Star Wars: Fall of the Pam Pam Tree

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"But. . .but. . .but"

"I will get an operation to restore my genitals to their pristine form and you can screw me every night for the rest of your life, if you want. Do this and I will be yours forever."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

"Done."

She took his hand and lifted him to his feet. Her head only came up to his sternum, and she took the fingers of his hand into her mouth to suck them. Grimsley almost swooned with delight at the touch of her lips, and his hand reached over to stroke her breast through her diaphanous gown.

"Tomakin!" came the voice in his head, snapping him out of his reverie.

"Yes, Lamke."

"Check your sick voyerism at the nearest locker and get the keys to that Runner before Grimsley loses him mind completely."

Tomakin touched Grimsley's shoulder, and said: "Deal?"

"Oh yeah," Grimsley gasped.

"Where are the keys?"

Grimsley pulled three sets out of his pocket. "One of these."

"Which?"

"Don't care. Leave the others behind." He gasped as her tongue worked magic on his cuticles.

"Right."

"Get the fuck outta here," he growled as Sabe took his fingers out of her mouth and knelt before him, loosening his trousers. "To think a boy from Grattman's slum could get his plinka sucked by a princess. . ."

***

"Meesa like! Meesa like!" Jar Jar's eyes shone as Lakme traced the insides of his long ear flaps, coming up to tickle the curve next to his head. "Oh, Lakme, you givve my what meesa want tonight?"

The sun of Naboo was setting on the horizon under the Pam Pam trees, and dusk was settling into the water at the base of the trees. Lakme and Jar Jar stood waist deep in the water, both naked, and she had to tip toe to reach his head. "Ooo, yes, Jubblies, tonight's the night."

"Yousa will take my whole plinka up your yonili, at last? Not in de poodoopoo?"

She smiled and licked the delicate skin by his earhole, making him shiver. "You've never complained about my poodoopoo before. Grown rather fond of it, I think."

"Oooo, yesa, first time my met you at Lingtaw village."

Her hand started stroking his long member under the water, making the tendrils dance, a wry smile crossing her face. "We maka you plinka spit up all heesa juice tonight."

Jar Jar shook his head, almost knocking her off her feet as his ear flaps whipped back and forth. "Meesa luv is when you talk Gungan. Meesa plinka get so, so hard. And the yonili, the yonili, pease?" His voice grew high and distant as he pleaded with her.

"The last and best bit."

***

"All right, Tomakin, get your ass in gear." Lakme's voice rang strident in his mind. The Force caught reverberations of repulsion from her almost making him sick. "You've got to get the blue pitcher from my locker and bring it down to the Pam Pam lagoon."

"What's in there?"

"I'll tell you later. You've got five minutes to get it to the shore, but make sure you're on the resort side and out of my sight."

"How come?"

"Cause I'm in the lagoon with the Senator on the other side, out of sight."

"All right." He sprinted through the hallways, and found her locker. The blue pitcher had a transparent lid on it, and he could make out two very long, thin forms swimming in the fluid. A look to make sure the coast was clear and he made his way outside, bumping the stray employees and guests in the hallway, who favored him with a compendium of alien obscenities and curses.

***

Lakme was mostly underwater, masturbating Jar Jar's plinka between her breasts as her hand cupped and squeezed his five testicle scrotum with her free hand. Jar Jar's eyes were so bright they were casting shadows in the deep dusk, and an occasional warble escaped from his lips. They were close to the bark of a Pam Pam tree, which glistened white with resin; she maneuvered him gradually so his back was to the tree, her eyes shining. Short ululations came out, and she knew he was in the verge of the first of many orgasms. "The last in my yonili," she whispered, "the last in the Promised place." Jar Jar's tongue hung out, useless and his eyes were starting to spin.

The first glob of Gungan semen hit Lakme in her right ear, covering her shoulder and the right side of her head in green goo, and she stepped up her jerking so subsequent shots fell in the water behind her. His voice broke into the lengthy ululation of climax, and she waited several anxious seconds to push him back into the tree when his post-orgasmic paralysis set him. The milky resin clamped him to the bark like a vise. He hung there as his beaming eyes went back and forth.

***

"Now Tomakin. Are you by the lagoon?"

"Yes."

"Pour the pitcher's contents into the water and head for the hangar, fast as you can. I'll meet you there."

"How will you know where I am?"

"The Force will guide me. Go."

Tomakin did as instructed, and the two, thin wormy creatures slid into the lagoon, their heads twitching as if seeking something. Then, they shot off into the distance with a flick of their bodies, undulating quickly. He sensed an eagerness from them, a hunger and something he couldn't define. After they disappeared, he turned and made his way to the hangar.

***

"Hurry up, Tomakin. Get your ass moving." Lakme sent him the order, reaching down to pick up her robe at the bank of the lagoon. She dipped underwater to wash the Gungan goo off her face, hair and body. The light in Jar Jar's eyes was starting to fade, and he recovered consciousness.

"Wassa you do to me, Lakkie? Disa kinky, meesa like. Oooo, canna move, my scared, meesa like. Yousa always kinky, ever since my know you. Maybe yousa beat on my plinka again, ulululu! Wassa? No, no, no, no, Screezies! Screezies! Hep--" His voice tried to ascent in pitch and amplitude, but Lakme reached out through the Force to choke him until his vocal chords were useless, taking care not to cut off his airway too long and strangle him to death before the parasites did their work. Looking around, she saw no one near, and felt Tomakin's presence in the hangar.

Getting up out of the water, she stood naked on the bank, her hair in wet ropes. "I hate you, Jar Jar," she said quietly. "You deserve to die like this." It was time to move, and putting her robe back on would only slow her down, so she ran unclad to the hangar in the darkness, holding her robe in one hand and using the Force to guide her way.

***

Tomakin entered the hangar and saw the Space Runner Grimsley promised him. The ship looked in prime shape, and he went to the hatchway to figure out which of his keys worked.

"It's the one with the button on it," Lakme's came into his head. "Punch the button, the gangway will come down; get to the deck, and put the key in the slot by the pilot's chair. Start the ship, I'll be there in 2 minutes; we have to be ready to lift off by then.

"Which one?"

"The square key with the button on it. Pay attention!"

He compared the key sets in his pockets and found the right one. A punch of the button and the gangway lowered to let him in. Tomakin had co-piloted a Space Runner before, so the layout of the cabin and flight decks were familiar to him. The ship went into start up cycle effortlessly, and he buckled himself in, waiting for Lakme.

She pounded up the gangway, through the cabin and flung herself into the co-pilot's seat. "Get us out of here, fast," she yelled out loud.

"You're naked," Tomakin said, looking over his shoulder.

"So bloody what? Get your plinka out of here. Now, you stupid fucker!"

Tomakin ran the lift off sequence, and they ascended into the night sky.

***

The next morning, Lord Vader was at the resort, having arrived just before dawn local time. He stood by the Lagoon, close to where the body of Jar Jar Binks was pinned to the Pam Pam tree. The skin had lightened several shades, drying out drastically overnight, and thousands of small holes peppered his torso. "And you found him like this fifteen minutes ago?" he wheezed through his mask.

A nervous resort manager stood between to red robed acolytes and shivered despite the building heat and humidity. "Yes, yes, my Lord. I don't know how this happened, we haven't had a Screzilious infestation in living memory in the province."

"Screzilious infestation?"

"A parasite known to attack Gungans, come from the other hemisphere.. The Naboo are immune to them. Somehow Senator Binks was in the water when they attacked and got himself stuck to the tree trying to escape."

"Are you certain?"

"No, my Lord, just speculating. I don't know any other explanation."

"I can think of several, but it seems to me that you don't know anything more. Go to your office and give me a readout of all your personnel's movements from late afternoon yesterday to dawn today. Afterward, I will conduct. . .the interrogations. Dismissed."

Darth Vader's primary lieutenant addressed him as the nervous manager ran off as fast as decorum permitted. "What shall we do with body of Senator Binks, my Lord?"

Darth Vader looked at the pathetic form, his face contorted in agony and his mouth open. Some lumps appeared on the body, breaking skin as small grey worms fell into the water as if shot from a projectile weapon. "Cut down the tree. Burn it and him with it. Stupidity like this deserves no memorial."

When the manager generated his list, he found four of his employees were missing, as was one of his Space Runners.

***

"I don't know how we got away from the Orbital Patrol." Tomakin was piloting his ship through the moon system of a gas giant not far from Naboo as his computer calculated a course to another out of the way part of the Galaxy. "You blew out three ships and the main communications satellite with those electrical discharges."

Lakme sat in her robe, exhausted and sweating, her legs splayed out under her in defiance of modesty. Her face was freshly lined with wrinkles, her hair slightly streaked with grey, and her lips were slightly swollen. "I call it Force Lightning. It happened only once before, and by the Force I never want to do it again."

"The power of it frightened me."

She shuddered under her robe, then began to sweat heavily. "I found out about it one night, after servicing a Gungan. I was so angry, angry at the Gungans, angry at the Universe, and I found lightning shooting out of me and blasting every nearby tree. It almost got out of hand and set the whole forest on fire. Thank the Force no one was around, and no Force sensitives were on Naboo that night."

The darkness associated with the power Lakme used frightened him, but he was feeling better about life in general. "I don't know how I got here, but we've made it this far, and we'll make it to the other side of the Galaxy."

She shook her head and looked at him. "But the computer's not done with the calculations."

"I have a feeling. Don't ask me how, it's like I have a sense we'll make it." He seemed several years older since they left Naboo, even though it was hours ago.

Lakme smiled. "The Force must be very strong with you indeed, as I suspected. Just like me. You're just now finding out what it can do for you other than win cheap card games."

"Tell me what happened to Seantor Binks."

Lakme shrugged, stood up and took her robe off. "It's still too damn hot in here, but I bet it's an aftereffect of the Lightning." Her body was short, but lithe, perfectly proportioned and muscled, her hair long and shining. "Yes, I know you like this, and we'll see a lot of each other from now on, so keep your mind on flying the ship. We have a duty to the Galaxy now, the next generation will need Jedi Knights and our children will be strong in the force as well."

"Our children? I thought. . ."

"When I met Jar Jar, I had barely come of age, he was a drifter who came through my village. I was young and stupid, and he was always that way. I was very kinky then, wondered what it would be like to have sex with a Gungan. But Jar Jar always sodomized me with his big plinka because he didn't know better, and by the time he figured out which hole was the right one, I learned the dangers of letting a Gungan fuck you, so I did everything but let him ruin me"

"You mean?"

"Yes, Tomankin. I'm a virgin, as least as far as my Yonili is concerned."

Tomakin checked the progress of the calculations and took a measurement of the nearby moon's gravitational pull. A dark memory crossed his mind, and he shuddered. "I felt this growing Evil as we left, this awful cloud of darkness. Surely the Senator's death will dispel this."

"No, Tomakin, that wasn't it. What you felt was Lord Vader's approach. I found out he was coming yesterday afternoon, and that's why we rushed things. He must have sensed Jar Jar's life was in danger and was making his way to save him."

"How did you kill him? Binks?"

She smiled and stroked her hair as she sat back down. "Gungans have to have sex in the water, the chemistry is essential for the sperm to meet the ova, then the female lays eggs in a sandy bank by clutches of up to a dozen. The sacred grove in Pampamala is one of the spawning grounds where Gungans hatch. A half Naboo year from how, the Gungans will gather as their young peek their heads above the sand and struggle toward the water."

"How does this have to do with Jar Jar's death?"

"There's a parasite known as the Screzilious. They're worm like creatures: mostly harmless to every creature except Gungans. When they catch a Gungan in the water after sex, the mated pair will insinuate themselves into the lower orifices and burrow their way to the Dleena glad, which is the Gunga equivalent of the prostate, or the ovaries in the female Gungan. They mate, lay their eggs, and die; the hatchlings then burrow quickly through the body of the host and escape to the waters. The whole process takes less than 12 hours, don't know why other than it's strange biology."

"So how come he didn't just run away?"

"He was a rare Gungan who goes through post orgasmic paralysis. In antiquity, those Gungans were most vulnerable to the parasites."

"So Jar Jar got parasites up his plinka and his poodoopoo? How bad did that feel?"

"The Screzilious have incredily sharp mandibles, ripping away the flesh as they head for their goal. The pain is incredible: Gungan stories of the Screezlies, as they call them, are a nightmare vision for all from puberty to death."

"So Jar Jar died in agony?"

Lakme smiled. "First, from the pair burrowing in, then from the hatchlings burrowing out. The female usually goes in the plinka and worms her way through the testes before traveling upward; the male goes through the anus and runs upward in a circular track up the colon until he finds the thin boundary to the Dleena gland breaks through."

"I'd think the Gungans would have exterminated them."

"I did too, until I found a nest on the Royal farm. They ate meat and stayed alive pretty well, but after Amidala died, I had to keep them with me no matter what so I could have my revenge on Jar Jar Binks."

Tomankin got his print out, and punched a few buttons. "Strap yourself in, we're going to LightSpeed."

"We sure are," Lakme smiled.

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the_sinnerthe_sinnerover 14 years ago
No comments yet? Are you kidding me?

Fantastic reading for any serious Star Wars fan. A fitting end to Jar Jar. "Stupidity like this deserves no memorial." Well said, Lord Vader.

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