Soft, Smooth and Subtle

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A fellow hits it off with his kinky neighbor lady.
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My name is Chance. This story is fictional.

I was headed into my house after work on this Thursday. I happened to spot the neighbor lady outside, talking on her cell phone. We'd lived next to each other for a few years, seen each other come and go, and exchanged "hellos" once in a while.

Today, I noted that she was gesturing madly. Then she would listen, and roll her eyes. Then I watched her mouth move, and she ended the call. As she turned to enter the house, she spotted me and made the universal "come here" gesture. I returned a thumbs up and made a "give me a minute" raised finger. I saw her nod.

I ditched my stuff in the house and went back out, locking up because I figured I might not be back that quickly. I wandered less than fifty feet, and the neighbor was sitting on the small deck at the front of her house. I took the stairs and sat down near her, a couple feet away.

She was dark-haired, having fine, wavy hair that hung to her shoulders. It was pulled into a ponytail, but she yanked the tie loose and shook her hair out as I sat myself down.

"Hey," she said to me "do you know anything about wireless internet?"

"A bit," I noted. "Why?"

"I just had my internet provider here. They put in new equipment, hooked everything up to my router, and told me it was good to go. My laptop and phone are not finding any wi-fi networks. I called and complained, talked to a person, and they have a problem sending someone over here to get things working."

She was clearly disgusted, frowning mightily. I studied her further. Maybe five nine, with brown eyes and a round figure, with a slight belly bulge, ample hips, and a big rounded ass in very nice-fitting jeans. She had a plain but pretty face in a simple kind of way.

As I got ready to tell her I'd take a look, I heard a mighty rumble against the bench built into the deck. "Now I'll have to take a dump. Too bad I don't have a slave. Give him a nice brown load. Early Christmas gift," she noted. "Sorry if that freaked you out."

"No big deal," I said. "Let's go see what I can figure out. We stood and entered the house. Me behind her and eyeing her butt big-time. She was carrying enough that she waddled a bit, and it shifted left and right as she walked. My penis thickened.

We stepped into the living room. Over next to the table in the kitchen sat a desk with a laptop and an iPad on it, and a small all-in-one printer. The lady of the house moved a kitchen chair to the desk and sat. As I stepped closer, I stumbled, courtesy of my disabled physical self. She reached out and steadied me, then guided me into the chair...tucked between her legs.

My fingers found the laptop track pad. I checked for any named wireless networks. There were a few, all secured. "None of these are yours?" I asked. The lady confirmed. She was maybe forty.

I looked at the router, and modem, both hanging on the kitchen wall. I looked at the indicator lights; the modem seemed fine. There was a cable between it and the router. Good. I checked the router brand and then l launched the internet browser and typed an IP address, then a user and password to access the router device.

There was no blinking indicator on the router for wi-fi output. The wireless settings did not show a network name or password or security protocol. I pointed these things out. I set the network name, and let the lady enter a password. I set the proper encryption, then saved settings and exited. I used the OS on the laptop to find the network and connect, making it the default.

I verified the connection. My lady friend loosed another rumble. "Wonderful noise," I remarked. She laughed. I asked her to take the laptop and she moved to the living room. We sat again. And again I ended up tucked in her lap. While we were sitting there, I explained the basic way to troubleshoot common problems in the future. She took notes.

She unleashed noisy gas four more times. "That's six in less than 30 minutes. The noise is really great," I commented again. We seemed to have the computer and printer under control. We talked about our livings. I wrote for a state paper that also encouraged an online blog. My topic was cars.

She introduced herself as Nina. I told her my name was Chance. I was thirty-five She had been a patent lawyer for ten years and made nice money. Never married, because she said she wanted only to have to look after herself, and only worry about herself. She was not being negative; she only liked things to be straightforward, and figured being by herself was the best way to keep it that way, or by meeting a like-minded significant other. These last few years, she'd had a hair studio.

"Speaking of which, yours looks freshly cut," she declared.

"Yesterday," I confirmed."Been going to the same lady the last five or six times."

"You let them wash it for you?" Nina asked me.

I told her I found it awkward. "My stylist likes to give me a hard time. I usually come home and rinse in the shower," I said.

More gas from Nina. Her hands roamed my short buzz cut. "But it feels great," she noted. "I love doing the wash." She leaned into my ear. "Let's try it, okay? Right under the kitchen sink." Her lips sucked gently on my neck. One of her hands slid down my leg and groped my penis, very gently. "Big soft women?" she asked.

"Yes. Butts. Boobs," I said.

"What about the gas?" she asked.

"Noisy is nice."

"But you've never met or approached a plumper lady. Never been with one?" Nina continued.

"I figured it might be kinda hard. Women don't gravitate toward me," I noted.

"It's not hard," Nina said. She kissed my cheek. Then she was leaning me back into her. One arm at my waist, the hand playing with my dick. The other hand cradled my face against one large tit. We sat for about 30 minutes.

"We need dinner," I noted.

Nina agreed. We ended up ordering Jimmie John's. When we were done, we sat and let things settle.

"Ready for the wash?" Nina asked.

"I suppose," I agreed.

Nina got up and rounded a corner into what I figured had to be a hall with bedrooms and bath. She returned carrying a high, short bench which she placed at 90 degrees to the front of the kitchen sink. I stood and walked over slowly. I sat down at one side of the bench and Nina helped me get one leg over. I moved up and dipped my head into the sink. Nina stood on my left, leaning to adjust the taps. A bottle of shampoo opened.

I heard Nina unleash a loud, raspberry buzz as she lathered her hands and applied them to my head. She worked the shampoo into a lather in my short hair, then rubbed my head with her fingers. She switched to gently using her fingernails. She swung the faucet over and rinsed her hands.

I felt her fingers on my head and relaxed. She moved around behind me and mounted the bench. She slid up close behind me, then reached out to continue working on my hair for another minute or so. I felt her ample torso pressing on me. My dick stood up again.

Nina finished and spent another 30 seconds rinsing my head. Another healthy rumble against the wood of the bench. Nina took a towel and began drying my hair. As I leaned away from the sink, I noted a faint hint of rotten-egg odor.

"I have another dandy coming up, I think," she noted.

I was thinking about her ass, as I had been since we walked into the house. Then I pictured her face and cute hairstyle. I swallowed, then said, "Hey Nina? When you let that next one go, will you put your butt in my lap?"

I turned to look at her. She grinned, then asked, "You want to feel one?" Her hand touched my cheek. "I will absolutely see what I can do. Are you hard?"

"Since you started with my hair," I admitted.

Nina checked to be sure drapes and blinds were closed. Her jeans and panties came off. "Get rid of those," she said. "Do this thing right." She moved the bench back some and swung a leg over in front of me, her back to me. Her big, nearly-perfectly-round ass was no more than eight inches from my face.

"Good God," I said, "your ass is wonderfully round and lovely."

"What the hell!" Nina said sarcastically.

"I couldn't help myself," I noted with a shrug.

Nina loaded up a throaty laugh. She could have dropped her ass on my lap like a ton of bricks; instead, she eased down, and let maybe 30 pounds of weight rest over her ass. I expected soft squishiness, but things were surprisingly firm.

She didn't make me wait more than thirty seconds. On my thighs, there was a nice, loud pop-pop-popping sound for several seconds; I counted more than five. I also felt a mild but noticeable vibration. Nina stood. I inhaled; sulfur invaded my nose. "That was a really nice result," I told her.

"You're welcome," she answered. She put her panties back on, but no jeans. "If I'm running around in panties, it's only fair for you to go boxers and t-shirt," she suggested. I pulled my footwear and athletic pants off. Nina draped them over a kitchen chair.

We walked back over and sat side by side on the couch. I thought about what had just happened, and I was embarrassed. I told Nina so.

"What's the matter? People find things weirder than that to be erotic, and make them feel pleasure. Don't feel bad about it. I'll gladly toot for you as often as you'd like me to. I don't mind in the least."

I had another thought, but Nina read my mind. "Come sit on my lap," she invited. I stood, turned to face her, and she lowered me to her thighs. I was hard and throbbing again. "You don't have to feel weird about being drawn to me," she said. Our faces nearly touched, and her voice was mellow and throaty. "Gimpy guys need it too. I'm flattered. Nobody has dated me for my figure and my ass, specifically. I'm happy you like them."

I said, "Your gentleness shocks me. I have never been with anybody who does that by default. You caught my stumble, you helped with the bench, you were gentle with my head. You parked your ass perfectly earlier."

She said, "You look like you might want a good cry," Nina noted. I nodded. She put my head on her shoulder, and pulled my arms around her, and wrapped hers around me. I let it out, only about 30 seconds or so, then I wiped my eyes.

"How about Friday night, and the weekend?" she asked.

"Sounds fine to me," I noted. We talked, and she recommended I pack a bag, and meet her at the end of the day on Friday. I agreed.

She then admitted that we might not be done for the evening. "I'm starting to feel like I need to shit," Nina said bluntly. "So I have two options. I can go sit on the toilet, or if you want things a little unique, I could shit on you," she pointed out.

"You'll leave the mess to me," I guessed.

"I wouldn't. If I make it, consciously aware that it's there because I made a decision outside the norm, it's still my responsibility."

I sighed. "Pretty wild," I noted.

"But what else is going through your head?" Nina asked.

"That big, round, naked ass," I admitted.

"Exactly. So are you into me enough to go there?"

"Maybe. What brought it on for you?" I asked.

"Never done it before, but I was thinking, if we want to keep things interesting, different experiences to keep you engaged, maybe we should try that," Nina said."Now, you can choose. I'm not going to force you."

I sighed, thinking. Nina suddenly busted out laughing."You don't have clean boxers. You should leave them on, because shit on the skin is kind of questionable. If I get 'em dirty for you, you can go home commando. I'll wash them for you. So what's it gonna be?"

I shrugged. "What the hell," I said. Nina stepped into the kitchen, pulled a wooden chair from the table, and slid it out toward the middle of the room. She walked back, took my hand, led me over. She sat, then carefully put me atop her lap. She took a long look at me. Then she hugged me. Thirty seconds passed, and she tooted against the wood chair, yet another heavy-duty rumble. Loud, too. Nina sighed in contentment.

"All right. Switch," Nina pointed out. I moved. She stood, then eased me onto the chair, amidst the egg-stink of her gas. "Still hangin' around," she noted. "Good thing you're getting used to it."

"Gee, thanks," I replied. Nina dropped her panties, flicking them off her foot into the living room. "You'll dirty mine, but not yours, "I joked. She laughed. She turned her back, spread her legs, and backed her ass far into my lap. She squatted right down, probably no more than two inches between her butt and my thighs.

"Fuck," I said.

"Maybe later. But you might not want to when this is over," Nina cracked. I watched her tense. I reached up and spread each of my hands down along her hips, just touching her ass with my thumbs. She took a breath, and the push started. I couldn't see anything, but I pictured her anus opening. Then she helped my visualization.

"Asshole's wide open," she declared.

The push continued. I kept my legs together to guarantee the chair wouldn't take any abuse. I felt Nina's load touch my right leg. Nina exhaled, and her turd grew and slid along my thighs. Rotten eggs filled the open air. More push. The turd grew, until I felt it drop, slow and heavy, into my lap.

Nina turned to face me. "Fuck," she decided.

"I thought you said that was for later," I reminded her.

"And I said "maybe", she clarified. I laughed.

I looked at my lap. It was half-covered by a smooth, dense, smelly, dark brown mass. My dick pointed straight up, twitching.

"Holy..." I started.

"Shit," Nina finished.

It was probably more than six inches long, which explained her effort and the time it took to get it out. Big circumference, besides.

"That's dessert," Nina said, pointing. "You should have some."

"I'll be a gentleman and share," I pointed out.

"At least you'd get full," Nina added.

"Jesus," was all I could say. Nina left it sit for seconds more, then retreated to the bathroom and returned with elbow-length rubber gloves. Pulling them on, she leaned over and lifted her deposit off my lap. Sure enough, my boxers sported a brown smear.

Nina walked off to the bath. A few minutes later, I heard the toilet flush, and the sink running. Nina walked back out, retrieved her black panties, and put them on. She walked back to me, and said, "Lift." I held myself up. She took the waistband of my boxers and tugged them down in one motion. When they got to my shins, Nina straightened my legs one at a time, and pulled them off.

She went back down the inner hall and reappeared within a minute. She retrieved my pants and I put them on. She carefully pulled me off the chair and sat down herself. She helped me down into her lap, and once again she was gentle.

One hand groped my penis. "Your dick liked things just fine," she told me. We looked at each other, and I was surprised at the affection on her face. She leaned forward, nuzzling my neck. "There was absolutely nothing wrong with that. It was a little gross, but easy to get past," she said quietly. She looked me in the face again. "You good?" she asked.

"Yeah. It was interesting," I confirmed. "I wasn't freaked out, and I didn't think too much about the gross factor," I said. Nina stared at me again, and I think both of us admitted silently there was potential for an encore performance.

The big deed done for the evening, Nina turned on some outer lights and walked me fifty feet across her front yard to my door. I unlocked, and we stepped in. Nina said she would see me tomorrow after work. "Can you walk from here?" she asked me. I responded that I could.

"I'm thinking I might send a friend of mine to drive you back. She's one of my stylists, about your age. A couple of days ago, the shop was empty, near close, and both of us had gas we were just ripping It didn't really turn into a contest, but the other chick, Summer, said she'd like to meet somebody, guy or girl, who was into noisy, smelly gas.

"I see her tomorrow, I'll have to drop a hint. Maybe she'll want to meet you, give you a nice sample."

We swapped phone numbers. "I'll call you on lunch or text you or something," she noted.

"Thanks for the weird," I said. Nina stepped to the door and opened it. "You're welcome. I like having you around, and not just for "the weird." See you tomorrow afternoon." She walked out and I made sure she made it inside her house. I locked down and turned in.

Friday dragged. I thought about Nina, and not just her last dirty deed of the evening on Thursday. I really wanted to see her again. It finally did end, and I didn't have a text or voicemail from her at lunchtime. My phone chimed about half an hour before I was going to leave the office. I checked the screen. I read:

Summer's on the way. Has directions. Be there by 4.

I responded, What's she drive?

Nina answered, White Infiniti G37. Nice wheels, I noted.

Summer did show just a few minutes after 4, when I'd been out on the sidewalk for no more than five minutes. And the G37 was nice, a four-door gleaming clean in the sun. It stopped at the curb. The passenger window powered down. I stepped near.

Summer asked, "You Chance?" I confirmed.

"I hear you like Nina's big, round naked ass," she said as my head was in the window opening. I replied that I did. Confirmation that she wasn't a stranger. I opened the door, eased into the seat, and buckled in after closing the door. Summer checked traffic, and pulled out.

She sighed heavily a few times during the drive to Nina's house. My arm was resting on the narrow console between the seats, and Summer's crept off the gear lever to gently rub mine. "Sorry," she said. "Nina mentioned you might let me pass gas for you or even take a shit," she noted. "I'd like to, if you're comfortable with it. But only then. I won't force it, make you scared of me and uncomfortable."

"Maybe it'll work out," I told her. We pulled into Nina's drive and I noted the electric garage opener working. Summer guided the car into empty space near Nina's Subaru WRX hatchback. I grabbed the backpack I'd kept with me at work and stepped out, stopping near the back of the car with Summer.

She happened to be African American, with medium size curls sitting atop her head, full black, standing up just a bit. A narrow face and full lips, with the brown eyes common to her ethnicity. She was tall, 5'-10" if not a full six feet, just a touch on the full-figured side of lean. She had slightly wide hips, with an ass that rounded out slightly, with heavy-looking strong-C sized breasts. She grinned.

"Checking things out, I see," she noted.

"I am," I said, quietly shy. She touched my shoulder, and I stepped nearer. "Listen," she said, "I need some pressure relief. Can I just have you here, and hold you and let 'em go?"

"Knock yourself out," I decided.

She didn't disappoint. Act One was a loud, strong rumble that became a long, popping crackle that stayed loud to its end. Summer tensed, then relaxed as it was finally free. She breathed out, hard, near my ear. She tensed again, pulling me in with both arms at my waist. Act Two was a loud, unending, deep note that stayed the same until it tailed off slowly to silence.

"Done," I noted.

"No," Summer declared, still pulling. "Hold tight." Squeeze just a little." I felt her belly move with a long breath. Act Three was a long, sharp, popping racket that just died away suddenly. I heard her mellow voice right in my right ear. "Oh God. Definitely better." She pulled her phone from her pocket and sent a text.

"I told Nina I unloaded a few. We'll let the smell fade before we go in the house. It's the kind that hangs and follows you. We don't need that," she explained.

"I'm sure she'll appreciate that," I agreed. Wicked sulfur was indeed in the area, and we waited almost five minutes. Summer asked if I was okay. I answered yes. She offered her hand and led me slowly to the entry into the house, which was again the front door, because of a detached garage. As we entered, I heard the opener working again.