Starlight Gleaming Ch. 20

"I do love her, and always will. That doesn't change my feelings for you, Janetta. You are first in my heart. You are the one I want in my arms. It's your lips I want to kiss. It's been that way since the first time I saw you. How can I do that to Calia? The irony of you saying that, when Zinja loves you with the same devotion. Oh, Zinja loves me, too, but you are first in her heart, and if forced to chose, she will stay with you over me. She made that clear to me from the get go."

She gave a rueful chuckle. "What a fucking pair we are. What selfish bastards we are to those who love us. Despite what we do to them, they love us anyway."

"Isn't that what makes it love? They love us in spite of our faults. Or maybe because of them. I don't really know for sure. But I don't see it as us being selfish. Sometimes I feel guilty because I know Calia loves me, and while I love her, you are first in my heart and that's the way it is. I don't think it's something I can help. Loving you and being with you makes me happy. We're together as a family. What we have works."

She sighed. "Life is change, Ranji. Nothing ever stays the same. Even the dead change. Their bodies rot and become soil, and memories of the dead are subject to change most of all. I will hang on to you as long as I can. That's all either one of us can do. Grab the bit of happiness we have, and fiercely hang on to it for as long as we are able."

Moving over, I pulled her to me. Arms embraced as she moved onto my lap. The kiss was both subtle and burning with heat, hinting at the passions hidden within the fierce warrior woman in my arms. Her tongue danced with mine, and she sighed in happiness as we indulged in expressing our love, our need for each other.

When we finally broke, panting for air, she leaned her forehead against mine.

"We need to go in," she said at last.

"Wait. There's more?"

"Holy fuck, Kandikan!" Leaning away, her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"It's not about Calia, it's about Yalcamara and Stimmi. You need to know this, and ultimately the other women who share my bed will, too."

Calmer, she gave a small nod. "All right. I'm listening."

"Minister Supay send a video showing how he murdered Yalcamara this morning. It was brutal, Janetta."

I spent a few minutes telling her what happened, including about the dog-men and Supay's relationship to the Emperor.

She looked disturbed, shaking her head when I finished. "I'm sorry to hear that. They were both good warriors. To think they were murdered by the Empire they served. What a gods-damned fucking waste!"

"No, not the Empire. By Supay, and he's a mad-man."

"Now you're making excuses, Ranji. As long as the Emperor continues to let Supay run amok, it's the same as declaring Supay has the Emperor's backing. There's loyalty, and then there's the greater good. The considerations are the same whether you are Emperor or a commanding officer, only the scale differs. If someone becomes a danger to the whole, you have to make choices. Maybe even hard ones. And the longer you put it off, the greater the chance of things spinning out of control.

"I love my country," she avowed, "but allowing Supay to do the things he's done out of loyalty to blood kin -- and it's been going on for years -- when the interests of the Empire itself are being harmed? The Emperor has given him this power and lets him retain it, even though there's evidence he's blatantly stealing from the citizens, robbing and killing the innocent in pursuit of wealth and more power. The Emperor may be the Son of Inti, but he has a duty to all of the Empire's citizens, from the very rich and powerful to the poorest and most wretched."

"You won't find any argument from me on that, Janetta. But be circumspect, will you? That much honesty about the Emperor of Chimorro may be more than some will tolerate."

She shrugged. "You're right, of course. And I'll mind my mouth. But I stand by my assessment."

I kissed her. "Silence is safer, and I'll take it. Now, the Air Marshal has said that he and others will do their best to intervene. But if they aren't successful... Janetta, it may mean that in order to protect you and others, we may need to publicly repudiate each other."

"What? Because Supay has threatened our lives? Draconians have tried to take both of us out and we kicked their arses. If that fucking mad-man wants to get in line, let him! I am a Warrior! I will not live a lie. I love you, you thrice-damned shitload of complications! Gods of North and South, Ranji! I will not deny I love you. I will not!"

"Oh, my fierce, beautiful, perfect warrior, I love you, too."

With that, she grabbed my face and kissed me fiercely, and I gave back as good as I got.

When we finally broke for air again, she wiped her eyes. "I have you in my bed, Ranji. I love you, and it feels good to know that you love me, too. Damn it. I need to go inside. My hip's better, but I've straddled your lap long enough to make it ache."

As we moved apart, I asked, "Did you get it checked out?"

"I did. Zinja drove me over this morning. X-rays showed signs of a recently healed fracture. A fracture, Ranji! Her healing saved me a month's time, so I will do my best to be grateful to her. Some of the muscle is aggravated and still healing, so I'm grounded for the next two weeks. So I get to ride the desk, doing paperwork for Captain Tanosca. Gods above, Ranji, I'm no whiz with a spreadsheet. I can write a decent sentence, but spreadsheets fucking baffle me."

I grinned as we got out and I secured the vehicle. "You have options, Janetta. If you want private instruction, I'm available."

"Is that where you fill my cell with your function?"

"If you're extra good, I'll show you recursion, too," I replied, grinning as I took her hand.

"Ha, ha. Even I got that one. Listen, Ranji. When we go inside, Cholan will need you. And she'll need intimate time, too. You're her man. You need to be there for her."

"Yeah. I know."

"I have something to say about Calia before we go inside," she said, narrowing her gaze at me. "When are you going to start breeding her?"

"That's complicated," I said evasively.

She raised her eyebrows. "What's complicated about it? The semen goes inside the pussy, Kandikan. It drips out and you put in some more. I know you know how to do that. You spread her legs and fuck her hole and keep fucking her hole every chance you get until she gets pregnant."

"She... I told her about my plans to have her carry your child, and to alternate having your children with her own."

She winced. "You what?"

"I hurt her feelings, but I didn't mean to."

"Gods of North and South, Ranji. When you made your offer to have her carry our baby -- you did that without talking to her first, didn't you! Yeah, Calia's your loyal slave, your personal concubine that you and all the other rich boys get. She loves you so much she sometimes makes me feel like less of a woman -- don't you interrupt me! -- because I don't worship you like she does. Then you rub in her face how much you love me by offering the use of her womb without asking, much less talking to her first. How could you do that? You treated her like you were loaning out your ChoCac, Kandikan! You counted on her loving you so much that she'd be okay with having another woman's child inside her. What little I know of her, she'd probably do it. But the fact that you didn't ask but assumed she'd just do it? That had to hurt her to the core. Carrying someone else's baby is a year's commitment, and it's time that she can't spend making a baby of her own. Kandikan, that was the whole point of me telling you to knock her up. Having your baby would make her happy, and I hoped it would distract Ixma from wanting you to knock her up, too."

She sighed. "You have made the lives of women at High Guard better than anywhere else in the Empire, and you also had a huge part in making this war base a functioning part of the Imperial military again. Even more, these ideas that women can have the same value as men are gaining traction and spreading to other parts of the Empire. You are a gods-damned certifiable hero."

"I'm no hero."

"Don't you dare disagree with me when I'm chewing you out! You risked your life for Lieutenant Hanti, a woman you barely knew, and you went into the ring against Dagantochtlo -- tell me, whose name was the audience shouting? They knew why you were there. Come on, Kandikan. Whose name were they shouting?"

"Mine," I answered quietly.

"Then you do shit like this with Calia. And you can't even blame this on all the time you spent in the nano-tanks either."

There was nothing to say, so I didn't say anything.

"I'd expect this idiocy from the little head that's between your legs," she continued. "All it cares about is spreading seed into as many female bellies as it can. Really, Kandikan, sometimes you are a piece of work. And this time it's not a compliment. Yet I can't believe you were deliberately hurtful to her."

"I know I screwed up, but I don't know what to do about it."

"If you had come up with this scheme with another woman, would you assume she would agree without talking to her first?"

"Of course not!"

"And yet you assumed Calia would do so. You say she's your oldest friend. All the time you tell me and the others how much you owe to her. What makes her so different, that you wouldn't even ask her first?"

"I don't know why I did that." I shook my head. "You're right. It was totally idiotic and I acted like an ass. I freely admit that. Worst of all, I don't know how to make it right."

More quietly, she said, "Owning up to a mistake is always tough, but both of us are realists, and we figure out what needs to be done pretty quickly. I think I know why it happened, but for it to really sink in, you need to figure out the reason yourself."

"You are my lover and my partner. Why don't you let me benefit from your insight?"

"All right," she nodded. "Calia is your bondswoman. A slave girl who was purchased to attend to your every need. You didn't ask before you offered up her womb because she's your Personal Servant. Your slave. Your property. Think about how that must have made her feel. Deep down, I think you still see her as your slave first, and as a woman second."

Swallowing, I winced at the implications. "That would make me a first class piece of garbage."

"No, Ranji. Merely human. I don't believe this was deliberately hurtful or malicious on your part. And even as badly as you bungled it with her, I'm sure Calia knows you truly didn't intend to hurt her. This master-slave deal has been at the core of your relationship with her from the beginning. For a man, you are a real treasure, and for all she's taught you, all of your women do owe her, myself included. You keep asking me to re-examine my relationship with my mother. Maybe you should re-examine your relationship with your oldest friend."

Everything she said hit the mark. "All right. I'll do that."

"I love you, Ranji Kandikan. You are a good man. Even when you're a shitload of complications."

That demanded more kisses, which we were both eager to supply and receive. By mutual silent agreement, we knew we needed to go inside. This time we'd made it as far as the front door.

Janetta put her hand to my chest. "Before we end this conversation, I want you to know that I'm becoming a little afraid of Calia. These powers she's gaining aren't normal. If she decided to attack someone with her mind, could anyone even stop her? Could she kill with her thoughts? How would anyone even prove it? What's next? Walking through walls? Immune to bullets? She's so kind and giving. Yet as her powers grow, will she remain the same Calia?

"And no, I haven't decided that I like her. But I do respect her. She does her best to see we aren't distracted so that when we're at work, we can focus on work, and when we're at home, we can relax. She's an excellent house manager. The new servants are helping, but she never takes time off. Even when we were at your parents, with a dozen servants to lend a hand, she was constantly doing things for me and my crew."

I chuckled. "She's been like that for as long as I've known her."

"I appreciate you telling me what's been happening with her. I trust your judgment, Ranji. However, if I think she's become a danger to us, I will act."

I shook my head. "If anyone can come to terms with these abilities, it'll be Calia. She's not just caring, she's strong in spirit. She also loves my girls and Ixma. She'd never willingly hurt any of us."

"I pray you are right. In the meantime, you figure things out, and then you make it right with her."

"I will," I promised.

She moved in closer, sliding her arms around me, as if she was afraid to let me go. "I know the next few days will be a mess. But afterward, you need to slow down some. I'm an officer with my own command. As small as it is, I know some of the load you carry. You give your girls time, but you need to do more with your other women. Like that massage thing you did a while back."

Holding her close, I grinned at her. "When we were at Copán, I talked with Cholan about setting up places for all of us to visit, for when we get a couple of days off in a row."

"She mentioned that. But as much as it's nice that you want our input on what kind of things we want to do, it's as important that you continue to plan out some surprises on your own. Not just words, but actions that say you're thinking about us."

I think what I loved most about when Janetta smiled is that you could see the smile in her eyes, too. "Like those chocolate samplers?"

"Yes, but let's not overdo it with the sweets, okay? You're a bright boy. You can figure that out, too." She pulled me down for a couple of gentle kisses. "Did I help?"

I chuckled at her. "Yes, you did. My amazing, wonderful, perfect Warrior. Here you are, helping me keep my relationships with the other women in the house happy."

"Of course! I'm the Mistress of your House. I've had a little time to think about this. Check out how other women manage the great Houses. You are going to be a great lord that the people of the Empire will revere long after we're both dust. You wait and see, Kandikan."

"And if we're both dust, how do we do that exactly?"

"You'll just have to take my word for it." She opened the front door and we stepped inside.

* * * * *

Part 9 -- Island Girl

* * * * *

Sowitwee and Nariya already had the news from Daydo. The mood within the house, though, was somber.

Janetta went to the kitchen where Zinja was finishing up dinner. Salvia and Terra were busy setting the table for the meal.

I went into the living room. On the couch was Cholan, with Ixma on one side and Calia on the other. My wonderful, beautiful girls were also giving Cholan hugs and offering comfort as they were able. Daydo, Sowitwee, and Nariya were in the front room, chatting quietly, and no doubt relaying what had transpired.

Standing in front of the couch, I watch them. One by one, their eyes turned to me.

"I love you, Cholan," I said, holding out my arms.

It was all she needed. She was off the couch in an instant. Her arms glommed around me, and burying her face into my chest, she burst into sobs all over again.

Ixma, Calia, and my daughters looked at me, feeling helpless at her pain, and wanting to ease it. Mina didn't understand it, but she knew how to give hugs.

"Come on, don't just sit there," I urged. "The rest of you, come around and give her your magic hugs. She needs them from all of us."

Grinning, they joined us, surrounding her with our love. Their added presence immediately calmed her down, and then she sniffed as she giggled.

"Sisi?" I said.

Her bright face looked up at me. "Yes, Tenant."

"As Princess of the World, it is your job to make up a song that will cheer up your aunty."

"All right, Tenant." She scrunched up her face a moment, and then, with all the seriousness of a five-year-old going on six, she began to sing.

"We love you, aunty, yes we do. You're special in our hearts. Don't be sad, don't be blue..." Then she stopped, perplexed. "Tenant, what rhymes with hearts? All I can think of is farts, but farts are stinky, and Aunt Cholan smells good."

We all burst out laughing, even Cholan.

"That was perfect, Sisi. Don't you think so, Cholan?"

Wiping her eyes, Cholan knelt down and hugged Sisi. "That was a great song. And I love you for it."

Sisi looked perplexed. "But I didn't finish it. It's not a song if it's not done!"

She did have a point. "There are other words the rhyme with hearts beside farts. There's parts, darts, tarts, and I'm sure there are others."

Sisi paused, then began to sing again. "We love you, aunty, yes we do. You're special in our hearts. Don't be sad, don't be blue. We... like you better than berry tarts!"

"Aww, that's very nice, Sisi," Cholan said, leaning down to give her a hug.

Turning very serious, Sisi patted her back. "I know what it's like to lose a mom and dad, Aunty. We love you, and we're your family."

Cholan hugged her again, more tears spilling. "Yes, you are! I love all of you so much!"

I saw Janetta watching from the archway to the dining room. She nodded at me in approval. After a moment, she announced, "Okay, it's dinner time. Wash up, and then I want everybody at the table. No exceptions."

There was a flurry of activity as we all hurried to clean up before sitting down to dinner. Cholan and I went upstairs while holding hands. My girls, Ixma, and Calia used the one downstairs. Cholan kept sniffing and wiping at her eyes, but we were done in short order.

She caught me looking at her with concern. "I know, I know," she said. "I basically told my parents we were quits. But I can't help how I feel!"

"They treated you like dirt, Cholan. As bad as they were, they were still your parents. And as angry and as hurt as you were, you didn't want to hurt your mom and dad. You just wanted them to love you."

Nodding as tears spilled anew, she hugged me for several long seconds until she mastered her heartache. "Crap," she muttered. "We'd better get downstairs or the captain will be upset."

Taking her hand, we headed downstairs. "I think you get some slack tonight."

Setting into our normal places, Janetta said, "First off, I'm making an announcement, one of several." Several people stopped filling their plates from the dishes in the center. "First, at Sisi's request, I am going to allow Tarragon and Salvia to eat their meals with the rest of us instead of in their room. She made a good argument. So, Salvia and Tarragon, if you can bring out the chairs from your room, we'll squeeze you in. Perhaps between Daydo and Lord Kandikan."

Sisi clapped happily, and the servant girls were astonished, but rapidly recovered, and they were effusive in their thanks to both Janetta and Sisi as they hurried to join us.

Janetta continued speaking. "A reminder that tomorrow Lord Kandikan's command will be examined by the Air Marshal and his staff. We know that he has worked very hard, and we wish him and all the fine, hardworking men and women of his command all the success they deserve."

"Mama Zinja, should we pray about this?"

"Yes, Sisi. But I don't think the Captain was done speaking. Please wait until she's done before you ask any more questions."

"Yes, Mama Zinja."

Janetta nodded at Sisi. "I am sure your Tenant will appreciate anything you wish to say to the gods in your prayers. You seem to have their ear, so please ask them to bless your Tenant and his command tomorrow."

"Yes, Captain," Sisi replied.

"The next announcement is about me," Janetta said. "Group Captain Tanosca informed me today that I'm being promoted, effective tomorrow. I am now Leader of Third Flight."