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Fumée (smiled): Thank you both for allowing me to pick this place. I could not come here on my own. Every time I tried, it felt like I was being tugged toward one of the tombs.
I told her I was happy to be able to be here with them both and to help her fulfill one of her personal wishes. I looked at Emmy and asked where she wanted to visit.
Emmy (smiled): Well Master, there is one place. But we would have to change our outfits for it.
I asked her what she wanted to do.
Emmy: I want to put us all in swimsuits; tiny bikinis for myself and Fumée and go for a swim in the Nile River.
I asked Fumée how that sounded to her and she just nodded and told Emmy to pick her a bikini. In an instant we were all changed into swimsuits and teleported to the edge of the Nile. We swam and splashed each other for a few hours then lay back on the bank basking in the sun. We even enjoyed a picnic lunch courtesy of a little Emmy magic.
Emmy (smiled): Master, next place we gotta swim in is one of the beaches in Ireland I heard the water and beaches are breathtaking.
I nodded my head and said that depends on Fumée. It's up to her whether we will continue the death threats or we will be a happy family.
Fumée (got a confused look on her face): What do you mean, it depends on me?
I rolled over and looked her in the eyes and said what I meant was that if we go back to the original way, her and Emmy will be back fighting. But if she decides she wants to be a part of our family then we could have a life together and visit all kinds of places.
Fumée (smiled): So wait. You're offering to let me join you and your girls permanently.
I put my hand on her cheek and said that if she decided to join us, Emmy and my other girls would gladly accept her as one of them.
Fumée (smiled): Let's see how the rest of this date goes and I will think about it.
I smiled and told her to take her time making the decision. I stood up and stretched out my hands to help both of them up. They each took a hand and I pulled them up to their feet. I told Emmy to put our original outfits back on so we can go eat dinner and then see if we can find a dance club.
.....to be continued
- COMMENTS
poreyb1999over 6 years agoI Hope You Take This The Way I Mean It and not as I am picking apart your story but I have to ask why did you feel the need to kill off characters? 1 more thing the screen play idea while creative doe not realy work here. Ether then those points I love the story
Anonymousover 7 years ago... "a black mesh undershirt with a jacket that had slits up and down the arms topped off with a necklace and my hair slicked backwards."....
REALLY??? Is this guy your stereotypical Italian gigilo? Even a gay man wouldn't wear a jacket with slits in the arms. You definitely need a better fashion sense.
You have destroyed my minds image of him and the girls and have made them unbelievable characters.
Any woman that I have ever known over my entire life would have laughed themselves silly if someone they knew walked out in an outfit like that.
ReiDeBastosover 7 years agoCompnerd, I have enjoyed the story thus far, but wanted to offer you a couple of (what I hope are) constructive criticisms, and I hope that you will receive them in the spirit in which they are meant:
1. You need an editor, or at the very least, a proofreader. The errors/problems are mostly minor ones, but they are frequent enough that I was "pulled out of the sorry" so often that it became difficult at times to "get back into it". Problems like using the incorrect word ("desert" instead of "dessert", for example), changes in tense and/or perspective, and switched pronouns ("he" instead of "she" and vice versa) are just SOME of what I'm referring to. A competent editor or proofreader would catch these for you and help you to correct them before a chapter is even submitted, let alone is posted.
2. I don't think that the "screenplay-formatted" dialog works here, and is where the majority of the inadvertent changes in tense and perspective seem to occur.
Best regards,
-Rei
compnerdover 7 years agoAuthorthanks glad you like it and your right it was to setup for future events and it was mainly done to have the rest of the characters grow which you will be seeing in the next few chapters
