Something We Have to Talk About Ch. 02

She left without another word. I knew I had blown a chance of our marriage.

I went for another long walk, hoping the exercise would somehow ease the pain and anger.

I slept fitfully. Sleep came begrudgingly. Tomorrow would be Sunday. Our family day together but Susan was gone. I got up late. Fixed my own breakfast. It was becoming easier since I knew what I had purchased and purchased what I had wanted.

A hot shower, shave and yet another long brisk walk in the light rain that had drifted in overnight. I handled the hills a little easier. The desire for beer had mysteriously departed me. I dressed for church for the first time since Easter. Mom and grandad were surprised to see me as I joined them in a middle pew. I had sat there before. The sanctuary seemed warm and friendly. Many family friends greeted me after it was over. The familiar seemed to be returning but the inquires as to Susan had to be deflected. Mom took care of most of that for me. We three had lunch together at a little diner just off the highway near her home. We talked of old times. We remembered grandma and dad and wished the children were with us.

I spent the afternoon fixing some things around granddads house. Some hinges needed fixing and a couple of leaky faucets stopped leaking. He and I talked and laughed. It was as if we were supporting each other in our loss of our spouses. I loved him. I loved mom. I hated what Susan was doing but hoped with all the hope I could muster that somehow God would provide the answer.

Another long and this time hard walk before going inside.

Sleep came easier that night. I had taken to walking hard twice a day and my endurance was increasing rapidly. Already my belt was two notches looser.

I went to the bank to sign more papers. My new American Express with an increased limit arrived by special delivery. I called my boss and told him thanks for the time off. He appreciated my thoughtfulness. No word from Susan or George or Sherrie so it was back to mom's and granddad's to help them fix up even more and enjoy home cooked meal with them at mom's place. I took a nap at mom's in my old room. The old bed had been replaced but I slept well for three hours. Then I was off for my second hard long walk. Mom said I needed the exercise and I agreed. I really did feel better even though my life was emptiness.. Well not totally empty but certainly not full.

Tuesday came early. First a call from George. He was bubbling with information. Said he had worked a hundred hours over a 72 hour weekend. Guess he had an assistant. He wanted to meet that afternoon, about three seemed mutually acceptable. Sherrie called me and said the divorce papers were ready. She would send them to my by bicycle currier. She said to look over them then put them away to keep the package safe. They were not "legal" . I copy of the court approved divorce suit would delivered by an agent of the court, at the appropriate time. She expressed hope the situation would not come to that. I told her I didn't hold out much hope but God does things his own way so who knows. I cleaned house then went to visit the children with little present bought at the Dollar General. We had a great time. Susan's folks were expressing some anxiety about what was going on in our lives. I told them that we were having a little rough place and she had moved out for a day or so. I couldn't tell them where she was because I honestly didn't know. Her mom looked really worried. I asked them to just hang in with us and keep the kids for another day so as Susan and I worked out our problem. They agreed. The kids didn't here our conversation about Susan and me.

I left to get home by three. George was there already. He had been waiting only a few minutes. We shook hands. He smiled and said well invite me in. I'm thirsty for another glass of water. He brought in a small box of papers.

George started the conversation at the dining room table.

"First, I have retrieved the tapes and continue to monitor your house. Sherrie and I are acting in your best interests, just believe me in this., The tapes made the night Susan was here have been copied and transcribed and delivered to Sherrie. Sherrie thinks Susan sunk herself into a deep hole and lover boy has stepped into some fresh cow pies and is going to stink for a while. The Bar will get the request for disbarment today. Next. I have lots of information about your wife's lover boy. It is all here but I want to give you some advice. This is the strongest advice I ever gave anybody. I can't tell you why yet. You need to get Susan out of his house not later than tomorrow night. Do whatever is necessary to keep her at home Thursday, and I mean do anything to keep her home but don't hurt her. Just restrain. It will be for her own good, believe me. Don't tell anyone about this. Please let us take care of your and hers best interests. What I will tell you is that drugs are suspected. That is not to be shared with anyone. If you want retribution of this bastard, then keep your mouth shut, keep your anger under control. Your day is coming."

I promised , "I will try to get Susan home."

" Maybe if you took the children home with you, someone might tell Susan that her children are not a her mom's house. That will probably get her home and it's up to you to keep her there through Thursday. Again do not tell her, or anyone else anything I have said. Am I clear, Jonathan. This is a must do thing"

I agreed. I told him t keep me informed. He assured me he would.

It sounded like the end was near. I wondered how it would all play out. I had mixed emotions. I just couldn't stop loving a person I was committed to for ten years even if she was throwing crap in my face. I know I felt anger, remorse, fear and most of all, isolation from my wife.

Chapter Six

The currier arrived and I had the divorce papers . I put them in my truck.

Susan never rode in my truck and never looked in it. The papers would be safe. I would read them when my emotions were better.

I went to a walk-in doctors clinic and got a prescription for my nerves. Another hard long walk. Yes my endurance was actually improving.

Wednesday came late. I over slept. Got up feeling better. Another long walk.

Lunch was at mom's with grandad again. He said he felt tired and wanted to go home to rest up some. He didn't look good at all but said he had no pain or shortness of breath so I took him home in my trusty diesel truck. I hoped that the stress of my plight wasn't contributing to his tiredness. Susan had no idea how far reaching the evil effects of her infidelity had gone. Could I ever forgive her if he died as a result of all this stress?

He told me he liked the sound and smell of the truck. He had been a farmer and had a penchant for diesel power. I went back to moms for a nap of my own. I told mom that I wanted the kids home tonight. She volunteered to come help get them in bed and see that breakfast would be ready. I told her I expected Susan to come home and it might be best if mom wasn't there for all night.

Mom and I picked up the children,. We took them with us to Mac Donald's. The children played in the play gym and ate hamburgers and generally acted their age. At home they ran to their rooms to check them out. We played games on the floor until bed time. The phone rang and one of the kids answered before I could get up.

"It's mommy and she's coming home, Danny yelled and they all yelled and cheered. I heard the garage door open. She had called on her cell phone apparently not wanting me to be prepared for her arrival. It was only a few seconds until Susan came in through the kitchen door that lead to the garage. The children flooded to her, hugging her legs and waist and telling her they loved her. Susan picked each one in turn and gave each a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. I watched in amazement how this woman could lead two lives. She soon saw my mom cleaning up the front room where we had all been playing. Mom came over to her to give her a hug. Susan stepped back not accepting the hug. There was a strange silence as the two women sized each other up. I broke the tension and suggested that mom put the children to bed and Susan and I would have a bite of desert together.

Susan reacted angrily. "I will put MY children to bed."

She called the children and herded them to the bathroom for tooth and body washing. Mom and I stood quietly trying to asses the situation. Clearly Susan intended to be in charge. I asked mom if she could come over tomorrow morning early and take the children. She said she would but would have to leave the children with Susan's parent for the afternoon. She had important business with grandad at the lawyers and then at the bank. I thanked her and she left. I know her feeling were hurt but she showed little signs of that.

After the children were bedded and we both participated in our usual final night time stories, I invited Susan to the dining room. I had prepared, while Susan was busy with the children, a piece of precut cheese cake, striped with chocolate and a huge fresh strawberry. I used our hardly ever used fine silverware and china which were wedding gifts to us. The fresh coffee's aroma filled the room. The lights were turned down a bit. I seated Susan in her usual seat and then sat myself down in mine across from her.

I started, " Susan it is important that you stay tonight. I really need you in the house tonight. You can choose what bed to sleep in."

Susan looked at me somewhat hopefully. "Does this mean you have finally come about in your ego filled mind and heart to accept me on my terms? Are you going to be my loving and supporting husband you used to be?"

I took a big breath and sipped coffee trying to get my answer just right.

"No, Susan. I can never accept your continuing secrecy and adultery. I can accept you back but only on our previously agreed upon terms, those of our original marriage contract. Nevertheless, we should at least act like loving parents for the sake of our children."

Susan narrowed her eyes, "I didn't ask for the children to be here tonight. I didn't ask for your mother (she used the formal term only when she was distressed) to come into my house and take my place. You had no right to do either. This is my house and my family. I had arranged for my children to stay at my parents and I was to pick them up but you went and got them without consulting me."

"Susan, I could not consult you as I have no way of calling you. You keep your cell phone off when you are in your secret life, hiding from me. In addition, this is my house to and my family to. I don't need your permission to pick up MY children and bring them to MY home. You can no longer be counted upon as the mother of our children nor my wife. You go off into your other secret world where even your parents, much less me, your loving husband cannot contact you. What if one of the children fell seriously sick. How would I contact their mother? I have a responsibility to take care of MY children. You have left them with only me as their parent most of the day. You have left me with no wife, no soul mate, no trusted helper and no sexual partner. Susan we both have strong personalities . Right now I feel we are in the ultimate and possibly final clash of wills. Neither of us is willing to bend. I see the only answer is for the both of us to seek professional counseling. Let's find a way out of this together."

"Jonathan, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not going to a shrink. There is nothing wrong with me. The problem is with you. If you feel the need for professional help then you should go. I don't need it"

"Susan, this is not about right or wrong. It's all about us hurting and our marriage practically down the drain. It's about how we relate and how we feel. I believe a counselor can help us. I'm not trying to place guilt on you. Your own soul will do that without my help. God knows and I know that I have been a part of bringing on this awful situation. I take full responsibility for my part. A counselor may find other things I need to change. I'm more than willing. Nothing will work to save our marriage and family if you don't try with me. Susan I have quit alcohol forever. I am exercising regularly. I promise to lose the 40 pound beer gut."

Susan sat calmly fidgeting with her hands. Then she got up and almost fell. "I'm leaving. I don't know when I'll be back. Hopefully you will examine yourself and see how wrong and hateful you really are. You really don't love me any more."

I stood up and went to stabilize her. "Susan you are very tired and need some rest. Let me help you to our bedroom so you can get some sleep before you leave."

Susan yawned and I caught her as she began to go down. The three Xanax I had mashed up and spread on her cheesecake were doing the job. Laying Susan on the bed, I covered her with a sheet, removing her shoes and loosening her blouse and bra. It had been more than six months since I had seen her fully unclothed body. Removing her blouse, I saw, with horror, deep bite marks on her breasts and nipple rings that I had never seen before. Undressing her more, I saw that her pubis was shaved clean and there were several tattoos on her pubes. All this was new to me. She had always taken pride in her beautiful full pubic bush. This was not the Susan I had married or that had birthed our children. Turning her over, I saw black, blue, green and yellow bruises on her hips and legs in various stages of resolution. I wondered if she was being abused or had masochistic tendencies I had not know of before. Looking careful at the rest of her once pristine body, I noted marks on her wrists and ankles, suggestive of bindings . There was blood and semen oozing from her vagina. Surely she was hurting but wouldn't admit it to me.

I remembered George's and Sherries advice that more information was needed. I got out our digital camera and took careful up close photographs of all the changes on her body. She was really conked out and breathing peacefully. Her body was relaxed. I spread her legs and noted the bite marks on her outer labia. There were scratches and a little bleeding on her opening. I smelled her and smelled cum. I felt nauseated. Not being a doctor or even a nurse nevertheless I took a cotton swab and collected the messy goop draining from her vagina, placing it in a small sandwich bad and then into the refrigerator. If needed, we could do DNA testing and prove this bastard had fucked my wife. Pulling up the sheet over her I turned to the phone. Sherrie answered. She got the full story and told me to take care of and preserve the pictures and sample. I asked her why George was so insistent that I keep Susan at home tomorrow. She told me she could not reveal anything yet but reinforced the need to keep her at home. "Your time is coming soon" she said.

I just couldn't' understand but had to take my expert's advice.

I confiscated Susan's cell phone. I went to the garage and disconnected the phone. The next thing was to disable her car by removing the hot cable to the car's battery. I found a laptop computer on the front seat. I took it and put it in my old truck under some trash. I didn't want her communicating in any way with anyone.

I was tired and still confused. My shoes were soon changed and I went for my second hard walk of the day. Images flashed through my mind, disturbing images. I walked faster until the sweat was pouring from my body. I thought again of George's comment that things could turn worse and for me to be calm and civil and take no active part in what ever was happening somewhere in the unknown about my marriage and Susan's behavior. I fell asleep on the couch with out even a bath.

I woke to the happy calls and chatter of the children. Mom was ringing the door bell so I let her in. She took charge of the children and made fresh coffee while I bathed and dressed. I checked on Susan. She was still out of it but breathing easily and had moved around in the bed during the night. I picked up her clothing and threw it in the laundry basket in the hall.

At breakfast we told the children they were going to stay with mom for the morning then with Susan's parents for the afternoon. I promised them another supper at MacDonald's. They let out a whoop in unison and piled into Mom's car. The disappeared and I knew they were safe. I decided to keep Susan drugged for the day as best I could. I didn't want to physically restrain her but promised myself I would if it became necessary.

I heard the toilet flush. Susan had awakened. I buttered some left over toast and poured coffee for her. She was in the shower then in the hall. She was staggering so I helped her to the table. She looked drugged and her speech was slightly slurred but she was ok. She ate in silence. She asked for more and I prepared her more toast and some egg beater scrambled eggs. She ate as if she had not eaten in several days. I told her to go lay down and get some more rest. She objected but was unable to navigate easily so she took to the couch. I stayed with her. I tried to put my arm around her but she objected and pushed me away.

George called about ten am. Seems there was a major drug bust at some divorce lawyers house. Several were arrested including the lawyer. According to George narcotics in quantity were discovered. He chuckled and told me that had Susan been there she would now be in jail on various charges, whether true or false, the grand jury would have to discern. He said it was ok for Susan to be up and about, in fact he wanted her to be herself soon as she had been identified as "a person of interest' in the now on going investigation. A detective was likely to show up to talk to her. As her lawyer was now behind bars, she might consider another lawyer. He also told me to watch the TV news. There had been several reporters and camera crews on site when the bust occurred. He was sure it would be all over the news at least all day long. He warned me not to give the detectives permission to search my house. Susan might have drugs in her purse or in her car and I didn't want those discovered on my property. I thanked him. I didn't want any part of her secret life.

I searched Susan's purse and clothing and found nothing like drugs. Instead of searching her car, I put the battery cable back in place, opened the garage door and backed her car off my lot and onto public property along the side of the road across from our house. I didn't want the Feds to confiscate my house as a possible drug house. I took my morning brisk walk. My stamina was increasing and another notch in my belt attested to the effects of clean living without alcohol. And snacks.

Back in my house Susan was making progress waking up. She was now coherent. I sat next to her on the couch. She moved away from me.

"Jonathan, did you drug me last night" she glared at me.

"Yes I did, Susan, I was not going to let you go back to your lover today. If you want to be with him, be my guest. He is in jail. Perhaps tomorrow you will want to visit him in his new secret hiding place. Susan, I may saved your butt today" I muttered. I moved off the couch to a chair. Susan became increasingly agitated. Anger glared from her eyes at me. "Now I know you hate me. Now you even drug me for no other reason than to try to take away my happiness.. now I know. Jonathan, I hate you. I will not be your drugged wife." She began to take off her wedding band and engagement ring. I ran over to her. "Please don't do this to me Susan" I pleaded. I pushed the rings back on her finger. She couldn't resist me.

"You cant hold my rings on forever "she shouted. My anger rose. I felt my face flush. My body trembled. I knew the marriage was over.

Chapter Seven

"Sit here for a moment Susan, don't move on threat of bodily harm. I'm so angry I might really hurt you if you take off your rings yet." I gave her hand a hard squeeze, "Do your feel that Susan" She winced in pain. "that is nothing to what is going to happened if you move off the couch."