Sketch Ch. 03

Tracy stood beside her small booth and watched as her classmates walked by. Most of the other students ignored her but a few looked at her signs and laughed before walking away.

"Abstinence is the only answer," the small girl said to no one in particular. "We need to value our bodies and save ourselves for our husbands and wives. Join the pledge to save yourselves for marriage. I have shirts and promise bracelets so you can show your support for-"

A young freshman couple stopped in front of her booth and Tracy smiled at them. They looked up at the large 'ABSTINENCE!' banner above her stand and the simple 'Abstinence is the only answer' t-shirt Tracy wore. "Would either of you like a bracelet? They're free."

The boy looked at his girlfriend and then laughed. "Nah. I already sinned and we plan to sin some more tonight in the car. But if I can use this to convince my girl that butt sex doesn't count then I'm all in."

"Ew!" The boy's girlfriend said, slugging him in the arm. "I'm not letting you put it in my ass. Come on, you're embarrassing me."

Tracy watched the couple go as a blush crept up her neck. You both think you're so funny, she thought. It won't be so funny on judgment day when God looks on your soul and sees how you've tainted yourself. More students passed and Tracy continued the spiel for her cause. Never once did anyone actually stop to ask for a bracelet or one of the pamphlets that talked about the dangers of premarital sex but she knew her duty and she stood strong.

As the afternoon wore on and the stream of students leaving the school dwindled away, another freshman sat on the wall next to her. "I never understood why you do this kind of stuff, Trace," the young man said.

"Do what, Jeremy?" Tracy asked as she scanned the crowd for any potential.

"This. This stuff. Trying to get people to not have sex or go to church and all that. I mean, what do you care?"

Tracy sighed. "Seriously? No offense, Jeremy, but you're the last person I'd try to explain it to."

With a short laugh, Jeremy answered, "Hey, I might be an atheist but I'm not an asshole. And I'm curious about people anyway. So, seriously, why? I won't make fun of you if you tell me."

Tracy shaded her eyes to look at the man sitting nearby. "Because, Jeremy. I think it's important to spread His word. I'd love to see every single one of my classmates and friends and family in heaven. I think it's dumb that they'd waste the little time we have here in order to spend eternity in hell. That's why."

"Ah," Jeremy nodded. "So you're one of them. A true believer. I'm kind of surprised. I mean, I knew you were religious but I didn't know you were an evangelist. Doesn't it ever bother you that people make fun of you for it?"

"No. If it were easy then I wouldn't need to be out here. I don't care if they laugh or make fun or ignore me. I'll keep trying until someone listens. Even if one-"

"Hey Tracy," a new voice called out. Jeremy and Tracy watched as the small college's quarterback walked up. The young man, a junior, had come from the same high school as the other two. "Hey Jeremy."

Jeremy nodded with a grimace. "Spencer. Hey."

"I'm having my birthday party tonight. You two coming? My parents are going to go out so there's going to be booze and shit."

"No, I most certainly won't be going," the young woman answered. "Even if there wasn't going to be alcohol. I've heard what goes on at those parties."

"Hey," Spencer replied. "Lighten up, would ya? We're just having fun. It's tonight at 8 at my place." The young man looked up at Tracy's banner and grinned. "You know, Tracy, I don't think you have to worry about not having sex. I mean, you kind of look like a guy anyway."

Jeremy pushed himself down from the wall. "You're a fucking douche, Spencer. Leave her alone."

"Ohh, scary," the larger man said with a falsetto voice. "Anyway, tonight at my place. Bring your own shit if you want to. Hey, Bella! Wait up!"

Jeremy and Tracy watched as Spencer ran off after his girlfriend. "What a prick," Jeremy said. "Don't worry. With your grades, you'll be a CEO somewhere or wherever and he'll end up flipping burgers."

"No," Tracy said. "He'll work for his dad's construction company and end up owning it so he'll do okay, I'm sure."

"Well, okay, there's that. Privileged asshole. He'll probably run it into the ground anyway. Hey, I'm out of here. Good luck with your stuff, yeah?"

Tracy nodded without watching the other man leave. With Jeremy gone and the school mostly empty, the young woman decided to take down her booth. She stored the borrowed folding table back in the school's supply room and then packed everything else in a large duffle bag. The entire walk back to her house she was lost in thought. She'd lied to Jeremy and that bothered her a lot. Contrary to what she'd said, she was weary of it all. Nobody ever listened to her. She'd been very close with her best friend back in high school and they both went to church together and read Bible passages and hung out but, eventually, the other girl found a boyfriend and moved on. She wondered that if even someone like her friend could be so easily convinced to sin, how could others be convinced to turn away from it?

At home, Tracy found a small note: Your father and I are out at a soup kitchen and then we'll be off to a prayer meeting. There's leftover meatloaf in the fridge. Don't wait up! The girl sighed. Lately, her parents had been gone an awful lot. More and more she felt lonely both at home and at school. No friends and her parents always seemed to be off at a new meeting or event. Sometimes they'd take her but most times they'd leave before she got home. I guess that's what a pastor's supposed to do, though, she thought. I just wish they'd let me go, too. Or be home more.

The young woman said her prayers over dinner and then ate in silence. Afterwards, she sat in her room. There was no television in the house and her parent's computer had a password on it. She'd read all of her books several times and she was a week ahead on her schoolwork. The thought of re-reading the Bible for the thousandth time made her tired and then that thought made her feel guilty.

She was restless and she didn't know why. Tired and worn out and bored and upset over the events from earlier. There's not even a good reason for it, she told herself. Just dumb comments made by a stupid boy. Tracy sat up and grabbed her keys and left.

The bus stop near her house was empty and the young girl sat with her ankles crossed and her back straight as she waited. The sun warmed her back as she thought of her plans for the future. Missionary work and then finding a husband to support. Just like her mom did. And children. More than one because she hated being an only child. Not that it was her mother's fault - it was a huge strain on her to have one child and the doctors said she was extraordinarily lucky just to have the one. It was God's blessing, no doubt. She'd also decided she would home school her children. She would rather save her children from the stress and temptations she'd found at public school.

When the bus arrived, she used her bus pass and then sat, continuing her daydreams. She smiled at the thought of four or five little kids running around the house while she cleaned and raised them. Five little perfect cherubs listening to her with wide eyes while her husband relaxed from a hard day at the office or wherever he worked. They'd all go to church on Sunday in their best clothes and every night they'd have a little family Bible time. And, of course, she'd start a women's group and help with the community when she had time.

Tracy stood as the bus squeaked to a stop near the mall. She thanked the driver and told him to have a blessed day and then she made her way into the huge building. The mall was a guilty pleasure of hers and one she didn't often indulge in. For the first part, she sat and people-watched. She smiled at the young children and the older couples that walked past and her eyes strayed to the ring finger on any passing young couple. Nearly all of them were unwed and she felt sad for them.

And, yet, a small part of her felt even more alone. She hadn't dared try to date anyone in high school. Her father forbid it and she understood why as most guys in her classes seemed obsessed with sex. She still blushed at the accidentally overheard conversations about masturbation and penises and vaginas. It was sickening. And it meant that she spent the majority of her time focusing on her schoolwork away from everyone else. The girls were barely better and seemed obsessed with makeup and clothes and the latest pop star or movie star and other vapid things.

Tracy stood to walk around, letting her mind wander as she did. She felt glad that she was small and didn't stand out. None of the boys bothered her much. She wore loose clothing and she wasn't as well... developed as most of the other girls seemed to be. She was small and mousey and well hidden and that suited her just-

"Excuse me, sir," a voice said from her left. Tracy looked at the man next to her as she moved out of his way. He was impeccably dressed in a black suit with a dark gray tie. His hair was slicked back and he had a round, innocent face. As he looked back at her, he placed a hand on his chest. "Oh my... I'm terribly sorry. I thought you were a young man for a moment. I'm very, very sorry, miss."

Tracy grimaced. "It happens. Don't worry about it." The man continued to look over the young girl over and she squirmed slightly under his appraisal. "Can I help you with something?" She finally asked.

"I was just," the young man paused. "I hope you don't think me impertinent but I was just thinking that it was a shame for a beauty such as yours to hidden."

"My beauty? Are you making fun of me?" Tracy asked.

The man's face hardened. "No, miss. I would never dream of it. And I work in a clothing store that deals with women so I would consider myself a good judge of a woman's character. Surely you've noticed? Surely your man has told you how attractive you are and encouraged it."

Tracy's face reddened. "I don't have a boyfriend and... and... anyway, it's not your business. I... You're not the first person to say I look like a boy." The girl looked shyly up at the salesman. "Do I really look pretty? Nobody has told me that before."

"Yes," he assured her. "You are quite a pretty girl. Enough so that I'm surprised to hear that you have no boyfriend. You're quite a catch, if you don't mind me saying so."

"I'm saving myself," she told the man proudly.

"Ahh... I see. How wondrous for you. Still..."

When the man didn't continue, Tracy prompted him. "Still, what?" She asked.

"Well," he continued. "If you hide your beauty away until you decide you're ready to find someone then how will you be able to attract their attention?"

"I... I..." Tracy stuttered. "He'll see how intelligent and pure I am and how faithful to the Lord. I'll win his heart with that." The girl subconsciously touched on the pure white promise bracelet around her right wrist.

The man fixed Tracy with a pitying look. "I see. You are quite young and I mean no offense for that. But... what will you do when there are other women of similar virtue? Women that have experience in flaunting their natural qualities?"

It had never occurred to Tracy that her future husband may look for qualities other than the purity of her heart and this new thought filled her with dread. "Well, but, any husband of mine wouldn't be interested in superficial things like that."

"Superficial?" The man asked. Placing one hand under the opposite elbow, he tapped his lip with his free hand. "My dear, I think the nature of the thing escapes you. You hide yourself away physically and your confidence suffers. If your confidence wanes, you may never get a chance to approach the man you desire. What my store offers is not superficiality but a way to show the world who you truly are. The clothing and makeup and undergarments allow you to express yourself further."

Tracy blinked. She'd somehow walked into the man's store while they were talking and she now found herself in the middle of lace panties and frilly bras. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and she couldn't find a place to put her eyes without touching upon something sexual.

"Here," the man said, taking her elbow. "Let me show you a few things. I'll bring you to our makeup section." Tracy followed the man in a daze, too ashamed to say anything. A small part of her wondered whether he was right. What harm was there in making yourself noticed? The man was an encyclopedia full of information on the various uses of makeup and how the smallest of touches could completely alter someone's perception. They walked away from the area with two tiny kits.

When the two reached the bra section, Tracy balked. "No. No way," she said.

"Why not?" The man asked.

"I can kind of understand makeup but there's no way I need a... a... bra like any of these."

"When I first met you, I accidentally thought you were a boy. You then told me I wasn't the first to do it. You are a woman and you should embrace your womanhood. You should stand tall and be proud of who you are and what you're capable of doing. You plan to have children, yes?"

"I... yes," Trace admitted.

"Will you bottle feed them? I think not. Will you nurse them?"

Tracy's cheeks felt like they were on fire. "I really don't think that's-"

"Will you hide yourself away to do it? You are a woman and you should not be ashamed of who you are. God gave you breasts to nurse your children. You should be proud of them, not hiding them away." The man laid his hand on Tracy's upper arm and then continued. "Any man that wants children will want to know his wife is capable of giving their babies enough to eat. Would you want him to see you and worry that you're incapable of providing for your children?"

"I..." He seemed so reasonable when he put it like that and she had a hard time finding her arguments. She wanted to be able to nurse every one of her children. She sometimes pictured herself sitting with a babe in her arms while her children played at her feet. Would her husband be disappointed in her if it was a bottle she had in her hand with their child? Would he worry about having more children and whether she was capable of it? Wait... she wasn't finished growing, was she? Her breasts cold still develop, right? She didn't have to worry about it so much... did she? Tracy tried to remember her biology lessons and the little she'd heard from other people but all she could see were her female classmates with their cleavage. It wasn't fair.

"It's not fair," the man told her, his voice low and seemingly just for her. "All of those girls are doing the same thing. You turned eighteen seven months ago and you'll not grow any bigger. See this here? It's a pushup bra and I will tell you that all of the girls in your class are wearing them. And, it's not just for school. As you get older, the women will continue to wear them. Men will stare and lust after them and you'll not get a second look. You'll be alone and childless and no man will want you."

No, she thought through the buzz in her head and heat in her cheeks. It's not fair. I'm... I'm a good person! My husband just has to get to know me and he'll see that. He just... he has to see me first... It's not fair... Tracy reached for the white padded bra on the stand next to her. The man smiled beatifically at her when she held it to her chest. Touching her elbow, the man guided her to the front of the store.

"I think you'll be very pleased with your purchases," the man said.

"Thank you," Trace replied with vacant eyes.

"No," the man insisted. "Thank you. I thought this would be more difficult. Enjoy them well, Tracy."

Tracy blinked as the bus hit a pothole. In her lap she had the nondescript bag from the store. When did I...? I can't remember buying them. How did I get on the bus? The girl didn't have much time to consider what happened as her bus pulled to a stop near her home. Still in a daze, she thanked the bus driver and got off.

Back home, Tracy stood shirtless in front of her mirror. Her face was red but not from embarrassment. She felt shame. The man was right, she decided. I am small. No man would see me for anything more than a boy and certainly not for having children. The woman cupped her meager breasts and they fit within her warm hands. Her small pink nipples were almost at small as her father's nipples and with the man's words filling her head, she wondered how in the world her babies could ever find them to suck at them. Carefully, Tracy put the new bra under her breasts. Reaching back awkwardly, she touched the hooks to the first row of clasps. And then moved to the second. And then the third. And then finally, she hooked the fourth row of clasps on her narrow chest.

Tracy's breasts rested on the cushions of the bra and for a moment, she didn't know what to do. Finally she realized that she needed to adjust them for the effect to take home. Reaching in for a breast, she pushed and pulled until the bra sat comfortably on her body. Once finished, the young woman turned left and right to admire the effect. It looks like I have cleavage now. Like I have actual breasts. This isn't so bad, she told herself. I'm just making it even. I know I can nurse babies. I know my breasts will fill with milk. I just need my husband to see it. To not write me off. Gosh, I even feel more confident about it. I wonder...

The young woman grabbed her discarded shirt and she put it on. Her breasts pushed out further against the shirt and she smiled at herself. Biting her lip and blushing, she pulled down at the bottom of the shirt and the smooth skin of her breasts appeared in the plunging neckline. "Oh, gosh." Tracy repeated.

"Now, what did he say about the makeup?" Tracy said out loud. Whispered thoughts came to her mind, guiding her hand as she applied fine strokes of paint to her face. A fine line here. A bit of color there. Some redness over there... Tracy looked at herself in surprise. She looked subtly different. More feminine. "Oh. Wow. I can't even see the makeup." The woman unconsciously played with the light gray bracelet around her wrist as she admired herself in the mirror.

Beneath her bra, the flesh around Tracy's nipples thickened and her nipples grew in size, pressing against the bra and then back into her small breasts. The soft, milky white flesh darkened around the nipples as her areola nearly doubled in size. The girl adjusted her bra without realizing what was happening.

"Huh," she said. "All dressed up and nowhere-" Tracy looked over at her simple bedside clock.

-----

Spencer opened the door and then looked down slightly. "Oh, hey. Tracy. I didn't think you'd come. Hey, did you put makeup on or something? You're looking good. Come on in. Almost everyone is already here. Did you bring anything?"

"No," Tracy answered shyly.

"Aight. Just come in and don't break anything, okay? And don't get wasted unless you can get a ride home."

"I don't drink so that's okay. I just thought I'd get out for once. I'll be in the corner so you won't even see me."

Spencer nodded, already looking past her. "Cool, cool. Come on in."

Tracy looked around the huge living room, wincing through the noise of the booming speakers. The air throbbed with bass and the main area was full of kids dancing and grinding on each other. The young woman made her way through the room, apologizing as she bumped people. Finally, she found the corner. To her surprise, Jeremy sat on the edge of an empty couch.