Spreading My Wings Ch. 06

[ This story series chronicles my initial extra-marital experiences. They began late in 2013 after over forty years in a monogamous marriage. Originally, my husband gave me permission to seek sexual gratification from other partners as a gift of his love; I subsequently gave him freedom to do the same. We now have an open marriage that includes swinging, sharing, and threesomes. I am a mature woman (over sixty) who still enjoys energetic sex. Despite flab, wrinkles, and saggy boobs, I have no problem attracting and satisfying younger partners. These are real life encounters. I don't falsify my appearance or pretend all sex outcomes are perfect, so don't expect porn-like fantasies.

Spreading My Wings Ch. 06 - Admissions to my husband.

© SandraMustard 2014 ]

The very next morning, my emotional logjam broke free. I was sitting on the couch, screwing up the courage to speak out (if you knew my personality, that statement would amuse you). I was lost in thought, failing to notice my husband come sit next to me until he turned off the TV.

"You've got something on your mind. It's been eating you up. Come on, Sandy, let's talk about it already."

Silence was impossible now. Revealing the truth was the only course to follow. "I've done what you said I should. I let things happen. But I've been so afraid to tell you. I don't know why."

"I've suspected as much. I understand why you've hesitated quite well. You're afraid to hurt me but it's not going to be like that. Getting everything out in the open is going to be a big relief for me, too."

I decided to start by telling him about my co-worker. It was my oldest secret and I felt it would be the least threatening. "Remember when I had dinner last year with Cathy from work?"

"The young newlywed with the rowdy husband?"

"No, Cathy was ... single, middle-aged with dark hair. I introduced you to her once." He nodded politely but I think he really didn't recall. When I described the events at the restaurant, the heavy drinking (heavy by my standards), and the revelations she made in confidence, my husband's surprise was evident.

"Was she just confiding in you or was she checking what your orientation might be?"

"I think just confiding but I acted so giddy, you know how I get. I held her hand. I leaned against her when I laughed. She was very touchy-feely. When I hugged her to soothe a tearful moment, she held me tightly. Her hand cupped my breast, not just touched it, but held it. When I didn't object, I guess she thought it was a 'go' signal. Really, I was too drunk to react. She invited me to her house for some really good wine."

"So you went to her house to have sex with her?"

"No, to drink wine! If I was sober, I probably would have recognized what she was up to but the drinking made me too relaxed to worry." I told him what I could remember of the sex, waking up naked, struggling to get home; he listened with his mouth agape.

"Well, I'll be damned. I have to admit, I thought you had sex with a man. You acted disturbed by something and smelled of sex so I assumed you did. I came to grips with the idea that you did. Even as you told me about it just now, I was waiting to hear about a man coming into the picture somehow."

I described my vague impression of someone fucking me but I was careful to explain I had no clear knowledge of what happened or if anything really did.

"Well, I think you should try it again to see if you like it. I had no idea you might be bi."

I was almost angry. "I'm not bi. I've never been curious. Woman - woman sex doesn't excite me. She took advantage of me when I was drunk."

"You said you went along with her. She didn't force you to eat her pussy. You had some sort of willingness to participate. If you objected, even drunk, you would have fought off her advances." He had a point but I wasn't ready to concede there might be another experiment. With a devilish grin, he added, "The way you have a fascination for my ass, I better be careful when we drink. You're liable to fuck me with a strap-on."

I blushed heavily at his remark. The idea had never occurred to me before. Suddenly, I couldn't shake the mental image of holding his hips and driving into him. I changed the subject quickly. "I did get a massage from Roberto yesterday for the soreness I had. Now I know how wonderful a good massage makes you feel." I paused before I blurted, "Sweetheart, he gave me a happy ending the first time."

"First time? You mean yesterday wasn't the first time?"

"No. It was the third."

His short answer, "Oh," was heavy with resignation. He sensed the other visits weren't just more of the same. He heaved a troubled breath.

I didn't torture him with waiting or overwhelm him with details. I held his hand, looked into his eyes with all the love I felt, and spoke solemnly. "I've been intimate with him."

His mouth started to quiver. His eyes filled with tears. He bowed his head and his shoulders started shaking. Sobs gave way to the anguished cry of a man torn apart by sorrow. The man I loved all my life was breaking into pieces in front of me. The pain ripped at my heart. "Darlin', please don't cry like this. I can't go on living knowing I've hurt you this bad."

"No... No, babe, you didn't hurt me. I'm not upset that it's happened. I'm relieved that we've discovered a solution that brings you the pleasure you deserve. You have only now accepted your needs are significant and you can satisfy them. I accepted that long ago. The fact that my body is failing me, preventing me from giving you that pleasure, is what hurts so bad. I'm grateful we can live out the rest of our lives together and feel loved. Sex used to be the heart of everything we were. Now it's just a brief physical activity separate from our emotions."

We talked almost constantly, for three days straight. He repeatedly assured me he accepted my sexual experiences with Roberto. He feels my freedom and our future sexual relationship can coexist. He is not jealous of Roberto or other men that might be in my future. He believes we have opened the doors to a new life for our future.

My husband is striving to recover his health. He is losing weight, down seventy pounds from his zenith. Determined to continue the fight, his goal is to shed another hundred pounds. Yes, he was/is that heavy. The truth is embarrassing for him, but it fuels his resolve. Doctors believe ending his obesity will eliminate most of his health issues. His blood sugar won't be near diabetic levels. He will stop taking most of the drugs that might be causing his dysfunction. There is promise of renewed energy to perform. Maybe some problems are permanent. Maybe new issues will arise in the future. At least, a proactive approach gives him hope.

My attitudes about sexual fidelity have changed. We share everything to some degree with the people in the world around us. Love is the emotion that binds a husband and wife in matrimony. The strength of our bond has always been especially strong. I love my husband. He loves me so thoroughly that he places my satisfaction above his pride. He is receiving affection tenfold in return.