Space Relations Pt. 14

"Commander Parson was always an asshole." Washington remembered. "But are you telling me that it was you who made it possible for me to get assigned to my ship?"

"Yes." Willow sighed again. "I was there when the paperwork came in. At the time, Parson was angry with you for some tirade you'd thrown in the Academy cafeteria. That's when he started putting together the list of potentials for your crew. I didn't know it then, but the list was full of people he hated, or people that other high level admins hated. At first, I couldn't figure out why Cruz's name was on the list, because there was nothing bad listed on his file. I asked around, and that's when I was told about what he had done to Admiral Cocksander."

"You'll have to tell me that story soon." Braxton looked over at Cruz. "I'd really like to hear that one."

Cruz smiled back. "It is a rather juicy one. It involves me and three generations of women from Cocksander's immediate family."

Braxton's eyes gaped back.

"Willow, please go on." Washington urged.

"I was getting really tired of my job in admin, because it was so boring and pointless, and I've always wanted to go out into space." She admitted. "When I found out that Lieutenant Washington was going to start looking for a crew pretty soon, I made up a false identity for myself and I added it to his list. I knew his crew was going to be pretty small, because he was being assigned to a pretty small ship, so I made sure I gave my false resume plenty of good qualifications. It was easy for me to create a new identity, because I was doing a lot of data entry then. I was adding new people to the system and moving their names around all the time. When the captain said he wanted me to join the crew, I quietly resigned from the academy. I stopped being Willow Stevens. That's when I became Willow Smith."

"That's a pretty grievous offense if you get caught." Washington worried.

"But I can fix everything!" Willow said. "All I need is access to a data terminal and the right clearance to be able to amend the ship's roster. I was going to do this anyway. I was going to erase the false identity of Willow Smith and replace it with my real identity, but I don't have that kind of clearance anymore."

Braxton glanced across the table. "Mary, is Willow hiding anything else we should know about? Anything sinister?"

Mary gazed hard into Willow's face. "I don't think so. I can tell you this, though. Willow has never, ever had a malicious thought in the whole time she's been with us. She's as goody-goody as it gets."

"You know what I think just happens to be very interesting in this case?" Braxton said, suggestively. "I just so happen to have a high level security clearance. Maybe, one of these day cycles, I just might leave a terminal open and walk away from it. Someone else might be able to come by and change certain records on it without my knowledge."

"Oh, no." Washington protested. "Willow is in a lot of trouble already. You'd be complicit in her crime as well. You know that at the very least, the penalty for that is a dishonorable discharge. I can't believe all of this! We've got scandals right and left on this ship! What we should do is head back to Earth, and tell Admiral Cocksander to stick this ship and his so called ambassador mission right up his ass."

"If you did that, you'd never fly a starship again." Braxton told him. "And neither would I. Except for Barbie, none of these people around you would probably ever hold a post in a starship for the rest of their lives."

"Hey, speak for yourself, lady." Margo said. "I'm just the cook around here."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Washington asked. "We just lost a crewman and we've all got these black marks hanging over our heads. Space Corps would be very happy if we got sucked into some black hole somewhere and were never heard of again. What am I supposed to do?"

"You could try being captain of a starship." Mary suggested. "We all know it's where you belong. It's where we all belong."

"We do all belong here." Thor agreed. "I don't want to go back to Earth and I don't want to move on to another crew, either."

"Democracy rules." Cruz declared. "I say we have a vote, baby. Hands up if you want to stay on the Space Relations."

Margo, Mary and Thor joined Cruz in raising their hands.

"Willow, why aren't you raising your hand?" Cruz demanded to know.

"Well, I lied to you guys." Willow said.

"Wait until you hear what Margo did to get on the shit list." Mary nodded. "She's got us all beat. That's including Mister Cruz screwing around with three generations of Cocksander's closest women."

"Don't you say another word about that or I swear I will pound you." Margo threatened. "I mean it!"

"Willow, whether you like it or not, you are part of this crew." Cruz stated. "Now cast your vote."

"If I'm in the crew, I vote we keep exploring space." Willow raised her hand.

Cruz looked to his fellow, bed-ridden associate. "Barbie, how cast you?"

"I'm part of the crew now?" She asked. "I don't even do anything, really, except count supplies."

"Well, you screw the captain, don't you?" Cruz reminded her. "That counts for more than you think, considering the size of that wanger he's got. Thanks to your efforts, the other women on the ship still have their sanity. If we say something bad about you, the captain might toss us out of the airlock. So I'd say yes, that qualifies you for being part of the crew."

Barbie sighed. "I would be giving up that cushy job I had back on the Neptune. I don't know if I can turn that down. I mean, the pay was good, and it had good benefits and a vacation plan..."

"If you want me to say something," Washington commented. "We'll have to iron out some details first. If we can get past that, the answer is yes."

Mary shot to her feet. "I don't believe it! Oh, my goodness! Did you just propose to her? I mean, did she just propose to you?"

Washington beamed at Mary first, and at Barbie second. "I believe the answer to both of those questions is also yes."

"Then I guess I will follow you to the ends of the universe, mister." Barbie declared. "Oh, you are so lucky I am disabled right now!"

"Hold on, hold on." Thor held his hands out. "Before we order out for pizza and a couple of kegs, there is still one more person who has to cast their vote."

Braxton noticed that all eyes were on her. "Me? I thought you all hated me?"

"Madame, I don't meant to be blunt," Cruz reminded her. "But you and Thor did save the entire fucking crew just a few day cycles past."

"And you look better in my French maid costume than I do." Mary added.

"Ensign Braxton, we would be honored to officially accept you as part of the crew of the SCS Space Relations." Captain Washington addressed her.

"Well, then I say fuck yes!" Braxton clapped her hands together.

"This calls for a mass knuckle bump." Cruz leaned forward and held out his fist.

Nobody moved.

"Oh, you'll all leave me hanging, will you? You bunch of stubborn twits!"

Thor leaned forward, Margo stepped close, Mary giggled and tried to tickle the top of everyone's hands.

Soon enough, eight hands came together, and knuckles were bumped. And thus was reaffirmed the legend that was even then spreading across the known galaxy, the legend of the SCS Space Relations, her adventurous crew, and her near-mythical captain with the nine inch schlong.