Slow Separation

No bitches burnt in this story and I fully expect to get some of the ever eloquent 'cuck shit' comments at the end of this one, since the story does take a turn down Cuckold Avenue for a time. I tried to create a scenario that might happen even if it is unlikely. I know most people wouldn't react this way but if we did what everyone expected there would be no reason to write the story.

This story uses a theme I have used before, and will probably use again: the inadequacy, at least as perceived by the wife, of the husband as he ages; a common issue.

All sex in this story takes place between person age 18 or older.

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SLOW SEPARATION

In her mind the problem was only temporary.

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The pictures were all laid out on the kitchen table, the product of the investigator I had employed. I was just sipping a soda, waiting for my wife to get home.

The pictures themselves were damning. They left no doubt that Bonnie, my wife of 22 years, was having an affair with a guy probably not much older than our 20-year old daughter, Ginger. It didn't tell me how long it had been going on, but the PI said they were quite familiar with each other so this was definitely not the first time.

Bonnie stood 5'8" and was pretty much as trim as when we had met. She had shoulder length brown hair with matching brown eyes. When we met she had virtually no chest at all (but amazing nipples) and her pregnancy had changed that but not by much. Even now she rarely wore a bra, doing so only when she was concerned that her outfit might reveal too much.

I loved her with all my heart, which made the pain of this all the more hurtful. I didn't think she planned to run away with this...this kid. That didn't make it okay but it somehow made me feel a little better, though in my mind it was the end of our marriage anyway.

She worked as a pharmacist in a local big box pharmacy. She typically got home from work at 6:00, and I was usually home by 4:30.

Right on time, at 6:00 her car finally pulled into the driveway. I watched her climb out of her car, grab her purse from the back seat, and then walk up to the front door. We kept the front door unlocked when we were home, locking it once it started getting dark, so she was able to just walk in, having seen my car in the driveway and so knowing I was home.

"Hey baby. How was your day?"

I caught her eyes shifting briefly to the things spread out on the table but if she knew what they were she didn't give it away. She walked over to me and tried to kiss me but in the time-honored tradition of the aggrieved spouse, I turned my head and she only got my cheek.

"We need to talk," I followed up with immediately.

"Okay, honey. Let me put my things down."

She dropped her purse on the counter as she always did and as she walked back toward the table I adjusted the pictures and documents to both allow her to see them better and to draw attention to them so she would understand they would be the topic of conversation.

As I had hoped, she simply went to the table and looked over everything without my having to say a word, occasionally picking up a picture or document and studying it more closely. I had prepared myself for some crying and pleading. What I got was far different.

"I'm sorry you found out about this. I tried very hard not to let that happen."

The words and her tone of voice suggested she was more disappointed that she had failed to keep her secret more than anything else. I just stared at her, nearly dumbfounded by her response.

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

She looked at me, just as calm as can be. Where was the regret, the anguish, the fear for her marriage? If she felt it she hadn't let on even once. Maybe her motives had been completely misread and she was planning to leave me, and all this did was accelerate her time table.

"What would you have me say, Henry?"

"How about 'I'm sorry' and 'it'll never happen again' and 'it was only sex'. I'm not saying I'd believe you but I expected that at least you'd make the effort."

"Honey, with the exception of the evidence you have in front of us, I have never lied to you about anything in our marriage, and I'm not about to start now. It was definitely only sex; that much is true. But I'm not sorry I did it because it's something I needed, and I can't say it won't happen again because it will. It's something I still need. I can say that I'm sorry it came to this."

Wow. I had run over this conversation in my head a dozen times trying to be prepared for how she might respond, but I realized only now that all of the times I had done that I had assumed she would be begging for forgiveness. It never occurred to me that she'd respond with a resounding 'So?'.

"Well, Bonnie, I appreciate your honesty. It's not what I expected but... Anyway, I'll go see an attorney tomorrow. I'm sure we can come to an equitable split and have this done in just a few months."

"Have what done, honey?"

Bonnie was one of the most intelligent women I knew, but at that moment I couldn't have imagined her saying anything stupider.

"The divorce, Bonnie. What else would there be?"

"A divorce? Because of this? No, baby, I don't want to get divorced."

"Okay, then promise me you'll stop seeing this guy and any others you may have, and we'll see if we can get past this. Call him now and dump him."

I didn't really expect to be able to get past this but I wanted to see her reaction to the demand. Again, I had expected her to leap at the opportunity but she just sat there. It looked like she was turning her options over in her mind. Finally...

"I can't do that, Henry. I won't. I told you this is something that I need. I'm sorry."

"So, given the choice of your boyfriend or divorce, you're choosing your boyfriend? Is that what I'm hearing?"

"It's not about Brian, honey. I don't give a crap about him. But I need what he gives me."

"Bonnie, I have no intention of staying married to a woman that's fucking other men. So it's either them or me."

"Honey," she said, ultimately ignoring my ultimatum, "what you're suggesting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Let me explain it to you so you can understand what I'm feeling."

"You have something to say that you think will make me okay with you screwing other men? This I've got to hear."

I grabbed another can of soda from the fridge and sat again at the kitchen table. I watched as she tried to organize her thoughts so she could try and justify her actions. I really was curious as to what she had to say.

"Henry, please understand that I'm not trying to be mean when I say this, but for the last few years, well, I've been left unsatisfied when we make love."

I was incensed. Why was this the first I was hearing about this?

"What the hell. So you don't get off when we have sex anymore. Or have you been faking it the entire time we've been married?"

"No baby, I get off every time. You've never failed to make me cum. It's just that these days you're only good for a couple times a week and only a couple orgasms each time. You don't have the stamina you used to and your libido has waned a bit. We used to do it most every night for hours but now..."

"So I got old and you traded me in for a newer model?"

"No baby. I want and need what you give me, but my libido hasn't dropped off like yours has. I still need it as much as I ever did. When we were younger you were all I needed but, well, that's not the case anymore. You still get me off but I need more."

"Why didn't you say something before? Maybe we could have figured something out?"

"Because I was trying to avoid this very conversation. Henry, I didn't want to have to tell you that you were leaving me unsatisfied. I know what a blow that can be to a man's ego. Hell, it would be a blow to mine if you weren't satisfied."

"And you thought that fucking another man would keep my ego satisfied?"

"If you never found out, yes it would. I would be satisfied and you would believe you did it. I love you, Henry, and didn't want you to feel, well, the way you're feeling now."

"So you'd have me believe this was all for my benefit?"

"Obviously I got something out of it, but the secrecy of it, yes, that was for your benefit. Honey, I was always home when I was supposed to be, and you have always been fully satisfied in bed, haven't you?"

I had to admit that I had been. Bonnie always gave me more than enough to keep my needs completely taken care of. But that wasn't really the point here. She continued.

"I always made sure you got what you wanted or needed and when you wanted or needed it. Anything extra I did was on my own time and with people you didn't and wouldn't know. I didn't want you embarrassed or coming face to face with someone I had been with, even if you didn't know it. I tried very hard to keep these things separate."

"Not hard enough, apparently."

"I made it over three years."

She actually had a smug look on her face when she said that. At least, that's what it seemed like to me. And she was right; I hadn't suspected a thing. If it hadn't been for a friend of ours seeing her leave for lunch holding hands with this guy I might still be in the dark. I, of course, was outraged.

"Three years! You've been fucking this guy for three years?"

"No, only about 4 months. Shit, Henry, I guess it's just full confession time, isn't it?"

"That would be nice."

"The first guy was just over three years ago. It had been about a year since I was fully satisfied by you and I was getting kind of cranky and snapping at people for no reason. I overheard some college kid in the store saying how I needed to get laid so I would mellow out, and I realized he was right. You and I had made love the night before but that only took the edge off. So I walked over to him and asked if he thought he was up to the task. He said he was so we went back to his place on my lunch hour and went at it like rabbits. He was big and hard, like you used to be when we were younger, and I got off over and over again, just like I used to. And I realized I was in a better mood and far more relaxed."

I could feel my stomach churning. I suppose no one likes to hear that they're not satisfying their partner. I got up from my chair and walked out on to the porch to get some fresh air. I sensed her behind me.

"Are you okay, baby? Should I stop?"

"Just give me a minute."

My nerves started to ease and my stomach settled. I grabbed a handful of saltine crackers and nibbled on them as Bonnie continued her story.

"I felt horrible afterwards when I thought about having cheated on you. It was only sex, that I knew, but I didn't think you'd understand. I came home that night thinking I'd give something away but nothing happened. I figured it was a one-time thing and it was over; no harm done."

"Obviously it didn't stay that way."

"No, it didn't. It wasn't long before I could sense the need building up in me again, and then the same guy came back again. I think he was mostly joking, but he walked up to me and asked if I was ready for another round. The look on his face said he didn't expect me to take him up on it. I told him to be at his place alone at 1:00 and ready to go. He was and we did it again with the same result. And again you didn't know."

"And I suppose that's my fault; that my trusting you and not realizing what you were doing somehow made me more pathetic to you."

"Not at all, honey. All it did was make me realize that I could get my needs satisfied without hurting or taking anything away from you. And so I met up with Darrin once and sometimes twice a week until he graduated six months later and he moved out of state somewhere. But by then I had explained to him why I was doing this and he turned me over to a friend that he promised could be discreet and would satisfy me. And so it's gone ever since as my old lover found me a new one. Brian is the fifth I've had. You've never met any of them that I'm aware of and I don't allow them to bad mouth you. Like I said, it's just sex to fill a need I have. That's all. But I love only you, Henry."

"Well I don't like it, Bonnie. So if you love me as much as you claim then it should be no problem giving it up for me."

Her head dropped, which was the short answer to my suggestion. But she tried to rally.

"Henry, I understand what you're saying, I really do, but I need you to understand how much I need this. I don't mean that it's nice and I enjoy the orgasms and it's something I'd really like to continue. I mean I really need it. I'm sorry I didn't come to you but my intentions were good. Please don't toss away 24 years of being together over this. I need your support. Please."

She made a compelling case, at least if I tried to look at it from her perspective. She's certainly right about a man not wanting to hear that they're unable to satisfy their wife, even giving it all they've got, though I was aware that I hadn't really been given the chance. If I had tried to keep up and couldn't then maybe we could have discussed alternatives rather than her making the unilateral decision.

But if this really had been going on for three years (and why would she lie about that if all I knew about was the one guy) then she had clearly made efforts to keep it from me. Now, I suppose that's to be expected when one is having an affair, but often these things end up taking place close to home. But she hadn't done it with one of our friends, or someone from the neighborhood, or even one of our co-workers. It had started with some random kid making a smart ass comment and gone from there.

And she had kept it contained within her working hours and in her part of town. This was all small consolation but it gave me some comfort and helped me believe that she did love me and her motives were on the up and up.

That didn't make me happy about it or mean that I would accept it, but it did help me understand her feelings and be at least willing to consider an option other than divorce.

"Okay, Bonnie. I believe you're being honest with me and I'll give you credit for that, even if it's late. The best I can offer at this point is to think about what you said for a few days." I saw her face brighten and I didn't want to give her false hope. "I still think that divorce is the only way to go, but you've given me some things that are least worth considering before taking that step. As you said, we've been together for 24 years. That at least is worth some consideration."

I realize that by not immediately going forward with the divorce I was setting myself up. I had given Bonnie at least the hope of a compromise and certainly opened myself up to criticism if word of all of this got out. Most people I know have a very dim view of infidelity no matter the reason, and before today I counted myself among them. But it's easy to say 'throw the bitch to the curb' when it's not your marriage. I loved Bonnie and had since day one and probably always would no matter how this played out, and that would make any decision difficult.

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The next day was Friday and I did take a few steps that I thought prudent, most of which were financial in nature. There was nothing that couldn't be undone if we somehow stayed together, but it would protect me (well, ultimately it would protect both of us) in what I considered the likely event that we split up.

I also made an appointment to see a lawyer to have papers drawn up. Again, I could always simply hold on to them or destroy them, but I thought it wise to have them ready, just in case.

We spent the evening at home having dinner and watching a movie, making no mention of the proverbial elephant in the room. We cuddled on the couch and I got the impression she hoped we would move toward lovemaking as we so often did. I think it would, to her, signal that I was moving toward her point of view. And while I was certainly horny I felt it would be counter-productive to making a rational decision. I could not afford to be ruled by emotion.

In fact, this delicate truce carried on through the weekend. We were affectionate to each other and managed to carry on our normal conversations, with the exception of staying away from the little flirty sexual innuendos we had used with regularity. Bonnie certainly made it clear she was available to me, but I continued to resist, fearful of the message it would send to her and of how it would make me feel.

Naturally it was my feelings that were driving my thought process. How would I feel going to work each day knowing what was, or at least might be, going on? It wasn't a matter of my being at work and supporting her while these things went on. Her salary as a pharmacist and mine as a project manager for Alpha Logistics gave us a very good living, and she was more than capable of supporting herself. No, it was more basic than that. She was my wife and someone else was having her, and doing it better than I was apparently. Could I tolerate that on any level, even as much as I loved her and as confident as I was that she loved me and would always come back to me? That was the question I was tasked with answering, and it was never far from my mind.

By Monday I believed I had reached a decision on how to proceed. I sent Bonnie a text letting her know that and that we would discuss it tonight. I told her not to cook because I was going to stop at our favorite Italian restaurant for some take out.

I waited until after dinner so that we could focus on the conversation, which had the effect of completely stifling it during the meal itself. We were both nervous and on edge for what was about to come. She was no doubt worried that I would just file for divorce, and I was nervous about presenting the compromise I had reached.

Oh, yes, I had reached a compromise. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was the best I could come up with. Would it save the marriage in the long run? Frankly I doubted it, but it was the only way I could see forward that would both allow for that possibility and give me the chance to retain some of my self-respect. As she said, divorce is a permanent solution and I was prepared to at least see what could be done.

She poured herself a glass of wine and I stuck with water. I wasn't much of a drinker anyway (never took a liking to the stuff) but this was definitely not the time. We went to the living room and we sat on the love seat, with Bonnie to my right.

"I'm hoping for good news here, Henry."

"I know you are. I thought very carefully about what you said, and I'm hurt and angry that you didn't come to me with your concerns. We've been married for 22 years and together for 24, and I would have hoped that we could talk about anything, even something as potentially hurtful as this. But at the same time I understand your thinking and how difficult it would be to raise that subject."

"I'm sorry for not coming to you. In hindsight I realize I took the easy way out by simply trying to solve the problem myself. I should have trusted that we could come to a solution together. Understand, though, that I've tried coming up with something the entire time I've been doing this and come up empty. I would have happily stopped if I could have come up with some alternative."

"I'm sure that's true, but we can only deal with what is, not what should have been or what we'd like to have had happen. So this is what I propose: as long as you continue taking the same precautions you have thus far, I won't object to you continuing what you're doing."

She looked at me expectantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it didn't...yet. I continued.

"I love you, Bonnie, and have since the beginning. I want you to be happy and satisfied, so I'm prepared to take this step in recognition of that fact."