Sitting in the RainbyDani_Blade©
Sitting in the rain, I wonder how much longer she will let me be out here. It's not like my roommate to let me stupid for long, but I couldn't let her see that He had found me. I couldn't let her see the bruises, couldn't let her see all the marks that had been left. I barely escaped Him, but if He found me this time, I know it won't be long until He finds me again. I haven't told anyone, not anyone, not even those I promised to tell if anything were to happen. It's getting colder, I've been out Here for about an hour, I think the rain is slowly turning to snow, I see white flakes falling every so often.
And here she comes, walking down the path from our dorm. I can hear her boots as she walks, and her voice as she speaks but I can't understand Her, I think I'm too numb at this point. As she goes to grab my shoulder, I flinch away; my flinching causes my hood to fall off, allowing her to see my face. Although my hair falls to cover her view, she still caught enough of what I was trying to hide. I know she's asking questions now. I pull my hood back up and drop my Head, so all I see is the ground. And I whisper please don't tell Him, please. She pauses as if she doesn't know what I'm talking about, and then she turns around and runs off. I lift my Head just enough to see her reach the top of the hill, I get up slowly, and walk away. I don't want her finding me anytime soon.
Almost as soon as I am out of sight of the dorm my phone starts buzzing in my pocket. I pull it out to see it's my best friend, my roommate's sister. I ignore it, knowing it's not my best idea, but not wanting to talk to anyone. My phone continues to go off, still her trying to get in touch with me, my roommate trying to find me, and Him. The one I asked my roommate not to tell. I don't want Him to know, to see me, to know how weak I am. I pull my phone out one last time intending to turn it off, when I see the latest text from Him, I'm coming to find you, is all it reads. I know He will practically tear campus apart looking for me, but I can't make myself care anymore.
I go up to the softball field, and sit in the back corner. I don't want to be found, but I can't make myself leave. I know I'm scaring everyone by not answering, by not being in view. But something in me just doesn't care, He will find me whether I want Him to or not, so I won't make it any more difficult my leaving campus.
I can Hear voices, until one voice, his voice, stands out above all the rest, I look up to see Him rounding the corner onto the field. I watch as He scans the field and turns around to leave, I look back down at my hands and try to get them to curl into fists, but they are too cold and numb from the rain that is steadily turning to snow. I can hear something, I don't know what it is, but it's getting closer so I look up to Him running in my direction. He reaches me just as I look down again; He grabs me in his arms and pulls me close. I can't even feel the pain I know should be running through me. He pulls back some and I know He's talking to me, but I can't make sense of his words. He reaches for my hood and I flinch back, He freezes for a moment before continuing, He pushes my hood back and I turn away from Him and look down to move my hair in between us. He gently grabs my chin and moves my face so that I am looking at Him. I look Him in the eye for all of a second, before I am trying to tug out of his grip. He lets me so that He can pull me close to Him again. I know He's talking to me and trying to get me to respond, but I can't. I can't make my voice work; I can't make his words make sense.
I think He realized He wasn't going to get me to talk, because He pulled my hood back up on my Head. He turned me in his arms so He could pick me up to bring me back to the dorm. But as soon as He started to lift me I started to freak out. I went from a barely working doll to doing anything I could to get away. He let me go, and as soon as He did, I calmed right down to the barely working doll again. He stood in front of me and Held his hands out. I took that to mean give me your hands and come with me or I'll pick you up again. So I did. I put my hands in his and let Him help me up. He put an arm around me when I started to sway and He Helped me start walking back to the dorm. Others same up to us and I shrank into his side, until He made them leave us alone. We walked up the hill and my roommate let us in. He walked us straight into the bathroom connected to my room. He closed the door and turned to just look at me. He had this look on his face, one I could only look at for a moment, before turning away again. I was ashamed of what had happened, and I didn't want Him to see my shame.
He moved to the tub, and turned on the shower Head, He then turned to me, He walked over and grabbed the edge of my hoodie, like He was going to Help me out of it, but I started shaking my Head and backing away. He followed, He took one of my arms and pushed it up the arm of hoodie, and He did the same to my other arm. I was too numb to be able to put them back in the hoodie, so I just stood there as He pulled the rest of it over my Head. I was lucky; I was wearing a black long sleeved shirt, so He couldn't see the damage right away. He turned to check the water, and I crossed my arms in front of me trying to cover any visible damage. When He turned back around I was in the corner by the door, trying to mesh with the wall. I didn't want Him to see. I wanted to hide it from Him all our days. He walked towards me hands out, like He thought I thought He was going to hurt me. But this was Him, He would never hurt me, all He had done so far was try to help me. So with that thought I uncrossed my arms and tried to Help with the removal of my soaked clothes, but I was unable to do more that stand there as He took my shirt off and helped me out of my pants.
He took his socks and shirt off but kept his pants on. He kept staring at me, and I knew it wasn't a good staring. I was covered in bruises and cuts, He wrapped me in a very soft hug, and it was that hug that got me crying. And I think that crying told Him I was back, and I was, his words started to make sense again. He was apologizing over and over, like it was his fault, I couldn't see the logic in that, so I started saying it myself because I could see the logic in that. I hadn't called Him when I had the chance, I just continued on like I never saw who I had seen.
He pulled me over towards the tub and had me sit with Him under the spray. I sat in his arms and cried as He Helped me warm up and come back to life. He Held me and rocked me until I had calmed down. I didn't know what to say, so I stayed silent in his arms for a little bit. Until I couldn't not apologize to Him, so I said it over and over. He just told me to stop, eventually I did. He grabbed my pouf from the edge and started to clean some of the blood off me. When He finished my back and started on my arms, I took it from Him and started to wash the blood off myself, until I started trying to wash the bruises off. I started to scrub at them harder and harder, until He had to bear hug me to get me to stop.
When my fingers and lips were no longer blue, and I didn't look like I was frozen any longer. He turned off the shower and helped me out. Now that I was no longer numb, everything hurt. He helped me to remove the last of my wet clothes and He wrapped me in a towel, He told me to stay in the bathroom where it was still warm. He walked into my room and I Heard Him going through drawers looking for warm clothes to bring me. He came back with my clothes and helped me put them on. We walked back out into my room and I grabbed more warm clothes and gave them to Him to wear. He was only gone for a couple minutes but it was long enough. Everyone came swarming in the room asking me what happened, who did it, and why I was outside for as long as I was. By the time He came back out, I was hiding again and scratching at my hands. I was curled up in the corner farthest from everyone and shaking. My roommate was trying to get people to leave but too many had seen me come in as I had, or had Helped look for me. They wanted to know what happened. He came out, saw me trying to get away and started yelling at everyone. People listened to Him; the only ones who didn't leave were my roommate and her sister.
He crawled into bed with me and Held me until I was calm again, and then the questions started. Although we all knew the answers before they were really asked. The only one I really had to answer was how was I found. The answer was simple, I was walking out of a store and he was waiting outside, I ran to my car only to have him catch me just before I got in.
He was hugging me from behind the whole time I was answering questions and telling them how it happened. I turned around to face Him and told Him how we couldn't keep it up anymore. That I wasn't going to let anything happen to Him, and I wanted Him safe. He looked at me like I had four heads. He asked me if I could see myself, if I really thought that I would be able to make Him leave. And the answer is no, I don't think I could make Him leave. But I can leave in a way that would keep us both safe and make it so He doesn't have to worry about me anymore. Everyone just stared at me; they didn't understand that it would be the perfect solution. It keeps everyone I care about safe, and it means they don't have to worry about me any longer. He hugged me tighter, and my girls reached over to hug me as well. It was there way of saying without saying that they wouldn't let me go. I started crying again, my girls were confused and didn't really know what to do, He on the other hand just turned me so I could cry against his shoulder and he could rock me easier. He makes me feel better than anyone ever has; He knows how to help me even when I don't know how to help myself. He calms me down, and He knows how to deal with my moods. I love Him, and that's why I need to protect Him from my past.