Something Lasting Ch. 04

4

CHARLES

"You know, if you don't put a little more effort into this game, I'm going to beat you over the head with my controller."

I only nodded. Shade had decided to make a visit when he heard that I had the night off, but I couldn't seem to get my mind to stop obsessing about Christmas day. It had been a couple days since, and I'd told Race when I dropped him off at home I'd call him "later," but I hadn't called him yet. The discovery I'd made Christmas made me even more wary of spending time with him than I had been before, despite the fun I'd had.

"Let's switch to a racing game, then." I opened the game system and took out the fighting game's disk.

"Hey! What's your problem?"

I glanced at Shade as I put the game disk away. "I'm in love with your brother."

His irritation disappeared into an expression of joy. "You are?"

I nodded and put the game away.

"That's great!"

I went still at his exclamation, then sat down to look at him. "No, it's not great."

"Oh, come on." Shade pushed me gently. "It is."

I sighed, shaking my head, and chose a racing game. "It would be if I thought he'd ever feel the same."

"Oh, you don't see and hear what I see and hear."

I sat back down again and looked at him, not sure I could trust this assertion. At the same time, I saw a way I could use the way he was pushing at Race and I for this relationship to see if he could goad Race into doing what I wanted.

"Just what do you see and hear?"

Shade grinned. "He wants you to call him, had a great time Christmas, won't stop talking about you."

"That's not enough for me." I put the racing game into the game system.

"Well, what more are you looking for?"

Could it really be this easy? I knew what Shade was up to, but would he catch on to what I was doing? If he did, would he decide to stop encouraging this thing between his brother and I?

I sighed and rushed through the setup on the game. "It's not like he'll give me what I really want." I said it a little petulantly, doing my best to keep Shade thinking that I was unwilling in this.

"You're not really giving him a chance."

I snorted. We selected the cars we wanted to race and started the game.

"I'm not sure I want to give him one, Shade." I sighed as I directed my video car along the race route.

"Why not?"

I shifted a little, leaning forward to put my elbows on my knees. "Because if I stop things now I'm the one who breaks my heart, and I can deal with that, but if I continue seeing him and he decides he'd rather not be with me, then he breaks my heart, and that'll be more painful. I don't want to go through that pain."

Shade sighed. "I suppose that's reasonable, but I still think you should give him a chance. I think he's really seeing you now."

"Maybe his is, but I don't think he's seeing me well enough to really want anything more than friendship with me, and if I'm in this, I'm in it for the whole thing."

"Then you need to take the chance and give him the opportunity to be with you."

I nodded but scowled. "I don't want to do everything. I know I told him to behave, but I'd like some effort from him." I did my best to sound like I was complaining. Shade didn't seem to notice anything wrong with what I'd said or my tone of voice.

"Okay, so what would you like him to do?"

I heaved a great sigh as if I expected nothing of this conversation. "No come ons, but I'd like to go on an actual date with him."

"Why don't you ask him?"

I glanced at Shade. "I'm afraid he'll refuse."

"Okay, I suppose that's a reasonable fear, considering. Would you say 'yes' if he asked you?"

"Probably."

"Okay, then I'll see what I can do to get him to ask you out."

I sat up and spoke with impatience. "God, Shade."

"You want Race, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"A lot?"

"Yeah."

Shade nudged me with his shoulder. "Okay, then. Let me work on him a little. Though, just my opinion, I think he's interested enough it won't take much convincing from me. You promise you'll say 'yes' when he asks you out?"

"Promise."

"Okay." Shade sounded very pleased and a little excited. "Give me a couple days to get to him."

I just sighed, heaving it as though I was a little impatient or frustrated with his insistence on helping, but didn't protest any more. Even if I'd been sincere, it would have been useless.

"Why are you so into seeing us together?" I asked.

"I really like the idea of my best friend and my brother being together. Always have. I think you two are perfect for each other."

I shook my head but didn't argue against his assessment. I just hoped he was right.

*

RACE

Banging on my door drew me out of bed at the ungodly hour of eleven in the morning on January first. Not that I'd been asleep, but I'd planned on taking the whole day just to mope about because I had the day off work and I felt depressed Chaz hadn't called me.

That I felt depressed was something that worried me. I should have still been smarting over Clarence's departure at my insistence, not mooning over somebody else so soon. Not only that, but I shouldn't have been mooning over Chaz. Something within me insisted it was somehow wrong to be feeling even a little infatuated with my brother's friend, especially with as little as I'd been seeing him. It wasn't like we were dating. Then again, when I dated somebody I usually had them in bed the first night.

I didn't bother looking out the peephole before opening the door. Knowing my luck, it was probably a couple Mormon missionaries anyway. But it was my brother instead. He moved toward me and I stepped back to let him pass.

"Hey, Race. Did you enjoy New Year's?"

I shut the door and looked at Shade, scowling a little. He seemed entirely too cheerful for someone whom I assumed had been up well past midnight at the party Mom and Dad had tried to wrangle me into attending. They wanted to present a picture of familial unity on the holidays. I'd stopped caring about it Christmas day.

"What do you want?"

Shade turned around. "I want to know what you did with Chaz on Christmas day." He tucked his hands into his jeans' pockets. "He won't tell me, so I have to get it from you."

I groaned and locked my door, then passed him. "God, Shade, will you fucking drop it?"

"No. I want to know what you did that made you smile when you told me about having fun."

I twisted to glare at him, then entered my bedroom. "Just shut up. I'm not going to tell you."

He came to the door and leaned against its frame. "Why not?"

I shook my head, getting a pair of jeans out of my dresser. "Because it was silly and juvenile and girly."

"Girly?"

I looked at him, realizing what I'd said. "Yes," I snarled. "Get out."

He didn't move until I headed for him him, then he jumped back. I slammed my bedroom door in his face. Damn interfering ninny. I dressed halfway, carried my shirt into the bathroom via the door from my bedroom, and shaved. Shade found me because I had to turn the light on, and he pushed the door open wider.

"So what was girly about it?"

I gave him a sidewise glare, but he only smiled at me. "Can we change the subject?"

He frowned a little in thought, and I returned my attention to removing stubble from my face. My brother made no reply for the duration. When I bent to rinse off, he finally spoke.

"I suppose so, but I won't tell you what Chaz told me if you don't tell me what you did Christmas."

I stood up, gripping the edge of the sink, and glared at him. He raised his hands in an apologetic motion and grinned, then stepped out of the bathroom. I slammed the door, cleaned up and finished my ablutions, and joined him, pulling my shirt on.

"Okay, we discussed old boyfriends, made a nest of bedding and pillows and stuff on the floor, and painted each other's fingernails."

Shade grinned. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Bah." I waved a hand at him, wishing it could banish him, and walked over to the kitchenette. "Just tell me what Chaz said."

"Oh, not much, just that he'd like to go on a real date with you."

I went still holding the fridge door open. A date with Chaz? I licked my lips, thinking about that. It would be a challenge. Not because I didn't want to. I did. It would challenge me because I couldn't drag him off to bed at the end of it. He wouldn't put up with it, and he'd deny it if I tried to tell him he wanted me. I knew it, he knew it, but he was putting up resistance, and I couldn't dare try to push him on it or I'd ruin everything. Could I keep my mouth shut, control myself? Was it possible for me at all?

How much did I want this thing with Chaz anyway?

I shut my fridge and stared at the freezer door, considering that question. Granted, Shade had sort of teased me into this, and Chaz wasn't really my type, but I was interested in him. I liked his playful side and wanted to see what else he'd come up with for us to do. What's more, I wanted to just spend time with him. We didn't even really have to do anything. I enjoyed just being with Chaz, more than I'd enjoyed being with anyone since Gavin. I enjoyed it more than I'd ever expected to when Shade had suggested I give Chaz a chance.

"A date?" I turned to find my brother sprawled on my couch.

Shade nodded. "Just a date. Think you can handle that?"

I leaned against my fridge. "I think so."

"Okay!" He sat up and grabbed the receiver to my land line phone off the table where it sat and brought it to me. "You call him now."

"Now?"

"Yeah. He may be off work, too."

I took the phone from my brother and scowled at him, then carried it to my bedroom. After shutting both doors, I set the phone down and took out my cell to call on it instead. I didn't think I'd ever called Chaz on my land line before and he didn't know the number to it.

Then I stared at my cell. Chaz may read too much into it. I knew he probably knew of my usual modus operandi from my brother, all the years I'd sometimes literally half-dragged my dates to bed with me. The last time I'd held off even a little had been with Gavin, and I had because I hadn't wanted to push him too far. He'd been eighteen, just coming out, and totally inexperienced. Chaz was more experienced, but his insistence he didn't want me was enough to dampen my enthusiasm now. It took me a minute before I found the courage to hit the send button once I highlighted his number.

His phone rang. And rang. Just when I thought it was going to drop into voicemail―which I was torn on thinking would be a good thing―he answered.

"Hey, Race." He sounded pleasantly surprised. That was better than I'd been hoping for. I'd actually expected him to be at least a little irritated I'd called him instead of waiting for him to call me.

"Hi." I looked around, but both doors remained shut. I still wondered if Shade was trying to eavesdrop. "You doing all right?"

"Yeah. You? Hey, Race, I'm at work and sneaking this call, so can you make it quick?"

"Yeah, okay." I waved my free hand as if trying to calm him down. "Um, I wanted to know if you wanted to go out."

He was silent a moment. "To hang out or on a date?"

"On a date." I paused, then spoke further before he could reply. "I mean it, Chaz. A date, and I won't try and drag you off to bed after, I promise. I can't promise I won't do something else stupid, but I can promise that much."

That made him chuckle. I inhaled a deep breath and placed my empty hand over my heart, realizing it beat fast. The last time I'd been this nervous over asking someone out had been with Gavin. I'd wanted him to say 'yes' then, too. At least this time I had the guarantee the guy I was asking wasn't also hung up on someone else.

"Okay. Call me later and we'll hammer out the details, okay? I have to get back to work."

I wilted a little. "Okay. What time would be good?"

"Tomorrow around noon, is that good?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, talk to you then. Bye."

"Bye."

I ended the call and put my phone away, then looked around my bedroom, almost afraid to go out to my brother and tell him I'd done it. With a sigh, I retrieved the land line's handset and left my bedroom. Shade grinned at me from where he'd sprawled on my couch.

"Did you call?"

I nodded, putting my land line phone in its base. "Yes, so you can go bug Letty now. Git."

"Uh-uh, not without you. Her parents invited both of us over for the afternoon and I'm not going without you."

I sighed. "Shade―"

He raised one hand, imploring me. "Race, I'm just trying to prove to you that you do have allies and people who care. Come with me."

I looked at him for a minute, saw what he meant, and nodded. Apparently, I was being too standoffish with people. "Okay. Let's go."

He grinned and left my couch. "Let's go!"

I collected my coat and followed Shade out of my apartment, shaking my head at his enthusiasm.

*

CHARLES

Memorial Park boasted, in addition to the amphitheatre and concessions stand, a stream-fed pond and an outdoor ice skating rink. I stood at the latter, gazing at the skaters, wondering if I'd totally lost my mind. I may have lived here all my life, but I'd never once ice skated, and I'd agreed to meet Race here to do just that.

A hand touched my back and I turned to face the direction I felt an arm embrace me from to find that Race had arrived. He smiled. I stepped back, out of his half-embrace―his arm wasn't even all the way around me.

"No hanky-panky."

He sighed and let his arm fall to his side. "Will you give me a chance here, Chaz? I wasn't going to drag you off to the restroom for a quick fuck, okay?"

I looked away, putting my hands in my pockets. "Sorry."

He stepped closer but didn't touch me. "Why are you so jumpy anyway?"

I met his gaze for a moment, then averted mine again, shrugging. "It's hard to explain." It wasn't, really. It was really just because I'd wanted to move into an embrace with him, and I couldn't be sure I could trust his sincerity. "Did Shade goad you into asking me on this date?"

He put his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, but, to be honest, I actually wanted to do it."

"Really?" I eyed him, wary despite his assurance. Suddenly, I realized I'd painted myself into a corner when I'd manipulated Shade into talking to him about what I wanted. No, not the corner of accepting a date, but the corner of mistrusting Race's sincerity because of his brother's involvement.

"Really." Race nodded. I must have still looked mistrustful, because he went on. "I mean it, Chaz. Come on. What more do you need?"

I turned my head to look at the people already skating. "I don't know." But I did know. I needed Race to ask me on his own, not because his brother had goaded him to it.

"Well, I suppose the question now is do you really want to do this?"

I looked at Race. He looked displeased. I turned my gaze to the ground between our feet and sighed.

"Is this because Shade goaded me into it?"

I nodded.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I can't read your mind, Chaz." He shifted a little, feet scuffing on the snow melt scattered on the pavement. "You aren't telling me what you want, so I have to get the information however I can."

I met his gaze. "You want the information?"

"Yes!" He waved a hand. "Shade may have goaded me into this, but I'm finding myself a lot more interested in whatever's between us than I thought I would be at the beginning."

Our gazes locked and held for a minute. I lowered mine and nodded.

"Okay, let's do this."

"You might try to sound a little less enthusiastic."

I flinched at Race's snide tone. "Sorry. I just―I didn't expect this to start out with a disagreement, okay?"

"Neither did I." Race inhaled a deep breath and let it out. "Okay, so shall we go to the rental booth?" He made a vague gesture in its direction.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Come on, then."

I followed him to the rental booth and he got our skates after asking what size I wore. We sat on the benches and donned our skates; the park had laid rubber mats on the floor, apparently to preserve the blades. Race put our shoes in a locker then came back to me.

"Ready?"

I looked up at him, feeling a little like a child. First I'd overreacted to a simple friendly touch, and now I had to admit that I couldn't walk in ice skates, never mind skate in them.

"Aw, shit, you can't skate, can you?" he asked.

I shook my head.

Race sighed, but he wore a little smile as if amused by my predicament and held out his hands. "Okay, I'll help. Come on."

I put my mittened hands into his gloved ones and he pulled me to my feet. Now I couldn't refuse his embrace, and he wrapped his left arm around my waist. I held onto his right shoulder with my hand, leaning heavily against him as my feet wobbled in the skates. We managed to leave the room and cross the rubber-matted ground to the rink without me falling.

Race had me prop up against the wall into the rink while he got onto the ice. Then he made it look incredibly easy by performing a little spin before holding out his hands. Luckily, it was a weeknight and the rink was rather large, so it wasn't very crowded, because I made a fool of myself stepping onto the ice with Race. I whooped with anxiety as my feet tried to skid forward without me, and he skated backwards, which made me lean forward, which in turn had the effect of catching my upper half up with my lower half. I panted for breath, clutching his hands in death grips which had my fingers hurting.

"Okay, got it?" Race looked concerned.

I straightened where I stood and dared to look around. Everyone else on the ice knew what they were doing. When I looked back at Race, there must have been something in my face to betray my shame, because he smiled.

"There's a first time for everyone."

"Right." I inhaled a deep breath and scooted my right foot forward, figuring we couldn't just stand here the whole time for the next couple hours.

Race went backwards as I moved forwards, and I tried to swallow my envy at his skill. He made it look so easy to go backwards it made me feel much worse about being unable to go forward without assistance. This on top of my asshole behavior when he arrived. I'd have wanted to leave me behind if I'd been in his position, but Race only smiled and encouraged me and inched backwards as I inched forward.

We made a circuit of the rink in this manner, and I kept glancing at the other skaters, unable to imagine being confident enough to raise one foot so far from the ice. They all looked so graceful. I felt like a klutz.

"You're doing fine," Race said as we passed the ramp we'd entered through.

"Right." I nodded my head. "I believe that."

"You're shuffling along faster. I haven't had to pause for about a third of the way around."

I looked at him and he smiled and nodded. "If you say so."

He grinned. "I do."

That made me chuckle and he laughed a little.

"Try picking up your feet a little. Don't worry, I won't let you fall."

I sighed a little but did as he'd instructed. He kept his word, and didn't let me fall as we went around the rink again. After a few minutes, I began to wonder if it was just me or if we really were moving a little faster than before. Race took us around the rink a few more times like this, then stopped at the entrance we'd used.

"Okay, I'm going to turn around and tow you. Hook your fingers in the belt loops of my jeans."

I inhaled a deep breath, gripping the wall. "Okay."

He grinned at me. "You're doing great."

I rolled my eyes and he laughed then executed another neat about-face on the ice. Envious, I nevertheless transferred my hands to his waist when he told me to.