Snapshot of a First Time

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Writing exercise: snapshots of a couple's first coupling.
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As authors do, I tried to challenge myself to do something different. My creativity gets exercised often by creating different characters and scenarios (or not often, depending on your opinion :)!) but my technical skills aren't exercised much. I decided to try to play with text a bit to create a story that had no beginning and no end - it's an exercise we did in writing classes ages ago and I failed miserably before. I wanted to try again and I like what happened, even if I may have failed in what I wanted to do. As always, constructive and kind criticism is welcome. Thanks for reading!

*****

My read was ready to explode. You had been taking me from behind and I had been cumming almost nonstop when you made me jolt because you quickly pulled out and replaced your cock with your tongue. I think I might have yelped in surprise, even. I know I definitely moaned when you wrapped your arms around my thighs and pulled my bottom up higher to meet your face. Your ability with your tongue was no less expert than your knowledge of how to blow my mind with your cock - I was in trouble. I remember moaning into your pillows and feeling my body rattle around you over and over - you were doing such wonderful things to me and I couldn't get enough.

When you sat back, if I remember rightly, you stroked my skin and let me snap out of my daze a bit. I looked back at you to see you looking at me and smiling. My poor sex-overwhelmed brain could only think of how easily you make me cum and how much I wanted you to do it more and how much I wanted to touch you and lick you all over. I had lot of thoughts all at once and was still not believing the heaven I was in was happening. I think somehow after that I flipped over onto my back so I could see you better. I didn't have any idea of what was going on while you were taking me from behind, and I wanted to see what you looked like while you fucked me. I really like watching your face. I remembered the gasp you made earlier - it was so hot because it was not only from your mouth but was written all over your face as I slid down onto you while on top. It was just delicious. I wanted to see you sliding into me while my legs were up in the air.

That angle is always soooo good. Putting my legs up tilted my hips so that with every thrust inside you were just making me cum harder and more. I had a mental struggle between losing myself in it with my head thrown back and wanting to see your face while you did it. I had my fingers on my nipples and my pussy was on fire, clenching around you and making such nice wet noises as you thrust inside. When I finally opened my eyes I saw you watching me and looking back, and I lost my grip again. Your normally bright eyes were dark and your mouth was alternating between biting your lip and smiling at me and gasping. You gripped my legs closer and I started to push back against you, meeting your thrusts. Your cock felt so good inside me and you were making my pussy tremble with every thrust and starting to make me cum more continuously. You had me shuddering and screaming your name, if I remember rightly, and I was making a mess of your pillows all over again.

I don't know how many times I cummed around you before you pulled out and sat back, but I do know that I was eager to make sure none of your delicious cum went to waste. I sat up and leaned over, but was too late to get the first pulse. I clamped my lips around you and got the second, sucking your shaft into my mouth as I felt you shudder and moan underneath me. I felt you lean over me and grip your sheets and pillows and my shoulders as you bucked your hips. I, in turn, moved with you and swallowed every drop I caught. I love how you cum so sexily... you enjoy every second of it and I love watching your body peak and then relax. So different in that regard from how mine works, and so delicious to watch.

As your shuddering began to calm and your breathing was returning to a normal rate, I noted to myself that I forgot to try giving you a kiss while you were in the middle of it. I was so eager to have you in my mouth I forgot of all the other things I could have done! I suppose that's what I wanted most and just went with my selfish urges at the time - hopefully it was still enjoyable on your end! As you slipped from my mouth, I licked the dollop of cum on your stomach that I'd missed and bathed your shaft. I stroked your cooling skin and nipped and licked your body, and smiled as you half-fell half-lay down on your side. It was the second time you'd cum, but I was hoping you'd let me play with you and enjoy you some more later. A smoke break was definitely in order for the moment, but I already was thinking of more things that I wanted to do to you and could feel my wetness still there. Maybe if your cock wasn't ready your fingers could come out to play. I hadn't squirted around your cock yet (maybe I was too nervous) and was hoping maybe your fingers would make the towels under your sheet not be laid down in vain. I'm glad I was right.

Speaking of your fingers - I very much enjoyed them inside me. I'm not completely sure how they got there the first time but I think I may have put them there, now that I think about it. I think I'd said I wanted to show you something and put your hand between my legs underneath the plaid skirt I was wearing. I was just wanting to show you how wet I still was, but was very delighted when you chose to do a little more exploring. I love being fingered because it's something I can't do myself. My fingers are too short and my hands never get the right angle inside me. I know what I sort of feel like inside and I know sort of where to touch and put pressure on but it always feels better when someone else does it.

My head was reeling when you stroked my clit, and I couldn't help the noises that came out. I suppose I never can, I can only do my best to hold my breath so they don't make it out. I saw you close your eyes and bite your lip as you started to toy with my clit hood, and my own reaction was identical. I felt your hand cup my pussy and your fingers move along my slit that was dripping with want for you. I whimpered and wiggled against you as my hands balled fists of my skirt, still not fully believing that I was now going to have the pleasure of cumming around yet another part of you. You hadn't entered me yet, but in the back of my mind I knew what might happen if you found the right spots to touch and I hoped you would. I couldn't give you any advice on how to do it, because I still don't know how, so I just sat back on my shins and tried not to topple over onto you as I started to quiver.

There are many things that you've said that I've locked away in the vault to remember for later - your voice drives me absolutely insane when you say dirty things to me, and I desperately try to remember and cling onto anything that makes my body light on fire. You made a sexy noise and I opened my eyes, a bit startled at first. I didn't expect to hear you moan, and I watched you more intently, seeing your tongue flick against your lips and your mouth open slightly. Your eyes were closed, with concentration, perhaps, but I watched you intently until you said the thing that made me lose it. Barely louder than a whisper you moaned again and murmured that my pussy was just made for your hand, and you slid your fingers inside me. I made a noise, myself, and pushed my hips down as far as I could go. I leaned forward on one hand and grabbed one of my nipples with the other, breathing in gasps as I could feel your fingers starting to work.

I was so wet I couldn't feel any motions you were doing, only the insane pleasure that resulted from it. I didn't know how many fingers were inside me, I could only tell that my mind was starting to be lost. Your eyes were still closed and you smiled when you felt the first twitch of response against your fingers. To be very honest with you, I have no idea if you were even toying with my clit or my ass or anything else at this point - the only thing I remember solidly is how hard it was to think and how hard it was to keep upright. My elbows were starting to quiver and give as I forgot how to use them.

And then you made me cum. It was messy, but not as messy as it was going to be in a few minutes. I doubled forward a bit and I felt my walls grip you and cover your fingers with my slick juices. I shuddered and mewled, my eyes clamped shut and my head bowed over, just trying to keep upright as the waves of pleasure moved through me. I gasped for breath and covered my mouth and then heard you say another one of those things that I won't forget easily. "Now I get why you push me out when that happens..."

I don't even know what I did to that, I probably made some kind of "oh-my-god-I'm-losing-my-mind" noise as I felt your fingers stroking my walls and probing my inner folds even more. You kept playing with me and I almost wanted to laugh because you looked so still and relaxed with your eyes closed touching me while I was twitching and bucking all over your hand, and certainly not being quiet. I was so wet and I could feel your fingers pushing and exploring deeper and deeper. I think I was cumming frequently at this point, your fingers bringing me up to another peak before I'd even come fully down from the previous one. I can't be sure, as I said - my foggy brain was too busy enjoying itself to be able to handle processing what was happening very well.

And then, at some point, it happened. I was hoping it would, as you'd been so thoughtful to make your bed functional and comfortable. You'd laid down towels underneath your sheets when I warned you about what might happen, and I was confused as to why it hadn't yet. I was worried it wouldn't at all, so it caught me just as off-guard as it must have caught you. Your fingers probed just the right spot, and I bucked my hips hard and came around your fingers again, squirting an onslaught of fluid all over your hand. I gasped for air and saw your eyes open with a snap to look at me, your previously serene-looking face looking as surprised as I felt. I probably made a raft of different noises as you kept going, watching me carefully and murmuring encouragements to me as you kept finding places to touch. I don't know how many times I squirted on you anymore; I was literally too far gone to be doing anything but holding on for dear life and watching you watch me. Your eyes seem to go darker when you're aroused, and seeing them take in what was happening so studiously was almost overwhelming as your fingers kept pushing me over the edge over and over.

After some moments your fingers slowed down (I'm surprised I didn't give you hand cramps) and I was gasping for air and feeling my sensitive pussy be more swollen than it had ever been in a long time. I felt your fingers slip from me and I finally let go of whatever my fists had been clutching - my breast, my skirt, my nipple, whatever it was, I don't remember, I just remember my knuckles being a bit sore from doing it. I took deep breaths and covered my flushed cheeks, moving my hair out of my face and slowly realizing where I was and what had just happened. I wobbled back, moving on my knees, and lifted the skirt up to inspect the damage I'd done. I was very glad the towels were there. I smiled at the wet spot, at your hand, at you, and as my brain finally started to work again, I realized two things. One was that my pussy was so swollen and sensitive that I needed a minute for it to recover, and the other thing was that it just meant I would have a chance to explore and play with you some more...

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masked_authormasked_authorabout 8 years agoAuthor
Re: II,TE

Thanks, Witton. I appreciate the time you took to write me the feedback.

I normally don't do second person - I guess there's a reason why. :) I'll take this to heart in future endeavours. I also notice because I am not writing often anymore, I'm very rusty, sadly. Hopefully one day I can commit more time to this style of story again and see if I can craft a better one.

Thank you again for your thoughts.

WittonWittonabout 8 years ago
Interesting idea, terrible execution

The second person POV is really, really bad. I suppose people use it to create a sense of intimacy they can't get otherwise - it never works. It just makes the author's product seem artificial - completely artificial

Your essay/story would be better - much much better - with paragraphs because it would become at least somewhat readable. These long long long long paragraphs threaten to become gibberish unless the reader is willing to make up for the author's laziness/bad habits.

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