Something Dawned on Me...

I am Pamela from South Africa. I've been married for 15 years in a fairly good marriage to a good man. Truth be told, what starts off as idyllic does lose its shine as time passes, as we get older. One can perhaps say that time allows subdued and subconscious instincts to drift closer to the surface... Dawning on you slowly or suddenly at times. Having been brought up in a rather racialized society one is inbred with taboos society places upon you...with that ever present of questioning these taboos. Seeming logical at first as we are conditioned to never step outside these 'rules' of society enforced upon us.

That was until we became seduced by the magic of the internet, and being able to explore beyond taboos and realizing the ridiculousness of society and its stupid rules. The attraction of taboos are your desire to break them, like a naughty schoolgirl, for better or for worse. The unintended reality of one such taboo can have the exact opposite outcome of what its original intention may have been. Take the black men in our environment we live. As a teen girl you cannot help but wonder what lurks under their surface... but with increasing numbers of young white girls fraternizing with them and seemingly happy in their company creates doubts about these 'taboos'. Which in turn kindles desires to explore the so-called forbidden territory of mixing with them.

That was until we became seduced by the magic of the internet, and being able to explore beyond taboos and realizing the ridiculousness of society and its stupid rules. The attraction of taboos are your desire to break them, like a naughty schoolgirl, for better or for worse. The unintended reality of one such taboo can have the exact opposite outcome of what its original intention may have been. Take the black men in our environment we live. As a teen girl you cannot help but wonder what lurks under their surface... but with increasing numbers of young white girls fraternizing with them and seemingly happy in their company creates doubts about these 'taboos'. Which in turn kindles desires to explore the so-called forbidden territory of mixing with them.

This has the overwhelming power to obsessively wanting to explore this to the point of going full circle. To feel that amazingly beautiful hard black manhood within my womb without putting any limits on it at all. Just full circle. The thought of it has become an obsession, and I catch myself masturbating randomly as this thought has taken hold of me completely. Overruling everything else...rationally...or irrationally.. It doesn't matter. Only the desire to go full circle matters. Regardless of anything else.

All of which has been an unfulfilled fantasy until now. Again, back to the magic of the internet... and finally having met someone who may make this reality... FINALLY. And ready to become what I've always subconsciously aspired to be. A BBC girl for real. And delirious with excitement and arousal as he works to make this fairytale story unfold finally. As i am masturbating yet again at this beautifully overwhelming and obsessive thought...

The online chat platforms has allowed me to explore so far in conversation with black guys from places like USA and UK mostly... giving me some insight into their thinking and expectations. Being called a whore by anybody until now would have resulted in a hard slap in the face. Being called a whore by these guys is somewhat very different...even seductive... to the point of my purpose being their whore. It's more acceptance than a question...being a whore to BBC.

Perhaps the greatest anticipation will be to finally touch this legendary - i say legendary as that is how its been portrayed to the average white girl - black manhood...in a way we dreamt of forever. Imagining the first touch, wanting to kiss, taste, and growing to a proportion i had never seen before. I can imagine losing all sense of what was before, and what is to be. Excepting that my ideas of sex would still be relatively old fashioned... just a girl being shagged by a boy.

Back to the magic of the internet... an image stuck in my mind of a white girl's proverb... the message being once you go black you never turn back. Wondering whether its a myth (I somehow think not!) and truth be told... this girl is still dreaming... and who knows... dreams do turn into reality on a good day. Something must have dawned on me somewhere.