- Romance
- Sleep Therapy
- Page 3
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Click hereI still do sleep research, and Rob still plays in a band. He still cooks for me, and cleans the bathroom. I still go to chick flicks with my friends. But afterwards, we go and listen to Rob's band, and I get to take him home, late, and screw him senseless.
And then we get to sleep. Together.
- COMMENTS
KingCuddlealmost 3 years agoA return visit. Glad I did.
I'm happier this time with your relentless conversational style.
It's a welcome break from The Usual on this site.
Thanks for that!
KingCuddleabout 4 years agoInteresting form. Sorta.
In Nashville songwriting, one of our mantras is...
"Furniture in the Verses"...
Another is..."Write in Pictures"...
The LONG beginning all-dialog section. Lacked both.
Nothing categorically wrong with that.
Not an indictable offense; however,
for me, it made the dialog less "weighty"?
The all text sections, on the other appendage,
had more "punch"!
The Good News? Your dialog felt natural...had flow.
Mostly easy to know who was speaking.
I did find her transition to Grab Now to be sudden...
rather than built-toward?
On the whole, a good job...
thebulletover 19 years agoGentle:
You give great Romance: slow, leisurely build-up. Then frantic passion-filled conclusion. It doesn't come much better than this.
Anonymousover 19 years agoBrilliance! This is the best story I've read on this site so far. It shows human interaction as it truly is, unlike so many other stories, and focuses on the relationship of Mel and Rob more than simply their sexual interactions.
As I like to say, there is a line which separates art from porn.
This is most definitely art.
