Spin Cycle

Just an idea me and a colleague came up with whilst wasting time at work the other day and talking about rule 34 and stuff. "Dare you write a crazy fic about a washing machine and a refrigerator having sex?" Sure, why the hell not? Nothing should be too weird for fiction anyways.

So, imagine that this fic takes place in a parallel world where appliances are sentient beings, unknown to humans (a bit like Brave Little Toaster). Hope you enjoy it. I won't be held responsible for any sexual activities you choose to indulge in with your domestic appliances after reading this.

Chapter 1

The front door closed and the young man who lived in the third floor city flat went out to work on another busy Monday morning.

"Okay guys, the human has left the building! All clear!" a voice from the kitchen whispered.

"Finally, thought he'd never leave!" Dishwasher groaned, squeezing himself out of the narrow gap between the cupboards. "Boy do I get sick of being wedged in this tight hole."

"Ooh I do envy you darling!" replied the Gas Oven, who surely had to be the most flamboyantly, stereotypically gay appliance ever built. Given that his idol was Jasper from Family Guy, this wasn't surprising. "Give me a tight fit any day! Makes me nostalgic for my days back in the showroom window. Did I ever tell you about that time when I got plugged into the..."

"Oh fuck off," the grumpy dishwasher replied. "I'm sick of your innuendo."

"My my, touchy aren't we? Somebody load your racks up with broken plates or what? Of course, living in a deprived backwater such as this is way beneath what I was designed for. An appliance such as myself belongs on the stage...or in a five star hotel's kitchen filled with attractive young chefs with firm ass cheeks."

The two of them began the daily routine of arguing.

Up on the counter, Microwave was struggling to overcome his ongoing washing powder addiction.

"Anyone got a light?" Microwave said. "Gas, lend me your flames!"

"Aww jeez man, you know smoking that stuff will totally wreck your magnetron!" Dishwasher shouted, but as usual his advice fell on deaf ears.

In the corner of the small kitchen, stood Fridge, the largest appliance in the house and a guy of few words, being rather shy and laid back. He sighed to himself. He was surrounded by a dishwasher with anger management problems, a snobbish oven and a crackhead microwave. He wondered if he was the only appliance without issues.

"I miss Washing Machine," he whispered.

The other appliances turned to him.

"Yeah," Dishwasher said with a sniff. "She was a grand old girl."

"I miss the conversations we used to have about theatre," Gas Oven added.

"I miss that brand of washing powder she used," Microwave groaned, totally stoned. "Mmm...Persil. Get me some fucking Persil somebody!"

Poor old Washing Machine had passed away on Friday after a long battle with motor failure. She was fifteen years old, which in appliance years was positively geriatric. She'd been a kind of mother figure to the other household appliances and her loss had hit everyone hard. Not to mention her human owner, whose dirty laundry pile was growing ominously larger every day.

"Wonder what really happens when you die?" Fridge pondered.

Dishwasher scratched his head with his plug. "Well I ain't religious or anything but I was chatting to the vacuum cleaner last week who's a bit of an evangelical type. She believes that appliances who have sinned go to the Landfill Site and those who have led blameless lives go to the Recycling Plant. I'm sort of glad the Master has locked her in the utility room because she's batshit insane when she starts one of her sermons."

"If there is such a thing as reincarnation I would like to be reborn as a top loading-washing machine with a rock-hard agitator," Gas Oven grinned. "Ohh think of the possibilities."

Fridge had grown bored with all this talk of death. "I can't wait to meet the new washing machine. I wonder what he or she will be like? What kind of washer has the Master purchased?"

"Most likely another front-loader," Dishwasher said. "If so, she'll be female. All front-loading washers are female. Top-loading washers are male, but you tend to get them in the USA."

"Such a shame!" Gas Oven piped up. "Makes me overheat just thinking about those!"

Chapter 2

The Master took delivery of a brand new washing machine on Wednesday morning. The large box was wheeled into the kitchen, while the other appliances watched furtively as the workmen stripped off the packaging and fiddled about in the gap where the old washer had been.

"Will it fit?" the first man said.

"Yeah, easy does it, Jeff. It's a bit wider than the bloke's old machine."

Dishwasher caught a glimpse of something sleek and dark grey as the men connected the water hoses and power cord.

"Alright, we're done. Go switch the water back on and we'll give it a quick test."

The workman known as Jeff fiddled with the dials and buttons on the washer, causing it to make bleeping noises. Suddenly it came to life with a loud humming and the familiar sound of the rotating drum was heard.

"Okay, she's all up and running." He prompty turned the right-hand dial back to the off position and the washer fell silent.

The two men picked up their toolkit and went to speak with the Master in the lounge.

"Well Mr Lewis, your washer's installed and ready to use. Must say, it looks great - matches your granite kitchen work surfaces perfectly. You'll have to get a new fridge and dishwasher to match."

The Master laughed. "No way, that fridge is only two years old so it ain't going anywhere. The dishwasher belonged to my dad, who gave it to me when I moved in here. It'll last for a few more years yet. Can't afford anything else for a bit what with rent and bills to pay!"

The workman laughed. "Okay well just sign this form and we'll be on our way."

When they had left and the Master was in the bathroom, Dishwasher's curiosity got the better of him and he opened his eyes.

"Holy mother of Hotpoint...what a....BABE!"

Gas Oven quickly sprang to life. "So who's the newbie?" He glanced at the new washing machine, who was still asleep and hadn't noticed her new kitchenmates.

"Ooh very easy on the eye! Very attractive...well, for a female."

"She is gorgeous," Dishwasher sighed, practically drooling over the washer's shiny grey exterior. "I've never seen this colour on an appliance before...must be a new trend."

"Boy have you led a sheltered life," Gas Oven chuckled. "But yeah, white goods that are actually white are like...sooo last season!"

Dishwasher felt his drainage hose throb and stiffen. "Crap!" he muttered, "She's actually giving me a boner!"

"Ooh you sick pervert!" Gas Oven teased. "She's fresh out of the showroom and still under guarantee you dirty old man! She's a lot younger than you!"

"I'm not a dirty old man!" Dishwasher snapped, a faint pink glow appearing on his control panel. "I would never take advantage of a younger appliance. Besides she wouldn't be interested in a middle-aged, cynical bloke like me! You can't blame me for looking though...that shiny grey door she has...wow. If I were three years younger..."

"You're blushing," Gas Oven smiled.

"Cool Silver," the washing machine replied and the two appliances fell silent.

"Uh...what?"

"My colouring. It's Cool Silver, not shiny grey."

Dishwasher's door fell open in shock with a loud clattering sound.

"Our mistake," Gas Oven said quickly whilst whispering at Dishwasher, "Your flies are undone."

As Dishwasher fumbled with his door, Gas Oven introduced himself. "Welcome to the kitchen! We're all pleased to meet you...honest! I'm Gas Oven. A bit of trivia about myself. I applied for the role of Liberace in Behind the Candelabra but lost out to a human named Michael Douglas."

The washing machine's dials spun round until they resembled a pair of attractive blue eyes. "Oh really? Well, that's amazing," she said, not sure whether to believe him or not.

Gas Oven continued. "You've already met Dishwasher," he indicated with his power cord. "Bit of a caveman. Always speaks his mind...a bit politically incorrect at times. Best just to humour him. Up there is Microwave...bless him, he's not in a good place right now. He burned the Master's instant meal yesterday."

Microwave was suffering withdrawal symptoms and was sparking and spluttering on the counter top like a clapped-out car engine.

"Is he always like that?" The washing machine asked.

"He'd be ok if he could just kick that Persil addiction."

"And last but not least," Gas Oven said, turning to the corner of the kitchen, "we have Fridge. Until you arrived he was the youngster of the gang. He's the quiet type. But you know what they say...quiet ones are always the worst!"

Fridge had hastily rearranged the magnets and Post-It notes on his upper door in an attempt to smarten up his appearence.

"Um...p-pleased to m-meet you," he stammered. "Um I'm actually a fridge-freezer," he said, indicating his upper and lower doors. "But just call me Fridge."

"No problem," the washing machine replied with a wink. That fridge sure is cute, she thought, taking an instant liking to him. He needed bringing out of his shell though. She would have fun doing that later...

Dishwasher had finally managed to salvage what remained of his dignity. "So Miss...what do we call you?"

"I'm a Whirlpool 6th Sense WWCR-9230 S," she replied. "But you can just call me Suds. Everyone at the showroom did."

"Suits us," Gas Oven smiled. "Well we're a friendly lot here, we don't bite and we hope you'll feel happy and comfortable here. The Master's a great human, he takes good care of us and ensures we get used and cleaned regularly. He's pretty organized - works in I.T or something...at least that's what his MacBook told me."

"Aww, thanks," Suds smiled. "I'm really happy to have arrived here."

"Um, pardon me for asking such a personal question," Dishwasher interrupted, but what are your vital statistics?"

Gas Oven nudged him. "Don't be so damned sexist!"

Suds laughed. "It's okay, really. Well I have an A++ energy rating, a 9kg load capacity and a 1200 rpm spin. I have variable spin speed options, 24 hour programming and continuous start delay."

"Wow," Dishwasher moaned, shuddering with excitment and secretly thinking some obscene thoughts. Wish I was a human sometimes. I know how much pleasure they get from sitting on top of a washing machine at full spin...having a 9 kg load too, that's enormous! I bet she'd have no trouble taking a massive hard agitator or a four-foot drainage hose inside her too!

No-one was paying any attention to Fridge, who was standing in the corner, gazing longingly at the new appliance. From the moment he'd seen her, a strange warm feeling had swept over him. Fridge had never felt like this before. He'd checked his temperature dial already to make sure he wasn't defrosting. Nope, everything was working perfectly. Every time he looked at Suds, his motor spun faster.

"I think I'm in love," he sighed. "I really do."

Vacuum Cleaner came rushing into the kitchen, making everyone recoil in alarm.

"Uh hi there Vac," Dishwasher gulped. "Please don't start singing Kum ba yah again, my poor frayed wires couldn't stand it."

"Hallelujah, praise the Lord!" Vacuum Cleaner exclaimed. "I've been so busy but I just heard we've got a new arrival!" She rolled over to Suds. "Welcome dear child. Now tell me, are you a believer? Have you ever seen the face of Jesus?"

"Uh-oh, she's off again," Gas Oven groaned.

The vacuum turned to him. "Jesus loves us. He forgives the sins of all appliances...even yours."

"Homophobe," Gas Oven hissed back.

Suds looked puzzled. "Um who's Jesus?"

"Merciful heaven," Vacuum Cleaner gasped, almost blowing a fuse. "He's the Son of God. He died so that all appliances could be free. An amazing man with shining white overalls and a box of tools that allowed him to perform miracles on sick and injured appliances."

Suds just blinked.

"He turned water into washing powder!"

"Gimme a break," Gas Oven groaned. "Why have you been so busy?"

"The Master's rushed off his feet trying to tidy up the flat because he's going away to London on a work conference tonight. Something to do with a new coding program he's been working on. I heard him talking about it on the phone. He has to give a speech and everything. I reckon if it goes well, he'll get a promotion."

"When will he be back?" Suds interrupted.

"Oh, not until Friday."

"Brilliant," Suds grinned, glancing and winking at Fridge, who looked confused, but shyly smiled back.

"Great news," Gas Oven said. "Maybe I'll have time to visit that sexy fan oven in Burger King. I was chatting to him on the webcam last night. Proper little tease!"

Suddenly, the appliances fell silent as the Master entered the kitchen. He picked up the pile of dirty laundry, opened Sud's door and stuffed it in. Tossing a gel-filled tab inside, he shut the door and switched on his new appliance. Thus, Suds began her first full wash cycle.

"Don't fail me now!" he said, patting the side of the washer. "Man, time's getting on, I gotta be at the train station in four hours. These clothes won't dry in time. Oh well, never mind. I'll just leave them on the airer."

He noticed the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the kitchen. "Funny, I don't remember leaving that there." He picked up the vacuum and carried it back to the utility room.

Night fell, and with the Master departed, the flat was deserted. In the kitchen, the appliances were fast asleep. Dishwasher was snoring and mumbling in his sleep as he always did.

"Forks to the left...knives to the right...(snort)...cups and saucers underneath..."

Suds however was wide awake. Sleep was the last thing on her mind. Before arriving at her new home she'd spent a week in the appliance store's stockroom, all boxed up in cardboard and shrinkwrap, waiting for delivery. Being away from all the other male appliances in the showroom had been torture when you'd been built with an above-average sex drive. But now, in a new kitchen, she had the perfect solution to her frustration. Suds carefully opened her eyes to make sure the others were sleeping, before unfastening herself from the wall and creeping across the floor towards Fridge.

"Psst, Fridge," she whispered, tapping on him with her plug.

Fridge clattered a bit before waking up. "Huh? What's happening?" He glanced down and jumped to see Suds up close to him.

"Um...hi Suds...a-are you alright?"

"Ssh, keep your voice down, we don't want to wake up the gossips," Suds said, pointing to Dishwasher and Gas Oven. "Yes I'm fine...well I will be." She grinned seductively at him and his compressor made a rattling noise. Was she flirting with him?

"Err..you want me to help you with something?" he spluttered.

Suds leaned over and kissed him passionately on the mouth - which was the gap between his upper and lower door. "I want you," she purred, taking his plug in hers. "Come with me to the utility room."

Fridge was too stunned to speak. He felt sure the ice in his freezer compartment was starting to melt.

"Well are you coming?"

"Um...b-but Vacuum Cleaner is in there!"

"No she isn't, she's in the airing cupboard trying to convert the boiler to Christianity. Now hurry up, before the others wake up!"

"S-sure..." Fridge replied. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He was nervous and excited at the same time.

The two appliances shuffled out of the kitchen and into the utility room which was a cramped shoebox of sorts, but Fridge just managed to squeeze through the narrow door.

"Lock the door," Suds said. "We don't want any interruptions! It's a bit untidy in here," she mused. "Still, it's perfect for us." She kissed him again, caressing his smooth, white doors with her power cord. "Oh but it was unbearable being taped up in a box," she cooed.

"S-Suds," Fridge stammered. "I-I've never...err, done this before," he said quickly.

"I know," the washer replied. "I can always tell an appliance that hasn't been serviced. Just relax, you'll be fine. You do want to don't you?"

"More than anything," Fridge sighed, relaxing and kissing her back. Her mouth was smooth, cool and scented with a wonderful aroma of Ariel Liquitab Detergent.

"Let's take these silly things off you," Suds said, removing the magnets and Post-It notes from Fridge's upper door. "There, much better, just as nature intended!"

Fridge blushed, as it had been a while since his door had been completely bare.

The two appliances continued to kiss and embrace each other, until Suds felt something hard pressing against her door.

"Hmm what's that?" she smiled and noticed that Fridge's lower door was open slightly. He tried to shut it but something was blocking it.

"Looks like you're ready!" Suds grinned, opening his door. "Oh my!" Fridge's plastic frozen food drawer suddenly extended. It was eye-wateringly huge...to be expected as refrigerators were famous for being well-endowed.

"Wow what impressive cubic capacity you have!" she said, gazing at the frozen peas and lamb chops. "I can see your meat and two veg too."

Fridge moaned in pleasure as she caressed his thick, smooth food drawer with her cord.

"Mmm, baby, I want your huge member inside me," Suds whispered, opening her door. Fridge's blush deepened as he saw the inside of her drum for the first time, all shiny metal and glistening wet...

"W-will it...fit?" he ventured, seeing as her drum was round and his drawer was rectangular. "What about protection? I haven't got any freezer bags!"

"We can have fun trying," came her reply. "And don't worry about protection. My model of washer can self-program themselves to avoid such mishaps!"

That was all the encouragement Fridge needed. He took a deep breath and carefully slid his cold drawer into the beautiful washing machine's drum. It was an extremely tight fit, but Sud's door seal was well-lubricated and he managed to fill her completely.

"Ohh...oh God yes!" Suds moaned, making loud humming sounds. Fridge began to thrust; the head of his drawer bumping against the back of her drum. Hot water was starting to slosh into his drawer; an amazing sensation for an appliance used to always being cold. Fridge was so big, Suds couldn't rotate her drum. The vibrations this was creating felt incredible. Fridge knew it wouldn't be long before he came.

"Faster Fridge, faster!" Suds yelled as she pressed against the wall, the rattling causing things to fall off the shelf above. A can of WD-40 and a box of lightbulbs went clattering to the floor.

"Uhh...uhh...ohh!" Fridge groaned. "I'm going to cum! I'm going to....uhhh!" He climaxed and spurted a massive load of slush inside her drum. Suds came seconds later, spraying hot water and creating a hell of a lot of steam. Condensation trickled down their bodies as Fridge gently withdrew from her. His drawer was full of water and the frozen food floating inside was well and truly defrosted.

"Wow...that was incredible! Fridge panted. He'd never felt so happy in his entire life.

"Glad you enjoyed your first time! I enjoyed the fact that it was my first time with a fridge-freezer. Sorry about your meat," Suds giggled, picking up the ruined pack of lamb chops. Guess it got cooked!"

"I'll just throw it away," Fridge replied. As all good fridges knew, once defrosted, food couldn't be re-frozen.

The two appliances glanced round. The utility room looked more of a mess than before, and the window was all steamed up.

"I think we should dry ourselves up a bit!" Suds said. "I don't want mould growing inside me. God, how embarrassing that would be!"

"Mm, yes. Um, Suds," Fridge paused, taking her plug in his. "I really enjoyed what we just did...err...this won't be just a one-off thing will it? Because I...really like you...you know what I mean?"