Spellbound

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"I love you."

I smiled, placing a hand on the small of her back.

"I'm really glad we're becoming closer too, hon. It's great to have a friend who doesn't consist of over 300 pages and live on a library shelf."

"No, I love you Hannah. Don't you get it?"

I furrowed my brows, not comprehending what she was trying to tell me. Then, slowly, it began to dawn on me.

"You mean..." I asked quietly, trailing off mid-sentence.

Suddenly, the puzzle pieces fell into place. I had never seen Jade seriously dating a guy, I was quite certain of that. Even though I hadn't paid very much attention to her before seeing her in the orchard, my quiet, observant nature made that I usually knew a lot of the subtle changes within the social circles.

"I mean lovey-dovey love. I mean, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and live happily ever after love. I mean the, damn girl; you're so gorgeous I want to make love to you love."

"Ohh."

Breathe Hannah, breathe. You're not going to start crying, run out the door, or kiss her beautiful mouth until her lips are swollen. Just breathe...

Fuck.

"But, we don't know each other that well," I finally stammered, somewhat lamely.

"That's what you're worried about? I've just told you that I have a crush on you, or actually, that I'm crazy in love with you and that's the only thing that ruffles your feathers?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess so."

My laughter, though still somewhat nervous and a little tentative, mingled with hers. It started as a giggle, soon turning into the kind of laughter that makes the muscles in your belly protest, and tears stream down your cheeks. Before I knew it, we were both holding our stomachs and trying not to fall off the couch.

"Put your tea down, you idiot." I was able to say before breaking into an uncontrollable fit of laughter once more.

When we both stopped laughing, I felt good. Sure, there was a certain tension to the way her arm suddenly felt incredibly close to mine, but it didn't want to make me recoil from her in the least. It made me want to get closer to her, run my fingers through her silky, dark hair.

"Please, give me some feedback, will you? I'm having a war with my nerves over here," Jade said.

"Oh, uh, right."

Of course Jade didn't know about the butterflies that had erupted in my stomach, or what I had done while daydreaming about her the night before. Was it really only one day ago since I first started looking at her in this way? It seemed hard to believe.

"Well, I'm not a lesbian or anything..." I confessed awkwardly, folding my hands in my lap and nervously interlocking my fingers.

It's what I always did when I was reluctant to voice my emotions.

I saw Jade's face fall. Her eyes glistened, unshed tears apparent in their deep, chocolate depths.

"But the way I feel about you, it frightens me."

"Frightens you how?" Jade inquired, a spark of hope in her eyes.

"I don't believe in love anymore. If you have had your heart broken as many times as I have, love is nothing but a joke, a mirage. But with you, I am able to let go of that skepticism. You make me want to believe that real love still exists. It's a tentative hope that's still trapped deep within. But it's there Jade, because of you."

I let out a quiet sigh, taking a sip of my tea as I tried to put my thoughts into words.

"It frightens me, because it goes against every belief that I have been holding onto for the past years. Love, it was just a myth. And then I saw you, so fragile and beautiful and mesmerizing, and I felt love reverberate through the lurching of my heart, coursing through my entire body. I'm just so scared that I'm not interpreting my own feelings correctly. I don't want to lead you on."

Hell, I was surprised at the words that came spilling from my lips. Did I really feel this way? I hadn't realized it until I had said it out loud.

For a moment, there were only the quiet sounds of our breathing, intermingled with the constant buzz of a fridge or freezer in the kitchen.

It wasn't an awkward silence, though. It was a contemplative, tender silence. It felt good.

"That's... I don't really know what to say. I'm kind of speechless," Jade said, our gazes drawn to each other as she looked into my eyes.

"A good kind of speechless, or the bad kind?"

"Definitely good."

Suddenly, Jade's lips were very close to mine. I could see a hint of tears still glistening upon her dark lashes and I could see tiny flecks of gold in the brown of her eyes. They possessed the rich warmth of melted chocolate, somehow feeling like home. I hadn't had a real home in a long, long time.

My eyes were drawn to the delicate bow of her lips, which were slightly parted. My heart pounded so furiously that I felt like it would vibrate right through my chest. I swallowed nervously, my lips a mere two inches from hers.

"Are you sure that?" I murmured, her beautiful, delicious mouth hovering over mine.

Jade didn't answer. At least, not verbally.

Soft, tentative lips brushed against mine. For a moment our eyes lingered before her eyelashes fluttered ever so faintly and she closed her eyes. I did the same, my senses heightening, and I became acutely aware of the gentle swell of her breasts that now pressed against my chest.

"Hannah..." Jade murmured against my lips, her lips now more certain, the yearning apparent within her kiss.

Her quiet whisper made my heart flutter, and our lips melted with one another, as if it was always supposed to be this way. The tip of my tongue lightly trailed the curve of her mouth, and she parted her lips slightly in welcome.

Her taste was light, and sweet, and so breathtakingly sensual. It reminded me of summer for some strange, inexplicable reason, and though I could feel passion rise deep within me, the moment was full of tenderness and a sweet, quiet longing.

I had never been kissed like this. It wasn't something that I was able to compare to kisses that I had shared before. There was a softness present that I had never felt with a man, and it caused a wave of warm, soothing love to envelop my heart and soul, leaving them both vulnerable.

I didn't mind. I knew that I had made the right decision. Jade would handle my heart with the uttermost care.

I felt like I had lost a little piece of myself within that first kiss. It wasn't in a bad way, though. I had lost part of the walls that I had so efficiently built around my heart, their somber, gray shadow crumbling away until there was room for light, which brought the love and tenderness that now spiraled through me with it.

Journal entry, 25 September 2011

I am officially spellbound. I am enthralled, captivated, absolutely and infinitely hooked. Did I ever even remotely suggest that I don't believe in magic? Well, now I do. I believe in magic, in fairies, in wishes coming true. I believe in the whole goddamn magic thing more than a feminist believes in equality. Hannah has given me the reason to believe. Goddamn, I love her.

I'm gazing at the night sky as I write this, stars piercing through the velvet darkness as little pinpricks of light. I can smell the sweet, enticing freshness of the autumn evening, and faintly, Hannah's smell is still upon my skin. My pen scribbling against paper is the only sound that disturbs the silence, and even that sounds like it was supposed to be.

It seemed fitting, to relay this experience to you, surrounded by such beautiful seclusion. The perfection of this night, of Hannah, it doesn't deserve any less.

When I close my eyes now, I can still feel the softness of her lips against mine. It was like a dream, so I let my eyelids flutter shut. Whatever it was, I didn't want it to end. I was willing to remain forever captured within that moment, just so I wouldn't have to face reality.

Yet, when I opened my eyes, she was still there. I looked right into the deep, dazzling pools of infinite blue hidden behind those long, dark lashes, and I felt so utterly, incredibly safe. She is all I have ever wanted. She is all I will ever want.

Part of me is still so very afraid that tomorrow she will have changed her mind. For me, being attracted to other women has become something normal over the years. I have had the time to get used to the idea, and though I pretend to look at guys at school, I have always known that I will never fall in love with them. I just don't want to force my friends to face that same realization about me, perhaps distancing them from me in the process.

But Hannah... How will she handle it?

She is so sweet, so caring, so incredibly organized, and her life is so structured. I have always pictured her to be the kind of woman to have a family, complete with an adorable Labrador, and a picket fence. I think she always has, too.

Please, to all the fairies and wishing wells that I have not dared believe in until this day, don't let this end before it has started. She hands me back the pieces of myself that I have lost long ago, and even puts them back into place.

I don't want to live without this woman. I never, ever want to live without Hannah; my beautiful, mesmerizing, practical Hannah.

She has me spellbound.

Part 3

I found the pendant just before lunch when I hurried to my car to grab a book I would need that afternoon. A small note was tucked behind my windshield, written in graceful, feminine writing.

I always parked in a rather secluded spot, preferring the added distance over having to wait for other students to depart before being able to move my car out of the closely packed parking lot. That was probably why, whoever had left this mysterious note, had thought it safe enough to leave the little piece of paper here for me to find.

With trembling hands and a pounding heart, I read the note.

*

It's nothing but

A mere word

Rarely true

So often heard

It's nothing but

A quiet plea

Silent question

To near infinity

It's nothing but

To drown within

Forbidden love

My sweetest sin

It's nothing but

The stars that shine

Upon that

Yearning heart of mine

That have me

Trapped and bound

Secret love

Without a sound

But you add

The magic of

A spell

To being bound

It's like being

Lost and then

Without warning

Being found

By you

You have me spellbound

P.s. Looked under your car lately?

*

Suddenly tears started to well up in my eyes. No one had ever given me anything like this. Frankly, I didn't think anyone had ever felt about me like this. It touched something so deep within me, so hidden, that agony accompanied the emotion coming to the surface.

I felt love. Pure, irrational, trusting love.

The small box had been placed just out of sight, and I slowly opened it. Inside its dark blue confines lay a delicate silver necklace, a tiny pendant attached to it.

It was beautiful, delicately graceful in its simplicity. On the back of the tiny silver heart that now lay in the palm of my hand had been engraved one single word, followed by the letter J.

I knew what it would say, and yet my eyes flitted to the word that had been engraved there, especially for me.

'Spellbound'

My lips formed the word, the sound barely a whisper in the quiet, late morning air. It meant more to me than I could ever have imagined. It meant a new beginning, the proof that love had been real all along, but that I had just needed the right person to realize that.

It meant that I wouldn't care what others thought of structured, rational, practical Hannah. Love simply wasn't rational, and that was what made it so beautiful.

That day, it was exceedingly hard to focus. The classes that Jade and I shared were filled with lingering gazes, and my fingers kept finding the little pendant that now brushed the smooth skin just below my throat, every time I moved. A loving smile had curved Jade's delicate mouth when she had noticed me wearing that small, secret token of our love, and it caused my body to tingle with happiness and pride. That gorgeous, loving, joyful woman was mine. I would never let her go.

That evening I accepted Jade's invitation to come over and watch a movie at her place. I was strangely tense and excited, as if I was getting ready for a date, instead of a movie night.

Strictly speaking though, it was a date. I was still getting used to the notion that Jade and I were suddenly spending so much time together, let alone that we were... what... lovers?

As I looked in the mirror just before leaving, I was content with the reflection that looked back at me from the foggy glass. I had decided on a simple tank top, which was rather revealing, though still left plenty to the imagination. It was a little more daring than I usually wore, but it felt good. The blue accentuated the color of my eyes, and I really hoped Jade would enjoy what she saw.

I wasn't as slender as Jade, but the tight jeans that I wore drew positive attention to my ass, emphasizing its gentle curve instead of making me look fat. My long dark hair had been brushed until it spilled down my shoulders in silky, dark waves. A touch of lotion on my skin, and I was ready to go.

"Holy hell!" Jade exclaimed, as she let me into her apartment. "You look gorgeous."

"You look breathtaking yourself." I told her, my eyes drinking in her slim figure.

We laughed somewhat awkwardly, and, after Jade had poured us both a glass of champagne, which she had brought from the kitchen, and I had dimmed the lights, we both settled in on the couch to watch the movie that she had previously picked out.

"Indecent Proposal, seriously?" I winked at her, as I recognized one of my all-time favorite movies. "How did you know I absolutely adore that movie?"

"Oh you know, just read your mind," Jade replied, her tone casually indifferent.

We laughed, sipping the champagne, our eyes more on each other than on the television screen. It didn't matter, I had seen that movie about a hundred times. Even if I hadn't, there wasn't a movie in the world more captivating than the woman beside me.

Jade lightly trailed her fingertips along the hollow of my throat, up over my jawline, until she reached my lips. I parted them slightly, and she pressed the pad of her thumb against them, as if hushing me.

Then her soft lips found my neck, peppering tender little kisses along my skin until she reached my earlobe. She teasingly nibbled the little pink shell, her breath against my skin, leaving my whole body to tingle in anticipation for whatever would come next.

Meanwhile, my hands had found her shoulders, and I gently rubbed them as my own body basked in the amazing sensations Jade's little kisses were causing to sweep over me. I dug my thumbs into her flesh gently, feeling the tenseness leave the muscles under my fingers little by little.

"Mm baby, that feels so good," Jade murmured against my skin, tenderly nuzzling my neck.

I smiled at her, a quiet mewl of contentment leaving my lips as I pulled up her top, my hands caressing and kneading the silky smooth skin underneath. She was a lot more relaxed now, her body melting against me, her hair brushing against my cheek.

I could feel the lacy strap of her bra just above the small of her back, and, feeling longing course through me, unclasped it. Jade's only response was a quiet, sweet moan, before she helped me pull the top over her head, her bra joining the discarded piece of clothing on the rug that lay in front of the couch.

The dim light cast faint shadows over her ivory skin, only making her more beautiful. My hand skimmed up over her narrow waist, finding the warm, silky weight of her breasts. By now, the tantalizing caress of her lips had reached the neckline of my top, the garment soon joining hers, my hands returning to her small, firm breasts.

"You are so gorgeous," I whispered, my fingers finding her puckered nipples, and pulling them softly.

"Mmm, so are you."

Her mouth brushed down my neck again, until it reached the gentle slope of my breast. A moan spilled from my lips as her lips enveloped my nipple, sucking it into her mouth and flicking her tongue over its tip.

I gently pulled her nipples again, my fingernail raking the sensitive flesh ever so lightly. Jade seemed to enjoy that fleeting hint of pain, followed by a tingle of pleasure, for she moaned and her lips gripped my nipple tighter.

Her tongue was driving me crazy, its soft touch brushing against my nipple, before Jade returned to the area around the sensitive tip. She licked, teased, pulled, her teeth lightly raking my breast from time to time.

"I want you, now," she moaned, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet.

Before I knew it, she pushed me down on top of her bed. I didn't even want to devote any of my attention to my surroundings. All I wanted was Jade, on top of me, beneath me, her body entangled with mine.

Vaguely I noticed the soft glow of candlelight and inhaled the cinnamon scent. Then, Jade took me in her arms, and my attention shifted to much more important things.

Her mouth found mine, our lips melting against each other's in a passionate, intense kiss, filled with longing and a raw, demanding sensuality. Her breasts pressed against mine and my hands were entangled in her tousled hair. There was no world, no time outside our intertwined bodies. It was just us, drowning in each other.

"Turn to your back," Jade whispered, her breath caressing my swollen lips as she pulled away from our kiss slowly.

I obeyed, every inch of my body craving her touch, the softness of her lips back on mine. Being devoid of her touch felt hollow, as if a part of myself had been taken away from me.

"Come," I pleaded, gazing at her graceful, half naked form.

Jade smiled back at me, pulling off her jeans and letting them fall next to the bed. Then, lovingly, she urged me to lift my hips, taking off my jeans as well. We were both left clad only in lingerie, and Jade, looking as impatient as I felt, quickly got rid of that last barrier too.

"Much better," she beamed, pushing my legs further apart, and positioning herself in between them. "Close your eyes and just feel."

I was about to protest, wanting to pleasure her just as much as she was pleasuring me. Yet, as I felt Jade's lips against my naked thigh, my mind went blank, and my eyelids fluttered closed.

Jade peppered those same light, teasing kisses up my thighs as she had done earlier with my neck, leaving behind a trail of tiny, electric tingles. Her mouth was both tender and hot, loving and demanding. I could feel the light caress of her long, dark tresses against my bare skin as her lips moved upwards.

As the warmth of her lips finally reached the crease between my thigh and my sex, she paused, her tongue not quite reaching the wetness that had collected at my opening.

"Just feel, my love," she instructed me once more.

Then I felt the gentle pressure of her tongue at my opening, lapping up the wetness that had seeped out from between the silken folds.

"You taste so yummy," Jade murmured, my soft, longing moan my only response.

First, her tongue was tentative as she explored my pussy, the pink folds slightly swollen with my arousal. She sucked them into her mouth slightly, the caresses of her tongue alternating between quick, teasing licks, and long, tantalizing ones, which both left me equally breathless.