Song for a Still River

"You said your father was assuring you that you would be fine. Then, you were on the floating platform. He put you there?" the doctor asked.

Lorelei thought about that. "I've... I've always had the impression that he was trying to help. I know he loved me. I have strong memories, even from that age, of his love for me."

"So perhaps he was attempting to break your phobia. Well-intentioned but not a professional approach, yes?"

She gave the doctor a sad smile and nodded. Then she looked down at the water again and felt herself centering. She looked up and saw the river winding its way through the forested properties. She felt a sudden compulsion to paint.

And that felt right. "Huh."

Dr. Eider glanced at her. "What?"

"I want... no, need to paint," she said urgently.

"What medium do you use?" the doctor asked.

"Oil on canvas."

Dr. Eider frowned exaggeratedly. "And all we have are watercolors on construction paper."

"Ugh!" Lorelei groaned, and they shared a chuckle.

"Maybe you are ready to try picking up your life where it was interrupted?" the doctor suggested gently.

Lorelei looked down at the water and thought of the painting she'd begun. The need to finish it was pulling at her. "Yes, I have unfinished business there."

The doctor mistook her meaning. "It's my understanding that your mother is still being assessed for mental competency before she can stand trial. She won't return to her home for a long time."

Instead of correcting the woman, Lorelei just nodded. "I think it's time for me to go home. Though it no longer feels like home. I'll need to check with the school to see if I can take my exams to complete my year and get my transcript. If they agree, I want to move out when I graduate."

"Where will you go?"

She sighed as she watched the water move under the bridge. She hadn't told anyone this, but it felt like it was time. "Moth—Beatrice told me I wasn't hers. I'd suspected for years, but the night she... tried to kill me, she confessed." The doctor was watching her carefully. "This is probably part of her delusion, but... she told me she found me on the snowy edge of the Lippe River in Hamm, Germany. We moved from there to the States when I was seven."

She frowned as she recalled the refuting evidence. "I've seen my birth certificate. It says I was born a little over eighteen years ago on January first to parents Michael and Beatrice Reichenbach. The form has all the expected government seals and a serial number. It was good enough to get a German passport and to get my US citizenship, so I have to believe it's an official and registered document. How did they get that document if it isn't true? I'd like to do a DNA test, but I can't get a sample of my father's DNA, and Beatrice may not cooperate with me for hers. Even if it proved... part of her story," She scowled. "If she's not my biological mother, my birthmother left me to die in the snow?" She shook her head incredulously. "A couple of years back, when I first came to the conclusion I had to have been adopted, I confronted my mother about it. She became... extremely upset, and we didn't speak for days. During that time, I fantasized about meeting my real biological mother... but now?"

The doctor took Lorelei's hands in hers and looked her in the eye. "It is not a good idea to put much faith into anything your mother said that night. Even if it confirms your suspicions. I'm not her doctor, nor have I reviewed her case in detail, but I feel comfortable stating that the night she discovered her boyfriend's affair, she was not at her best, mentally or emotionally. She'd argued with you before this discovery, so she lashed out at you when she returned from his apartment. You will have to find the truth elsewhere."

Lorelei looked at the older woman's hands holding hers and soon couldn't see them clearly as the tears began to fall. She nodded, then burst into silent sobs. She turned to lean on the railing and felt her tears dripping from her chin into the water below to be carried away by the current.

As their height difference made hugging awkward, Dr. Eider leaned against Lorelei's side with an arm around her back.

Giving what comfort she could.

Chapter 5

Standing in her painting studio in the big house, Lorelei examined the unfinished painting of the still river. Maybe barely started was a better description. She wanted to get back to it, but first, she had to complete a painting that was burning in her mind.

She replaced the canvas on the easel with a fresh one and prepared her paints. She picked up a new brush and began. As her muse guided her hand, her mind replayed the previous night when she returned home. She hadn't left the driveway when the neighbors started arriving. She'd never spoken to most of them, but they all asked how she was doing. They seemed anxious, so she assured them she was better now and shook their hands, thanking them for their concern. That seemed to ease their minds, and each left with a relaxed smile. After the initial surge of visitors, she was able to get into the house and only had to greet a few more visitors who rang her doorbell before they finally left her alone for the night.

The following morning, when she went for a walk after breakfast, she was surprised and pleased to see smiles and waves from the people she'd greeted the night before. The neighborhood felt like a friendlier place. That didn't change her mind about moving out once she confirmed she graduated.

She had no plans to go to college, but she wanted that high school transcript proving she'd completed that level of schooling. She already knew what she wanted as a career. Her art was everything she wanted to do and as it had proven to be financially viable, an artist she would be. She was going to find a studio apartment in New York and paint. That was the extent of her planning. Living in the city where her art was displayed and auctioned, she could finally attend the gallery auctions and showings. She'd be able to add her face to the name.

When she finally returned from her creative fugue, she put the brush down and ran for the washroom. She realized the sunlight was beginning to come in the windows at the back of the house, meaning she'd been painting non-stop for hours. Of course, it had been a month since she'd last picked up a paintbrush, the longest she'd ever gone without since she began painting.

Having relieved the pressure, she walked slowly back to the studio and examined the completed painting. Lorelei smiled in surprise as she hadn't realized she'd added a feature to this one she'd never done before.

There was a small river, again the main element of the painting, and a bridge, but on it, watching the water below, she'd painted a petite woman.

The figure wore a diaphanous green gown that flowed and billowed out behind her, mirroring the river's current. The woman was blonde and wore her hair up in a bun.

While the figure's facial features were minimal, she knew who it was and who the painting was for. The idea made her feel... happy and content. The painting did as well.

She set it aside to dry and moved her unfinished painting back onto the main easel. She stood facing it and realized she was hungry. With another smile, she turned and walked down to the kitchen. The food in the fridge stank, and she realized she'd have to empty and restock it.

Tonight, she was ordering pizza.

While she waited for dinner, she got started on emptying out the fridge. It wasn't typically full, as she was the only one home most of the time. Cleaning it out didn't take long, and she dumped the spoiled food in the bins beside the house. When she went back inside, she heard the doorbell, so she grabbed her wallet and opened the door. The pizza smelled delicious to her suddenly ravenous stomach, so she didn't hear the delivery man's words. She looked up at him when he didn't let go of the box.

"I said hello, Lori," the young man in the restaurant uniform repeated.

She blinked at him as he did look familiar. "Lorelei... Greg... Peene?"

The man smiled and released the box. "You do remember me," he said with a satisfied smile.

She handed him a twenty and indicated he could keep the change, which just widened his smile further. "How are you?"

"Workin' this shit job, but I'll have better work with my uncle next month. What happened to you? One day, you're at school, and then you disappeared. Dale wouldn't shut up about you!"

Then she remembered Greg hung out with Dale. She frowned.

"Health issues—"

"You missed prom and the graduation ceremony. Emily broke up with Dale because of you," Greg interrupted with a frown.

"Because of me? How? I wasn't even there," she argued.

"You must have done something, or Dale wouldn't be so hung up on you!" Greg argued.

Lorelei leaned away from Greg's belligerence. "I told him I wanted nothing to do with him from day one. He continued to be a nuisance, but not once did I even hint at being interested in him. His childish obsession is not my fault nor my problem. He needs to grow up!" she snapped.

Greg gave her a dirty look. "He was right about one thing. You're one cold bitch."

"Get out!" she yelled, and he walked back to his car, flipping her the bird.

She closed and locked the door, steaming with anger.

It took some time before she calmed enough to eat, and the pizza was cold by then. Needing the energy, she forced herself to eat a few slices.

She climbed the stairs to her studio to stand before the easel, but her mind was still too unsettled. Before she could finish painting it, she needed to see the river again.

She locked the house behind her and walked down the road to the spot she'd visited earlier. None of her neighbors were outside to wave and smile at her this time. Truthfully, the normality of that was comforting.

The sun was lower in the sky as she reached the path where she'd climb down into the woods. It would be darker down there but still light enough to see the water.

Just before she stepped off the road, a car with an obnoxiously loud engine raced past. She plugged her ears and quickly stepped down the little path to reach the patch of ground next to the water. Settling down at the edge, she felt the peace of the water's slow pace settle into her bones. It seemed still on the surface, but she knew there was strength in the depths.

She was so in tune with the river she missed the sound of rough footsteps until a fist struck her right temple. Stars exploded across her vision as she crashed to the ground. She lay there stunned as she heard someone growling. She only caught the occasional word as she felt herself being tugged.

"...stuck up bitch!...fucking snotty...not so superior now..."

She suddenly realized her yoga pants and panties were down by her knees, and she began to thrash under the weight of the man.

Another punch hit her on her right cheek, and she moaned from the pain.

She was recovering from the hit when she felt it. Something hot was pressing against her most intimate place. "NO! NO!" she began to scream, then a hand grabbed the back of her head and slammed her face against the hard dirt next to the water's edge. Her lip split, and pain exploded across her face.

A weight dropped onto her back. Suddenly, she felt a stabbing, tearing pain between her legs.

"FUCK! You feel so good!" a rough voice gasped in her ear.

She froze as she recognized Dale's voice. There was a slight slur, and she smelled the alcohol on his hot breath. He was moving jerkily, and each thrust sent new pain through her.

"Stop! Dale, stop!"

He did stop for just a few seconds, then he started again thrusting harder and faster. The pain increased, too. "Are you fucking kidding me? Play hard to get for months then you want me to stop when you finally get what you really wanted and deserve?"

His body was slamming into hers now, and she quickly discovered a new terror. Each impact was sliding her closer to the water. Her face was already over the surface, and he showed no signs of stopping.

"Dale! NO! STOP!" she screamed shrilly.

"SHUT UP!" he hissed at her, grabbing her hair in his fist. This forced her head down as he leaned more heavily on her.

"NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!" she squealed as she slid further out over the water and closer to its surface.

"Fucking cunt, I said QUIET!" Dale growled and forced her face into the water. Her entire body locked up as her head went under. He grunted as she tightened around his cock, and he grinned. "That's better. Fuck, gonna bust my nut!" He felt his release begin, shooting his cum up inside her. He moaned in relief.

When he was done, he released her hair and pushed himself off her body to fall back on his ass in the dirt. He panted from the exertion and watched her... but she didn't move. Reality began to sink through his drunken haze. He stood and pulled up his pants, getting dressed once more.

Still, she didn't move.

"Fuck... Oh fuck."

He began to feel a little sick. He hadn't meant to do it. She'd just teased him for so long. It was her fault!

Her body was half in and half out of the water, and he didn't know what to do.

When his cell rang, he screamed a little, then looked to see who was calling. Greg. Yes! He was the one who told him where she lived! He was already involved, and he owed Dale a favor. A big one. He answered.

"Well? Did you talk to her?" Greg immediately asked when he heard the line open.

"I need you to come here."

"Dude, I'm doing deliveries!"

"I'm not fucking kidding. Remember Jolene Lahn?"

Greg went quiet for a moment. "What about her?" he asked carefully.

"I was your alibi when you had your rough fun with her. You're gonna be mine. Get here now... or the truth comes out!" Dale growled.

"You fucking bastard!" Greg was breathing hard as panic was setting in. "Fine! But you're paying for these three pizzas I'm delivering late. Her house?"

Dale breathed a sigh of relief. "No. Down the road from her place on the main road. Twenty feet ahead of where I parked my car. Down in the woods."

"Shit... okay. I'll be there in three minutes." The line went dead.

Dale looked at Lorelei's body. She seemed a little further in the water than before, but he didn't want to touch her.

An eternity later, he heard a car slowly drive by. It was beginning to get dark in the woods, so he was relieved when he heard Greg cursing as he scrambled down the path to stop next to him.

"OH FUCK!" Greg said in shock.

"Shut it."

"She's DEAD?!?" Greg exclaimed.

"As Jolene would have been after you had your fun with her. Didn't I take care of you and her that night?" Dale reminded him.

"You're a fucking bastard," Greg growled.

"I'm in good company then, aren't I." He finally looked at Lorelei and frowned as she was somehow further out in the water. "Grab her ankle and pull her back before she floats away," he said, grimacing in distaste.

"Shit!" Greg hissed as he squatted down to grip her cold skin as Dale seized her other ankle. They both screamed and jumped back when something in the water pulled her away, down into the deep, dark water.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Greg yelled.

"Shut the fuck up!" Dale hissed as he scanned the surface in the dim light.

What the fuck was he going to do now?

Chapter 6

As she struggled under Dale's heavy body, Lorelei was experiencing a terror like she'd never felt before. It consumed her with a raging fire, crawling into every cell of her being to shriek in horror. She felt her mind begin to fracture under the internal pressure.

Then he forced her head under the water. That one action made her mind ring like a bell as the internal sound of all those screams reached their crescendo. Before her mind could shatter, a single deep tone rushed to her call. It drowned out all of the individual screams, and she found herself clinging to it to save her sanity. Her body tightened her muscles, and she felt Dale finish inside her. His violation complete, he pushed off, and she felt herself expel what he'd left behind.

In an almost detached way, she knew she was drowning. She was going to die as her father had. She waited for her oxygen-starved lungs to make one last gasp only to fill with water... but it didn't come. Her lungs weren't screaming for air, and she didn't know why. She wasn't breathing. Her mouth was closed, so water wasn't surging into her lungs, and she didn't feel water rushing into her sinuses either. What she did feel was her body begin to tingle gently with some kind of energy... like low current electricity, tickling every cell, like it was keeping her alive.

Her mind began to calm as she listened to the deep tone. It absorbed the shrill voices and left calm in their place. Slowly, her body relaxed as those voices faded away. She drew closer to the source of the deep tone.

Other voices began to reach her through the water as she needed to hear these things. It was Dale... and Greg. They were speaking of the bad things they'd done in the past. And the bad thing they were doing now. When Dale spoke of touching her again, she desperately reached for the source of the deep tone, and it immediately responded by pulling her to it, deep into the river.

The current was stronger down here but she floated motionless, surrounded by a presence. As she reached for its strength, she knew the source.

It was the river itself.

Less than a sentience but more than the sum of its parts, it was ancient yet ever-changing.

It had no agenda. It had no history or grievances. It was firmly in the now and stronger for it.

She felt a gentle pressure on her lip, and the tear was healed, but it made no move to heal the internal damage Dale had done.

While she enjoyed its calm strength, it also seemed attracted to something in her. There was an almost eager affinity.

She felt herself communicating with the presence, though it had no voice. She felt its need to assist her as if they were bound, soul to soul. She had but to ask.

Her mind flashed back to Dale's rape, and a cold hate coursed through her. She felt that pressure build until she thought her mind might fracture after all. But the river would not allow her to come to harm in its embrace. It soothed her to ease the pressure below the dangerous levels she was reaching, but her desire remained. "Revenge!" she seethed.

"Sing for them. Sing your heart's desire. It's time for you to wake, my Lorelei."

She wasn't sure who'd spoken. It seemed to come from the darkness all around her. It sounded ancient and cold, and she instinctively knew it wasn't the river as she felt its presence pull away momentarily. Still, the message was clear. She had a purpose, and she knew what she desired. It burned in her heart.

She looked up, and the water lifted her up slowly until she surfaced in the middle of the river. She stopped as the water dropped below her chin. In the dim light, she could see the two men arguing on the riverbank.

As the voice suggested, it was time for their song. She reached deep within herself, where instinct transcends knowledge. She bound the power of her emotions with the strength of her will.

Beginning sweetly, she willed calm and peace into the melody. Their heads turned in her direction as their words choked off.

The river slowly lifted her higher until she stood upon its surface. Dale and Greg stood trembling on the shore, mouths open and glassy-eyed as they watched her step closer across the river surface.

While Lorelei wasn't religious by any stretch of the imagination, she recognized these men's lives were saturated with the worst kinds of sin. As they listened with absolute attention, she sang to them how they would balance that scale.

A song of penance.