Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

"Hello dearie, my name is Rumpledforeskin and I'll be your barman tonight. What can I get you?"

"Well he suits his name," thought Snow as she sneaked another look at his trousers. "I'll have a Pan-galactic Gargleblaster thank you?"

"Coming right up," said Rumpledforeskin as he busied himself with making the cocktail. "Now would you like that with five cocktail onions or just four? And would you prefer milk of magnesia or cod liver oil as a chaser?" This guy was good.

"Four onions, three cherries and milk of magnesia thank you." In no time at all she was sipping on her tall ice cold cocktail and scanning the room for likely candidates.

"Looking for Prince Charming sweetie?"

"Actually Rumpledforeskin I am. I'm tired of going out with losers and was told that this was the place to come if I wanted a real man."

"Yeah that's what they told me too but all we get in here are very butch, funny, intelligent, gorgeous, rich heterosexuals... it's just not fair." He sighed as he polished glasses and adjusted his package. "You'd better grab a table before the place starts to fill up honey... and good luck finding the man of your dreams. If you're going to grab a booth don't sit in the one with the sign saying 'Visitor' on it. It will only piss him off. Visitor is our resident wise man. Definitely a man to know."

Snow took her drink and sashayed across to an unoccupied booth next to the one with the 'Visitor' sign on it. Slipping into the booth took a little strategic manoeuvring but she managed it with only one minor accident when the bus boy walked into the pillar in the middle of the room. As she sat and sipped Snow was aware that she was attracting quite a bit of attention; it was inevitable actually as she was the only single gorgeous woman in the place. Soon though the bar began to fill up; single men and women and a few couples started to drift in. Rumpledforeskin sent another Pan-galactic Gargleblaster over with the bus boy who by this time was sporting a shiner and had trouble locating the table top as his eyes were glued to Snow's mountainous breasts. Finally Snow just grabbed the drink from the young man's trembling hand and flashed him a dazzling smile which caused him to trip as he backed away from the table. The cut in the back of his head didn't bleed much... well not as much as the cut on his hand he got from the glass he broke when he fell.

The band, Buster Hymen and the Penetrators, was due on stage at ten o'clock. They must have been popular because the trickle of patrons became a flood just before ten. The booths were all occupied with the exception of the one reserved for 'Visitor'. Snow was just starting on her third cocktail of the night when she was interrupted by a deep voice.

"Excuse me... do you mind if we join you? We don't take up much room and we'll be good." Snow turned to meet the admiring gaze of a group of small men... seven of them in all.

"Wow... you guys are dwarves!" she said moving over to make room.

"Actually we prefer the term vertically challenged persons. Let me make the introductions. This is Sleazy, Slimy, Lumpy, Droopy, Horny, Leaky and I'm Bob." As she shook hands with the little men she looked around desperately for a way out. The fact that they were vertically challenged persons didn't bother her at all but if she was sandwiched in between men her chances of finding Mr. Right were definitely limited.

"Pleased to meet you guys... I'm Snow White." As a conversation stopper that sentence took a lot of beating.

"You're shitting us!" exclaimed Horny who was drooling over her cleavage from a range of mere millimetres.

"You know it's very cruel to tease and taunt us vertically challenged folk," said Sleazy as he tried to run his hand up our heroine's smooth thigh.

"No... I'm Snow White... at least that's my nickname. I'm here to try to meet Mr. Right." Snow was busy trying to deflect Sleazy's wandering hands while at the same time trying to get away from Horny who was doing his best to dive into her cleavage. If he succeeded they'd have to send in a search party to find the little bugger.

"Mr. Right? Shit we know him. He was in here last night. Are you sure you're looking for Mr. Right? He's as camp as a row of tents. He shares a condo down in the Village with Prince Charming."

"They're gay?!" Her disappointment was enough to distract her to the point where Sleazy managed to get as far as the crotch of her knickers and began trying to worm his fingers into the miniscule garment. Meanwhile Horny had succeeded in burying his face in her cleavage and was busy licking the inner slopes of her breasts. Two swift slaps restored her modesty and left two little men rubbing rising welts.

"Yeah sorry toots. Both of them are fudge packing, pillow biting, shirt lifting turd burglars. Shame really. They could have their pick of any of the trollops that wander in here. Like me they have this mysterious sexual magnetism." Bob was definitely not lacking in confidence.

"So what am I supposed to do? I was told I'd be able to meet the man of my dreams here and it turns out that the two sexiest hunks around are as bent as a three dollar note!" She was near tears which caused the seven vertically challenged chaps to sit up and be on their best behaviour. They didn't want to get booted out again for maiden molesting.

"Relax chickie babe. The Seven Vertically Challenged Dudes will look after you. By the time you leave here tonight we guarantee you'll be on the arm of the best possible candidate. If that fails then we'd be more than happy to gang bang you ourselves. Just leave it to Bob and his six sexy companions. Lumpy put your cock away before the bouncer spots it and throws us out again!" Snow looked over and caught a glimpse of the ugliest chopper she'd ever laid eye's on. Long and thick, it had large irregular bumps along the shaft. He had been eyeing her thighs as he stroked that log almost to the point of eruption. With a grumble he levered it back into his pants.

Snow was beginning to feel trapped in some sort of Brothers Grimm nightmare. She was just about to excuse herself and make her escape when the band took the stage.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen. I'm Buster Hymen and these are The Penetrators! We're here to liven up your evening with a few classic ballads. So charge your glasses and enjoy..." With that they launched into the first classic ballad; For Those About to Rock by AC DC. Snow sat there mesmerised as the band slipped into high gear, totally ignoring the hands that began to wander over her lush body. Her gaze was riveted on the band, or rather the drummer. He was a god! Dressed in leather pants, boots and a white tank top, his well muscled tanned arms were a blur as he assaulted the drums and cymbals before him. Snow was vaguely aware of a lead singer, a couple of guitar players and a bass player all prancing around on stage but her gaze never left the drummer. Yes he was tall and with that long flowing hair he looked good enough to start her panties moistening. Snow was aware of her growing arousal and vaguely aware that the little wandering hands had breached her defences and were now frolicking in her crotch at will. As Snow drooled over her drummer Horny was applying saliva to her erect nipples which had somehow managed to escape from her top and bra. While this was happening Sleazy was slowly sinking three small digits into Snow's wet pussy. In her detached state all she did was spread her legs slightly to give him better access. Well you could hardly blame her could you? After all her whole way of life was based around giving men what they wanted in exchange for cold hard cash. Her subconscious registered what was happening, added up the bucks and multiplied it by seven to give her the cash total. So that's what was happening with her subconscious... in the meantime her conscious mind was constructing a fantasy built around getting the drummer naked and horizontal in the quickest possible time.

It was only a matter of moments before she was completely covered in aroused little men. They were clever enough not to block her view of Drummer Boy so she continued in her lust driven haze as the Vertically Challenged Dudes played havoc with her erogenous zones. Horny was now sharing her nipples with Lumpy, while Slimy was stroking her clit as Sleazy slid his fingers in and out of her clinging pussy. Leaky had his cock out and had her hand wrapped around it while he directed her fist up and down his pre-cum streaming member. Droopy was underneath the table frantically humping her leg like a small rabid Schnauzer with erectile dysfunction. Bob just sat there stroking his cock and muttering "My turn soon, my turn soon," while licking his eyebrows lasciviously. No points for guessing what his speciality was.

Of course none of this went unnoticed. If Snow had been operating with a full set of senses she would have noticed the small crowd gathering to watch her seduction. Judging by the comments coming from the crowd this wasn't the first time that the Seven Vertically Challenged Dudes had pulled this stunt in Defiant's.

"Damn... looks like Lumpy has got lumpier!"

"Yeah and check out the flow on Leaky... he needs to get a plumber in to see to that."

"Hey Droopy... try Viagra man! It worked for my grandfather!"

By this time seven man sized cocks were out and about and Snow was rapidly approaching a massive orgasm, fuelled by the manipulations of the Seven Vertically Challenged Dudes and her fantasy fuck with the drummer. In fact she was hovering on the brink when a sharp voice cut through her reverie and stopped all action of a sexual nature.

"You horrible little bastards! Get the fuck off that woman and get your shaggy little asses out of my club! Miss I am so sorry that these little bastards put you in that position... with your tremendous tits out... and your gorgeous twat on display." The owner of the voice was a tall man in his late twenties with an imposing manner and a lot of flamboyant nostril hair. Snow came out of her daze as she became aware of the Seven Vertically Challenged Dudes leaping off her body and out of her booth. "May I join you for a moment? I'm D. Fiant the owner of this club." He tried to keep his eyes off her tits as she struggled to cram them back into her bra and pull her g-string back around to cover her wet gaping pussy. The interruption of her climb to the summit of Mount Thunderous Orgasm had also wrecked her fantasy about Drummer Boy. D. Fiant slid into the booth and signalled Rumpledforeskin at the bar. A few minutes later he came trotting up and deposited a Scotch on the rocks and a glass of champagne on the table. Snow took the few moments it took for Rumpledforeskin to prepare and deliver the drinks to get herself together.

"So Beej tells me you're here looking for the man of your dreams. I was watching you watching the drummer and I can tell you right now honey... he's not right for you." Snow watched mesmerised as the wayward nostril hairs fluttered gently in the breeze. D. carried on. "He's as dumb as a box of hammers and has a bad personal hygiene problem. On top of that, he's so poor he can't even pay attention. His last girlfriend dumped him because she said going out with him was as interesting as watching paint dry and he's hung like a hummingbird. Sorry sweetheart but the interesting packaging is actually a bad case of false advertising. What I suggest is that you wait here with me until the wise and all knowing Visitor arrives. If anyone can help you he can."

With her fantasy crashing down around her ears Snow could only nod miserably and take a healthy slug of her champagne. She cast one more rueful look at the drummer who was still pounding the hell out of his skins. She sighed and turned to D. trying hard not to stare at the flag-like nostril hairs.

"So where am I supposed to meet the man of my dreams D.? I was told that this was the place for a nice innocent young virgin like myself to find a nice Christian young man." D. Fiant's jaw just about hit the floor at Snow's declaration.

"You're trying to tell me you're avirgin?"

"Of course I am... I'm just not very good at it. So is this the place to find a man or not?"

"Well what are you after in a man?" The new voice belonged to a large good looking man with a very wise look about him... he was wearing spectacles which in Snow's book made him immensely wise. D. Fiant made the introductions.

"Snow White meet Visitor; Visitor this is Snow White. Would you care to join us Vis?"

"Don't mind if I do." He slipped quickly into the booth beside Snow. She was now sandwiched between these two men and not really minding it one bit. She was still very horny from the attentions of the Seven Vertically Challenged Dudes and truth be told, her burning need at this stage was to get laid. "So what are you looking for in a man Snow?" Visitor repeated his question. So Snow laid it out for him.

"Brains, beauty, cash, personality and a three pound cock. Is that too much to ask for? Where can I find my knight in shining armour?"

"He's working down at the Scalded Sausage gay bar this week." D. Fiant was turning out to be a goldmine of information... unfortunately it was all the wrong information.

"Listen up Snow. Just relax and enjoy yourself. You're putting out desperation vibes which are only attracting predators like the Seven Fuckwits. Now if D. Fiant hadn't arrived when he did, you would have been chock full of munchkin cum by now. Do you think that would have encouraged any self respecting nice guy with a three pound cock to approach you?" Visitor was right. Snow decided right then and there to relax and let whatever happens happen.

"You truly are a wise man Visitor. Do you think my IQ would go up if I buy glasses? And why do they call you Visitor? And what does the D. stand for D.?"

"Snow you don't need glasses to make you intelligent... just try reading something other than take out menus once in a while. And they call me Visitor because they couldn't spell Trevor for the sign."

"The D. stands for Deirdre. My mother had a sense of humour and a deep loathing for anything with balls. Actually I was lucky. My mother's brother named my twin sister. She's called Denise... I damned near ended up as Denephew. I think Deirdre is much more dignified but if you pass it around I'll have your eyebrows waxed." The threat was real and chilled Snow to the marrow. She would take Deirdre's name to the grave.

The three of them sat and chatted for a while, sipping their drinks and watching for potential partners for Snow. At one stage they noticed that the Seven Vertically Challenged Dudes had made their way back into the club and were eyeing up Snow again as if they'd like to have another shot at her. She was also aware that Deirdre and Visitor were busy checking her out too whenever the opportunity arose. She decided it was time for a little teasing.

"Damn look at this! Leaky left a big pre-cum stain on my skirt!" She lifted the skirt from her lap to show her benefactors the offending stain, which in all truth was quite prodigious... that's large for you redneck types. As she did she 'unwittingly' exposed the crotch of her sheer g-string and the wet spot that resided there and effectively made the scrap of cloth totally see through. His and His matching groans rose from the two horny men that bracketed our sweet lady and it was only a supreme show of will power that stopped the men from launching themselves at her. Snow did get visual confirmation that they had seen what she had put on show. Two very healthy bulges appeared as if by magic in the laps of her new friends and once again Snow was aroused. Her already wet pussy got a fresh infusion of juice and the erect nipples on her Du Pont enhanced hooters got harder almost to the point of pain. The sweet scent of Snow's pussy wafted past the nostrils of the two horny men boosting their arousal and sending more blood south of the border to their engorged hardons. Snow was very impressed and decided to push the boundaries a little more to see where this could lead.

"So Visitor what do you do for a living?" she asked as she ran one hand up the inside of her thigh while the other played with her nipples. The men were almost drooling by this stage and the twin volcanoes in their trousers had already produced two small crater lake overflows.

"Ummm what?" Visitor dragged his eyes from the sight of Snow's finger burrowing between her slick pussy lips to try to look her in the eye.

"What do you do for a living?" she repeated in a breathy parody of Marilyn Monroe at her best.

"Umm... I'm a porno star." Nowthatrevelation was a definite show stopper!

"Holy snappin' duck shit! Are you serious? You're a porno star? Seriously? How many movies have you made? What was your last one?" Snow was fascinated.

"Ummm the last movie I shot was a little gem called CSI: Cock Suckers Institute about... well about a school for cock suckers. I've made about 75 movies all up and my favourite was Shaving Ryan's Privates about a guy in the Army who gets his bollock hair removed in many interesting ways by big breasted chicks in uniform. Do you watch porno movies Snow?"

"Not as often as I'd like to Vis. So does that mean you're hung like a rogue elephant?" Her excitement almost outweighed her curiosity.

"Why don't you find out for yourself honey?" Vis was in charge now and showed it by leaning back and subtly thrusting his groin in the direction of our heroine. Snow wasted no time in grabbing the tab of his zipper and sliding it down as far as it went. As she did so she felt Deirdre's hand start to slide up her thigh. This time she spread her legs knowingly as she fished around inside Visitor's pants trying to get a grip on the awesome slab of meat hiding just out of sight. She moaned as Deirdre's thick finger found its target just as she managed to get the biggest cock she'd ever seen out into the light of day... or rather the light of the booth. As I mentioned before, Snow had the world's best oral reflex and Visitor's cock didn't stay in the open for long. He gave a muffled scream as her full lips closed over the tube steak in front of her and proceeded to vacuum the shaft all the way to the full gonads at the base. Snow gave a muffled scream of her own as Deirdre's finger travelled as far as it could within her pussy and his knuckle ground against her engorged clit. Once again Snow was the subject of a floor show of her own making and once more she was oblivious of the effect she was having on the crowd watching her. Couples were coupling and singles were trying to pair up as the three in the booth went at it like rabid rabbits. As Snow looked up through a lust blurred haze she spotted Rumpledforeskin wandering through the crowd with a silver tray. On the tray was a crystal bowl filled with condoms. People were grabbing condoms as fast as they were shedding clothes.

The addition of another thick digit to her steamy depths closed her eyes and took her mind off the odd spectacle of naked club patrons getting it on. She turned back to the thick cock lodged in her throat and gave it a tongue lashing her mother would have been proud of. If she could have turned around at that point she would have seen Deirdre struggling one handed to rid himself of his clothing while continuing to drill her pussy with the other. He must have had lots of practice because it didn't take long before he was naked; his hard cock aimed at Snow's twitching nether regions. Insistently he began tugging at her hips trying to get her up on her knees. Sluggishly Snow cooperated and in a matter of minutes she was in the perfect position to take Deirdre's cock. Quickly he moved into position and removed his fingers from Snow's snug pussy. He was millimetres away from sinking the pink when Snow disengaged herself from Visitor's cock and whirled around in a panic.