tagNon-EroticSketch Comedy

Sketch Comedy


Pi cooed when Eddie copped a feel. His hand eased along the underside of one breast and fingers curled at its outside edge, thumb on the inside. Her thrumming became deep and breathy as he squeezed. The succubus pressed closer trapping his hand before she begged for a kiss with her leading tongue. Eddie was all too happy to give it. His lips were crushed by her plush red ones but he resisted them playfully with an arduous nip of teeth. The line of Pi's supple hip hugged his crotch. Blindly her hand found his free one and wound fingers. Her other hand captured the back of Eddie's head and pushed deep into brown mop. This kiss wasn't going to be allowed to break anytime soon.

The mathematician wasn't planning to even try. His head clicked one tock to the side so their faces could better fit together. Whenever his nose flexed drawing in air he was sharing the same that his demon lover. It was timed well with the swell of Pi's filling lung, which pushed warm breast against his palm. Worry about Woodrow for a moment was forgotten along with everything else besides her. His trapped meat grew taunt from her rubbing and both lamented that no quickie was going to follow. Instead they just savored the dancing of their tongues, shared heat, and mixed moans. Eventually however strained muscles forced them to stop. Lips drew away before crashing against one another in small nibbles. Eddie licked the edge of her lips and sighed before resting forehead against forehead. Her coal eyes were as unfocused as his but tried to zero in on his gaze. Bottom lip slid out as his hand moved away from fondling and flattened against her stomach.

"Hello you." Eddie's whisper was hot and he had to draw in deeper breaths to bring down his arousal level; or at least he tried to. His hand squeezed hers firmly. He could still taste her on his lips.

Reluctantly Pi moved her thigh away from his pleasure. "Hello there yourself, Eddie." By way of a scrape of front teeth she gathered up his flavor for her tongue to savor. She'd rather be wallowing on his pre-cum but beggars could not be choosers; on the clock anyway. "How was class?"

"Fine." As he stepped back Eddie lifted linked hands and turned them so he could get a good look at her wrist. It had a bit of bruising but nothing too crude. It still made venom bubble in his good heart and he dotted a kiss to it. For a tick the nerd was confused as to why it had the residual taste of cotton candy. "Are you okay?"

"Just a bit marred but it will be fine by the time we get back home. I mean you can spoil me," Pi's voice dipped to whisper for the next word alone. "Sexually when we get home if you really want. I doubt I shall mind terribly."

"I will have to keep that in mind." Chuckling Eddie took a final kiss before stepping just outside intimate space. He didn't let go of her hand. "So it was Richard Chadwick that hurt you? We should file a complaint. He's trouble in more than a few ways, according to Abby."

"Oh?" Pi probed with her words and fingers running down under the nape of his t-shirt.

First Eddie cast a look back at Woody who was drawing and then around at the few other students that had filtered in. Some had obviously been watching him and Pi snog but he didn't mind. After swallowing he nodded and drew her away from the desk toward her office. Too bad it wasn't for a tryst but he didn't really want to talk about this in public. He didn't know who he could trust.

Miss Baker's office was small enough to be easily deemed cozy. Her desk was small and not really hers yet, in fact it didn't even have a plaque. A laptop computer that she had Aphex scrounged up for her hummed away with porn safely hidden behind kitten screen saver. On one corner was a small desk lamp and on the other an empty inbox and a full out box. She had two plants on an antique side table off to the left and the right was mired with small filing cabinets. While there was a black cookie cutter sort of chair in front of the desk and an orthopedic leather one behind Pi chose to sit on the edge and thus lamp nearly teetered over

"Come here you." She reached out with her lower legs around his thighs and urged him between them. Once he obliged the demoness reached back with a teasing stretch and pulled the pin from her bun. One snap of head later sable tresses settled down. Pi angled forward and pressed a hot kiss to his breastbone. She kept her lips there with a smiling purr when his hands slithered against her scalp. "Now tell me about this Dick."

"Richard?" Fingers gave gentle pressure to her temples before urging Pi to tip back. Eddie watched her fine European features and smiled. Yeah something was going to have to be done about Rich, or at least something to get him to back off, for all their sakes. "Well he's part of the rugby team, pretty well known for being a douche-bot and bully. He has a history of terrorizing both Woody and Quince as far as I've found out. Quincy since secondary school." His sigh brushed down along her forehead. "Plus from what Abby told me his mother is part of one of the covens in town. A very powerful and nosey one. She wants you and me to look out when it comes to them so we don't get into a big mess."

"Oh." Lush bottom lip jutted out as Pi's nose crinkled. "Feh. Well that is not good news at all. This place is crawling with diabolists you know. I am surprised the church has not just tried to carpet bomb the whole area. So which coven is this that I have to tread lightly around? The Douche-bots?"

"No." Eddie laughed and shook his head before letting go of hers. She deepened the pout until he relented and reapplied his hands. Then it was all sunshine and smiles. "They are linked to the St. Agatha Society here on campus and have power all throughout Devonshire. As a side note no one cares about the church anymore."

"Trust me, Eddie." Pi clucked her tongue. "There are plenty of adherents of St. George still crusading about. We get to hear about it from demons that come back missing limbs and parts of their faces all the time."

"Really? Huh. Imagine that." In trying to wrap his mind around modern day inquisitors itching to fight off the horde of Hell in a secret war the chosen one was reminded of a few different animes that Woody had forced him to watch. He leaned back enough to check on his friend before Pi pulled him back closer.

"Can you now? St. Agatha Society is the history club or something like that, is it not?" The succubus trilled in curiosity. Her thighs gave his a squeeze and red lips were licked. Maybe she could get away with a quick bj while no one was looking?

The scent of her excitement tickled Eddie's nose. "It's sort of like that but more of a heritage society? At least on the outside. To you know; promote the old families and bloodlines of the area. In fact however its core is a lot of snotty and power hungry witches and warlocks. So we need to keep an eye out for them. Rich is yes, a dick. But he's a dick from a powerful family. If he wasn't I'd go out there and knock his lights out."

Pi simply smiled and reached out to fan fingers against his scruffy cheek. "You are going to stay right here between my thighs, Edward Vance. We all know what would happen if you tried to take on a mountain of muscle. He would pummel you senseless and I would have to rip him limb from limb afterwards."

"Gee thanks. Gut punch my male ego why don't you?" Even though he was crestfallen the geek leaned into the cradle of her hand.

"Oh I figured I aimed a bit lower than that." Pi's amusement rolled in swan throat. "If it is any consolation you are a fantastic lover."

"I think it is." Eddie shifted his hip and gave her a lopsided smile but the look of amusement soon faded. "We need to do something about him one way or another. Not for just our sake but Woody and Quincy's too."

"He bothers them both but not Jeff?" Silk swathed feet stroked at the back of his legs. The succubus gave him a hooded look.

While rolling his shoulders Eddie wished they were back home or at least could close the door and get some privacy right now. His hands shifted to caress along her hidden thighs, squeezed at their strong shape. He could practically feel the temperature of Pi's core consuming his pelvis. "He's more of a tough guy than he lets on? Jeff. I mean."

"I guess I can see that. He dresses smartly." Lips turned inward in a devilish motion and Pi leaned up, fingers curling against her lover's collar. "You might ask him for tips."

"Oh trying to change me already are you?" On reflex the nerd's hands slid under her skirt and start to hike it up, public place be damned. In truth he just forgot where they were. There was something about the sexual need Pi summoned in him that made everything else fade away. "Careful or I'll demand you prance around in a cat suit with collared bell all day."

"Mmm, so dom." Pi winked when it got the expected response of Eddie groaning. She'd rather he was groaning with the need to spend his seed deep within her but that was neither here nor there. Lust tickled breath trickled from her throat.

"Brat." As punishment he pulled her skirt back down and wiggled away from those thighs. Not even her put out pout drew him back. Eddie sagged back into the small chair in front of her desk and rolled his neck. He grinned when the demoness wasted no time caressing the top if one foot into his crotch.

Pi smoothed hair back behind her ears and shrugged. "I know."

"I know. So. Yeah." Eddie let his head lull back and sighed under the attention.

"Oh yes. It seems that Locke and Rich know one another as well. He scared the brute off. It was rather impressive. I can see why Abby becomes a drooling wreck around him." The offhand comment made Pi smirk.

It also drew Eddie's back to her face. "She's still pinning after him?"

"Something like that." Pi noted the odd tick in Eddie's emotions but let it go for now. She caressed her big toe slowly up and down his hidden hardness. "Likewise he was here asking after her. Cute no? What has she been up to lately? I have not had a chance to speak to her much. She is not avoiding me, is she?"

"Abby?" Eddie was quick to shake his head. His chuckle was nervous and staccato, the former mostly from the way that Pi masterfully played him. Sighing hot the geek groaned and sucked in his lips with a deep mmm. "She's just been busy with stuff. There is something... I should tell you."

Curiosity sparked at the sides of coal black eyes before realization cooled them back down. It was Pi's turn to grin crooked. She leaned forward while undoing the first two buttons of her shirt. Eddie's eyes were drawn directly down. "You and her finally fucked?"

"Well not finally. It was a few days after you got here." Entranced Eddie bit back the part about the book and binding spell before he forced himself to look back up at her face. The succubus wore a full grin and shivered.

"I wish I would have been there to see it. You both have a lot of passion. I am sure you two made quiet a mess." She made a shooting motion at him complete with lavish wink.

"We uh did." Turning red Eddie wanted to cycle from her gaze but just couldn't. Instead his mouth went dry and shaft twitched against her foot. "Are you okay with that?"

"With you making a mess?" Hell's Librarian stole a look to the door and blew out a breath. She'd set a bell for folks to ring if they needed her at the desk and at this time of night there wasn't much activity within. One of the student aides was manning the check out desk so baring anything out of the ordinary she didn't have to actually do a lot of work. Her foot drew back and she slid off of the desk. Want propelled Pi the short distance to Eddie's chair. She hiked up her skirt to straddle one of the arms purposefully. In she leaned until forehead was against forehead. One hand snaked down to unzip his jeans. "Or with you and Abby satisfying one another? Of course I am okay with that. I am a succubus, Eddie."

"I know." He could hardly deny her infernal state as deft fingers brushed at his heated underwear. Pi wasted no time opening his briefs at the front slit and wrapping her hand around his shaft. "I just wanted to make sure."

"I am a creature of sexual desires and hardly the sort that expects commitment." She tugged his head free and brushed thumbnail under crown back and forth while watching her eyes. Hips ground at the lucky chair arm. "That and I am only here for a short time, it is okay, Eddie."

"Oh my." Fighting to speak against a hard swallow Eddie licked at her lips instead of lamenting that fact. It made his chest to feel heavy.

Pi too felt a tugging of regret as she worked supple palm over his cock with as much practiced grace as a skater atop ice. "It is okay."

No it wasn't.

"As long as you are okay with it. Abby and I having sex now and again. We're not dating or married or anything." Whimpering he pressed against her hand hips jerking. Eddie's fingers snuck along the damp fabric of chair arm and tried to reach for Pi's covered sex.

She thrummed in dim amusement. She didn't want to even think about leaving, not yet. Right now Pi was focused on getting him to spray hot jets across her forearm."I did not think you took the time to run off and elope. Oh Eddie, you are so hard."

"I am. I think you should –" A curse was bit back when the front bell was tapped twice in rapid succession. Someone was very anxious for help. Eddie sank his head back against the chair and grunted. "You need to get that."

"I do." Pi pouted but dabbed his salty excitement across her lower lip before savoring it like a sip of fine wine. Off of the chair she slid in a serpentine motion, fixing her shirt quickly. The bell chimed again. "I will handle that later, slowly. So no playing with yourself while I am out there. Mmm, I want to hear details too. Where did you take her?"

Eddie sighed tucked himself back in. "In the barn."

"How deliciously base." After an adjustment to hair and glasses the demoness swayed to her office door just as the bell was rang a fourth time. While hissing she made a motion to communicate she'd be there in a moment. "Lakes of Fire! I swear humans get less patient with each passing generation."

"I guess?" As he shifted in the chair Eddie schooled his tight breath and blew her a kiss before she left. Once the succubus was gone he flopped his head back and puffed out long streams of shaky air. Hopefully he could avoid all details concerning the book and ritual. It was hard to lie to Pi because it just didn't feel right. However if Abby was right and they needed to be careful then; well they needed to be careful. His dick was put back in pants and fly zipped up. Standing he moved over to her desk and glanced over the top, making a note how everything in her handwriting was so exact.

He figured though he needed to talk to Pi as well about the odd fugues he was having. Any time the mathematician pondered the state of his new metaphysical reality the urge to explain it all in formula made his mind nearly shut down. Was this a symptom of her musing him or something worse? He really hoped it wasn't something worse. When it was plain that Pi wasn't going to just come back in and start manhandling him once more Eddie dawdled over to the doorway to see what was what was keeping her. The infernal wasn't in sight and he frowned. Well that just wouldn't do. When he checked on Woody he saw that the fanboy was engrossed in drawing. His friend was always at his best when he was off in whatever fantasy world he was bringing to life.

Out of the corner of his eye Eddie caught something by one of the wide windows but by the time he snapped his gaze in that direction the human shaped figure was gone. Maybe it was just a trick of the light or he needed to get more sleep. Pi's cultured voice finally drifted from the other side of the library. He caught something about periodicals but shook his head. No he should just wait until she was finished, besides it wouldn't be long before they'd be heading home. The long drive back to the estate had become one of his favorite activities.

Moving from the door the nerd drifted over to the window, just to satisfy his concern. Night had yet to take its full dark presence on the stage but dusk had passed. As his cheek pressed to glass to try and get a better view in spite of interior light's refection Eddie's cell buzzed. His shoulders lifted at the surprise but he laughed it off lightly. Turning away from the dark glass full off a dread feeling that the window scene from Susperia was about to happen Eddie pulled the electronic leash out to check the text.

-'Memento Mori'.-

With cocked brow Eddie leaned back against the cool glass. That had to be Latin but what the hell did it mean? Memory something, maybe? The fact it came from an unknown number made the skin between his shoulder blades crawl. Maybe it was just a wrong number or drunk texting? His mind shuffled through the people he knew with private numbers. His thumb was already moving and after a brief sting of typing he hit send.

-'I think you have the wrong number.'-

There that should solve everything, Eddie nodded and turned his head to try and get a glimpse of Pi. Her voice had faded. Away from the window and whatever imagined bogeyman lurked there he pushed and meandered along into the music history section. His phone buzzed again.

-'Ego te abslovo.'-

"Eh?" Taken aback Eddie just stared at the phone. Well whoever this was, this was fucking weird. Thumb hovered over buttons as he considered responding at all. Maybe Quincy had given out his number to a crazy person for a joke or something? He gasped as he stumbled over a book on the floor and lightly twisted his ankle before finding his balance against one of the shelves. "Great, I just tripped over something prophetic I know it."

Tensing the geek turned and peered down at the fat brown book. He didn't want to pick it up because his life had gotten so damn queer lately. However look at where denying fate got Oedipus. After a cough and a look around he crouched and scooped the volume up, turned to get a good look at its spine. He read the title out loud softly. "The Baroque Masters, a Brief. Sure as shit doesn't look like a brief look to me."

Nor did it seem to be some plot hook to drag him along. Eddie chuckled his feeling of unease off. It wasn't like he lived in a movie, well maybe a porno. Some jerk had just left the book where they were reading it that was all. Normally he would have just set it to sleep atop a row of properly shelved books but now that Pi was in charge of the library that felt a bit too dastardly. Eddie's lips pulled to one side. What exactly was a dastard anyway? A cheap man's bastard? He'd never considered that before. Off he went to find the succubus' go back cart. Along the way he looked down at his phone once more.

"Ego te abslovo." The words had some power to them. Nothing magical but weight, of that Eddie was sure. As he shook his head he decided not to text the person back again. The best way to deal with most problems was to ignore them. Well it was the male way to deal with problems. While turning he tried to scope out where Pi had gotten only to catch her sauntering along to him with a teasing cant to her lips. Eddie smiled and waited for her there, framed by night fogged window.

Outside Richard Chadwick continued to skulk away until he was far enough to ensure that Vance and that bitch Baker wouldn't notice him. Then he double-timed it to practice. Not that the coach would say anything because that man knew to keep his mouth shut where the Chadwicks were concerned. However ever since Dr. Galbraith got the sport's director chair and the backing of the Black Wood Circle the bastard had made Rich's life hell. The last thing he wanted to was to be reamed out by that faggot again. The brief time spent spying lead him to suspect something was up between the nerd and Eloise. He'd have Millard check in on where Baker had come from and her relation to Vance later. If worse came to worse he'd talk to Mother about it but Rich wanted to win one fight on his own.

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