So I'm Not a Vampire? Ch. 01

Hey Everyone,

So this is the completely edited version of So, I'm Not a Vampire? I decided to post it on lit because I realized not posting my stories really solves nothing. Having them remove one of my stories was the first and only bad thing that's happened to me on lit. Am I angry? Yeah, but life goes on. And plus lit fans are way too awesome to leave.

As a side note, all future stories I post on Lit are stories that will not be published. If you have questions, concerns, or just want to say hi, feel free to message me.

Alright, here we go!

-Rosi

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Chapter One: Maybe It's Cranberry Juice

About ten minutes into lying on that deathly cold slab, I decided it was high time to move my vampire ass into gear. I mean if Twilight, Blood Ties, Moonlight, Buffy, Angel, and the million other vampire movies and shows were right, I had super speed and strength, and very soon I'd need blood and a dark place to sleep when the sun rose. Though since I was in a freezer for dead people, I wasn't sure if it was night or day. I decided to chance the odds based on the whole "vampire internal clock" thing. But then again, I could've just made that one up.

Mustering my strength, I lifted my once flabby, weak human arms and used my new vamp strength to push the door open and then watch it fly off the hinges and into the wall. Apparently I made a lot of stuff up, because that door didn't even budge under my vampire strength, and it sure didn't fly off anything. TV and my imagination had betrayed me!

"No big, my powers probably just need time to, uh—get here or something." Other vamp movies portrayed newbies as being as weak as newborns. Since I was a fledgling vamp, maybe the same applied to me. Meh, that explanation worked.

It took forever and a day to finally get that stupid door open, but sheer force of will got the job done. I was surprised no mortician came to see what all the racket was about, but it was likely well past midnight and everyone was home.

Now, I'd like to say my emergence from the freezer was elegant and graceful, but I'd be lying my big, fat butt off. I pushed too hard and the momentum sent me flying, head first, onto equally cold white tiled flooring. If I weren't already dead, I'm pretty sure the impact would have killed me.

"Stupid baby vamp strength." When I was at full vampire super-strength, I would lift an elephant with my pinky just because.

I got up and looked around the room. It was pretty big with three silver rolling trays in the middle, a lamp overhead, and a giant wall of square, silver refrigerator. I have to say, though, those TV shows really got it right. I guess that was one of the reasons I wasn't freaked out about the whole death and morgue thing.

"Clothes, clothes, clothes," I mumbled as I looked around for a lab coat or something to throw over my nakedness.

I spied a work jacket in the corner, and an instant outfit idea came to me. I picked up the sheet that had fallen off after my dive and twisted that around my body in a strapless dress sort of way. I cringed at the hairy ape legs I was sporting but promised myself a hot shower and a razor later.

I threw on the jacket but couldn't button the thing up. Apparently becoming a vampire hadn't made me instantaneously super hot. That sort of sucked, because going through the rest of my undead life as a size sixteen sounded about as appealing as a low fat, dairy-free, gluten-free muffin.

I shuddered at the thought.

My stomach rumbled at the thought of food, but drinking some rando's blood didn't hold as much appeal now that I was actually among the ranks of the undead. How actors made the process of drinking that sticky, metallic stuff look so hot and sexy amazed me. But then again, they had darkened cranberry juice or something.

"Hmm, cranberry juice." I shook my head as I stepped out of the room and into the white-on-white hallway. "Get your head in the game, Peaches."

I have this terrible habit of talking to myself in the third person. My friends liked to count how many times I did it in a day. I really cut back from the hundreds it used to be, but every so often it creeps up on me.

Though now that I thought about it, I really wouldn't have to cut back anymore. I mean, I no longer had any friends, because everyone knows vampires can only be with other vampires when they're newbies or they go on a rampage of blood, guts, and gore. I wondered how long it would take me to get to that stage; probably not long, given the rumblings in my tummy.

"Oh blood, oh blood, oh where can you be," I sang quietly as I walked through the building, peeking in different rooms in the hopes of finding my new liquid food. "Don't you know, don't you know, I'm freak-ing hungry."

On the fifth door I opened, I smelled blood; not like an overwhelming amount, but like someone had a bad cut that needed stitches bad. Sadly, my fangs didn't pop out and I didn't go psycho over the smell of it. Again, I chalked it up to me being new.

I spied a glass fridge in the corner. I peeked inside and saw blue and red baskets with blood bags in them that were marked with the Red Cross symbol. I snatched an O neg bag and closed the fridge.

"Yum. Blood." My voice might have lacked excitement, but that was only because when I was a human blood grossed me out. I guess the transition just, like, took longer. Maybe it had something to do with my age. I feel like twenty-seven is sort of old in vamp years. It was particularly old, decrepit, and nearly expired in human years. Maybe because I was older it was talking my powers longer to emerge. At least, that's what I told myself.

"Bottoms up, Peaches," I sighed to myself as I sank my teeth into the bag and got ... nothing but plastic. Several minutes of gnawing on the bag later, and I finally poked a hole in it. It was sort of like drinking a super gross—I mean delicious Capri Sun.

So the taste wasn't the best, but maybe O neg wasn't my favorite. Plus, I bet it would have tasted a lot better from the warm, heart-beating source. Still, blood tasted like, well, blood. And after two minutes of trying to gag it down, I decided that maybe blood wasn't really what vampires ate.

I mean, Marcelline on Adventure Time (one of my guilty pleasure shows) just sucked the color out of red stuff. Maybe the same applied to me. Maybe red apples, cranberries, and cherries were what I needed to eat.

Well, I had all of eternity to find out. But, first things first, I needed to find a way out of this creepy blood-and-dead-bodies infested place. There was no going home; but I'd been, uh, camping and I could rough it for a night. Plus, if worst came to worst, I could see if my vamp mind-control powers had come in yet. Now that would be cool!