Something Personal Ch. 02

"I just don't like feeling that you're holding me at arm's length all the time," he said sheepishly.

"For Christ's sake," she exclaimed. "I didn't tell you about him because it's not important. Even Catherine hasn't met him - I keep that separate because it doesn't mean anything."

He nodded but didn't speak. He looked almost sad and she felt herself softening, resting her fingers on his arm lightly.

"Gavin," she said quietly. "It's really nothing personal. I can be...private about some things. But that's me, it doesn't say anything about you. I tell you what matters."

The silence dragged out and she awkwardly removed her hand from his arm. She bit her lip, not wanting to say something she'd regret. Gavin's eyes were still stony and distant.

"Fine," he said finally. "Share what you want. But for the record, I was never judging you for fucking that guy."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she repeated icily.

---

Gavin swung his legs off the bed, rubbing his eyes. The sigh coming from the bed reminded him he was not alone. Glancing over his shoulder at Sarah's friend Marta, naked and asleep, his stomach twisted with regret. He wasn't new to the one night stand, but this was the first time he'd brought a woman home solely for the purpose of using sex to forget, to banish another woman from his thoughts.

He'd been honest with Nina that he didn't judge her for fucking that guy. He'd even been telling the truth about how it felt when she held him at arm's length. But none of that was what really bothered him. He was jealous. And jealousy was not an emotion he was familiar with; he'd never cared enough about anyone to have it come up. He didn't want Nina to be with anyone else. That thought alone made him crazy enough, but adding the fact that there were still things about which she was so private made it that much worse. He felt like a fool, like he was giving one hundred percent to their friendship while she gave maybe ten.

He knew it wasn't fair, or even accurate. Not knowing how to deal with any of it, when Marta kept flirting with him even after he'd gotten her name wrong, he let himself get drunk and take her to bed. She was a beautiful woman with a terrific body, but there hadn't been anything particularly magical about their encounter. And now she was here, asleep, when all he wanted was to have his bed to himself. Much as he was dreading having to deal with awkward small talk the following morning, there was no way he was going to wake her up and kick her out.

Sighing, he grabbed a pillow and headed to the couch.

---

The lack of curtains in the living room meant Gavin woke up with the sun. Of course. November in Portland but of course today the sun is out. Stifling a groan, he gave up on sleep and started the coffee maker. Passing by his window, he noticed Nina in her living room, reclining on her couch with a cup in her hands. Without thinking, he called her.

"You drive me crazy, you know that?" he said when she picked up.

He watched her walk over to the window and look up at him.

"You have a real gift with apologies," she said sweetly.

Gavin laughed in spite of himself.

"Okay. I'm sorry I was a jackass. I really wasn't judging you," he added sincerely.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"Did you still want to go on that hike today?" he said hopefully.

"I -"

Nina stopped talking and Gavin could see her eyes widen.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She made a squeaking sound that was something between a laugh and a gasp. Gavin heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Marta wearing one of his t-shirts and nothing else, the hem barely covering her behind. Marta smiled brightly at him and walked over to give him a hug. He smiled back awkwardly, glancing at Nina, who was covering her mouth, her shoulders shuddering as if trying to hold back laughter.

"Uh - there's coffee in the kitchen," he told Marta.

"I don't drink coffee," Marta said, her arm still around him.

"Okay. Well, help yourself to juice or whatever you'd like," he suggested.

He felt like a jerk, but he automatically leaned away from her. In addition to feeling uncomfortable with Nina watching their interaction, he was now feeling suffocated. Pressing his phone to his shirt so Nina couldn't hear them, he tried to choose his words.

"Listen, I'm about to head out for the day," he said carefully. "Will you be able to get home okay?"

Please don't need a ride. Please don't need a ride.

"You can't come back to bed?" Marta asked, nuzzling his cheek.

"Sorry, can't," he said briskly.

She pulled away, pouting slightly. Gavin held his tongue, not wanting to give in to any dramatics. He had been drunk last night, but he distinctly remembered telling her that he wasn't looking for anything beyond one night. He'd said some version of the same speech so many times it was basically automatic. As that thought crossed his mind, he became aware of how distasteful a notion it was, to have one's no-commitment line essentially be part of their seduction ritual. Disgust rolled around inside him. No wonder Nina didn't see him as anything other than a friend.

Marta seemed to accept he wasn't going to say anything to placate her and left the room. Looking out the window, he saw Nina was still covering her mouth, her shoulders still quivering. She had been watching their interaction with a combination of amusement and something like panic. Her reaction - the initial chest-tightening shock along with borderline hysteria - was completely foreign to her. She wasn't bothered by Gavin taking home some random girl. Am I? she thought, trying to calm herself. No. More than likely it was the irony that he would do so after the subject of their argument.

"Had a good night?" she asked when he returned the phone to his ear.

"Oh, zip it," he said, trying to smile. "Hike today? Or not?"

Nina giggled. "If you're sure you're up for it."

"I'm hanging up now," Gavin growled, unable to stop the grin at the sight of her doubling over in laughter.

---

Nina sighed at the shrill sound, her fingers fumbling for her phone.

"Yeah?" she muttered.

"Hi, Peanut."

"Dad?" she mumbled, opening her eyes a sliver.

"Sorry to wake you," he said.

"God, what time is it?"

"It's six-thirty."

She groaned, annoyed at her father's amused voice.

"Dad, what the hell?"

"I wanted to catch you before you got on the road -"

"Well, bang up job," she said sarcastically.

"Nina Elizabeth Halleck," he said sharply.

She sat up in response to the ultimate parental tack for commanding their child's attention.

"Did something happen?" she asked anxiously.

"No - just the weather," he said. "It's snowing like mad up here, we already have almost a foot. And according to the news, it's coming down in Portland, too."

Nina jumped out of bed and opened the blinds. There was enough snow on the ground that she couldn't discern the sidewalks from the street, it was just all one thick blanket of snow. And there were large flakes continuing to fall.

"Shit. I thought it wasn't supposed to start until later tonight or tomorrow," she muttered.

She leaned her forehead against the cold window despondently. Portland hardly ever got snow, so when it happened the entire city shut down.

"Honey, you can't drive up here," her father said gently.

"But - it's Thanksgiving," she protested.

"I know, but there's just no way it's safe," he insisted.

"Let me see if I can work something else out," she said suddenly. "I'll call you back in a bit, Dad."

"Nina -"

"Call you right back," she repeated, hanging up and quickly dialing Gavin's number.

"What the hell are you doing up this early?" was his greeting.

"Sorry to wake you," she said in a rush. "I was wondering if we could swap cars for the weekend?"

"What?"

"It's snowing," she told him. "My car wouldn't make it to my parents' but you have chains for your tires, right?"

Nina walked into the living room as she spoke, looking up at his window. There was silence on his end and she waited for him to appear, holding the curtain open to look at the street. She gave him a wave.

"Nina, you can't drive in this," he said slowly.

"Of course I can," she said insistently. "In your SUV I could."

"Hang on," he mumbled.

Nina watched him grab his remote and waited impatiently while he presumably checked the weather channel.

"Gavin," she prodded.

"There's no way," he said decisively.

"What?" she cried, her voice shrill. "Why not?"

She could see his body jerk back in surprise. Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she tried to quell the panic.

"The temp's dropping fast," he said quietly. "Which means it's going to turn into a sheet of ice soon."

"It's Thanksgiving, Gavin," she said plaintively. "My entire family is there. I have to go."

"Not in this, I'm sorry - I really am," he said. "But it's just not safe."

"Gavin." Her throat was constricted. "I have to be there."

"Nina -" he said regretfully.

"Fine," she snapped, hanging up on him.

Nina glared at him through the window for a moment before striding away.

A few hours later, she had exhausted every possible idea to get to her parents' house, had two tear-filled phone calls with her family, and had ignored every one of Gavin's texts and phone calls. There was a knock at her door and she opened it angrily, not surprised to find Gavin there. He looked frustratingly calm.

"Yes?" she snapped.

"Do you have skis?" he asked conversationally.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"I'm taking you to Brett's for Thanksgiving," he informed her. "But we'll have to walk. It'll be easier on skis or snowshoes since nothing's plowed or shoveled."

She took a step back, looking at him in shock.

"Oh, you're taking me to Brett's, are you?" she said. "How nice of you to ask. Thank you, but no. I'm going home."

"Oh? How?"

She scowled at his innocently curious tone.

"Nina," he said quietly. "I really am sorry you can't be there today. Look, if it stops overnight, I'll drive you there myself tomorrow. I promise. I just can't let you go on your own, not even in my car. I wouldn't let you go off alone in this mess in a snow plow. What if something happened to you and you were stranded, completely by yourself?"

Her shoulders slumped.

"I know. We've just - we've never not all been together on a holiday," she said morosely. "And they're all there together and I'm...here." She shrugged, mortified to feel her lower lip tremble. "You must think I'm a huge baby."

He stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind him. She was surprised when he wrapped his arms around her in a hug, but leaned into him gratefully.

"You're not a baby," he said. "You love your family and want to be with them, that's a good thing. It's just not going to work out today. It totally sucks and you're allowed to be as sad about it as you want," he added.

"It does suck," she muttered, her voice muffled by his clothes.

He chuckled. "It really does. But there's no reason to sit around by yourself. Come with us to Brett's. His mom is an awesome cook."

"Fine," she said with a sigh.

He grinned. "We'll leave around nine. Don't eat breakfast, Deb puts out quite a spread."

She ended up enjoying the entire day in spite of herself. They had trudged the few miles to Brett's parents' house, where they were immediately welcomed with hot chocolate, blankets, and seats by the fireplace. Gavin hadn't exaggerated Deb's cooking skills, and whenever Nina tried to help she was repeatedly shooed away. She resigned herself to sitting at the kitchen island, keeping Deb company and learning a lot about Gavin. He and Brett had been roommates since their freshman year in college and Gavin had been welcomed as part of the family since.

In the evening, Gavin's friends Bill and Diane stopped by for dessert, and Gavin introduced Nina to them somewhat proudly.

"Bill was my first boss when I moved to Portland," Gavin said. "I worked for his construction company for a couple of years before starting college. They kind of adopted me," he added, looking at the older couple fondly. "I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them."

She was startled by Gavin's candor and noticed Diane's eyes shining with moisture.

"So - you took time off before starting college?" she asked, puzzled.

Gavin hesitated, glancing at Bill and Diane.

"Kind of. I...I was sixteen when I started working for Bill."

"You graduated from high school early?"

"Something like that," Gavin said awkwardly.

He finally met her eyes, and seemed to come to a decision.

"My grandmother died at the end of my sophomore year," he told her. "I had to live with a couple of foster families afterward, and I just - I didn't want to do that for two more years. So I got my GED and moved to Portland."

"You've been on your own since you were sixteen?" she asked softly.

"Well, at first," he said. "But then these guys were stuck with me." He nodded toward Bill and Diane with a grin.

Nina smiled at them, still a little stunned. Gavin went to get them drinks and she looked at the older couple gratefully.

"That was really...wonderful - that you helped him out," she said lamely, her chest feeling tight.

"He's a great kid," Bill said easily.

"He's not a kid anymore," Diane chided. "He's the best young man we know," she told Nina proudly.

Nina blinked against the threat of tears. "Yeah," she agreed.

---

"Missed me?" Owen said with a laugh.

Nina had just pulled him into her apartment and was lifting his sweater over his head. She flashed him a grin. She unbuttoned his shirt and ran her hands over his body until she reached his belt. Walking backward to the bedroom, she dragged him with her, unfastening his jeans as they moved. He pushed her onto the bed, diving for her pants. He grinned wickedly at her surprise.

"Take off your bra," he told her, removing her pants and underwear.

She narrowed her eyes at him accusingly, but complied. Their hands met at his jeans, both of them shoving them off his legs. Owen shrugged his shirt off, then grabbed a condom from his jeans pocket and tossed it next to them. Wrapping his hands around her elbows, he pressed her arms down, running his tongue down her neck and chest. Her back arched when his mouth encompassed one breast and her arms struggled against his hold. He smiled around her nipple and met her eye, pushing her arms further into the mattress.

Nina made a frustrated sound and circled his hips with her legs, bringing his groin right to the heated center between her legs. His eyes fluttered shut, his hold on her arms loosening enough for her to break free. With a satisfied laugh, she gripped his behind with both hands and pressed him to her. He was just reaching for her arms again when she pulled away and got on all fours.

Flipping her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head, she looked back at him. "Put the rubber on," she ordered.

Rolling the condom on, he slipped a hand between her legs even though he knew she was more than ready. She bucked her hips back insistently. Making a sound between a growl and a chuckle, he gripped her hips and entered her fully in one motion. Her head came back and she let out a cry of pleasure. They moved together, thrusting hard against each other. Her head dropped to the bed, the quilt smothering her moans.

Owen was squeezing her butt cheeks when her hands came back to meet his. She grabbed his hand and placed it around one of her wrists, snaking the other hand into his grasp. She yanked her arms and he instinctively tightened his grip on her wrists, pulling her body up slightly. Her movements were restricted but she still rocked against him as he pummeled her, the friction of the new angle causing her cries to become louder. He moved his free hand around her hip to her belly, skimming her abdomen until he found his target. He circled his finger around the firm nub until her body began jerking into his, then he pinched it lightly. Her back arched again and she let out a long, loud shriek.

"Yes, yes, yes, oh, God," she cried out, grinding into him. "Oh, my God," she panted.

He continued slamming into her as she shuddered and moaned, only slowing when her head fell forward and the only noises coming from her were soft whimpers. He released her wrists and flattened her to the bed, covering her body with his. Holding her hip down with one hand, he thrust into her, slowly at first and picking up speed as she responded. She arched her back beneath him, a long groan emanating from her throat.

"Oh, God, God, God," he shouted into her skin.

He was still moving inside her when she gave one final shriek before slumping onto the bed, their moans filling the room.

---

"How was your holiday?" Owen asked sleepily, running a finger along her arm.

Nina smothered a sigh. More and more he seemed to be trying to move the boundary line she'd drawn in the sand, and she couldn't decide which topics were benign enough to let go and which she should avoid on principle.

"I ended up getting stranded in town so I couldn't go home," she said. "But I spent the day with Gavin and Brett, so it worked out. It was fun. How about you?"

He withdrew his arm.

"You spent Thanksgiving with that guy Gavin?" he said sharply.

"And our friend Brett," she replied.

Owen got out of bed and pulled on his jeans.

"Something wrong?" she asked tiredly.

"If you were going to be in town, why didn't you call me? We could have hung out," he said.

"Owen," she said reproachfully. "You and I don't hang out. And we certainly don't spend holidays together."

He had put his shirt on and stood staring at her.

"What's the problem?" she asked flatly.

"I don't like you hanging out with other guys," he said.

There was a silence as Nina regarded him, not necessarily surprised by his reaction. She didn't feel much of anything, actually, other than drained. The whole point of this had been to avoid any emotional traps, and she didn't have the energy to get invested, much less muster up any anger or sadness.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," she told him quietly.

"You're a real piece of work," he spat out.

"Excuse me?" She got out of bed and put on her robe, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It wouldn't bother you if I was hanging out with gorgeous women all the time?" he challenged.

"No," she said simply. "We don't have a commitment, Owen. I'm sure I was very clear about that. If you want something more, then I'm not the one you should be looking to for that."

"Maybe you're right," he said angrily. "It's been fun, Nina. I'll see you around."

Nina rolled her eyes and went to the bathroom, hearing him stomp around before slamming the door on his way out. Wandering through the living room to lock the door, she saw he had knocked her picture frames over and swiped a stack of magazines onto the floor. Well, that's mature. When her phone rang she was relieved to see Gavin's name and not Owen's.

"Do you ever stop tidying up your apartment?" he asked teasingly.

She walked over to the window and grinned up at him.

"Tornado Owen just flew through here," she told him.

"Oh, gross. I don't need to hear about your wild sex," he said.

"Oh, my God - that's not what I meant." She sat on the windowsill, laughing. "It's over and like a child, he knocked over some of my stuff on his way out."

"He did what? Asshole."

She could see Gavin's free hand form into a fist.

"Chill out," Nina said in amusement. "He didn't break anything."

"Well, I'm sorry it's over. If you are," he added.

She shrugged. "It ran its course, I guess. How was your shift? Were you able to sleep?" she asked, leaning against the window and looking up at him while he told her about his day.