replied with a nod. "But don't hold it too much against her. Val was just looking out for me and misunderstood what Kristi said."

"And Kristi straightened it all out?"

"Yeah."

"Wow," he said. "She's the best."

"If that's true, why is it you've never dated her?"

Todd's face went blank. "Kristi?"

I could not help but smile, recalling how the little blonde had evidenced such a similar expression only hours before. "Yes. Kristi. She's super cute. How can you not have considered her as more than a friend?"

He wrinkled his nose. "She's like, well, a sister. I guess I've never thought of her any other way. I don't know, maybe I didn't want to risk the friendship. Are you, like, still worried I might actually have thing for her?"

I twitched my lips. "I'm not worried about that, but I am a little jealous you can talk to her about anything and you couldn't even tell me you were married."

Todd leaned and scratched behind his ear. "Well, it's just I've known her for so long, you know? I pretty much just met you."

"Yeah," I said, "and why do you want to be with me?"

"Well, you're really pretty," Todd said. "And nice."

I nodded. "Did Linda have breasts like mine?"

Todd's shoulders retreated, taking his head and neck with them. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because I want to be more to you than a pair of big tits," I said. "And I want you to be more than a pair of big blue eyes. Eventually, that means we do something besides movie, dinner, and sex."

"I see." Todd's head began to pivot in a slow shake. "But I'm not going to cut Kristi out of my life. I tried that with Linda and it just didn't work."

I shook my head too. "That's not what I had in mind. I was actually thinking of trying to work out something with Kristi where we can all get what we want."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Sure," I said with a nod. "Considering Kristi's your best friend, if she and I can't get along, this just isn't going to work, so there's no reason we shouldn't find out sooner rather than later if that's the case."

He nodded too. "True."

"So you're ok if I work something out with her where we all three spend time together?"

"Sure!" he said with a wide grin. "Should we call her and maybe invite her to the movie tonight?"

I scooted toward him and planted my splayed fingers upon his inner thigh. "Oh, no. Tonight, you're all mine. Tomorrow, I'll think about sharing."

He inhaled an open-mouthed breath. "Oh, ok."

"Good," I replied in a whisper. "And in breaking with our movie, dinner, sex routine, I'm thinking tonight will be sex, dinner, sex." I inched my groping fingers up his thigh. "First course starting now."

He leaned his face toward mine. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"You don't love me," I said. "Not yet. What you're feeling is entirely lust." I smiled and pushed my mouth toward his. "But that's ok, because lust is exactly what I'm feeling too, and I'm likin' that feeling!"

Our lips converged. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feel of his mouth moving over mine. I felt his hands moving too, one encircled me while the other found my bosom. His fingers began to fondle me in rhythm with the motion of our lips across one another. My fingers were hardly idle. I slid my massaging digits up his thigh until I found his hardness and began to rub him through his denim.

He moaned his want into my mouth.

I located his zipper and inched it downward. My fingers' lack of speed had everything to do with caution and nothing to do with desire. I slid my hand through the opening and weaved my way through fabric until I found him, ready and waiting for me. My fingers encircled him and I gave him a good squeeze, marveling how his core could be so hard, yet his flesh still so supple.

I felt him inhale across my lips. "Yes," he gasped. His hands ceased their caressing and I felt a gentle pressure urging me downward. "Do it."

I wasn't sure what he had in mind, but I relented at once and allowed him to guide me. Soon it dawned on me that he had taken my quip about first course starting now in the most literal of ways.

My eyes found his. I gripped him tighter and ran my thumb over his already slick summit. "So you want me to suck him?"

His body tensed and he throbbed within my fist. "Oh, yes! I've been dreaming of it since you mentioned it that first night."

"Really?" I rolled partially atop him and began to slide downward. "Tell me exactly what you've been dreaming."

He shuddered beneath me. "Oh, yeah. Just like this. With you on your knees looking up at me."

I continued my journey downward until my still-clothed breasts smothered his loins. "On my knees, huh?" I whispered. "Like a little slave girl?"

"Oh, yes! Just like that."

I pulled him from the confines of his trousers. "And what does your slave girl do in your dreams?"

His legs trembled beneath me. "She takes me in her mouth."

"Tell me more." I removed my thumb from his crown and replaced it with the tip of my tongue.

His inhale was audible. "Yes, sometimes she licks me too."

In reverse I licked him, pushing my tongue downward over his already engorged crown. My body mirrored the movement of my tongue and my knees found the carpet. His knob was so swollen, so hot, it throbbed against my tongue and his equally swollen eyes seemed to pulsate with the same tempo. Each taste bud that he passed over was greeted with a hint of his subtle saline flavor.

When he reached the back of my mouth, I closed my lips about his girth and began to slide them upward toward his peak.

"Oh, yes," he said. His trembling knees cradled me. "That is so good."

I drew my lips over him until he exited with a moist pop. "How long does your slave girl suck you?"

"Until..." His licked his lips and his throat flexed. "Until she's finished."

"What does that mean?" I slapped his crown with my tongue. "Does that mean you come in your slave girl's mouth?"

His knees clamped against my sides. "Oh, yes. Yes!"

I encircled his head once more with my tongue. "You'll be her first," I whispered. "She's never tasted it before. Tell me how bad you want to fill her mouth with your stuff." I eased my lips over his crown and teased his aperture with my tongue.

His hips jerked. "Oh, wow. No one's ever done that for me. That's so sexy. So you really want to?"

"Quit worrying about what your slave girl wants," I demanded between licks. "Just tell her what you want, and she'll do it."

A twitch ran the length of him, "Oh, you beautiful, naughty angel," he said. "Quit talking and start sucking!"

My sister was right. I could hear his fervor in his words, see it in his eyes, feel it in the bulging texture of his velvety crown, and taste it in his increasingly potent discharge. His passion was infectious to the point of being intoxicating. I slid my lips past his crown and drew him into mouth.

"Yes," he said between pants. "Suck it. Just like that. Take it all."

His words stirred a memory of something else my sister had told me. I grasped the base of his shaft and squeezed him just so before plowing my lips along his exposed length. It wasn't quite deep-throating, she had told me, but it was close enough, and much easier.

His hips rose from the cushions. "Oh, wow. You are so pretty. I love watching you suck me."

I wondered if he could see my lips trying to smile while still wrapped about him. How I wanted to pause enough to tell him to keep talking to me, just like that. His slick discharge soon saturated my mouth, making it easy for me to slide along his length. Maybe a bit too easy.