tagHumor & SatireSnot Brite and the Seven Pervs Ch. 01

Snot Brite and the Seven Pervs Ch. 01


Authors note. Although this story is in the humour and satire category I have also tried to keep it sexy, and have attempted to at least touch on most genres over the full series. That means if you don't like gay, lesbian, anal, transgender or any of the other categories within Literotica then there may be bits you want to skip over. Please give it a go and let me know what you think, I enjoy getting comments, even those with creative criticism. There are six chapters and they should be put up at the rate of one every week. Do not expect reality, it is a fairy tale.

The story is set way before condoms, so if you want a safe sex message then I suggest that if you are going to masturbate over the hot bits then you wear a condom while reading. Keyboards with sticky keys are no fun.

Please enjoy – BB1212

The Queen entered her private chamber and bolted the door behind her.

"Elsie." She called, and her tonguemaiden appeared. Elsie was a plain woman in her late twenties, with unruly hair and she was a little overweight. She was called the Queen's tonguemaiden because she had a remarkably talented tongue, which was much more useful to the Queen than her hands, otherwise she would have been a handmaiden. Another value she had to the Queen was that she was very quietly spoken and totally discrete.

"Yes Your Highness?" Elsie said softly. The Queen pirouetted in front of her full-length mirror.

"Bring me the magic dildo." Elsie's eyes narrowed briefly. If anyone had asked her she would have told them that the Queen spent far too much time riding the magic dildo, and not enough time riding King Dominic, but no one asked.

"Yes, Your Majesty." Elsie whispered, and she disappeared into a side chamber. The Queen smiled as she looked at her reflection. She was beautiful; there was no doubt about it. Her figure was strikingly feminine, her hair was long and shiny and her eyes held the kind of promises that brave men would go on suicidal quests for. She had married the King in a huge ceremony just over two years earlier, and had used her magic dildo every month or so to make sure she was still the most beautiful woman in the land. Elsie entered the main chamber again; she was pushing a large device on wooden wheels.

"Where would you like it Your Majesty?" Elsie asked, knowing the reply already. The Queen liked to watch this monster entering her body.

"Here girl," The Queen snapped, "in front of the mirror." Elsie nodded and pushed the device into position. The Queen smiled in anticipation, looking at the massive dildo. It would have been two feet long and, although it started at normal penis girth, at the base it was so thick that the Queen could not touch her fingers and thumbs of both hands together around it. And the Queen had very long fingers. The magic dildo was huge. "My clothes, Elsie." The Queen commanded, and Elsie tore her eyes away from the dildo. She would have loved to have tried it, but didn't dare, both in fear of the Queen's anger, and in fear of the damage that such a huge item could do to her.

Elsie had only ever had a man inside her once, and that was the King. After his first wife had died he had taken any woman in the castle he wanted when he was horny, and once he had been walking behind Elsie in a corridor when this happened. He had grabbed Elsie and bent her forward across a table, lifting her dress and exposing her virgin hole. Elsie had struggled at first, but when he had said 'Be still woman.' she had realised it was the King, and had meekly surrendered to his will. He had rubbed his cock up and down her slit to lubricate it, and then spat on his hand too, and rubbed that on the end. The King had entered Elsie to his full length in one thrust, making her yelp in pain and surprise. His cock had felt enormous, and Elsie had been amazed not only of the length as it filled her, but also the width as it had stretched her wide. She was whimpering as he started thrusting in and out of her, but the King had not slowed at all. He had fucked her for a long time, and Elsie remembered her embarrassment as some servants had passed them in the hall, politely averting their eyes as the King took his pleasure with the plain servant girl. Eventually he had started thrusting faster and then she had felt the warm liquid squirting inside her as he finally cum. All he had said to her was 'Nice and tight.' and then he walked off satisfied, leaving Elsie to rearrange her clothes and continue her work as if nothing had happened. Although some of the women that the King had taken during this period had become pregnant, this had not happened to Elsie, and she was secretly just a little disappointed that she didn't get to bear the King's baby.

"Elsie, my clothes." The Queen said impatiently, and Elsie jumped and hastened to her. She unlaced the Queen's gown at the back, and then unbuttoned it so she could slip it off her shoulders and down. The Queen stepped out of it and Elsie quickly hung it up to avoid creases. The Queen required her gowns to look perfect. Elsie then removed the Queen's under gown in the same way, and then her petticoats. Eventually the Queen stood naked and beautiful in front of Elsie. As usual Elsie was amazed, it was so easy to see that that the Queen was the most beautiful woman anywhere, and Elsie was surprised that the Queen needed any confirmation.

"You are beautiful, my Queen, there could never be one to match you." Elsie said admiringly. The Queen pirouetted again, looking at her reflection. She had shapely hips and beautifully long and elegant legs. Her tits were amazing too; they stood proudly, the semi erect nipples pointing naturally upwards.

"Yes," she agreed, "a more beautiful woman would definitely be something Elsie." She turned again and went to her bed. "I think I need some preparation." The Queen said, and Elsie smiled. The Queen tasted better than good, and this was a task Elsie enjoyed immensely.

The Queen lay down on her back on her bed and spread her legs, exposing her impossibly beautiful pussy. The hair was soft and curly, her lips proud and straight. Elsie followed the Queen to the bed and lowered her lips to meet the Queen's. As their lips met both women smiled. This was always good. At first Elsie just lapped gently, poking her tongue into the folds and creases, enjoying the nectar that was within. Her tongue gently probed the Queen's hole, just pushing in far enough to make the Queen squirm. Elsie slowly built up the intensity, occasionally licking the Queen's clit as it poked out of its hood. The Queen shuddered and moaned as the girl between her legs lit the fires of her desires, and then licked them into a blaze. This girl was a true tonguemaiden; she knew just what to do and when to do it. The Queen's hips bucked as the intensity rose, and she was running with the juices that she would need to pass the next erotic test. Elsie had slipped a couple of fingers into the Queen, and she gently added another. The Queen needed all of the stretching she could get. As the Queen's orgasm approached Elsie eventually managed to put her entire hand into the Queen's throbbing pussy. The Queen moaned in ecstasy, and came, her pussy clenching around Elsie's hand, pulsing as she bucked and moaned in delight. Elsie left her hand inside the Queen as the sensations subsided. The Queen smiled weakly.

"Is that four fingers this time Elsie, it feels like a lot?"

"No Your Majesty," Elsie smiled in triumph, "it is my whole hand." The Queen looked in surprise, and then looked at the mirror at the end of her bed. Sure enough the girl's hand was entirely inside her.

"You have excelled yourself my dear." The Queen said happily. "I will reward you, I think tonight I will allow my personal guards to take care of you." Elsie was suddenly worried. The Queen's personal guards were four men who had been chosen not just for their strength, but also for their endowment and stamina.

"You are too kind Your Majesty, I could not possibly..."

"Of course you could." The Queen said, dismissing any argument. "Now let's see how well we can do with the magic dildo today, I have a good feeling, although that might just be your hand in my pussy." Elsie smiled hesitantly and slowly withdrew her hand. Four men. Four very big and very horny men. She wasn't sure if she was going to enjoy this night or not, but she was afraid that it would be not.

The Queen walked slowly to the magic dildo, and climbed onto it. It was like a large chair, and she squatted over the head of the dildo, gently rubbing her wetness onto it, before using her arms and legs together to slowly lower herself onto it. Her eyes were open and she was watching intently in the mirror as it slowly entered her body and spread her pussy lips wide. Elsie watched in fear and envy as the huge item was slowly swallowed. The length was deceptive once it was inside the Queen, it was hard to know how deep it was, but Elsie and the Queen could both see the stretching of her pussy lips as it got wider. The Queen rode the device, working it in and out, and it warmed up with her body engulfing it. The Queen was moaning constantly as she was filled deeper and deeper, and opened wider and wider. Finally she screamed in pain as she reached the limit of her body. Elsie reached around and marked the spot on the dildo where it entered the Queen.

"A new record, Your Majesty." Elsie said in excitement.

"Bloody good effort love." The magic dildo said happily, and it suddenly throbbed with life, making the Queen moan even more. The Queen waited for a moment, to settle her feelings, and then she spoke.

"Magic dildo, huge and grand. Who's the sexiest in the land?"

"Do we really have to do that rhyming shit?" The dildo asked.

"You are a magic dildo," the Queen said reproachfully, "and that's the way it's done." The dildo sighed.

"OK, you win." It paused, tickling the Queen's inner depths absently, and making her gasp. "Magnificent Queen so very tight, the sexiest one would be Snot Brite."

"What?" Elsie cowered as the words sunk in; this was not going to be pretty.

"Magnificent Queen so very tight, the sexiest one would be Snot Brite." The dildo repeated. Snot Brite was the Crown Princess, and the daughter of the King by his first wife. She was the only child that he had ever Sired (Kings Sire children, the rest of us just sire children) legitimately, and she was the only woman even close to the Queen in beauty.

"Bloody dildo, wrong somehow, why do you just say her name now?" The Queen said in a furious tone.

"Literotica has this rule, and underage just wouldn't do. Snot Brite just turned eighteen today, her tits are better, I now can say."

"Arrrrgh." The Queen screamed in anger, tensing as she did.

"Arrrrgh." The magic dildo echoed. "Take it easy love, you might snap me off the way you are going."

"And so I should." The Queen said angrily, and she started to slide up the dido.

"Wait till I come." The dildo said desperately. "That's what keeps you so beautiful." Elsie's ears pricked up, she didn't know that. The Queen slipped off the dildo anyway.

"Maybe next time," she said shortly, "if you have better news for me. I'm off to fix this problem. Dress me Elsie." She commanded, and Elsie timidly did.

"Can I help any more, Your Majesty?" Elsie asked as she finished.

"No." The Queen said, "I'm off to get the King out of the way, then I'll take care of Snot Brite once and for all." She laughed evilly and left the room.

"Go on." The magic dildo whispered to Elsie after the door closed. "You know you want to." Elsie looked at the door nervously.

"I shouldn't." She said.

"She's gone." The magic dildo said. "She won't be back for ages."

"It's wrong." Elsie said.

"It will make you beautiful." The dido said, cajoling. Elsie slowly walked to the door and latched it. She walked back to the dildo, nervous but anticipating. "Come to me," the dildo whispered, "wrap yourself around me." Elsie looked around nervously. She

lifted her dress over her head and let it fall to the floor. Nervously she climbed into the position she had seen the Queen use so many times, she moved her petticoat aside and rubbed herself on the end of the dildo. "Ooooh yeah," the dildo moaned, "do it baby, slip me into that nice, tight hole." Elsie steeled herself and then squatted down, gasping as the dildo went inside.

"My goodness," she gasped, "you are so big."

"Damn, but you are tight." The dildo said.

"I'm sorry," Elsie said, "I'm not going to get you anywhere near as deep as the Queen can."

"That's fine." The dildo said. "The most sensitive bit is just under the head anyway. I prefer tight actually, and you could drive a Kenworth truck up the Queen without touching the sides." Elsie frowned in confusion.

"What's a Kenworth truck?" She asked.

"Ooops." The Dildo said. "Forget it, or just ask your great, great, great, great, great, great granddaughter. Now fuck me girl, make me come." Elsie started to ride the dildo, slipping it in and out of her body, and slowly going faster as she relaxed and started to enjoy the sensation of being filled.

"This is good." She said, half in surprise. "I expected it to hurt more."

"Less talk, more motion." The dildo said, and Elsie complied.

"Oh, fuck yeah," the dildo shouted, "ride me baby, ride me." And Elsie rode it faster and faster, and then the pleasure between her legs surged and soared, and Elsie came on the dildo just as the dildo came in her. Elsie sagged and the dildo sighed.

"Bloody hell," the dildo gasped, "it's true."

"What's true?" Elsie moaned.

"Simultaneous orgasms, you know the Beatles song, 'Come Together'?"

"I didn't know beetles could sing."

"They can in Liverpool."


"Don't bother." Elsie slowly slipped herself off the dildo, and it started to lose its pulse.

"You'd better come back darling, you need me and I need you." The dildo said faintly.

"I will." Elsie promised, and she meant it.

The Queen was furious when she found King Dominic, but she was careful not to show it. He was playing with his treasure again, just rolling in gold and precious stones.

"Darling," he said happily, "come and join me, we can make love in the treasure."

The Queen shook her head.

"No," she said gently, "the last time I did that I was shitting diamonds for days." The King giggled.

"At least I got to come into some money." He said happily. "So what do you suggest?"

"Anonymous blow job." The Queen said.

"Oh, goody," the King replied, "I haven't heard of that one, how do you play it?" The Queen held out her hand.

"Come with me and I'll show you." She said. Ten minutes later they were in the torture chamber and King Dominic was chained to the wall. All he wore was his crown, and his cock stuck out in front of him proudly.

"Now what?" He asked, excited. The Queen lowered her mouth to his cock, and swallowed it down, licking the underside.

"Oh, my." The King moaned. "But what makes it anonymous?" The Queen pulled back and stood up in front of him.

"This." She said happily. And then she blindfolded him. "Now you won't be able to say for sure if it's me or someone else sucking your cock." As she said this a pageboy reluctantly walked into the room as the Queen beckoned him. He shook his head nervously but the Queen just pointed, and the young man knelt in front of the King. The Queen grabbed his hair and forced his head onto the waiting cock. The King giggled.

"Oooh this is good," he said, "I like this game, suck me deeper." The Queen smiled as she left the room. The pageboy had instructions not to let the King come until the Queen returned, and the Queen doubted if he really wanted a mouthful, so that should be a pretty safe bet.

The Queen went and found the woodsman. He was a very strong man, with muscles developed from years of cutting wood.

"Have you ever fucked a Queen up the ass?" The Queen asked, and the woodsman looked around alarmed.

"I beg your pardon?" He stuttered.

"Have you ever fucked a Queen up the ass?" She asked again.

"I didn't mean to... I mean we were only young and experimenting..."

"Don't panic." The Queen said. "I meant a female Queen, you know, one with a crown like this?" She pointed at her head.

"Oh, uh, no?" The woodsman said in the most masculine voice he could muster.

"Do you want to?" The Queen asked, pushing her tits toward the man.

"Uh, yes?" The woodsman was worried, there must be a catch he thought.

"Good, well if you do a little job for me you can fuck my ass for as long as you can last." The Queen said. The woodsman frowned.

"A little job?" He was worried.

"Take Snot Brite out into the forest and kill her. Then cut off her tits and bring them back to me to claim your reward." The woodsman considered. The Queen wanted him to kill the Princess; he didn't know where his loyalties lay. The Queen suddenly knelt in front of him, and untucked his cock from his clothing. She sucked it down her throat until her lips met his balls, and his loyalties aligned.

"Yes, Your Majesty, yes, Your Majesty, oh, YES YOUR MAJESTY." It only took the Queen a couple of minutes to make him come, and she swallowed his sperm hungrily.

"Up the ass, remember, but I must have her tits." The Queen left the woodsman clutching the wall for support, and returned to the King.

The pageboy was still going, as was the King, when the Queen returned. The Queen shooed the pageboy away and took over the job herself. The stunned pageboy left with a very strange look on his face. The Queen upped the pace and the King groaned with pleasure.

"Oh suck me," he said, "oh, please let me come." The Queen's lips ran up and down the King's cock faster and faster, until finally he too gushed into her mouth. The Queen thought absently that what they said about Kings was true. The King did taste richer, and she swallowed yet another spurt. As the King's orgasm and his moans subsided the Queen stood and unfastened his blindfold. The King blinked in the brightness.

"That was wonderful." He said smiling.

"Yes, I sucked you 'till King Dom cum." The Queen said smiling.

"I really liked that bit where you played with my asshole." The King said, looking a little nervous. "Oh, we had a gay old time didn't we?"

"More than you could possibly imagine." The Queen said, too quietly for him to hear. She would need to have a talk with that pageboy.

"Hello Snot Brite." The woodsman said with artificial cheerfulness.

"Hello... er..." Snot Brite didn't recognise the man.

"I don't have a name," the man explained, "I'm just called the woodsman in this story."

"Really?" Snot Brite looked excited. "Am I in it?" The woodsman just shook his head. He had met sharper bowling balls. And bowling hadn't been invented yet.

"Yes." He said. "You are the star." Snot Brite jumped up and down happily, clapping her hands.

"Oh, goody, what do I do next?" She asked eagerly.

"You come with me for a walk in the forest." The woodsman explained. "We are, er, looking for a lost tribe."

"That sounds like fun." Snot Brite said. "Should I bring my wrap?"

"No." The woodsman replied. "I don't think you will be needing any more clothing."

"When do we go?" Snot Brite asked.

"No time like the present." The woodsman said.

"Ooooh, do I get presents?" The woodsman rolled his eyes.

"Definitely." He said, and they left.

The Queen arrived back in her chambers, and called for Elsie. The girl came in with a dreamy look on her face.

"Your Majesty?" She said, and curtseyed.

"I think my problem is fixed." The Queen said happily.

"I am pleased Your Highness." Elsie said. The Queen looked at her critically.

"Have you lost weight?" She asked.

"Yes, Your Highness, I am doing my best to look better for you." The Queen wondered why the girl would bother, it was only her tongue that she was really interested in and it was fine as it was.

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