Speechless

Many thanks to bythewx for all the hard work in editing and improving this story from a previous version.

*

Roger opened his eyes and rubbed them. He heard Mary's voice in the next room and another woman's voice. He listened intently and recognized the voice of Alice, Mary's best friend.

The voices were low, because they thought he was asleep, but he focused, and soon he was hearing every syllable clearly. It was remarkable how good his hearing had become since the accident. It was almost like he had grown new ears to make up for what had been taken from him.

"You are so patient," Alice was saying. "I could never do what you've been doing."

He heard the emotion in his wife's response. "Not that it's done a damn bit of good," she said. "I did everything Dr. Roth said to do. I've been soothing, tender, encouraging, affectionate, positive, hopeful -- I've talked and talked until I'm exhausted. It's like talking to a wall."

"But you said you think he's starting to hear you," said Alice.

"Dr. Roth told me that would happen," said Mary. "He's recovering, and I can see it every day. He's less confused now. I can tell in his eyes. And sometimes when I'm talking to him, he tries to understand me. Dr. Roth says he'll probably be asking for a pad and paper in a few weeks. But he hasn't even tried to talk, at least as far as I can tell."

"What does Dr. Roth say about that?" said Alice.

"He says there's nothing wrong with his vocal cords or anything else," said Mary. "He could be talking just like you and me if he wanted to."

"Then why doesn't he," said Alice.

"Dr. Roth said it's hysterical mutism," said Mary. "Roger's brain wasn't injured in the accident, but it was so traumatized by what happened to him that something disconnected the desire to talk. He wants to talk. But at the same time, on a deeper level, he never wants to talk again, and that deeper level is in control."

"But he will talk eventually," said Alice.

"No," said Mary, and Roger heard her choking back tears. "No, that's not what Dr. Roth said. He said in some cases the hysterical mutism lasts the rest of the patient's life. He was starting to tell me the percentage, but I stopped him and told him that I didn't want to know.

"I told him I would do everything he told me, and I would keep on doing it until Roger talked again, and I would never give up. But he said that if there was no progress after a certain point, I would have to change my attitude or it could destroy my life.

"I'm so scared, Alice. I've tried nearly everything Dr. Roth suggested. Each time we go in, he asks me what I've been doing and what the result has been. I can tell he's not hopeful. If he tells me I have to live with the fact that Roger will never speak again. I think I'll go insane."

"No you won't," said Alice. "Other people have had accidents, and their families learn to deal with it. So can you."

"It sounds crazy," said Mary, "but if something had happened to Roger's throat and he was physically unable to speak, I think I could have handled that. But I can't handle that he can talk to me but doesn't want to. And don't tell me he really does, Alice. I understand that on a certain level. But at the same time, I don't understand. I'm falling apart."

Roger closed his eyes. All his concentration had made him tired, and he soon drifted off again. There was a smile on his face as he thought of Mary's words. He would soon tell her how much he loved her and how he was going to make it up to her for all her unhappiness and worry about him. If the doctor said he could talk, there was nothing that was going to hold him back.

"It's so strange talking about Roger with him sitting right here with us," said Alice. "It doesn't seem right."

"Dr. Roth said it's fine," said Mary. "He said there was no reason for me to keep anything a secret. The sooner Roger adjusts, the sooner we can move on. I'm pretty sure he can hear everything we're saying. Watch his eyes. You can see him reacting. He's still weak, and it's still going to take time until he's strong enough to take care of himself, but Dr. Roth is sure that eventually he will recover completely, except for his voice."

"You're a lot calmer about it now than you were a few weeks ago," said Alice.

"You're right," said Mary. "Dr. Roth finally convinced me that I was acting like a martyr and making Roger into some kind of saint. I needed to start thinking of him as he really is and spend some time feeling sorry for myself instead of him.

"At first, I resisted, but then I tried it, and you know what, it worked. I feel better now than I've ever felt since the accident. I started resenting Roger, because he can talk, but he won't. My life is going to be difficult, and it's his fault. The more I think about it like that, the more angry I get and the better I feel.

"I'm thinking all sort of things now that I probably was suppressing before, like he's suppressing his speaking, and now I'm no longer in denial. I'm not even ashamed to tell you that I'm starting to hate Roger for what he's doing to me."

"But it's not his fault," said Alice. "The drunk driver in the other car slammed right into his door without warning. There is nothing he could have done."

"I know," said Mary, "but that's not what I'm talking about. He's not responsible for the accident, but Roger is no innocent. For instance, I know he's been screwing someone at his office."

"Shut up," said Alice. "Roger would never cheat on you."

"Did you see how he just jumped," said Mary. "He even told me about her. She's a spitfire named Celia."

Roger tried to say, "No, no, Mary, you're wrong," but his lips didn't move.

"He said she had gone after five or six married men at work and had affairs with all of them," said Mary, "and she had told him he was next. He laughed about it and told me I didn't have anything to worry about because he wasn't attracted to sluts. I was in denial and pretended to believe him, but deep down, I know that he was only telling me to protect himself in case someone mentioned anything about her to me."

"I can't believe it," said Alice. "Do you think he's still seeing her?"

No, no, no, no, Roger thought. I never touched her. I've always been faithful, Mary. You can't believe that.

"He won't anymore," said Mary. "One of these days, he's going to be strong enough to have sex again, but he'll screw like an animal. Maybe he'll grunt. But he'll never tell me that he loves me ever again. I'm realizing just how much I needed his lies, and I'll never have them again."

"I can't believe what you're saying," said Alice. "I've never heard you like this."

"I think I've been putting up with a lot because of the children," said Mary. "I'm starting to adjust to the future. Roger is not going to be making a living anymore. I'll have to be with him most of the time. We're going to have to live on our savings and the settlement. It will be enough to be comfortable, but there won't be anything to look forward to. This is the way it's going to be. He can't do anything. Only I can alter things.

"You know, I was thinking about sneaking out to find a man who could talk to me as well as make love to me, but then I thought, why should I? I can invite him over here. Roger won't be strong enough to do anything about it for a while."

"That's sick," said Alice.

"I've thought of something even sicker," said Mary. "I'm going to put the restraints on Roger that keep him from falling out of the hospital bed at night, and then I'm going to screw the guy right on the couch in the bedroom while he watches."

Roger began shaking, and they both looked at him.

"He's hearing everything," said Alice. "Look what you're doing to him."

"Maybe he'll shake like that while he watches," said Mary. "I'll be watching him the whole time if he does, because it will really turn me on to see him humiliated and agitated. I'll probably have the best orgasms of my life."

"You actually sound serious," said Alice.

"I'm dead serious," said Mary. "Have you ever had an affair, Alice?"

"I almost did once," she said. "I was really angry, but now I can't even remember why. It was the same kind of thing -- revenge. Some sales guy at a store started flirting with me, and I stopped myself at the last moment."

"Do you know any single studs who are looking for something purely physical," said Mary. "No married men. I wouldn't do to their wives what Roger did to me."

Alice laughed. "Maybe I do," she said. "You're starting to get me aroused with this kind of talk. And you made me think of something else. Let's go to your computer. This is really sick, but I want to show you something. This has got me so hot, I'm going to attack my husband the minute he comes in the door. He won't know what hit him. But he won't complain."

"Let's get Roger back to bed, and then we can go to the computer," said Mary.

Roger tried to struggle as they led him to the bedroom, and Mary gently tucked him in. He tossed and turned for a while and then fell into an exhausted sleep.

"I think he's stirring," said Alice.

"Yes," said Mary as she sat down next to the bed and leaned over to look at Roger's face. She was smiling but also twitching nervously.

"You really are excited," said Alice. "Why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"He has to be awake first," she said. "That's the most exciting part. He's blinking and looking up at me now. I'm going to give him a big kiss. There. You see. He's wide awake now."

"Look how he's trying to move away from you," said Alice as she moved a step closer to the bed. "His eyes are crazy. What have you done to him?"

"Hardly anything yet," said Mary, "but he knows what I'm going to do now, because I tried it out yesterday. He's going to put on a show for you. And you are the producer."

"What do you mean?" said Alice.

"I mean, without you, none of this would be possible," said Mary. "When you showed me those stories, I thought it was just amusing that you were reading that trash and imagining yourself doing those horrible things to your husband."

"I told you, Mary," said Alice. "My husband never comes into my mind when I read those. It's like he's in a different life. And it hasn't affected us at all. The only thing that's changed is that now I never get upset when he's not as horny as I am. If he's not home or comes home late and tired, I have something to satisfy me."

"I'm sorry," said Mary. "I forgot you told me that. But it's different for me. The more I read, the less I was amused and the more I was aroused. But not like you. I really imagined myself in those stories, and I imagined Roger as the husband that the wife was doing those things to. And then I started to realize that I could actually live out a lot of the things in those stories.

"Today is just the first step. I put together some ideas from the stories into a show. You're the producer, and I'm the director and Roger's the star. Look at him squirming. Even though he's not at full strength, I think he would probably find a way to get away if I didn't have those restraints on him."

"They don't look very strong," said Alice.

"They're just the ones that came with the bed from the medical supply store," said Mary. "They're good enough for now, but I've already bought better ones, because in a month, he might be strong enough to break these."

"So he's really recovering," said Alice. "That's great. But I guess he's still not speaking."

"Dr. Roth said he doesn't need to see him anymore," said Mary. "He doesn't think Roger will ever speak again, and I guess I've accepted it. At least, I'm not thinking about that because I'm too busy making plans for Roger and me."

"What kind of plans?" said Alice.

"I'll tell you later, but let me do this first," said Mary. "It will give you a little idea. First, I'm going to get up and pull off Roger's pajama bottoms. Do you see how he's trying to move and prevent me? He's embarrassed by being humiliated in front of you. Does that turn you on like it does me? Look at him go. But you can't stop me, Roger. And I don't hear any objections. Ha ha! There. Pretty impressive, isn't it, Alice? When I find the right man to screw while Roger watches, he's got to have one at least that big.

"Now, I'm going to adjust the hospital bed so I can sit down here and work on Roger comfortably. You can sit in that chair, but I think you may want to stand up, so you can move around and see everything.

"Now let me introduce you to Mr. Happiness. What do you think?"

"It's pretty large," said Alice. "You're not going to --"

"Not me," said Mary. "This is Roger's new friend. Yes, it's big, but there was no problem yesterday. There's a little resistance at first, but eventually it goes in. This time I'm squirting more lube inside him with this nozzle. Look at him hold his breath and wrinkle his forehead when I start pressing Mr. Happiness there.

"He's tightening up to try and keep it out. He's really working hard, but the grease is doing its job, and I feel it starting to slide in. He's trying to move away from it now, but I'm following him. Look at him move. I'm so hot already.

"There. It's all the way in. But if I let go, he can push it right out again, so I'm putting a belt around it that attaches to the belt I put around his waist. Now I'm tightening it up and locking it in. That should hold it.

"Do you see how his penis started moving around a little? Even though he's uncomfortable and humiliated, the dildo is stimulating him, and he can't help himself. He's excited and mortified -- and he's also scared. Look at his face. He knows what's coming, and he can't stop it. Say something, Roger. If you want me to stop, all you have to do is tell me. Ha ha! No, you're never going to say anything to me again, are you? Even though there's nothing wrong with your voice. Dr. Roth said you'd probably make sounds sometimes, but they would be unpredictable and not verbal. Let's see if this can make you grunt for Alice like you did for me yesterday.

"Now I've got the lube all over my hands. I'm all ready. Let's start with the penis in my left hand. Let me get a good grip and start pumping. You can't move far enough away to stop me, Roger, but it's fun watching you try. Let's start nice and slow and get a regular rhythm going.

"Now, for the right hand. You always loved for me to play with your balls when we made love, didn't you, Roger? Are you enjoying that. You're squirming around, but your penis gives you away. It's getting big and hard, and I hear you. Yes, I hear you breathing harder. You're communicating to me even though you can't speak. Let's work on you for a while. Look at Alice, Roger. She's getting all red in the face watching you. When she goes home, I bet she does the same thing I'll do after she leaves. She'll think about what I'm doing to you, and then she'll help herself to a great big orgasm or two.

"But you're going to get to go first, Roger. I think you're ready now. So watch closely, Alice. I'm reaching down under the strap with my right hand and pressing the button on the end of the dildo. It's pretty quiet, but I'm sure you can hear that hum above Roger's breathing. Look at him now. I think if we waited a while, he'd come all by himself, just from the vibration, but why wait.

"I'll help you, Roger, with both hands. Look at you move now. You're trying to hold back, aren't you, but it's not gonna happen. I hear you panting, and there, did you hear that, Alice? It's very soft, but I think that's how he moans now. He's about to come, so watch very closely what I'm doing. I saw this on one of the videos. Timing is everything.

"That's it! He's about to spurt. So I quickly take my hands off his penis and grab his testicles with both hands and squeeze as hard as I can. Then I let go and squeeze again. And again. Look at that penis move back and forth as the come keeps spurting and he twists and makes that sound. He's in tremendous pain because I'm crushing his testicles, but he can't keep from releasing his come. I'm squeezing it out, but he's not enjoying it at all. Did you see how he looked at you just now? I think the pain of his humiliation as you watch him is almost as much as the pain in his balls, but not quite. Ha ha!

"There. It looks like I've squeezed it all out. I'm letting go, Roger. We're done. You can relax now while I wash my hands. Alice will keep an eye on you."

When Mary came back into the bedroom, she said, "Well, what do you think, Alice? Say something. Or has this made you speechless, too?"

Alice was staring at the limp penis and the puddles of come on Roger's stomach. "I, I don't know what to say," she said. "I had no idea seeing something like this would affect me the way it does. I mean, I've seen similar stuff on the Internet, but either it's acting or the husband is really getting off on it. Roger hated what you were doing, that's for sure. This was no fake. And that made it a hundred times more exciting."

"This is just the beginning," said Mary. "I've got exciting plans."

"Shouldn't we speak in the other room," said Alice, looking at Roger, whose eyes were wide and staring at Mary.

"No," said Mary. "I thought about keeping things secret and surprising Roger. But I decided it's even more exciting if he knows everything. Watching the fear on his face and his body trembling as he anticipates what's going to happen to him almost gives me an orgasm, even before I do anything. Let's watch him while I tell you some of the things I'm thinking about, because he's hearing this for the first time, too.

"I'm still looking for the right man or men to have sex with while Roger watches and becomes a cuckold. Thanks to the phone numbers you gave me, I've got a couple of dates already scheduled, and they sound good so far. You understood that I'm looking only for men who want women just for sex. I'm not interested in any relationships."

"Are you sure, Mary?" said Alice. "As long as I've known you, most of your life has been devoted to Roger. You loved him so much. If you can't love him anymore, I think you need someone else to love. You're going against your nature."

"I've thought about that," said Mary. "How can I do what I'm going to do? How can I even think of these things? But when I look at Roger now, I don't have any of the feelings I used to have.

"I now realize a large part of our relationship was sharing everything. We talked every day about him, about me, about the children, about the future. When I finally accepted that this was gone forever, all of my feelings toward him began to slowly evaporate. You know, at our final appointment, Dr. Roth said that we could start having sex again if we were careful. But I have zero desire for Roger now. When I look at him staring at me, there is no feeling at all.

"Well, there is some feeling. I guess it's disgust and anger. You know how there are certain things that irritate you about anyone -- your best friend, even the man you love. You just automatically forgive those things. But now, all I think of when I look at him are the things that bothered me. And of course, the biggest one is that affair with the tramp at the office. I can't believe how much I hate him for that. I think maybe my mind is making a big thing out of it so I can justify what I'm doing to him, but right now, I'm so furious that I can't wait until the day he's watching me make love to some stud and realizing that's as close as he'll get to having sex with me for the rest of his life.

"And that won't even be the worst humiliation. I'm going to watch him having sex, too, and that's why I'm looking for another man."

"What do you mean?" said Alice. "Roger's not gay."

"Of course, he's not," said Mary. "That's why I'm going to find a huge, muscular giant with a penis to match. I can't wait to see him do Roger. Can you imagine the pain and humiliation? Would you like to come over and watch? I'm going to video them, so I can watch whenever I want."