Special Weapons and Tactics Ch. 01

"Susan is desperately ashamed how she acted and desperately wants to see you again. Can you possibly forgive her and me and my whole family how we treated you? Your kids really need you now as well. It was all very scary for them..."

She stopped talking because she could see the rage in my face.

"You know it was your total fucking unwarranted hate for ME all these years that put my kids through that hell, don't you? Why shouldn't I snap your fucking neck?"

Her ego and pride wouldn't let her acknowledge it. She got all stiff and just kind of walked out. Fuck 'em all is all I could think. Except my kids. I'd sleep on it.

I had a LOT of questions. It all seemed a little too pat. "Sorry, hon, for kicking you out and screwing Jack for a year. I was just mentally ill. But I'm better now, come on home."

She was at least rational enough to convince everyone else in the whole world (apparently) that I was the crazy one. Even my own kids. She was rational enough to dress real nice and act all sexy for Jack but not her husband, "nothing" John. That seemed to tell me a lot right there. And she was also rational enough to totally fool Jack - a trained police officer - in all manner of lies. He never spotted any inconsistencies? Granted, she probably could nuance just about anything with her "special" tongue twister blowjobs helping cloud poor foolish Jack's mind.

And if she was nuts how come Jack is the one locked up and not her? Hunh?

I hobbled on home to my crappy two bedroom apartment. I was cleared to go back to work, but obviously only desk work. I would still need a couple of months of both PT's - therapy and training - to get even close to field ready again. The weirdest thing about going back to work was realizing how deeply unpopular I was with my own team, now.

Brandon was still my friend. And the Captain was supportive. But everyone else had decided it was ALL my fault - Susan leaving me for Jack, then driving Jack crazy, and even Jack shooting me, stalking Susan and in jail himself. Jack was the victim of ME, somehow. More fucking craziness but I didn't care. Fuck 'em all.

The Captain warmly reminded me I was still on the promotion list and had definitely moved further up that list and "good things were going to happen for you, soon, John. Just hang in there, Bud." But I was getting out of Dodge. Thru my contacts with old Army MP comrades and also the semi-annual SWAT nationwide meetings/seminars I regularly attended once becoming sergeant, and now the newest nationwide publicity as a "hero" - I had been offered the job of leading Mobile, Alabama's smaller SWAT unit as their Lieutenant and I had accepted, pending working through my 30 days notice period in St. Louis. I also instructed my lawyer to modify visitation - from every other weekend to one whole month each summer. Hated to do it but I had to move on from this whole fucking unfathomable mess. I felt like I definitely had a future down there, and I would feel a hell of a lot more comfortable with those Southern redneck strangers at my back than my erstwhile "buddies" here, next time the shit hit the fan.

Right about now Stanford had a massive heart attack and died. Obviously, I wasn't going to the funeral. Maybe that was small of me, but he never liked or respected me and I respected his feelings enough to honor them even in his death. Small of me? Maybe. I could have gone and spit in his coffin and pissed on his grave. Just being honest here.

Charlie came back to town for the funeral and finally called me. He was now a pretty much "big shot" lawyer in Chicago as a litigator, a very successful criminal defense attorney. I had thought he would go the DA route - and he still might. The night after the funeral we met at our old favorite neighborhood spot.

After some small talk, he ordered a couple shots of Powers Irish whiskey and said, "Come on, John, just one shot, drunk for the old bastard..."

And I smiled and did.

"I am so sorry about Susan, John - I really am. I...wish I had heard about what was happening sooner and could get here, maybe...I don't know."

"Charlie, you tried to warn me a long time ago and I guess you were right all along."

"No, actually - I don't think I was. As year after year passed, I was happy you did ignore me and Susan had 'got herself together' so very well. And I really love my nieces and nephews and I'm going to start visiting back home here more often now. Edith told me what she told you. I...it's not bullshit is what I'm trying to say here. Susan really is mentally ill, but it is treatable with proper brain chemistry drugs. She has a good psychiatrist now monitoring the drugs, of course - but also trying to help her back from the intense shame and guilt she is feeling about you and how she treated you, plus her own broken heart you no longer love her. She loves you now more than ever before. She was on a suicide watch for two weeks, her last final breakdown and last time in a facility about a year ago now. You never knew that, did you? My fucking Mom - excuse me - who I do love dearly, kept all that from you."

No, I hadn't heard this before.

"What can I say, Charlie? I don't love Suzy anymore. The only way I can keep MY sanity is to not love her anymore. But I won't hate her anymore either, now. And I will try to at least be friendly and respect her as the mother of my children, from here on out - if she will try and do the same. I...just can't stand any more fucking craziness. She somehow managed to turn just about EVERYONE I know against me. I can't take any chances at all with her, anymore. You can tell her this if you want to."

"I'll talk to her. Everyone is real sorry about all this John. You didn't deserve it. Suzy didn't deserve it, either. She IS almost driving herself crazy - just mentally - trying to understand how she could do all the things she did - especially the hateful things she said about you and did to you. That's what the ongoing therapy is for. Organic depression and mania caused ALL that? She's struggling with it and I imagine you are as well."

"Let me just mention one more thing. My Dad was a bastard in many ways, but he did make a lot of money and provided for his family. My inheritance now is roughly a million dollars. Suzy's is more - quite a bit more - her whole worrying about money shouldn't be a factor anymore - unless she is irreparably just crazy and blows it all quickly like so many gamblers do. Watching how she handles that might help you make some proper judgments yourself about her in the future. Just saying."

We talked about much more, including his own very successful life as a lawyer and the woman he was currently dating who might be "the" one - or might not. He was a serial dater and probably wasn't quite ready to get off that treadmill yet. We promised to stay in touch - better and more often than we had in the recent past, as we exited the club later that night. I couldn't quite get around to telling him about Mobile. I had the feeling he'd try to talk me out of it.

Right at the end of the night he said, "Just remember all the years with Susan at her best - THAT'S how she really is - a loving mother and a loving wife. That other Suzy really isn't her."

"Maybe. But I know at least one man who absolutely loves that OTHER Suzy - or at least is absolutely obsessed with her. And he'll do anything to get her back. Which is the real Suzy, really? I just can't know. I'm not God and I can't look into her heart. Does Suzy actually know herself? I feel sorry for her, and I feel sorry for me, and even Jack a tad. And my kids - is she going to eventually fuck all them over too, even more than she already has? You going to watch her closely now? Is Edith? I once did and it made NO fucking difference, did it? So much for MY friends and family and any "support group." She made me alone and I am as alone as I've ever been in my life, and finally happy about it. Tell her if she really loves me to let it lie."

"I hope she gets herself together because nobody has died, yet. Just me shot-up a little. But I AM getting very threatening letters from I'm pretty sure who - telling me to "leave Suzy alone, if you know what's good for you, bastard." Tell Suzy that as well and to be careful - and think only about herself and our kids and not me or her supposed love for me. Understand?"

He didn't look very happy but he only nodded and smiled sadly. "Take care, good Buddy."

And I was on my way, heading south.

*******

This story will continue...